Well, one thing is for certain: American Idol will air its final show of the season tonight and I probably won’t get to see much of it. There’s a basketball game that garners more of my interest. However, it starts at 8:30, so I will be able to watch the first half hour of mindless hype. I’ll augment this with occasional look-ins, particularly at halftime, but otherwise, I’ll rely on the astute commentary of The Runnin’ Redhead to track the progress of our two Idol aspirants.
Not only is this latter day incarnation of Ted Mack’s Original Amateur Hour scheduled for two interminable hours, but also America’s Sweetheart, Ryan Seacrest, warned us last night that it would most assuredly run long. Those of you who stick with the whole thing to see which one of these two guys whose CDs I would never buy anyhow will win this thing deserve a medal from the Queen. Wait, that’s Adam Lambert. Well, fine, he and Kris Allen are both hoping that people actually watch this thing.
There’ll be B-list entertainers, there’ll be former Idols, there’ll be sardonic pranks played on people, and there will be aspirants who bombed out in the auditions brought back for more ridicule. Perhaps we’ll get to see the bikini babe again. We’ll certainly see the top-10 in the audience and perhaps on stage. Well, make that you’ll certainly see them. I’ll be watching King James decimate the Magic. There’ll be duets with famous B-list singers who have CDs to plug. Rumor has it that Cyndi Lauper will be singing with Adam. Whoop-de-doo!
In the end, all the hoopla leads up to the selection of this year’s Idol. Will it be Kris? Will it be Adam? In the end, it makes no difference. What’s hollow?
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Wow–Fergie is now rocking a pair of skin tight black hot pants.
You would like this, bro.
I like this group. Not a big fan of hip hop but I like me some Black Eyed Peas.
They did a great job.
Back to the Golden Idols.
Category: Best attitude.
Here’s Bikini girl. She got the female judges wound up.
Alexis Cohen who called the judges “a-holes.”
Tiffany. Man, look at that blue eye shadow. Wow–she doesn’t sing, she yodels!
And the award goes to…Katrina the Bikini Girl who comes out wearing…a string bikini.
I think she’s had implants.
Ryan: I was gonna ask you what’s new but I think I know.”
(Ryan kissed back this time.)
Ooooh, now she’s “singing.” Sir Mouse, I have a feeling you would approve of her “new additions.”
Haha! Here comes Kyra to sing with the girl!
“I had a vision of love….”
I think Keera surprised B. Birl…and of course, Kyra shows she can blow Ms. B. Girl off the stage as a vocalist.
BTW, Kara’s dress came undone and revealed….
Guess you’ll have to consult your DVR!
We are back.
Here is Cyndi Lauper singing with Allison–
Time after Time.
Cyndi is playing the autoharp (I think that’s the instrument).
They both sound good but Cyndi’s concentrating hard on the strumming.
This is a good tune. It’s a nice duet.
Allison nearly blew Cyndi off her chair with one of her “big notes” but Cyndi recovered.
It’s getting a little spastic now in an Anita Baker way.
Okay, we’re back on stable ground.
Nice conclusion.
We are now talking to Kris’s parents. Kris with a “K” looks just like his dad (who sounds like a Baptist preacher. Is he?).
Team Lambert: Here is Adam’s dad who looks just like the guy who played Batman/Bruce Wayne in the 1960s TV show. Wow. I mean, WOW.
Now here is Danny Gokey singing Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello,” which is a good tune for him.
Adam West. That was the actor’s name.
Now here is the actual Lionel Ritchie to sing with Danny.
Lionel is looking good, the guy is a kind of singing Dick Clark (before Clark’s illness) when it comes to aging.
Yeah, baby–the time has come, all night long! All night, all night.
Good tune.
I will say, the AI finale usually has some entertaining musical talent. I remember enjoying it last year and I’m enjoying this year’s as well.
Sorry, Sir Mouse!
Nice job, fellas!
First quarter was an abomination. Cleveland 33, Magic 19.
Adam is now onstage singing, “Beth, what can I do?” I’m not sure what song this is from…
Oh, it’s from KISS who are now onstage with Adam.
Well, I suppose this fits…sort of.
The guy from KISS is singing but Adam’s pipes are blowing him off the stage.
I’m Gonna Rock and Roll all night and party every day!
Yeah, baby!
This is working pretty well.
Never been a KISS fan but this is entertaining. And Adam is rocking with his high notes, of course.
They’ve got the audience (a big audience tonight) on its feet.
The white pancake makeup hides the band members’ ages.
Adam gets the closing high note. Big cheers for the band.
WTF? The channel was switched on to PBS during the commercial.
The angel on my right shoulder is trying to control the remote
Don’t worry. We haven’t missed anything, just more commercials.
And we are back, LIVE!
Ladies and Gentleman, Carlos Santana!
I LOVE Santana. Do we diss great violinists as they age? I think not. Same with this great guitarist. He is a master.
Matt is singin’ background. Do we diss Matt?
Oh yeah!
Carlos is smokin!
Now Adam is singing with the the other idols…smooth, baby, smooth!
The vocalists are not up to Santana’s excellence–Carlos is great.
Forget about it! Santana rocks the house!
Uh-oh. Just scrolled up and saw that the Magic is not doing well in the game against Cleveland.
Get going guys–it’s the NBA for cryin’ out loud!
Ford commercial now over.
Oh, not yet. Ford has given free Fords to Adam and Kris.
Hey guys, sorry to break it to ya–
Ford: Fix or repair daily.
Okay, who dropped the acid in my drink? Steve Martin is onstage with some of our Idol singers. Martin is playing the banjo…
Ms. Tatoo gal is singing a nice little bluegrass tune as Steve continues to pick the banjo…
I guess I had forgotten that Martin liked to play banjo.
A nice little ditty. Steve Martin wrote the song. It was called Pretty Flowers. Ryan has asked Steve who is winning tonight.
Steve: I know it’s a long shot, but I hope I do.
Sorry, Steve. No chance tonight.
That’s show biz.
I wonder if Sir Mouse will be checking in soon. Getting close to picking our new AI. Of course, Ryan warned us that the show will most likely “go over” tonight. We don’t want to piss off the knuckleheads who don’t allow extra recording time when they set their DVRs or Tivo.
Here are the Idols once more, singing Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy.”
I hated that song. Why oh why did Rod the Mod ever cover it?
Is Rod the Mod coming onstage now?
Why, yes, he is!
Rod’s made a big entrance, and man, does his voice sound awful.
He’s singing Maggie Mae
But I just wish he’d go away.
I think he’s drunk–he’s slurring not just the words but the notes!
LMAO!
Wow–this is unbelievable. He is def drunk!!!
I guess that’s the only way he could square doing AI.
Got a reputation to protect and all that, luv.
Man, talk about a “laid back” performance.
Excuse me, Simon, could you please give us an assessment? I’d love to hear it!
There is absolutely NO energy to Rod’s performance. It’s like scarecrow delivery!
Needless to say, Rod did not receive an overwhelming reception by the audience.
And now, our Golden Idol award to Best Female:
Yow! Some gawd-awful singing of Somewhere Over the Rainbow (speaking of scarecrows!).
This is painful.
Tatiana, the Giggler.
Nothing to laugh about.
She’s fooling, she’s joking on us.
Tatiana has won!
She’s running up on the stage. Ryan is begging her–I’m out of time.
She’s singing….no way is she gettin’ off the stage.
This was all planned, of course.
First quarter is over. Sir Mouse, are you in the house?
Guess the second quarter is well underway.
We’re getting close, Sir Mouse! Our new AI is about to be crowned!
It’s soooooo exciting……………………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s about damn time! Adam is finally singing Queen, Freddie Mercury (along with Kris, of course)–
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!
My friend…we will go on fighting to the end….
Yeah, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam is a great Freddie Mercury.
Kris, not so much.
The actual band, Queen, is playing behind them!
Great guitar work.
They recognize Adam is a F. Mercury reincarnate–
he damn straight is!!!!!
(Well, not the straight part…)
Brian May, that is the guitarist’s name. Good job!
Okay, here we go.
Ryan is here with Adam and Kris.
Simon sez: I think you were both brilliant, incredibly nice…future is all yours.
Now, here is the envelope.
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