The Nittany Turkey

Carly Should Teach Her Arm Tatt to Sing

by The Nittany Turkey

The Idol wannabes performed on Tuesday, and save for a brilliant performance from David Archuleta, the 17 year-old who looks 13, it was a pretty mundane night.

Dolly Parton’s guest mentorship meant that we would be hearing naught but Dollysongs. Alas, one of those was also a Whitneysong, performances of which in the Whitney style typically cause both my Idol partner, the Redhead, and I, the Nittany Turkey, to blow chunks. Syesha Mercado did the dirty deed with I Will Always Love You, and we both threw up. (I haven’t emptied my vomit bucket yet, just in case she is voted off tonight and gets to sing it again.)

Anyway, in addition to Archuleta’s, credible performances by David Cook and Michael Johns secured the victory for the ballsful contingent. Of the guys, only Jason Castro, who must have been starstruck after Dolly fondled his dreds, actually sucked.

As for the ballsless squad, the stage was replete with a veritable miasma of assorted drek. Carly Smithson delivered the best the breastful ones could muster, but it was nothing close to a knockout punch. Little Ramiele Malubay with the great big voice and somewhat chubby legs looked a little more comfortable than she had been of late, but nothing about her number renewed my faith in her being around at the end. Brooke White sang in whiter shades of pale vanilla white. Non-memorable and bland. The only babe performance of note was horse-girl Kristy Lee Cook, she of the great altitude and fine, fine, superfine legs. They even looked good as she pranced around the stage barefoot. Yeah, I won’t mind keeping her around for another week. Oh yeah, she sang, too, and she does country pretty well. It’s her thing, you know.

So, upon about six seconds thought, one of the following three must go this week: Syesha, Brooke, or Ramiele, not necessarily in that order. A dark horse for odd man out would be Jason Castro, but this Turkey thinks his hair will keep the teen votes coming for at least another week.

Results tonight on Fox.

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Tags: Kristy's legs, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell, Television

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 at 7:34 pm and is filed under Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

54 Responses to “Carly Should Teach Her Arm Tatt to Sing”

The Nittany Turkey Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I just got started working on crap for the CPA, so I’m going to have to miss the results show tonight, Red. I hope you enjoy it and I look forward to reading your play-by-play here!

—TNT
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I’ll miss you, Turkey! In the meantime, got ya covered.

After reading your blog, I predict that Brooke White will be the one to fly. At least, she gets my vote-off, so to speak.

We’ll see in just a few.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I just noticed the show is one hour long tonight–why?

Oh yeah, commercials. How could I forget?
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Dolly’s singing tonight.

And some group known as the Clarkes Brothers.

Here are the Judges.

Uh oh–singing that workplace anthem, The American Idols.

I’ll try to reign in my enthusiasm.

Mistakes abound already.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Nine-to-Five doesn’t really work as a group-sing.

As Turkey would say, IS.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 pm
OOHHH… Carly just climbed up on the table next to Simon.

She’s dressed a bit more “lady-like” this evening.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Okay, just watched a couple of the clips from last night. I’m thinking that Ramiele Malubay has a BIG chance of taking a jet plane home tonight.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Ya know, Michael has sort of an Englebert Humperdink thing going.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Okay. Here we go with reject time:

Michael’s safe (duh).
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
And here comes David…who is…

in the top eight.

(Wow, what a shocker.)
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Here Carly comes again–

Is she or isn’t she…

Safe!
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Here comes a commercial…

and here I go.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I’m thinking about artists I’d like to see covered on this show.

Fleetwood Mac. Let’s see some good Stevie Nicks imitations.

The Rolling Stones. Now that would be something. An Idol contender singing Sympathy for the Devil or Midnight Rambler. Ha! Brown Sugar. Oh yeah. That would go over big with the parents.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:14 pm
We could have an underground 60s rock night. A little Cream. Sunshine of Your Love. That would be interesting.

How about Deep Purple night? Smoke on the Water. Yeah, man.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Okay, here’s some Q and A from listeners calling in to the show.

David Cook tells a caller he’s “kind of a slob.”

Q. for Randy Jackson. Okay, okay, check it out:

“Is there someone you have never worked with?”

Oooo, safe answer. Randy wants to work with this year’s winner of AI.

A new caller. Michael or David? What song would you like to sing on tour?

“Islands in the Stream.” Nah. We duhhhn’t know.

? for Simon:

“Why do you feel you should apologize after giving a negative opinion?”

Simon says he will never say he’s sorry again.

He must have seen Love Story.
The Nittany Turkey Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Iron Butterfly Night…but I couldn’t see Archuleta singing In A Gadda Da Vida.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Here are the Clarke Brothers.

They’re pretty cool. This one guy can play the hell out of an acoustic guitar.

Thumbs up, boys.
The Nittany Turkey Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Pretend you didn’t see me here. I’m back to tax immersion.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Turkey!
The Nittany Turkey Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I’ll read your commentary for the final scoop on tonight’s elimination.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I would go see the Clarke Bros. They are good.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Turkey, I can’t bring myself to endure the ads.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Here we go. Possible reject time again:

David Cook has been called to the stage. Will he stay…or will he go?

Staygostaygostaygostaygostaygostaygo

Stay!

Or as Ryan puts it: “Sofa safety.”

What an articulate guy.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Ramiele Malubay. She has a look like she knows she’s going to the bottom three.

And sure enough,

she does.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Kristy’s here. She’s so convinced she’s going to the bottom that she’s brought a note that says “Kristy’s seat.” So sad.

Verdict?

Bottom Three, deary. The note was apparently a good idea.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Tick tock.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm
One seat left to fill in the Bottom Three.

But next:

Here’s a tour of Nashville.

Yee-haw!
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Here’s Phil from last season. He sort of found out that he was a country dude.

He’s recorded a country album.

Good luck, cowboy.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Bo and Bucky. Two former Idol contenders.

Bo has had some health issues. Bummer, Bo.

Both have recorded albums.

Keep on truckin.’
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Time to fill a chair.

Here comes the “I Will Always Love YOUUUUUUUU” girl.

I predict she’ll stay for at least another week.

Does she?

Yes!

Oh God. That means more Whitney s–t.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Aw Brooke and Jason. What’s the deal?

Who stays, who goes?

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Brooke is running her mouth again. She needs to keep it shut unless she’s singing…and even then…

Brooke: In the bottom Three.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Simon agrees with the Bottom Three.

By the way, Simon says, “Carly, I really like you, you’re really cute, I was only trying to help when I told you to clean up your fashion sense.”

He hurt Carly’s feelings.

Suck it up, Carly. You’re in show biz now.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:42 pm
We’re back!

Live!

It’s about time to bring Dolly out.

Sheila E will be on the show soon.

And Snoop-Dog.

Sheeet.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:44 pm
What, are they going to have a hip-hop night?

It will be a pimp/ho’s theme. They’ll bring out the Idols in a big white caddie loaded with hood ornaments.

Lots of spandex–and that’s just on the guys!

Heh heh.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Here’s the Lady of the Bust:

Dolly!

I’m not big fan of her voice but I think she’s an excellent songwriter.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:45 pm
She’s losing it voice-wise, I’m sorry to say.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:46 pm
It looks like she’s reading the lyrics from a teleprompt.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
She’s had plastic surgery, uh, more than once.

She’s singing a song ’bout Jesus. He lifts her up and keeps her feet on the ground.

You know, the paradox thing.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I hate to say this but IS.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Wow. I’ve never heard her sing so badly.

I think not knowing the words to the song has thrown her.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 pm
She’s got a great personality though.

She’s gracious.

Brooke and Carly could take a lesson from her.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Ha! Dolly told Ryan: “I got Jesus, and you got Simon.”

Ryan: “I got the short end of the stick.”

Simon is not amused.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
In fact, Simon looked downright disgusted.

Suck it up, Simon. You’re in show biz.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
In a commerical break, waiting for the big eject button to be pushed.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I predict either Brooke or Ramiele will go.

I think it will be Brooke.

It’s so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!

Gasp. I can’t wait.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:55 pm
And we’re back.

The tension is mounting.

Time to get down to business says Ryan.

Randy, who do you think is out?

Ramiele Malubay.

Simon doesn’t think it will be Brooke.

Brooke is crying. Hand her a kleenex.

Suck it up, babe. It’s show biz.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Who’s going home?

Brooke’s safe.

More tears.

I was wrong….

Kristy is safe.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Ramiele, it’s time to kiss and say goodbye.

She’s pretty shaken up. Poor kid.

Welcome to Hollywood.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Celebrate Me Home, is playing.

I’m gettin’ all choked up.

Suck it up, self–it’s show biz.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Wow, she’s really sobbing. The audience is giving her a standing ovation.

Will she be able to sing?
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
She’s a pro.

Way to suck it up, girl.

That’s show biz.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
She’s belting the tune. She’ll be okay.

Turkey, it’s a tough business. Being a critic is much easier on the ego.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Until some other critic comes along and blows you out of the water.
The Redhead Says:
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:01 pm
That’s a wrap, Turkey!

Thanks for the memories.

See you next Tuesday

In the meantime…

That’s show biz!

Carly Should Teach Her Arm Tatt to Sing

by The Nittany Turkey

54 Responses to “Carly Should Teach Her Arm Tatt to Sing”

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