Don’t Read This, Redhead — Spoilers Below
by The Nittany Turkey
Private note to The Redhead: Read the comments to the next post first. Then you can come back here for more.
THAT SAID (lqtm), tonight determined the composition of the American Idol final next week. We’ll offer some stupid justifications for what we think SHOULD be the final matchup. Who the hell knows who will be the final two, given what else has happened this season.
Well, according to Sir Wannabe (Simon Cowell, that is), David Cook won the evening’s competition, with which I agree. I also agreed with Paula Abdul when she said that Syesha’s performance was not good enough to get her through to the final. But she sure as hell looks good! (Syesha, not Paula, although the latter ain’t bad for her age.) Archuleta, of course, got the unanimous endorsement of all three judges. God forbid they should ever speak blasphemies against the baby-faced presumptive American Idol. (I thought Abraham put an end to that idol worshiping crap a few thousand years ago.)
Parts of I-95 are melting in intense brush fires near Cocoa, but Syesha was hotter. Her breathtakingly steamy outfits won’t be enough to save her fine, cafe-au-lait ass. She’s been hanging by a thread for the past few weeks, but Simon was absolutely correct that she peaked last week with the Sam Cooke number. Furthermore, in a rare moment of lucidity, Paula told Syesha that her work tonight wasn’t good enough to get her into the final. So, one has to believe that she’s gone.
REDHEAD BAIT ALERT!
Sadly, Archuleta will breeze through to the next round like a prune through a blue tick coon hound, but fortunately, Cook will offer some serious competition. I demand that Cook shows up for this competition! If he mails it in, he’ll lose. I’m not prepared to accept the premature coronation of David Archuleta any more than I’m prepared to accept the premature coronation of Barack Obama, whose campaign pretty much resembles Archuleta’s (young, naive, and not ready for prime time).
On Wednesday’s results show, Fantasia will perform. I never liked her all that much. I liked runner-up Diana DeGarmo better. (She’s doing Broadway musicals now, just in case you wanted to know.)
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Tags: entertainment, Television, TV
May 14th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Thanks for the great play-by-play, Turkey! I’m rather glad I missed the Dan Fogleburg song–ick.
See you online tonight!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
The Redhead has arrived.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
They cranked up the volume on that opening—ouch!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Paula has fake pearls that look like testicles dangling into her cleavage.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Just what we need—disco crapola!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Are they lip-synching?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Ick…I don’t want that image of Paula in my head, Turkey.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
A little justin timberlake crotch-grabbing by cook.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I think Paula’s uniform is grotesque tonight.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Syesha does disco very well.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
A regular Donna Summerette, already.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
So Turkey, where did you hike today?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Seminole State Forest, a favorite haunt.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I’m not going to ask if you’re excited that Math Guy and I ordered our Garmin watches since I read your post.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Is that in Oviedo?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
You saw my Garmin Foreskin 375 status message? Yeah, I’m happy for you and Bob and look forward to playing with your instruments.
Seminole State Forest is in Lake County, on the other side of the Mighty Wekiva River, north of SR 46.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Aight…let’s take a look at the performances you didn’t see.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
We wound up going with Amazon. I checked TigerDirect but it was a bit more than Amazon and Buy.com which were the same with free shipping.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Amazon.com usually has good deals. I just wanted to throw another hat in the ring so you’d have some basis for comparison.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Who did YOU vote for?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I can do without Fantasia.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I’m tired of the slow build-up to the power notes from David C. Change it up, dude or you’re going to become a dud.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Dude is already a dud.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
A boy-dud.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Appreciate that!
I don’t mind her. Wasn’t she a runner-up on AI at one point? Now on Broadway or something?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I never could see Fantasia as an American Idol. She did one good song: Summertime.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I thought you liked David C.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
No, she won the whole thing. Her runner-up, Diana DeGarmo is doing broadway now.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I think this is pretty good. She’s not afraid to put herself out there.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Why should she be afraid? She’s not competing. She’s promoting.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Did you just see Simon’s face?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Like Paula’s necklace?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
She’s a bit raunchy for AI in her singing style which is probably why I liked it
May 14th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
She used to be Fantasia Barrino when she competed on American Idol. Now, she’s just Fantasia. ANd for me, she was and is irrelevant.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I get that.
Are you a fan of Alicia Keys? I don’t get the hoopla over her. I think she’s pretty bland.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
What happens if Archuleta gets the axe tonight?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
I’d rather listen to Fiona Apple any day.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
I doubt seriously that Archuleta is going home tonight. It’s going to be Cook or Syesha.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I agree about Alicia. She’s one of those smarmy modern-day semi-jazz singers who doesn’t get to first base with me. I can STILL listen to Billie and Ella and not feel that they’re all that retro. (Of course, *I’m* that retro!)
May 14th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Amy Winehouse is in jail again. You gotta have serious hard addictions to gain my respect in jazz circles. Of course, I have no respect for Amy Winehouse.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
The math is simple. 3 - 1 = 2!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
OK, so the putz is obviously safe.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Well, I really like Amy Winehouse’s voice and the songs I’ve heard. Obviously, she is very, very troubled. I think she DOES have serious, hard addictions. She needs help, if she’ll accept it.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
She also needs a dentist. Maybe a prison dentist is better than none at all.
Cry, little David.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Talk about bland. Snore.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
There’s more to singing than being technically perfect. David is just too young to understand that.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
How the hell can people see anything in that voice. Or hear anything.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Awww…you just endeared yourself (even more) to all those little girls.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Aw, shucks!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Uh, duhhhhh……………………………
May 14th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Ryan Seacrest is full of s–t.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
He eats it, which is why he’s full of it.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Kristy!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Question, Turkey:
I’ve been reading a lot about the new video game, Grand Theft Auto IV. It really looks like something I’d like to fool with. Bob and I were at Blockbuster and I was going to rent it but Bob pointed out that you need a “Play Station.” Oh. Do you know if any of those games come on DVD so you can just pop them into your computer?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
And now, a word…
May 14th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
GTA4 only runs on XBOX 360 and PS3.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
But if you get a PS3, then you have the added bonus of a Blu-Ray DVD player! So talk Bob into it.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I have one of the Grand Theft Auto series here, and I have a PS2 I’m not using, if you want to get a feel for GTA.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Syesha is hottttttttttttttt
May 14th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
You will be hypnotized by Paula’s neck pendant.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
That would be great!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
May 14th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
So what happens now? Don’t they have to drag this out to the very end of the show?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Syesha goes to Sun City.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
These bits really try the viewer.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Yeah, they’re going to drag it out til news time.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I want to see Paula’s pendant again.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Man, take us–and these kids–out of our misery.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
What’s the snack tonight, Turkey?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
A roast beef sandwich and maybe a glass of Scotch in a minute or two.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
I can’t figure out how to recommend movies on Netflix with all their stupid interface changes, but let me take this opportunity to recommend Atonement if you haven’t already seen it.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Watched a compelling documentary about the 1996 Everest expedition that ended in disaster.
I’m almost finished reading High Crimes about the 2004 expedition. I recommend it!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Bob and I watched Atonement a couple of weeks ago–we loved it. Five stars from us.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
From me, too.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Weird. Turkey, if you look up at one of my recent comments, it says in bold (next to the heading): Your comment is awaiting moderation.
What’s up with that?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I think Robbie gave Briony the vascular dementia; he caught from some French babe.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Maybe you said a bad word. I’ll go moderate it.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Wow–what is this–Beatle Mania?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
If you just click the “star” rating on NetFlix, I’ll get an idea of how you felt about the film. You should be able to do that by just clicking on the stars on the Friends page.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
But if I didn’t rent it from Netflix, I’m SOL?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
You know, Math Guy and I are heading for Boston Friday? Actually, we’ll be spending the majority of the time in New Hampshire).
May 14th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Geez, David has a 12 year-old of his own!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Yes, I’m aware of the New England jaunt and the reason for it.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Not at all! You just search that film on the site, then click the stars to rate. It will then (in a day or so) show up on the movies you’ve watched on the Friends page.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Getting to throw out the first pitch for the Royals was cool.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Yes, it is a difficult reason. But we’re also going to spend some time with Bob’s niece, Karen, and her boyfriend who has a place in N.H. Her boyfriend wrote the screenplay for the film, Klute! Loved that movie. Bob and I watched it (again for me) tonight. I can’t wait to meet this guy and ask him all about it!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Oh, it’s the “day or so” shit that put me off.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Her boyfriend must be an old fart, if he wrote Klute. Hell, I saw that movie when I was 25 or so.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
He was nominated for an Oscar? I want to ask him what the awards show is like when you are actually there, and if the awards really are legit or a bunch of bulls–t.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Award shows are all a bunch of bullshit.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Yeah, 1971. He also wrote a lot of episodes for the TV shows, The Virginian, Lancer, The FBI, and Profiles in Courage.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Here we go…after the break.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
So, I figure you for Not-A-Jane-Fonda-Fan.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Of them, The FBI was the only one I watched. Never even heard of Lancer. The Virginian was with some Drury guy in the lead–was that the one with the Dynasty babe, too?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
And Lee Majors?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Klute was from before Jane went Commie.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
No, the Dynasty babe was in High Chaperal (I think).
May 14th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Klute was just around the time she posed with the NVA.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Okay….who is going home?????
May 14th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Here we go…break is over.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
A humdinger.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
and?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
David A. Natch.
Yeah. Finally, we guessed it, Turkey.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Bye Syeshaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
May 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
She must have known she was on her way out.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Kristy!!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Is Kristy in the audience?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
OK, it’s on! I hope Cook brings his A game and blows the little turd right outta the water.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
She’s the only one of the young women who hasn’t been breaking down in sobs during the final song.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Yes, Kristy is there. She’s one of the top eight, so she gets to stay around for the tour.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Yeah, but how likely is that?
May 14th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
So, you won’t be back in time for next Tuesday?
May 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Well, Turkey. Next week is the BIG FINALE. Already!
Have a good one and see you online Tuesday.
I’ll be enjoying the nice, cool New England air as it hits 96 degrees in O-town
May 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Yeah, make me jealous, as it were.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Yeah, we’ll be back Monday afternoon.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Well, if you’re jealous, you can always…
Take a hike!
May 14th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Well, MG has colonoscopy transport duty on next Thursday, so I’ll probably see you possibly maybe.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Have a safe trip and get back in one piece.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Don’t forget to unclog your drain first!
May 14th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Yeah, yeah.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Thanks, Turkey. Look forward to talking with you next week.
The Redhead.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Nighty-night!
—TNT