This issue of Peptide Purgatory looks at two novel uses for GLP-1 RA drugs — teenagers and cats. Ask your vet whether Zepbound is right for Fluffy!
GLP-1s for Teens: Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

If you’ve been wondering where all the Wegovy is going, here’s a hint: the kids are alright… because they’re getting priority boarding at the GLP-1 gate.
At ObesityWeek, a presenter from Nemours Children’s Health bragged about a quality-improvement project that could just as well have been titled “How We Blew the Roof Off Our Semaglutide Consumption.” After partnering their adolescent obesity clinic with a specialty pharmacy, they watched prescription volume rocket up a modest 1,680% in just one year. Yes, you read that correctly—sixteen-hundred percent. If Tesla’s stock chart did that, CNBC would have a stroke.
And the clinic didn’t stop at merely prescribing more drugs. Oh no. They built an entire logistical apparatus around feeding the GLP-1 machine:
- Weekly supply updates (because the supply chain is our new mood ring)
- Smart-phrase scripts to grease the skids
- Dedicated workflows for prior auths
- Auto-reminders to clinicians to re-up scripts before they run out
- A custom brochure so parents aren’t left wondering why their teen is suddenly on a $1,400 injectable
By 2024, the number of adolescents funneled into the specialty pharmacy increased by 1,057%. That is not a typo. That’s customer-acquisition growth that would make a Silicon Valley VC weep with joy.
And yes, adherence was—shockingly!—95.5%, which is what happens when a pharmacy holds your hand like an overcaffeinated concierge and your clinician calls you a week before you run out to make sure you don’t miss a jab.
But here’s where the confetti stops falling.
Nguyen ends with the understatement of the century:
“Increasing the use of GLP-1 receptor agonists in our clinic has created more work for providers and requires additional staff.”
You don’t say.
We’ve essentially built a pediatric GLP-1 industrial complex—one that needs ever more administrative workers to approve, dispense, monitor, and massage the process. The drugs are good tools, no argument there, but a system that must scale by 1,680% per year is not a system in control. It’s a system surfing a cultural and economic wave straight into the rocks.
And did I mention the presenter consults for Novo Nordisk? Purely coincidence, I’m sure.
If this is the future of adolescent obesity care—high-touch specialty pharmacy pipelines optimized for throughput rather than metabolic reasoning—then buckle up. We’re not treating a disease; we’re industrializing a demand curve.
But the lucky kids can have their cake and eat it, too, and spend 12 hours a day on their PlayStation for healthful recreation. A lithe body is just a jab away!
But if you think pushing the pricey drugs on teens is ridiculous, just read on. Cats are next! You’re not going to believe what follows, I promise. Although we are satirizing it here in Bullshit Corner, it was originally reported by ABC News, so it must be at least partially factual, maybe. Stay tuned as we see how the GLP-1 marketing geniuses are now expanding their fat-loss promising reach to corpulent felines.

This week, Bullshit Corner proudly presents a truly historic entry in the annals of medical absurdity. Not content with turning half the human race into GLP-1 pincushions, science has now extended its benevolent gaze to… cats.
Yes, a biotech company has launched a clinical trial of weight-loss drugs for felines — surely the breakthrough every veterinarian has been dreaming of ever since Whiskers became less “lean predator” and more “decorative ottoman.”
WHO Joins the Fun
In related news, the World Health Organization has reportedly drafted a special communiqué declaring feline obesity a “chronic, relapsing feline disease requiring nine-lives-long management.”
The document further recommends that all cats receive uninterrupted lifelong GLP-1 therapy, “unless they claw the ever-living hell out of the syringe, in which case shared decision-making is advised.”
WHO officials also stressed the need for a multidisciplinary care team, including a nutritionist, a behavioral specialist, and — critically — a licensed professional laser-pointer operator.
The “Science” Behind Meowjaro™
The rationale here is breathtaking in its stupidity: fat cats exist, therefore they need a weekly injection. Never mind that 99% of feline obesity stems from owners whose feeding philosophy is “if the bowl is visible, it’s empty.”
But why fix human behavior when you can medicalize the cat instead? We’re Americans — we don’t solve problems; we prescribe them into submission.
Follow the Money, Follow the Madness
Make no mistake: this is the pet-pharma jackpot. Millions of people will happily spend real money injecting their increasingly spheroid domestic predator if it means feeling like responsible pet owners rather than enablers of the world’s laziest lions.
Coming soon from the same company:
- Wegovy for Hamsters: For when the wheel just isn’t cutting it.
- Zepbound for Labradors: Trim the dog, keep the table scraps.
- Ozempic for Houseplants: Because your succulents are looking a little “metabolically challenged,” Karen.
Possible Side Effects (AKA: Any Tuesday for a Cat)
- Vomiting (preferably on the rug you love most)
- Apathy toward formerly beloved treats
- Enhanced capacity to judge your life choices
- Refusal to participate in future clinical trials due to “prior negative experiences with needles”
Point / Counterpoint
The Pro-Drug Side:
- “Fat cats get diabetes too!”
- “I want my cat to live forever.”
- “I saw a TikTok about this.”
The Anti-Drug Side (otherwise known as ‘reality’):
- Stop overfeeding the cat.
- Play with the cat.
- Try portion control before pharmaceutical control.
- You cannot inject a cat without losing blood. Yours.
Final Verdict
This is weapons-grade nonsense. A towering monument to our inability to modify human behavior and our unstoppable determination to medicate anything that breathes — or purrs.
If feline GLP-1s actually catch on, brace yourself for the next WHO update: “Global Standard of Care for Feline Metabolic Syndrome: Treat Early, Treat Forever, Treat With Something Expensive.”
And so, Bullshit Corner salutes our brave new world — where even the damn cat isn’t safe from Ozempic culture.
Peptide Purgatory chronicles one man’s ongoing experiment with Mounjaro, metabolism, and medical modernity. Side effects may include sarcasm, elevated skepticism, and mild tachycardia while reading policy papers. So, ask your doctor whether Peptide Purgatory is right for you!
For an annotated catalog of all my Peptide Purgatory and Mounjaro updates, visit my Mounjaro Update Catalog page.





