May 2008

Bowman and Taylor get probation for HUB ass-kicking

May 30, 2008 Penn State Football

The Centre Daily Times reports that Nittany Lion defensive lineman Phil Taylor and linebacker Navorro Bowman have pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct and each was sentenced to a year’s probation. In addition, they will each have to perform 100 hours of community service and make restitution to the victim and to Penn State. This relates to the October ruckus at the HUB, where a group of PSU’s defense’s finest kicked the crap out of a hapless victim, whose offenses were frontin’ and party walkin’, whatever the hell those terms might mean.

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David Cook…by a Knockout!

May 21, 2008 Television

The American public voted. For a change, they seemed to THINK before they did, unexpectedly crowning David Cook as the newest American Idol. The little pipsqueak, David Archuleta, seemed befuddled and crushed, as just about all the pundits, including this Turkey, had predicted a pipsqueak victory.

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Idol’s Last Stand

May 21, 2008 Television

Tonight, they have to get it all in, squeezing the last dollar out of each of their sponsors while somehow making us think we’re being entertained by two hours of commercials punctuated by the occasional live performance and finally, an announcement of the winning wannabe at 10:02 (just to piss off the DVR folks). Then, mercifully, we’ll be done until January 2009.

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It Ain’t Over ’til It’s Over

May 20, 2008 Television

Despite the optimistic headline, which I purloined from Yogi Berra, David Cook better be hoping that a veritable shitload of 9-13 year-old voters suddenly develop osteoarthritis of the dialing fingers. Otherwise, he’ll be subjected to yet another of my purloined vapid aphorisms: If you ain’t first, you’re last. (Attribution to Ricky Bobby for that one.)

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