The Voice vs. The Edge

by The Nittany Turkey

American Idol has boiled down to leave two men standing, and one stretches the masculinity point, as he has not yet started to shave. It will be pop versus rock, “The Voice” versus “The Edge,” David Archuleta versus David Cook. Chief Justice Simon Cowell predicts that the final competition this week will be “a humdinger.”

The majority voting demographic, aged 9-13, upon hearing the word “humdinger,” told their parents and teachers that Simon said a bad word. But I digress.

Last week, the expected finally happened. Syesha Mercado could have sung perfectly and passionately but she still would have been out. As it were, she screwed up in song choice and faltered in her performance, all duly noted by the vapid judges who seemed to want to push her out in favor of a David vs. David finish. The voters complied with the judges’ wishes.

This will be the first all-male final since Season Two’s Ruben Studdard vs. Clay Aiken showdown, if you consider Clay Aiken male. Studdard won that one, but Aiken wound up with arguably the better career to date.

Mark Perigard of The Boston Herald thinks that being runner-up would suit the little shaver Archuleta better, in that the little pipsqueak isn’t yet ready for the grueling demands of Idoldom, especially if his meddling stage father keeps his finger in the pie. Perigard astutely posits that the more mature Cook, a 25 year-old former bartender, is fully cognizant of the onerous path ahead and has already resigned himself to the Faustian bargain he will have to make as an American Idol.

Cook’s performing style better suits this Turkey’s preferences—much better. That in itself might doom him to runnerupitude. Chris Daughtry (now calling himself just Daughtry), with a similar, albeit more expansive and harder-edged rock style, was the Turkey’s favorite a few years ago for the same reason, which undoubtedly gave him the Turkey Kiss of Death, at least with respect to the Idol competition. I hope I don’t doom Cook similarly.

Archuleta, with the smarmy voice, the closed eyes, the look of a small town, junior high talent night performer trying to please his dad. That characterization is more fact than folly. Although he has been the judges’ favorite from the start, his potential is limited to being the next Perry Como.

“Whodat?” saith the teeny weenies.

Well, maybe every generation needs a Perry Como. Or a Josh Groban, maybe.

Cook and Archuleta will each sing three songs during the show: one to be selected by industry legend Clive Davis, one by viewers of the show via an online poll, and, finally, one will be chosen by the contestants, either a new song or one previously sung in the competition.

The voters, of course, get to decide who wins this thing, but Idol’s producers seem to be subtly steering things Archuleta’s way. It has been leaked out in a veiled manner by Nigel Lythgoe to Ryan Seacrest, on the latter’s morning radio show, that the guest stars on Tuesday night will be “some young brothers” and “the biggest star in the world.” On-line pundits seem to be speculating that these references are to the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, respectively. If this is to be the case, it will satisfy a younger, more Archuleta sympathetic crowd.

Will this year’s idol be a true star, as former Idols Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood turned out to be? Or will he be a dud, like Taylor Hicks or last year’s winner, Jordin Sparks? No one can say. The only thing predictable is the music industry’s unpredictability.

And with that, let the overhyped battle begin.

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141 Responses to “The Voice vs. The Edge”

  1. The Redhead says:

    I agree with Randy on this one.

  2. I dunno who did it.

  3. Paula is in the pink zone.

  4. The Redhead says:

    Yeah, Randy said it: Collective Soul. I’ve always liked the song.

    I suppose you and Simon are on the same page.

  5. Yeah, Simon said it. Save that one for his first ablum. This night is about genecrating excitement.

  6. The Redhead says:

    I like this about Cook. He did this particular song because it was true for him.

  7. Can I take the $5 bet now?

  8. The Redhead says:

    I can already hear David A’s version of Imagine and I ain’t diggin’ it.

  9. Yeah, but it is not up to you to decide who wins and it’s looking more and more like the weenie is going to clean up.

  10. The 5 year-old voters are eating this shit up!

  11. They never head John Lenin [sic] sing Imagine.

  12. The Redhead says:

    You can’t take the $5 bet when you’re on the same side!!!

  13. The Redhead says:

    Yeah, I think David A. might take it after all.

  14. The Redhead says:

    Ick.

  15. Same voice. Same inflections. Same embellishments. Same squinty eyes. Same crap.

  16. The Redhead says:

    I’m sure David A. has Yoko’s blessing.

  17. The Redhead says:

    He really has a Michael Jackson factor.

  18. She will pose naked with him on their first ablum cover.

  19. Calm your ass down, Randy.

  20. The Redhead says:

    I think we both know who the judges are rooting for…except Paula since she’s got a thang for David C.

  21. Paula? Speechless? That means only 308 words.

  22. The Redhead says:

    RE: She will pose naked with him on their first ablum cover.

    HAHAHHAHAAAAAA :)

  23. I’d like to score a knockout on Simon.

  24. The Redhead says:

    Huh? I didn’t think you were into men.

  25. The Redhead says:

    Why even watch tomorrow night? It’s pretty clear David A’s got it locked up.

  26. We’re going to have to put up with two hours of crap tomorrow night to get the results, no doubt.

  27. Of course by that time I will have put up with about nine hours of crapping…

  28. The Redhead says:

    Poor David C. knows it’s a lost cause.

  29. Ahhh good old Ruben…

  30. The Redhead says:

    Yo, yo, Turkey–TMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. Best known as the Clay Aiken killer from Season Two.

  32. The Redhead says:

    I like the dude.

  33. I always liked Ruben, because he’s fat.

  34. The Redhead says:

    This is some weird footage.

  35. That was back when Idols were Idols.

  36. The hype is only beginning……tomorrow night is the hypefest of hypefests.

  37. The Redhead says:

    I’ll see you tomorrow night for the big annointing of David A.

    :(

  38. Good night and I’ll send you a message from my blackberry from the bathroom tomorrow during my prep.

  39. The Redhead says:

    Until then, make it an herbal cleansing!

  40. I was told to stop all herbal remedies five days prior.

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