This turkey has now completely severed ties with Bill O’Brien. The two-dimensional stand-up scale model of BoB directing his blue and white troops is now compacted in the back of a Heil garbage truck on its way to the dump. Yessssss! And it counts!
I still have my cardboard stand-up Joe Paterno. It comes out at Saturday watch parties for historical reasons. It will continue to do so in recognition of the legend.
When St. Joe became an angel and O’Brien was eventually hired, Artificially Sweetened declared that I needed a matching BoB accoutrement. So she undertook the project to produce one for me, using a sidelines photograph, some glue, and a hunk of poster board. It worked very well for two years, side-by-side with St. Joe’s well-worn cardboard cut-out.
On New Year’s Eve, as it became clear that O’Brien would be departing, I fashioned a wire noose and hung the coach in effigy from a vestigial Hanukkah decoration streamer. Bill’s effigy had swung there for two days until this morning, when I finally conceded that the holidays — and my association with O’Brien — were over. The decorations and O’Brien came down in time for the trash haulers to transport them to parts unknown, to be dug up by some curious dumpster-diving archaeologists in 3014.
Artificially Sweetened declared that when a new coach is selected, she would need to make me a new one. Whenever that occurs, I hope it will stand next to St. Joe for a long, long time — three years at least, okay?