Don’t Read This, Redhead — Spoilers Below

Private note to The Redhead: Read the comments to the next post first. Then you can come back here for more.

THAT SAID (lqtm), tonight determined the composition of the American Idol final next week. We’ll offer some stupid justifications for what we think SHOULD be the final matchup. Who the hell knows who will be the final two, given what else has happened this season.

Well, according to Sir Wannabe (Simon Cowell, that is), David Cook won the evening’s competition, with which I agree. I also agreed with Paula Abdul when she said that Syesha’s performance was not good enough to get her through to the final. But she sure as hell looks good! (Syesha, not Paula, although the latter ain’t bad for her age.) Archuleta, of course, got the unanimous endorsement of all three judges. God forbid they should ever speak blasphemies against the baby-faced presumptive American Idol. (I thought Abraham put an end to that idol worshiping crap a few thousand years ago.)

Parts of I-95 are melting in intense brush fires near Cocoa, but Syesha was hotter. Her breathtakingly steamy outfits won’t be enough to save her fine, cafe-au-lait ass. She’s been hanging by a thread for the past few weeks, but Simon was absolutely correct that she peaked last week with the Sam Cooke number. Furthermore, in a rare moment of lucidity, Paula told Syesha that her work tonight wasn’t good enough to get her into the final. So, one has to believe that she’s gone.

REDHEAD BAIT ALERT!

Sadly, Archuleta will breeze through to the next round like a prune through a blue tick coon hound, but fortunately, Cook will offer some serious competition. I demand that Cook shows up for this competition! If he mails it in, he’ll lose. I’m not prepared to accept the premature coronation of David Archuleta any more than I’m prepared to accept the premature coronation of Barack Obama, whose campaign pretty much resembles Archuleta’s (young, naive, and not ready for prime time).

On Wednesday’s results show, Fantasia will perform. I never liked her all that much. I liked runner-up Diana DeGarmo better. (She’s doing Broadway musicals now, just in case you wanted to know.)

Tagged as: entertainment, Television, TV