It’s the Turkey’s favorite time of the year, a time during which the rum-laced eggnog flows free, healthy, young trees are chopped down for symbolic decoration, materialism abounds, and thanks to the idiotic political correctness movement, people are maximally confused about how they should greet each other to convey the best of the season. We also have the invented me-too, in yo’ face pseudo-holidays such as Kwanzaa. Yes, dear readers: It is the time for Christmas psychosis.

Somehow, in the 231 years since the founding fathers of our great country declared and fought for independence from the Limey mother ship, one of the primary guarantees they sought has been misinterpreted or just plain perverted by the PC gang. Our founding fathers, devout Christians themselves, sought freedom of religion through constitutional guarantees in the new nation. In the past 30 years or so — the heyday of the PC sanitization movement — revisionists including those who set curricula for our public schools and even universities have misstated the founding fathers’ goals as freedom from religion instead of freedom of religion. Yes, that’s right, folks. Our founding fathers did not wish to suppress the public practice of religion or quash religion completely. Quite the contrary. They wanted — demanded — the freedom to practice their religion.

I really don’t give a damn about the ACLU and its self-serving agenda. That’s yet another passe organization whose useful life was exhausted in the 1970s. But I digress.

It is ridiculous to deny that Christmas is the reason for trees, office parties, gift giving, school vacations, and greeting cards at this time every year. A couple of years ago, I wrote about the lame-brained politically correct movement gravitating us toward saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. The PC hangers-on went way too far with that one, creating resentment and outrage instead of furthering their homogenization aims. Fortunately, this Turkey has observed somewhat of a rebound effect this year. More people are saying Merry Christmas; fewer are walking on eggs uttering a feeble Happy Holidays. Let us hope for the sake of the future that this trend continues.

When did we become a nation of inconsequential splinter groups trying to become consequential? Why do we have to pander to every religion, pseudo-religion, race, creed, former nationality, future nationality, and physical deformity? Why do we have to treat people as if they were the way we want them to be instead of the way they are? Why do we go along with this nonsense instead of chopping the legs out from under these whining, subversive, inimical individuals and organizations that have become far too powerful and pervasive in their quest for whitewashing (excuse the expression) our society? When did it become so offensive to greet people pleasantly with a sincere Merry Christmas? The political correctness movement responsible for this is empowered by our ennui; they have only become relevant because we’ve let them.

This Turkey is Jewish. Hanukkah is a relatively minor holiday whose status was elevated primarily in this country in an attempt to give it equal footing with Christmas. This is stupid, although I admire the capitalistic spirit of the greeting card companies. I light candles and say Happy Hanukkah to fellow Jews, but I have no trouble differentiating our little holiday from Christmas. I do not regard it as the “consolation winter holiday” for Jews who do not celebrate Christmas. Furthermore, I am not offended in the slightest if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas. I do not correct them; there is no need for that. I sincerely wish them a Merry Christmas in return. This does not make me any less a Jew. I do not wish to be offended by proxy, either. For some non-Jew to be offended “for me” when someone “inconsiderately” wishes me a Merry Christmas is ludicrous. You want to become a Jew? Convert. We don’t push for it and we don’t make it easy, but there are ways. If you’d rather just speak for me, then shut your mouth. I don’t need or want you representation, especially if your initials are A.C.L.U.

Last, but certainly least on the list of Christmas sub-psychoses, there’s Kwanzaa. This contrived non-holiday was concocted in 1967 so that the oppressed so-called African-American minority, most of them gladly far removed from and blithely unconcerned about the Dark Continent, would have something to celebrate as an alternative to Christmas, the annual winter celebration of the prevailing culture. (Oops. At that time the accepted euphemism was “Afro-American,” but I digress once again.) Kwanzaa, taken from the Swahili word “kwanza” but with an extra “a” added just for the hell of it, was a blatant “protest holiday” back in the era of the civil rights movement; however, it is now passe, except perhaps in the greeting card industry. Why do we need it? Instead of finding ways to differentiate components of our multi-cultural society, we should be seeking ways to bring them together. The divisive protests of the civil rights era were aimed at achieving equality among the races. We’ve come a long way since then, but the alphabet soup organizations such as the aforementioned ACLU and the NAACP would prefer to heed the call of the past and drive the wedge deeper. Besides, Kwanzaa never really caught on.

Perhaps we should invent yet another pseudo-holiday and call it Bonzaa, in honor of the self-serving morons who brought us to where we are with this thing. (That’s taken from the Turkese word “bonzo,” with the “o” replaced by “aa” just for the hell of it.) Everybody could dance around a giant statue of Hillary Clinton or something.

Does Christmas offend Buddhists? I doubt it. Does it offend Muslims? Yeah, probably, but the mere existence of Christians, Jews, and other assorted “infidels” inflames many Muslims. So, what they think is unimportant to me. Religion of peace, my ass.

I’ll eat great quantities of Christmas cookies, I’ll give people Christmas presents as I see fit, and I’ll conclude this excoriation by wishing you all a very Merry Christmas.