The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Hotty Toddy

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If you hadn’t heard, #10 Penn State will take on #11 Ole Miss in the Peach Bowl on December 30. Penn State will play in the Peach Bowl for the first time, and this will also be the first game ever between PSU and Mississippi. Accordingly, this Turkey felt it was appropriate to acquaint his six readers with the cultural aspects of the Ole Miss Rebels’ fans.

So, it is time to repost this collection of video vignettes from the tailgate preceding the Ole Miss vs. Texas A&M game played in Oxford, Mississippi ten years ago. A fine representative of the University of Mississippi, who might have imbibed a little too much, especially given her status as a professional in that regard, was the featured interviewee. She delivered an incisive summation of the campus experience at Ole Miss. Play it to the end. You won’t be disappointed!

Ole Miss Miss Doesn’t Miss

Now that you are in the Ole Miss spirit, I’ll give you both versions of their fight chant, which is much more imaginative than WE ARE … PENN STATE!

Are You Ready?

Hell, Yeah! Damn Right!
Hotty Toddy, God Almighty,
Who the Hell Are We?
Flim Flam, God Damn,
Ole Miss
BY DAMN!

That’s an older more offensive version of the Ole Miss fight chant, long ago sanitized for social acceptability in non-redneck society. The “official”, sanitized version, published in the Ole Miss Orientation Handbook, titled “This is Hotty Toddy.”, is:

Hell Yeah! Damn Right!
Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty,
Who the Hell Are We? Hey!
Flim Flam, Bim Bam
Ole Miss
BY DAMN!

Hail to the Winners!

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…and hell to the whiners!

The interminable ESPN four-hour bowl selection extravaganza is over, ending our specious speculation over moot machinations. The only controversy would have been controversial no matter which controversial exclusion occurred. I will not analyze, approve of, or condemn the choices for the four available playoff slots here. There will be enough of that among sports wonks, pseudo-sports wonks, and practitioners of dime store journalism, replete with poor grammar and malapropisms. No, I’m here to congratulate the winners and tell the whiners to shut their pie hole. The whole thing is meaningless, unless you can personally take a cut of the profits. It is all about money, and who puts on the show is irrelevant.

Poor Babies!

Poor, poor Florida State! They agreed to the CFP concept, so they must accept the fruits of what they sowed, no matter how rotten those pomes and drupes might be. So, FSU, shaddup! You weren’t robbed! You would have celebrated if you had been included, so let those who were more favorably regarded enjoy their moment in the sun without you spoilsports raining on their parade. In fact, your bitching and moaning abets the cause of those who are raking in the cash. Are you going to pull out and spill your seed on the ground? Methinks not. Maybe next year, ‘Noles!

Make Hay While the $un $hines

Rick Scott, Republican Senator from Florida, who is running for re-election in 2024, expressed outrage over the $eminoles’ shunning. After all, he knows what side his ballot is buttered on, and he knows that the real Seminoles never lost either of two wars with the United States of America, which is irreverent and irrelevant. I suspect that the whining, further legitimized by Scott’s bullshit, will develop a social media life of its own, with various self-perceived experts and self-anointed voices of the people expressing similar outrage. Jump on that bandwagon. Re-elect Rick Scott!

Who’s In?

Congratulations to Michigan, Washington, Texas, and Alabama, the four teams chosen by the CFP committee to play for the Still Somewhat Mythical National Championship ($$MNC). We consider it mythical around here because adding a couple of games still doesn’t definitively determine a national championship. Next year, the playoff field will be expanded, and it still won’t be definitive. Not even close. The true national champion is the almighty dollar which, although evaporating in absolute value, remains the reason for all this playoff window dressing. Driven by human drives for affiliation and alienation, the money gods know that they can extract money from us in so many ways by staging this phony championship.

Peachy!

Anyhow, that brings us to the bowl game our Nittany Lions will be competing in. For the first time ever, they’ll be playing in the Peach Bowl, held on December 30 at Mercede$-Ben$ $tadium, in that primo winter vacation destination, Atlanta, Georgia. The opponent will be none other than hotty-totty Ole Miss, which has never played Penn State. The Rebels finished the season ranked #11, with a 10-2 record, their record blemished only by losses to Alabama and Georgia. Sound familiar? Just sayin’, Penn State wound up #10, having lost to two better teams in their conference, too.

It should be fun to see how the vaunted PSU defense handles all that $EC speed. It should be interesting to see if Penn State shows up with an offense. This turkey thinks there will be lots of good reasons to watch this game. However, if the money bullshit gets in the way, I might change my mind. Which first-stringers will opt out to protect their presumed earning futures? Why the hell do I want to watch our scrubs play their scrubs? I don’t have enough time left on Earth to be wasting it watching meaningless games.

Oh, boy — the tran$fer portal opens tomorrow. No doubt, Penn State’s hiring of incoming Offensive Coordinator Andy Kotelnicki was rushed so he could participate in the organized academic slave auction to pick up some good meat. Maybe Rick $cott will tell F$U who to snare in the meat market, too.

I’ll be back with a look at Ole Miss and some more condemnation of the pecuniary aspects of semi-pro college football.

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