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Archives for 2025

Peptide Purgatory: Fat Kids and Fat Cats

Posted on December 6, 2025 Written by The Nittany Turkey Leave a Comment

This issue of Peptide Purgatory looks at two novel uses for GLP-1 RA drugs — teenagers and cats. Ask your vet whether Zepbound is right for Fluffy!

GLP-1s for Teens: Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Life on Mounjaro

If you’ve been wondering where all the Wegovy is going, here’s a hint: the kids are alright… because they’re getting priority boarding at the GLP-1 gate.

At ObesityWeek, a presenter from Nemours Children’s Health bragged about a quality-improvement project that could just as well have been titled “How We Blew the Roof Off Our Semaglutide Consumption.” After partnering their adolescent obesity clinic with a specialty pharmacy, they watched prescription volume rocket up a modest 1,680% in just one year. Yes, you read that correctly—sixteen-hundred percent. If Tesla’s stock chart did that, CNBC would have a stroke.

And the clinic didn’t stop at merely prescribing more drugs. Oh no. They built an entire logistical apparatus around feeding the GLP-1 machine:

  • Weekly supply updates (because the supply chain is our new mood ring)
  • Smart-phrase scripts to grease the skids
  • Dedicated workflows for prior auths
  • Auto-reminders to clinicians to re-up scripts before they run out
  • A custom brochure so parents aren’t left wondering why their teen is suddenly on a $1,400 injectable

By 2024, the number of adolescents funneled into the specialty pharmacy increased by 1,057%. That is not a typo. That’s customer-acquisition growth that would make a Silicon Valley VC weep with joy.

And yes, adherence was—shockingly!—95.5%, which is what happens when a pharmacy holds your hand like an overcaffeinated concierge and your clinician calls you a week before you run out to make sure you don’t miss a jab.

But here’s where the confetti stops falling.

Nguyen ends with the understatement of the century:

“Increasing the use of GLP-1 receptor agonists in our clinic has created more work for providers and requires additional staff.”

You don’t say.

We’ve essentially built a pediatric GLP-1 industrial complex—one that needs ever more administrative workers to approve, dispense, monitor, and massage the process. The drugs are good tools, no argument there, but a system that must scale by 1,680% per year is not a system in control. It’s a system surfing a cultural and economic wave straight into the rocks.

And did I mention the presenter consults for Novo Nordisk? Purely coincidence, I’m sure.

If this is the future of adolescent obesity care—high-touch specialty pharmacy pipelines optimized for throughput rather than metabolic reasoning—then buckle up. We’re not treating a disease; we’re industrializing a demand curve.

But the lucky kids can have their cake and eat it, too, and spend 12 hours a day on their PlayStation for healthful recreation. A lithe body is just a jab away!

But if you think pushing the pricey drugs on teens is ridiculous, just read on. Cats are next! You’re not going to believe what follows, I promise. Although we are satirizing it here in Bullshit Corner, it was originally reported by ABC News, so it must be at least partially factual, maybe. Stay tuned as we see how the GLP-1 marketing geniuses are now expanding their fat-loss promising reach to corpulent felines.


Bullshit Corner
GLP-1s for Cats: Because Even Your Pet Isn’t Safe from America’s Metabolic Meltdown

This week, Bullshit Corner proudly presents a truly historic entry in the annals of medical absurdity. Not content with turning half the human race into GLP-1 pincushions, science has now extended its benevolent gaze to… cats.

Yes, a biotech company has launched a clinical trial of weight-loss drugs for felines — surely the breakthrough every veterinarian has been dreaming of ever since Whiskers became less “lean predator” and more “decorative ottoman.”

WHO Joins the Fun

In related news, the World Health Organization has reportedly drafted a special communiqué declaring feline obesity a “chronic, relapsing feline disease requiring nine-lives-long management.”

The document further recommends that all cats receive uninterrupted lifelong GLP-1 therapy, “unless they claw the ever-living hell out of the syringe, in which case shared decision-making is advised.”

WHO officials also stressed the need for a multidisciplinary care team, including a nutritionist, a behavioral specialist, and — critically — a licensed professional laser-pointer operator.

The “Science” Behind Meowjaro™

The rationale here is breathtaking in its stupidity: fat cats exist, therefore they need a weekly injection. Never mind that 99% of feline obesity stems from owners whose feeding philosophy is “if the bowl is visible, it’s empty.”

But why fix human behavior when you can medicalize the cat instead? We’re Americans — we don’t solve problems; we prescribe them into submission.

Follow the Money, Follow the Madness

Make no mistake: this is the pet-pharma jackpot. Millions of people will happily spend real money injecting their increasingly spheroid domestic predator if it means feeling like responsible pet owners rather than enablers of the world’s laziest lions.

Coming soon from the same company:

  • Wegovy for Hamsters: For when the wheel just isn’t cutting it.
  • Zepbound for Labradors: Trim the dog, keep the table scraps.
  • Ozempic for Houseplants: Because your succulents are looking a little “metabolically challenged,” Karen.

Possible Side Effects (AKA: Any Tuesday for a Cat)

  • Vomiting (preferably on the rug you love most)
  • Apathy toward formerly beloved treats
  • Enhanced capacity to judge your life choices
  • Refusal to participate in future clinical trials due to “prior negative experiences with needles”

Point / Counterpoint

The Pro-Drug Side:

  • “Fat cats get diabetes too!”
  • “I want my cat to live forever.”
  • “I saw a TikTok about this.”

The Anti-Drug Side (otherwise known as ‘reality’):

  • Stop overfeeding the cat.
  • Play with the cat.
  • Try portion control before pharmaceutical control.
  • You cannot inject a cat without losing blood. Yours.

Final Verdict

This is weapons-grade nonsense. A towering monument to our inability to modify human behavior and our unstoppable determination to medicate anything that breathes — or purrs.

If feline GLP-1s actually catch on, brace yourself for the next WHO update: “Global Standard of Care for Feline Metabolic Syndrome: Treat Early, Treat Forever, Treat With Something Expensive.”

And so, Bullshit Corner salutes our brave new world — where even the damn cat isn’t safe from Ozempic culture.


Peptide Purgatory chronicles one man’s ongoing experiment with Mounjaro, metabolism, and medical modernity. Side effects may include sarcasm, elevated skepticism, and mild tachycardia while reading policy papers. So, ask your doctor whether Peptide Purgatory is right for you!

For an annotated catalog of all my Peptide Purgatory and Mounjaro updates, visit my Mounjaro Update Catalog page.

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Filed Under: Health, Mounjaro

Straight Talk: Turkey Editorial

Posted on December 6, 2025 Written by The Nittany Turkey Leave a Comment

Big Ten Money

The Big Ten Money Machine, the Teen Meat Market, and the Matt Campbell Pressure Cooker

Big Ten Money

In which Ohio State gets a freshman wideout, Penn State gets a new head coach, and everyone keeps pretending this is “education.”

Two Wall Street Journal pieces this week—one chronicling the Big Ten’s transformation into a billion-dollar content mill, the other tracing a brilliant teenager’s descent through the black-market underworld of high-school football—tell the whole story of modern college athletics far better than anything the NCAA will ever admit.

Together, they also explain the world into which Pat Kraft just dropped Matt Campbell, now officially Penn State’s head coach on an eight-year agreement pending Board of Trustees approval. And unless the trustees accidentally vote on last month’s dining contract instead of the coaching contract, that approval will be a parade float.

Kraft needed this hire to land squarely after the disastrous Franklin exit and the hapless rumor mill. But Kraft needs something else even more:

A miracle.

Because he’s not just hiring a football coach. He’s propping up the Penn State division of the Big Ten’s corporate money machine while simultaneously managing a $700 million Beaver Stadium expansion, a bottomless NIL arms race, a hyperactive transfer portal, an increasingly deranged fan base, and a conference whose only historical principle is now: “Can this bring in more revenue?”

Let’s not mince words: The AD job at Penn State in 2025 would break most Fortune 500 CEOs. Those guys have shareholders who at least pretend to understand risk. Kraft has message-board economists and donors who think “alignment” is something visible on an MRI.

And into that maelstrom steps Matt Campbell.


Scene 1: The Big Ten—From Tweed-Coated Morality Play to Private-Equity Fling

For over a century, the Big Ten prided itself on lofty ideals:

  • “Academics first.”
  • “Student-athletes.”
  • Sneering condescension about the SEC.
  • Professors blocking Ohio State from a Rose Bowl because a coach gave out improper benefits.
  • No alcohol ads on the Big Ten Network, lest the children be corrupted.

Cue the laugh track.

Because now:

  • The Big Ten is 18 schools deep, stretching from the Atlantic to the Pacific.
  • It generates over $1 billion annually in media money.
  • It seriously considered a $2.4 billion private-equity deal, which Michigan’s board correctly called “a payday loan.”
  • It is spearheading a plan to expand the playoff to 24 teams, because 12 isn’t nearly enough chances to sprain hamstrings for television dollars.
  • And the conference is playing Friday-night games it once declared heretical.

This isn’t evolution.
This is monetization cosplay.

The Big Ten long claimed to be the adult in the room while other conferences “sold out.”
Then it checked its bank statement, saw the SEC pulling away, and sprinted face-first into capitalism with all the subtlety of a rhinoceros on meth. Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany, who served from 1989 to 2020, was the expansion mastermind; getting Penn State voted in back in 1990 was just the beginning. Last year, four West Coast schools joined what was originally a Midwest academic alliance. The Big Ten is now composed of eighteen football factories.

And yet administrators still give quotes about protecting “academic missions.” Sure. And Domino’s is protecting the ancient craft of breadmaking.


Scene 2: The Basement of the System—Where the Product Is Manufactured

Now enter Phillip Bell III, a kid who represents the true cost of the Big Ten’s revenue empire.

Bell is now a freshman wide receiver at Ohio State. But before that, he was:

  • A national top-10 high-school prospect,
  • A walking NIL lottery ticket,
  • And—this is the important part—the financial plan for the adults around him.

His mother, drowning in debt and addiction, began moving him from school to school across California, shopping him like a condo listing. Bagmen and “street agents” offered five-figure packages, rent-free mansions, stipends, allowances, whatever it took.

He played 7-on-7 for a team backed by venture capital.
They flew private.
They marketed teens like IPOs.
Rules? Suggestions.
Amateurism? A charming museum artifact.

Meanwhile:

  • Bell’s grades cratered.
  • His family fractured under the financial strain and manipulation.
  • His mother died at 39 after a cocaine-laced diabetic spiral in a Vegas hotel.
  • His father and grandparents were cut out of his life.
  • And at 18, he arrived in Columbus with a “caretaker” and no connection to his family outside a tragic obituary.

This isn’t a failure of the system.
This is the system.

Bell is the raw material.
Ohio State is the factory.
The Big Ten is the retailer.
Fox, NBC, and CBS are the wholesale distributors.

And the only part of the process anyone pretends is voluntary is the part where the kid signs his name.


Scene 3: The Pipeline Meets Happy Valley

Now look again at Matt Campbell’s job description and tell me this isn’t the same machinery—just at a different stage of production.

Campbell didn’t accept a college coaching job.
He accepted:

  • A CEO role inside a billion-dollar corporate subsidiary,
  • With no labor stability,
  • No roster guarantees,
  • No regulatory clarity,
  • No budget ceiling,
  • And 107,000 highly emotional performance reviewers screaming from the stands.

And Pat Kraft?
He’s the CFO, COO, and Chief Risk Officer of this circus.

The stadium project alone would give a NYSE-listed company’s CFO night sweats. Add in a coaching transition, a cutthroat conference, NIL inflation, portal volatility, egotistical donors, and a fan base that considers 10–2 a government-grade failure…

The Hot Seat

Kraft’s desk is essentially a legacy Pittsburgh blast furnace with a swivel chair attached.

Back in the Sandusky scandal days, hypocritical Penn State football fans decried the Freeh Report’s characterization of the “culture of football” observed at PSU. Despite those Sanguinarians wanting to sweep it under the rug, that corrupt culture is glaringly present. Along with the rest of the Big Ten, Penn State has sunk into the morass that was once known as college football and is now NFL Lite.

And here’s where the Bell story matters:
Campbell and Kraft must build, recruit, and retain a roster drawn from the same talent pipeline that produced Bell’s nightmare.

That pipeline is:

  • Ungoverned,
  • Cash-soaked,
  • Exploitation-prone,
  • Family-shredding,
  • And now considered “normal.”

The Big Ten needs elite players.
Elite players come from environments like Bell’s.
Penn State needs to compete with Ohio State for those players.
Which means Penn State is, willingly or not, tied into the very system that destroys kids on the way up.

“Success With Honor” sounds noble until you realize half your recruiting pool spent high school being auctioned to the highest bidder at 7-on-7 tournaments sponsored by Amazon and Gatorade.


Scene 4: Leadership or Soul Selling? Pick One.

A former Ohio State AD said:

“There’s a narrow line between providing leadership and selling your soul.”

He’s wrong about one thing:
The line isn’t narrow anymore.
It’s a mile behind us, next to the Rose Bowl contract and the morality clause.

The Big Ten crossed that line when it chased broadcast markets instead of regional coherence.
It crossed it when it played Friday nights.
It crossed it when it considered private equity “modernization.”
It crossed it when money made all previous values obsolete.

Matt Campbell is inheriting that world.
Pat Kraft is expected to control it.
Phillip Bell is a casualty of it.

And the rest of us?
We keep buying tickets to the games and kidding ourselves that these are “students first.”


Final Scene: Welcome to the Show, Matt Campbell

Ohio State gets a blue-chip wideout.
The Big Ten gets another profitable season.
NIL collectives get deals to announce on social media.

Penn State gets a new head coach… who must:

  • Win immediately,
  • Rebuild a roster in the Wild West of NIL,
  • Keep boosters at bay,
  • Hit fundraising milestones for a $700 million stadium overhaul,
  • And ensure the program doesn’t fall behind mega-programs operating on Silicon Valley economics.

All while Kraft tries to avoid becoming the next AD casualty of unrealistic expectations.

So yes—Matt Campbell is the new leader of Penn State football.
But don’t kid yourself.
He’s also the newest middle manager in the Big Ten’s industrial complex, where the stakes are higher, the timelines shorter, and the talent pipeline more warped than anybody wants to admit.

And somewhere in Sacramento, a father and two grandparents watch Ohio State games on TV and wonder when college football stopped being a game and started being an industry that consumes children.

The answer?
Right around the time the Big Ten figured out how to monetize everything except its conscience.


Epilog: Terry Smith Naivete

My recent posts here about the Penn State coaching search have provided comic relief at the expense of Facebook comment geniuses. At the same time, peering into that world has confirmed the naivete of the typical college football fan. Most ignore the sordid pecuniary crap I’ve ranted about above. They want to look at the Penn State coaching job as it might have been in 1959, when Rip Engle was coaching Richie Lucas.

Terry Smith would have fit in that model, but going 3-3 as interim head coach — with no financial worries on his shoulders and absolutely no expectations other than to play out the year — does not qualify him for the Football CEO job. Penn State needed someone who understood the realities of the position, and who conducted a program, albeit on a somewhat more penurious level.

I’m happy that Terry, who was exploring possible head coaching opportunities elsewhere, has decided to stay at Penn State. He will be a valuable asset in Matt Campbell’s organization, presumably coaching cornerbacks and aiding in recruiting.

I consider that a happy ending for Terry. I think elevating him to head coach would have likely consumed him and his family. Sometimes, one’s reach exceeds one’s grasp.

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This Could Be It: Matt Campbell to Penn State?

Posted on December 5, 2025 Written by The Nittany Turkey 2 Comments

Well, Rumor Has It…

Multiple national outlets report that Penn State and Iowa State’s Matt Campbell have agreed to broad terms and are in final negotiations to make him the next Nittany Lion head coach, pending formal approval.

I knew you’d ask what the geniuses on Facebook are saying, so here goes!

Facebook Reacts to the Matt Campbell Rumors: A Field Guide to Online Ornithology

If you ever wondered what it would look like if Noah opened the ark’s doors midway through a Category 5 hurricane, wonder no longer — because the Penn State fanbase has spoken, and boy, do they regret having the internet.

The Terry Smith Loyalists

These folks view Terry as the divinely anointed heir to JoePa, Moses, and possibly Beyoncé. The mere mention of Matt Campbell sends them into lamentations. Some claim this “slap in the face” means they’re switching to Ohio State — because nothing says “principled stand” like defecting to the Evildoers of Columbus. Others hope Terry grabs all the players and leaves in a glorious biblical Exodus. (Yes, someone actually invoked “Exodus” as if wide receivers will wander the desert for 40 years.)

The Doomsday Prophets

These are the people convinced the Campbell hire marks the official end of civilization. According to them, Penn State football is now:

  • ruined,
  • set back 20 years,
  • doomed to “mediocracy” (their word, not mine),
  • and on the verge of losing every recruit, player, donor, season-ticket holder, and possibly the Creamery’s patented Peachy Paterno recipe.

Several assure us they’re “done with the program,” which always lasts until the next 9–3 season.

The Franklin 2.0 Truthers

These fine scholars discovered via Infallible Google Search that Matt Campbell once shared oxygen with Nick Sirianni, which — in their minds — makes him James Franklin 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, and possibly the director’s cut. They cite Campbell’s record, Campbell’s failures, Campbell’s inability to beat Ohio State, Oregon, Michigan, Iowa, gravity, and time itself. At least one guy is still mad that Colorado beat Iowa State. In the same year. In a sport involving 22 players. Somehow this is Penn State’s fault.

The “Fire Kraft!” Crowd

A proud Penn State tradition: whatever goes wrong, fire the AD. Kraft is accused of botching the search, losing recruits, taking too long, taking the wrong amount of time, not landing a “big name,” and mishandling the sacred ritual of appeasing Facebook Comment Section Shamans. According to one gentleman, after this hire, the Board of Trustees can “shove his tickets” somewhere the sun doesn’t shine — a bold strategy for someone still planning to attend games.

The Culture-Police Gatekeepers

Several commenters gravely inform us that Matt Campbell is not a Penn State guy, which apparently disqualifies him from coaching football in State College. One declares another commenter “obviously ignorant of Penn State culture,” which is an unintentionally perfect summary of the comment thread itself.

The Optimists (Yes, They Exist)

A few brave souls venture that Campbell is… a good hire. Not great, but good. Or maybe excellent. Maybe even a “home run.” These people are immediately drowned out by everyone else screaming that we’ve made the worst decision since the linebackers let JJ McCarthy convert a 3rd-and-17.

The Conspiracy Theorists

These are the people who believe:

  • Pat Kraft has secret tapes.
  • Campbell is hiring Sandusky as defensive coordinator.
  • Fake news is involved.
  • This is all a plot.
    Of what variety? Doesn’t matter. They’re working on it.

The Stat Dump Guy

Every thread has one: the guy who, upon hearing rumors of a coaching hire, posts a JPEG of recruiting rankings as if he’s Adam Schefter crossed with a disgruntled actuary. This gentleman dutifully reminds us that Iowa State recruited like Iowa State. The world gasps.

The Pure Nihilists

These commenters simply type variations of:

  • “UGH.”
  • “Eew!”
  • “Terrible terrible terrible terrible.”
  • “No good!”
  • “Awful.”
  • “Smfh.”
    These are the haiku poets of Fan Rage.

The Straw That Broke the Camelback Guy

One fan declares he is “no longer a Penn State fan,” even though he was “born and raised 50 minutes down the road.” This is a classic Facebook departure vow — right up there with “I’m deleting this app,” followed by 900 more posts this week.


In Conclusion

The Facebook reaction to Matt Campbell is a glorious Rorschach test: people see whatever it takes to confirm that they, personally, hold the One True Opinion about Penn State football.

Whether Campbell wins big, flames out, or goes .500 forever, one thing is certain:

Penn State fans will still be yelling at each other on Facebook, and absolutely none of them will admit they were wrong.

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The Nittany Turkey is a retired techno-geek who thinks he knows something about Penn State football and everything else in the world. If there's a topic, we have an opinion on it, and you know what "they" say about opinions! Most of what is posted here involves a heavy dose of hip-shooting conjecture, but unlike some other blogs, we don't represent it as fact. Read More…

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