All Hail Sparty!

by Ben Goldfarb on December 8, 2013

in Penn State Football, Sports

I’m certain that you all watched that great game between Michigan State and Ohio State, which turned out to be all we hoped it would be — and more. Yeah, more. Sparty actually won it 34-24. Brutus left with his sad little Buckeye tail between his branches and Urban Meyer looked sad and forlorn in his post-game interview by the lovely Erin Andrews, Queen of the Gators.

Speaking for myself only, I’m glad the B1G missed the chance for another embarrassing loss by tOSU in the Still Somewhat Mythical National Championship (SSMNC) game, which looks like a done deal now, pitting Auburn against unbeaten FSU. Auburn dismantled Mizzou in the SEC championship game, and they’re on a roll, having rolled over the Crimson Tide to knock off the king of the hill last week. Meanwhile, the Seminoles steamrolled Duke in the ACC championship. (Lots of “rolling” metaphors going on here. Riverwise, Ike & Tina would be proud.) This here SSMNC should be a great game now, y’heah?

Moo U. is Rose Bowl bound to face Pac-12 champ Stanford, while the upset and disappointed Buckeyes will probably get an Orange Bowl bid. Clemson will be the ACC opponent there because poor Duke ain’t got no respect.

Our local overachievers at UCF are headed to the Fiesta Bowl for a shot at immortality, taking on the Baylor Bears, another excellent pairing.

The Sugar Bowl has the rights to the top SEC team available, and most likely that will be Alabama.  Chances are good that they will be facing Big-12 champ Oklahoma, but Oregon is another possibility. Way back a few weeks ago, everybody thought Alabama-Oregon would the the SSMNC pairing. They still might get it, albeit not for the SSMNC.

Walt is gearing up for another year FOOTBOWLS commissioner. He’s giving Excel an oil change in anticipation of a smoking hot bowl season. FOOTBOWLS is a pool in which you pick winners of all the bowl games and assign weights to each game. Thus, it’s more than just picking, which you can do with your nose anytime. Strategy is important. So is patience, because the vast preponderance of participants are Kubany’s friends and family, and the banter is generally insider crap. Nevertheless, I participate each year and lose my $20.

Congratulations to Mark D’Antonio, who built that Moo U. program around a stifling defense. Moo U. has possession of the vaunted, abominable Land Grant Trophy, too, but I digress. I suspect that Michigan State will be a force to be dealt with for the B1G henceforth.

B1G commissioner Jim Delany apparently had a major brain fart when he introduced the Big Ten champion as “Michigan … … … State.” A poignant pause, to be sure. Was he sober? In any case, he was somewhat gracious — or not — in congratulating the losing Buckeyes. Congratulating them for what? Losing the SSMNC slot and costing the conference big bucks? Hahahahhahahha!

Notice that I don’t use sponsor names when I call out the bowl games. That’s because sponsors never should have been allowed to change the names. The Orange Bowl is the Orange Bowl, not the Discover Orange Bowl, etc. Sponsor names, particularly when they change from year to year, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

This turkey will post impertinent comments as he sees fit throughout the bowl season.

K. John December 9, 2013 at 8:01 am

Here here. And that bowl game in Orlando is still the Citrus Bowl as far as I am on concerned and the game in Atlanta is the Peach Bowl.

The Nittany Turkey December 9, 2013 at 11:33 am

Hell, for me, the bowl game in Orlando is still the damn Tangerine Bowl, which is the name it went by until 1983 when the Florida Citrus Sports Association changed the name to Citrus Bowl.

And yeah, that EAT MOR CHIKN bowl in Atlanta will always be the Peach Bowl.

—TNT

Parkeyboy December 13, 2013 at 9:23 pm

Yo Turk,

Notihn’ but love fo ya!

I was so happy to see the Buckeyes go down. I do not like them one bit. I never have. My buds and I were at the disaster game in Columbus. I remember it very well. It was raining big time as we walked to the Shoe. We all had on Glad bag ponchos.

As we walked to the stadium, we ran into many OSU fans. They were rude and beligerent. Me and my PSU boys were actually almost forced open up a can of you know what! We are lovers though and most likely would have been beaten silly, so we blazed.

When Adam went down the asshole Buckeye fans behind us were cheering as he was carted off the field and were calling Joe a greasy wop. I am not kidding!

After the game we did find some good OSU fans that were very nice.
They were Patronizing but nice. That was ok with us though.

Turk, Do you think ARob stays? and Hacky is the man! My bros think Heisman is in his future. You thoughts?

The Nittany Turkey December 18, 2013 at 5:22 pm

Howya, Parkeyboy!

I never look at a few piece of shit fans as representative of an entire population, but if that sample gets too large and counterexamples are few, I’m liable to conclude that they’re ALL pieces of shit! We Penn Staters tend to condemn that sort of behavior among our own and quash it.

I’m about 60-40 at the moment on A-Rob staying around for his junior year. Maybe he will if it suits him. Like, he made third-team All-America this year, and perhaps he’ll be looking to do better to enhance his NFL chances and draft position. On the other hand, the omnipresent specter of injury looms as a large risk for someone who is destined to get a decent rookie contract and some guarantees if he enters the draft healthy. So, no firm prediction, but I’m leaning toward his departure.

I’ll stop short of the Heisman projection for Hacky for now. If A-Rob leaves, he’s going to look a lot worse. No doubts in my mind about that. Furthermore, Penn State is far enough from being a contender on the national stage (no matter what K. John, our perennial optimist, says) that his performance will be overshadowed by others who spend more time in the limelight. The fact that Jameis Winston has all those years of eligibility in front of him doesn’t bode well for other potential candidates. FSU has the talent to stay atop the heap for a while.

Hackenberg will have to develop into a leader. In my mind, he’s still a kid, and the team was relatively leaderless during this past year. Sure, he’ll grow into it as time passes, but a kid like Winston is the type who walks in and takes over. It’s a quality one can sense when one sees a guy. Hacky doesn’t have it yet. The team had sort of collective leadership that held them together as the season progressed, which was better than I had expected, but the absence of a leader at QB was noticeable. Hacky ain’t ready to kick ass and get the job done — yet.

Perhaps A-Rob leaving will be a good thing for the Hackster. The “gimme the damn ball” philosophy had to be a leadership destroyer.

Beware the dreaded sophomore slump! Of course, that could happen to Winston, too, but then, he’s a redshirt.

I think Hackenberg is destined to be our next Kerry Collins (without the drinking, I hope). Heisman, I strongly doubt, but he’s a good, solid, skilled quarterback who can eventually develop into a team leader. I’d put money on that.

With all the usual end of season NFL rumors flying around, and flames being fanned by the media, will O’Brien last long enough to coach Hacky’s senior year?

—TNT

Parkeyboy December 13, 2013 at 9:55 pm

Sorry ab the spelling etc Turk. I have been drinking many heavy micro beers tonight.

The Nittany Turkey December 18, 2013 at 5:04 pm

Between da kid and da beer, no apology necessary!

—TNT

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