The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home 2008 November Archives for 12th

Archives for November 12, 2008

Back Home in Native-Americanana

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Let’s be politically correct, shall we? There is no way we can keep on using the I-word in a state name. No, man. Not in this day and age. It is horrible hate speech, shamefully directed at the dusky skinned, colorfully named billionaires who own all those casinos, unlike the hard working online casino startup games which provide live blackjack online experience to all it’s players. Pure wealth envy. This Turkey will not stand for it. Henceforth, we shall refer to the state located between Ohio and Illinois as Native-Americanana. You can read this game guide to learn new tricks and play games more efficiently to get big wins. I know you’ll be happy about that.

You see, the #8 Penn State Nittany Lions (9-1, 5-1 Big Ten) will host the Native-Americanana Hoosiers (3-7, 1-5 Big Ten) on Saturday at high noon. Many Lions fans wonder why this game should be played. They’re pissed off over the Iowa loss and they’re bored with the prospect of playing a vastly inferior opponent. Of course, these are the same people who looked past the Hawkeyes all the way to Miami on January 8. Most of the fans would enjoy better play online casino games at https://kingscasino.net.

Beware the ‘Eye games. That’s Buckeye, Hawkeye, and Eye-word. OK, that’s a stretch, but I’m in a silly-ass mood again. You see what that brought us when I wrote the Iowa preview in semi-Ebonic mode. So I guess I’ll shitcan the frivolity. Or not.

I really don’t want to write about Ind—oops, I mean Native-Americanana. Let my ennui provide something constructive, in any case. Do you know what a Hoosier is? I didn’t think so. Well, here’s something I shamelessly stole about the origin of the word.

The origins of Hoosier are rather obscure, but the most likely possibility is that the term is an alteration of hoozer, an English dialect word recorded in Cumberland, a former county of northwest England, in the late 19th century and used to refer to anything unusually large. The transition between hoozer and Hoosier is not clear. The first recorded instance of Hoosier meaning “[Native-Americanana] resident” is dated 1826; however, it seems possible that senses of the word recorded later in the Dictionary of Americanisms, including “a big, burly, uncouth specimen or individual; a frontiersman, countryman, rustic,” reflect the kind of use this word had before it settled down in [there’s that I-word again]. As a nickname, Hoosier was but one of a variety of disparaging terms arising in the early 19th century for the inhabitants of particular states. For example, Texans were called Beetheads, Alabamans were Lizards, Nebraskans were Bug-eaters, South Carolinians were Weasels, and Pennsylvanians were Leatherheads. People in Missouri might have had it worst of all—they were called Pukes. Originally, these names were probably taken up by people living in neighboring states, but belittled residents adopted them in a spirit of defiant pride, much as American colonists turned the derisive term Yankee into a moniker for their spirit of rebellion. Today, most of these frontier nicknames have disappeared from the landscape. A few like Okie still exist with much of their original animus. Others survive as nicknames for the sports teams of state universities—the North Carolina Tarheels, the Ohio [State] Buckeyes, and so on—fighting words only on the playing field or court.

How’s that for filler material? The PSU Leatherheads will be playing the big, burly, uncouth Hoosiers during this purported bye week. Good thing we won’t be seeing the Pukes.

I used that as a spacer so it wouldn’t look like I was too lazy to write about the game. Frankly, I’m bored with this game and don’t really want to write about it. How many times must I say that before you believe me? I’d rather be planning our hiking excursion tomorrow. The team and its coaches better not be feeling similar apathy and detachment.

The foregoing bit of snottiness leads us to the half-hearted Official Turkey Poop Prediction for the week. I really screwed up last week, predicting a big, 31-7 win over Iowa. This week is accordingly problematical. The Nitty Kitties could come out completely flat, passionless, and apathetic, or they could come out frustrated, angry, and ready to kick ass. It’s anyone’s guess. The gambling line is a bit ridiculous, with Penn State favored by 37 and an over/under of 57. This suggests a 47-10 outcome. You know what’s coming. Let’s not overthink this—I have to charge up my GPS batteries and get the bug spray out. Leatherheads 47, Hoosiers 10.

By the Bootstraps

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Are you done whining about the Iowa loss yet? Your Turkey is. I feel strangely at peace with the notion that the Nittany Lions will not be going to the so-called national championship game. Do you?

First of all, as you all well know, I do not regard the BCS fantasy finale, better known here as the Still Somewhat Mythical National Championship (SSMNC) game, as a true determinant of a national champion. It is merely an extra game added as a thinly veiled revenue generation ploy, whose participants are chosen by an ever changing set of criteria that provide too much room for subjective doubt.

Second, who the hell says that if Penn State doesn’t go to the SSMNC game, the season is ruined? This crap about going all the way being the only acceptable alternative doesn’t resonate in Turkeyville, either. I makes me nauseous to hear people dissing Olympic athletes who dare to return home with bronze or silver medals. Competing at the highest level is good enough for this Turkey. Someone has to win and someone has to lose, ferchrissakes.

Finally, I’m certain that I’ll get a lot of flack for saying that Penn State didn’t belong in the damn SSMNC. I think you know that in your heart of hearts. You’re seriously delusional if you think that this year’s Penn State team would stand a chance against the likes of Texas Tech, Florida, or USC with all the marbles on the table. We watched our conference be humiliated in the past two instances of the SSMNC. With a deficient defense, which was fully on display last Saturday, why would Penn State fare any better than Ohio State?

Because of our pride, of course. Because of our denial.

This Turkey has been queasy about the defense all season. I have a problem with all fourteen of them: the front seven and the back seven.

Seriously, though, folks, could you see the same secondary that allowed the Hawkeyes’ rookie quarterback to pass his way down the field in a crucial, fourth-quarter situation shutting down a real passing attack? Do you think the Sandusky BBDB could ever hope to work in 2008? I’ve been bitching for 15 years that the soft zone is too easy to pick apart, and it gets easier as the years pass. Receivers get faster, quarterbacks get more accurate, and huge offensive lines provide plenty of time to throw. You can’t trust a mediocre secondary enough to blitz and if you do, you’re vulnerable to screens and dump-offs. The Sandusky soft zone is an anachronism that needs to go the way of the 5-3. It’s a different game now.

And what of the front seven? We knew that the defensive line and the linebacking corps would have holes that were impossible to fill. Late in the season, it is glaringly clear that PSU is operating with a thin defensive line and one competent linebacker. Even with Sean Lee in there, there would still be only two linebackers worth a damn.

The Nittany Lions do have an offense, or we thought they did. However, it doesn’t get started until the second quarter. ????? ?????? ????? ?????? Three quarters of football would not win a SSMNC game, unless somehow West Virginia or USF were to sneak in there. Of late, the offense has not been banging on all cylinders even when they decide it is time to play. That might work against Temple or Purdue, but as we have seen, it doesn’t work too well at all against Ohio State or Iowa. Yeah, Iowa. And you want to see how it goes against Oklahoma?

Forget it now. Ain’t going to happen. We’re spared the humiliation.

I know. You’re saying I’m offering my usual negativistic, unspirited diatribe, I have no team spirit, and I’m generally full of shit. I’ll admit to the last of those, but since when does being a pragmatist mean I’m a poor fan? I give credit where I think it is due, but I am not blind to faults that are there for all to see. Tough love, man.

I will be extremely happy to see the Nittany Lions play in the Rose Bowl once again. I do not regard it as a consolation prize.

Let us assume for the moment that PSU gets by Indiana on Saturday and Moo U. on the 22nd, a mighty big assumption not meant to minimize either of those two opponents. They’ll still have an opportunity to prove something mighty big in the Rose Bowl. If they come out looking like they don’t want to be there, as they did on Kinnick Field, they’ll wind up humiliating the Big Ten just like Illinois did last year. However, if they play their asses off four four quarters, they’ll stand a good chance of beating whoever they wind up facing there. That’s all I am asking for: playing with passion, playing to win, and playing an entire game.

Penn State is in the thick of the BCS this year, and that’s fun in itself. Read a great article about the BCS national championship and the Rose Bowl possibilities here in the Wall Street Journal. The article contains a link to an explanation of the convoluted Big Ten tiebreaker algorithm, for good measure.

Regardless of the outcome of the hypothetical Rose Bowl I allude to above, this Turkey will be happy if the Nittany Lions deliver a complete performance. Win or lose, they’ll have distinguished themselves in my bird brain as one of the great teams in Penn State history. That’s good enough for me, even if some of you consider that a loss. It certainly does not constitute failure. ???? ???

I glossed over the need to beat Penn State’s final two regular season opponents. ??? ????? ????? Anything can happen there, particularly if the Lions come out flat and deliver half-assed performances. It is hard to think that they could falter enough to lose to Indiana, the perennial Big Ten whipping boy. However, if they hang their heads and remain in a funk, they sure as hell could. Moo U. is another story, as it will take some good defense to shut down the #2 ranked rusher in the nation. The Michigan State of this year is not the Moo U. of yore.

It is time to suck it up. This team has some great senior leadership, give or take a Scirrotto. It is a rough time of the year, sore from a season of pounding, coming off a tough loss, hard on the heels of an emotional let-down. True leaders are motivators. If this bunch of seniors is as good as we all think they are, they will be able to pull this team up by its collective bootstraps and lead a successful conclusion to this campaign.