Season Eight Idol Finalist Overview

by The Mouse Who Ate Xanax on March 7, 2009

With Nero fiddling in Washington, this Mouse turns to watching Rome burn. Being too disgusted by the corrupt institution there calling itself a congress, and a president who seems oblivious to what the country really needs, it’s time once again for this blog to crank up its American Idol bullshit! A little comic relief is in store, for a change.

We’re down to the final thirteen contestants. How the hell did it become thirteen? I thought it was supposed to be twelve. This year has been confusing to this Mouse. Humans seem to want to change things all the time. We mice just do four things: eat, sleep, get laid, and die. But we do them well. Humans, I guess, are more complex. They want to keep changing things. But I mousegress.

Thirteen finalists in this, the eighth season of American Idol, aspire to join the ranks of the motley crue [sic] of past winners. Let’s see if I can remember them all. Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks, David Cook (the guy with the built-in yarmulke) , and who else? That’s only six. Let me look it up. Oh, yeah. I missed Fantasia Barrino in Season 3. Never liked her.

Anyhow, the thirteen hopefuls this year are: Adam Lambert, Alexis Grace, Allison Iraheta, Anoop Desai, Danny Gokey, Jasmine Murray, Jorge Nuñez, Kris Allen, Lil Rounds, Matt Giraud, Megan Joy, Michael Sarver, and Scott MacIntyre. They range in age from 16 to 27. There are five girls, seven boys, and one about whom I’m not completely sure. We even have a blind guy. Throw in an Indian, a Puerto Rican, and an oil rig roughneck, and you’ll conclude that the Idol folks certainly got an eclectic bunch together this year!

That one would be Adam Lambert, who somebody described as a cross between Freddie Mercury and Prince. Although that union might have been plausible, this mouse doubts that it would have produced any offspring.

We have four significant hotties this year, from this Mouse’s perspective. I knocked Allison out of contention for the favorite Season Eight hottie, not because she’s only 16, but because she ain’t my type.(Yeah, I know she is a redhead, but she doesn’t do anything for me.) I much prefer Alexis’ mousy look. Jasmine is only 16, but she has a winning smile. Lil is just plain sexy, but this Mouse is going to have a great deal of difficulty choosing between the two blondes: the aforementioned Alexis Grace and the superhot Megan Joy. Megan has tattoos all the way up her right arm straight to her damn shoulder. I objected to that last year with Amy Carlson, but it sure as hell looks good on Megan. The other blonde, Alexis, is a little girl with a huge voice. I would be surprised if she didn’t go very far this year (if she can stay on pitch).

Of the guys, I bet Adam goes the farthest. He is bound to be a teen and tween favorite because of his looks, and he handles himself well on stage. Jorge’s sincerity, spirit, and handsome smile will serve him well. There’s something for everybody in this rogues’ gallery. If you like blue collar types, Michael Sarver, who works on an oil rig, should make you happy. Scott MacIntyre is the blind guy—I have three relatives who live it his house (see how they run?) – and he can play and sing well. He’s developed a following through the auditions and elimination rounds.

So, we’re almost done with the long build-up. I hope we get down to the final eight quickly, so we can really start cooking. Of course, they are milking this thing as much as they can.

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{ 194 comments… read them below or add one }

1 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:12 pm

Every competition these days must have an Indian.

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2 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:12 pm

I think it’s cool, too! Thanks.

I know there are “hot” 16 year olds. I didn’t like the way she was acting.

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3 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:14 pm

I’m not getting into this.

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4 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:14 pm

This is lame. The band is off, the background singers are cheesy, he lacks the edge and the energy Jackson gave this song.

Yawn.

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5 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:14 pm

Kind of a high school performance.

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6 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:15 pm

But I think the weirdo can do Billie Jean. Adam, I mean.

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7 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:15 pm

Yeah, Paula and Simon are both correct.

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8 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:16 pm

Anoop ain’t gonna be here next week.

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9 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:16 pm

He may get the boot this week.

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10 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:17 pm

WAIT! Correct? You mean they agree with you. There ain’t no correct.

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11 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Anooooooop!

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12 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:18 pm

Jorge is a likeable guy. He’s got energy and a smile. He has a bit of a voice, too. We’ll see what kinda song he picks. It’s all important, you know.

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13 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:18 pm

LOL

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14 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:21 pm

Of course we’re correct. :)

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15 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:22 pm

I never liked this song.

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16 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:23 pm

More jr. high school ickiness.

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17 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:23 pm

Jorge, go baby!

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18 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:23 pm

He seems like a neat kid but he’s off pitch here.

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19 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:23 pm

No, he’s got Puerto Rican soul.

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20 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:24 pm

This isn’t makin’ it.

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21 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:24 pm

The kiddies like him.

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22 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:24 pm

I thought that was halfway decent.

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23 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:26 pm

Man, Paula’s cheeks look like a chipmonk holding a bunch of nuts in its mouth.

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24 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:26 pm

OK, the judges were CORRECT!!!!!!

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25 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:27 pm

Simon was harsh but he was basically correct.

Correct….correct…OMG, I said it again!

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26 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:27 pm

Megan is hottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. . . Little girl with a big voice….if she can keep it on pitch.

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27 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:28 pm

Actually, it’s “chipmunk.” I just looked it up.

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28 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:28 pm

Okay, okay, try to keep it together!

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29 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:29 pm

Yes, I decided not to be pedantic by correcting “chipmonk”.

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30 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:29 pm

That would be like an obsessive-compusive detective with a chip on his shoulder.

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31 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:30 pm

We had lots of chipmunques in Pennsylvania. Ain’t none of dem rodents in Florida.

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32 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:31 pm

Wow–look at that red dress.

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33 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:31 pm

Wait, Megan is not the one I thought she was.

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34 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:31 pm

I can see why you would find her attractive.

How old is she?

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35 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:32 pm

Utah? Is she Mormon?

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36 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:32 pm

But she’s been pretty good.

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37 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:32 pm

Oh, gee, she’s going to cry.

Puh-leeze.

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38 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:33 pm

Nevertheless, she and Alexis Grace are my big blonde favorites.
She has tattoos all the way up her right arm.

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39 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:33 pm

She sucks

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40 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:34 pm

Goodnight, Megan. Seeya in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

This ain’t her song.

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41 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:34 pm

This is…I don’t know…weird. Really weird.

I could see this in a David Lynch movie.

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42 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:34 pm

That bird who died on Paula’s shoulder should fly into Megan’s mouth and shut her up!

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43 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:35 pm

This was sort of cringe-worthy. But she still was rather charming.

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44 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:35 pm

I hate that song.

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45 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:35 pm

I can dig the tatts.

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46 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Yeah, Simon!

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47 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Who is that guy in the audience?

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48 The Mouse Who Ate Xanax March 10, 2009 at 9:37 pm

I think this gay guy is going far.

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49 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:37 pm

So, this is Adam. Well, he’s got a sort of punky look to him.

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50 The Redhead March 10, 2009 at 9:38 pm

Oh, he’s not doing Billie Jean. Sorry, Mouse.

He reminds me of George Michael, too.

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