As the remaining hours of 2005 wind down, The Nittany Turkey wishes all of you a happy new year. May your year be healthy, happy, and prosperous, and may it start with an Orange Bowl win and later give Joe Paterno  the undefeated season he craves. Celebrate safely and happily and we’ll see you all in 2006!

Sincerely,

TNT

Morning came and I awoke on Day Two. Another early one—I got up at 6:15 AM in order to have enough time to get ready for the scheduled 7:45 AM departure from the hotel to the BMW Performance Center. I went down to the lobby at that time, said goodbye to the front desk blonde, and met some people who were also doing Performance Center deliveries.

The couple from dinner last night were picking up an X5. They were from Greenville, about 10 minutes away, but they took advantage of the hotel stay to have a holiday from their teenage kids. Two guys from Philadelphia were also picking up an X5. They didn’t arrive until 2 AM; they were waylaid in Charlotte because of the severe thunderstorms that passed through the area last night.

A couple from Atlanta already had their Z4, but they had been unable to set aside time for Performance Center delivery when they first bought it. Later, they wrote a letter to BMW stating that they would like to schedule it for a later date and they were accommodated.

The last person in our group was a dislocated Englishman who was getting a 545i.

The hotel shuttle departed on schedule, arriving at the Performance Center around 8 AM. Bill and Nancy, hereinafter referred to as The Z4 Couple, took their own car and met us there. We were greeted by several BMW staff (all known there as “associates”), among them our driving instructor, Jim, and my delivery specialist, Jonathan. We were advised of our itinerary for the day while our luggage was being stowed.

The group split up. The X5ers were spirited away somewhere while the rest of us went with Jim to the training room where the “ground school” section of the driving instruction was to be conducted. The first order of business there was to sign a disclaimer. This was a good sign. As long as there’s a chance I can hurt myself, it must be good! Meanwhile, Jim introduced himself and gave us a quick sketch of his automotive background, which centered on two areas: monster trucks and drift racing. (Drift racing, relatively new to the United States, is a sport in which cars are essentially driven sideways around a track, in a synchronized sort of ballet.) I got the sense that this was a guy who loved cars, racing, and anything associated with them.

Jim, our driving instructor.

The chalk talk centered on honing driving skills, particularly with respect to the techniques we would be using on the track. We learned about the right way to use anti-lock braking systems (ABS) and dynamic stability control (DSC). I have had cars with both systems for many years, but I had never really learned about what they can do for me or how to most effectively employ them. I had essentially left DSC on all the time and taken ABS for granted. Jim peppered up the DSC lecture by recounting the humorous episode of a woman in a 6-series who panicked in the DSC drill on the skid pad. As the car was about to spin, she shrieked, took her hands off the steering wheel, and closed her eyes. As Jim noted, there are a lot of things one can do when the car starts skidding, but taking one’s hands off the wheel and closing one’s eyes aren’t two of them!

Jim laid out what we would be doing on the track.

First, there would be the ABS drill. We would approach a set of cones at various speeds from 45 to 55 mph, and then stand on the brakes. The line of cones curved sharply right to simulate an obstacle in our path. Our goal would be to safely steer to a stop without knocking over any cones.

Next would come the skid pad. This is a wetted-down tight oval where we would have an opportunity to get sideways in order to see how DSC works.

Finally, there would be a slalom course, which would allow us to test our limits and those of our chosen cars.

It all sounded good to me. Naturally, all of us were anxious to get out on the track. We were not kept waiting long. We got up, stopped by the cafeteria to grab some water and headed out to the track. Jim first demonstrated how to properly adjust the driver’s seat, mirrors, and steering wheel. The car that he used for his demo was an Imola Red M3 with competition package, which would be my ride for the track sessions. While demonstrating correct foot position, Jim noted that in Alabama, it was proper driving procedure to hang the left foot out the window.

Jim had a two-way radio with which he would be communicating with us as we performed the various drills. We each had a radio clipped securely to the driver side door. Jim gave us the direction to saddle up our mounts and start them up. I hopped into the M3 while the Z4 couple got into a Z4 (natch) and the Englishman slid into a 545i. The only difference between this M3 and the one I would take home, aside from the fact that mine hadn’t been driven by 180 people already, was the competition package (ZCP). I didn’t order it on my M3 because I didn’t see a need for 19″ wheels, cross-drilled brake rotors, and a couple of other dubious improvements for four grand or so.

As it started to rain, Jim got into a white X5 to lead us out onto the track. The parade took a couple of warm-up familiarization laps around the track as Jim narrated via the radio, describing what we would be doing in each of the featured areas, as well as how to drive the rest of the track. The first drill was to be the ABS braking drill.

Lining up for the ABS drill.

We queued up behind a set of cones on a short straight-away, where each of us in turn would accelerate to a prescribed speed and then stomp on the brakes while steering safely around a simulated obstacle to a complete stop. The initial speed was 45 mph. Jim stationed himself in the infield area at the end of the braking course. That way, he could jump behind the X5 in case any of us screwed up really badly. After watching the 545i and the Z4 do their braking manever, hearing Jim’s words of encouragement, praise, or constructive criticism through the radio, it was my turn. So, naturally, the first time through, I forgot that I was supposed to stop. Once safely around the obstacle, I kept going. My radio blared out, “You were supposed to STOP!” I looped around for my next turn, which was at 50 mph. This time I stopped. Of course I knocked off one of the orange cones. The expected voice came through the radio loud and clear: “Do you know why you knocked over that cone? Because you didn’t LOOK. You should have been looking all the way around the corner, over here at me!” I looped around to do it again. This time, at 55 mph, I got it right and received much needed praise from Jim. The Z4 couple changed positions, so that each of them could do the drill. That meant that we all could run through it a few more times. By that time, I was anxious to get to the next exercise. And so it was that during one time through, I forgot to depress the clutch as I ground to a halt, and I stalled. The voice in the radio (which was audible in all the cars), crackled: “Good work! I won’t tell anybody that you stalled it.”

On to the next activity, the skid pad. We paraded over there while Jim turned on the high powered irrigation system to make sure the asphalt was good and wet. In this exercise, Jim conducted his instruction from the passenger seat. Thus, he could observe everything—and I’ll tell you, he missed nothing! He directed me to drive around the oval a few times at increasing speeds. We would then start the drill by turning off the DSC, observing the effects of taking tight turns on the slick surface. First time around, I did a few doughnuts, spinning out nicely. Great fun! The second time around—same thing. Cool! I wanna do it again! I was flying by the seat of my pants, while Jim was shouting “Come off the gas! Off the gas!” Yeah, right! Spinning was too much fun to try to think while doing it. OK, so then we tried the same thing with DSC turned on. Much as I tried to spin it, I couldn’t. The difference was dramatic. Several more times around to reinforce the point, and I was done. I got to watch the others go through their paces from a safe staging position off the track. By that time, the rain was coming down pretty hard, so my M3 provided a conveniently sheltered spectator seat for whichever member of The Z4 Couple was not on the skid pad. In each case, I got to listen to some pretty good comments about the other’s driving.

The 545i on the skid pad.

The last drill of the day was the slalom course. We were pretty much left to our own devices, as Jim watched from a safe distance. I pushed it quite hard. At one point, I blew the final set of cones away because I had to avoid the 545i, which I had come up behind too quickly. Jim admonished me that the reason for that was that I had exceeded the limits of the car and myself. Au contraire, Monsieur Jim! I could have made it if not for fear of running up the 545′s butt! The slickness of the course added to the fun of this exercise, decreasing traction to the extent that things that would normally happen at higher speeds would show up at lower speeds.

The rain pretty much eliminated any possibilities of doing full bore laps around the oval, so after the slalom, we were done. I could have stayed on the track all day, and the others felt the same way. But it was not to be. We came inside to take delivery of our cars, have lunch, and do the plant tour. I’ll cover these on the next page.

BMW’s Performance Center delivery program provides buyers of new BMWs a more interesting alternative than picking the car up at a local dealership. To add value to the experience (and to give people some reason to travel to the Greenville-Spartanburg, South Carolina area), BMW provides a one night hotel stay including dinner and breakfast, followed by a day at the factory and test track, where several events take place. Following instruction from a professional performance driving instructor, participating owners get a plant tour, and, finally, delivery of their new vehicles. What follows, in several installments, is the onging story of my personal BMW Performance Center delivery experience.

Day One began very early. My flight options were not good, my best option being a 6:50 AM flight from Orlando up to Greenville-Spartanburg. This meant getting up before 4:00 AM and leaving the house at 5:00 AM. (Thanks to intrepid friend Bob, who braved the early morning to give me a ride to the airport.) Arriving at 8:19 AM, I thought there might be issues with the hotel about early room availability, particularly if they were 100% the prior night. As it turned out, there were no problems.

I arrived on schedule, picking up my one checked bag from the baggage claim. Having flown up in a “regional” jet, there was space for only a small carry-on on the plane. My larger bag wouldn’t fit. I needed more than an overnight bag in order to bring along my hiking boots so that I could spend some quality time in the North Carolina mountains after the car was delivered. I also brought a lot of “stuff” with which to load up the new M3 when I eventually get it—electronic stuff mainly, like my iPod, my Garmin eTrex Vista C (for navigation in the car and on hiking trails–I didn’t order the navigation system on the M3 because I couldn’t take it with me on the trail!), etc., but also umbrellas and general stuff. That way, I wouldn’t feel like I was driving somebody else’s BMW! But I digress.

I called the Marriott hotel from the airport, as instructed. I was pleasantly and efficiently greeted by a receptionist who asked me to hold while she radioed the driver who would do my pick-up. She then came back and said that the driver would meet me outside the baggage claim area in a green BMW in 10-15 minutes, and that his name is Kevin. He arrived on schedule, taking my bags and handing me an envelope with my BMW itinerary as I climbed into the green 525i. Turns out that Kevin is an ex-New York law enforcement officer. Having lived in New York at one point, I tend to like New Yorkers. Thus, I enjoyed chatting with Kevin on the way to the Marriott

At the hotel, Kevin led me to a young, blonde receptionist and said to me, “She’d be a model in New York, wouldn’t she?” I had to agree with him about that. Tongue in cheek, I asked her which agency she’s with. She intoned that she was not really a model. I looked at Kevin and said, “Oh. I didn’t know that.” I gave Kevin a tip but he told me he would be taking me and my bags up to the room. So, I said, “Gimme back that tip. You never know what can happen between here and the room! Besides, I don’t give tips to guys who drive BMWs.” Anyhow, check-in was easy—nothing to sign or anything—I was merely handed a key by a beautiful blonde. Kevin took me up to the room, showing me the amenities along the way. When we got to the room, he did the usual bellman routine and took my reservation for the dinner BMW was to provide. (And, yes, I gave him the tip.)

(What’s the politically correct nomenclature for what used to be a “bellboy” now? Bellperson? Guest Relations Assistant? Guest Ingress Engineer?)

View from my hotel room.

My day was pretty mundane. I did some work, took a nap, had lunch, and caught up on e-mail. The hotel provides wireless Internet access free of charge. Enough talk about my boring day. Let me tell you what I will be picking up tomorrow.

My BMW is an Imola Red/Imola Red M3 with premium package, 6-speed manual, width-adjustable power front seats, and xenon headlamps. As I mentioned before, it does not have the navigation system. I didn’t go for the competition package, because I don’t think I’ll be doing much competing. For the same reason—and because I’m an old geezer who is a traditionalist—I didn’t go for the sequential manual gearbox. (The more I think about it, the more I think its omission might have been a mistake, because its multiple programs are intriguing to an eldergeek like me! However, if you get it, you can’t get cruise control.) Why red over red? Because there’s too much red over black going on out there. Besides, if you’ve ever plunked your butt into a black leather seat after a car had been sitting for an hour or two in the blazing Florida sun, you would avoid black like the Black Plague! Why red in the first place? Because it’s my second childhood—that’s why! I get a lot of unsolicited advice from family, friends, and neighbors about why I shouldn’t buy a red car—statistically, they are involved in more accidents, they get pulled over more by cops, etc., etc.—but, damnit, I want my Imola Red M3 and I will damn well get it! Besides, as I tell them, it’s not the red CARS that get pulled over and that get into accidents, it’s the dicks and dicquinas DRIVING the red cars!

So, that is what I’m here for and tomorrow I shall have it. The driving instruction, plant tour, etc., should be done by mid-afternoon. I’m told that I can expect to leave with my new RED M3 sometime between 3:00 and 4:00 PM.

At 7 PM, I went to the dining room for my complimentary dinner. The staff there were very pleasant, as were the staff I encountered in all the other areas of the hotel. A pleasant staff is usually enough to guarantee a good lodging experience by itself, even if the room and food are disappointing. In this case it was gravy, because the room was fine—a typical Marriott room including the obligatory Book of Mormon—and the dinner was excellent. The limited BMW menu has enough choices to make it interesting. There were two types of salads, four entrees (chicken, steak, salmon, and vegetarian), and two desserts. I highly recommend the salmon. I lubricated the pathway for dinner with a few doses of Johnny Walker Black on the rocks; alas, BMW does not pay for booze. They do, however, pay a 19% tip on the dinner, which I augmented because I thought my server did a great job.

I noticed that a glassed-in section of the dining room had placards on the windows saying “BMW 6 Series.” Kevin, my driver and bellman at check-in time, had told me that there had been a huge 6-Series group in the hotel this week. According to my server at dinner, the group had departed around the time I arrived this morning—20 couples. BMW must have decided to do a mass, homogeneous orientation for 6-Series owners or something. I found out that there were only approximately five groups of people taking delivery tomorrow. I had a brief chat with one on the way out of the restaurant; they would be getting an X5. So, with one M3, one X5, and three unknowns, tomorrow’s session will be heterogeneous. I understand that people who pick up X3s and X5s at the Performance Center get to do the off-road course, which I would love to do. However, I doubt that BMW USA is about to let me come up and do the course in my Grand Cherokee!

My only concern about tomorrow is the weather. A line of strong thunderstorms moved through the area today, and thunderstorms are forecast for tomorrow and the weekend. The rain probabilities are on the order of 50-60%. This should make the road course particularly interesting!

So, that’s it for tonight. Tomorrow morning, BMW buys me breakfast at the hotel. Then, I check out and board the shuttle to the plant at 7:45 AM. I’ll definitely be posting an account of the days activities soon. After I get the car, I’m heading up to Boone, NC for a couple of days of mountain hiking if the weather cooperates. I’ll take the back roads up there for the most part, to enhance the bonding experience with the new M3, and to comply with its break-in requirements. I also intend to spend some time driving the Blue Ridge Parkway and I will slowly work my way back to Florida next week. I’ll write about all those experiences here. Of course, I’ll be posting pictures, as well! So, please stay tuned.

See you tomorrow.

Go To Day Two…