The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

At Least They Have the Land Grant Trophy

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Thank God for Small Victories

Alas and alack, the kicking game fucked us, as the Penn State Nittany Lions closed out their season against the Michigan State Spartans with a big, 30-27 loss in snowy East Lansing. The snow bowl loss assures Penn State fans that with a 7-5 record, the only thing that will bolster their bowl position would be the money Penn State fans spend in bowl venues.

Meanwhile, the Big Ten is completely nonploonesed, with Michigan beating tOSU and Minnesota knocking off Wisconsin. That means Michigan will face Iowa in Indy next week for the Big Ten Championship, and God knows whether a Big Ten team will go to the CFP, especially if Iowa wins. I have no idea who will be going to the Rose Bowl, either.

What I do know is that Penn State, with their 7-5 record, will be going to the Toilet Bowl. Whether it be Detroit or Nashville, it will be a lightly attended, mid-December matchup of mediocre teams, like PSU and MIssouri. Such fun, already.

Moo U. leaves the Snow Bowl with a 10-2 record and the abominable Land Grant Trophy (thank God). At 8-1 in the conference, they are in sole possession third place in the Big Ten East behind Michigan and Ohio State. Penn State winds up 7-5 and 4-5, which is good for fourth place in the Big Ten East and not much else.

Wonderful Game, Already

The game wasn’t fun to watch, so I won’t comment much, except to say that the kicking was atrocious. The losing margin was three points; four points were lost on a missed field goal and a missed extra point. That should be enough to tell you that Franklin’s experiment playing Jordan Stout for ALL kicking chores was a bust. Finally, he put Jake Pinegar in there for the final extra point.

Helluva statement, in view of the recent contract extension for Franklin. Is THIS what we can expect from our multi-million dollar head coach? If so, stay tuned for lots of middle-of-the-pack finishes in future years.

WTF are we going to do about that offensive line, anyway?

(I’m not quite done for the year yet. After all, we’ll have some kind of bowl matchup with another middle-of-the-pack team. So, I’ll be back.)

Reckoning in East Lansing

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Put a Blanket on This Season

Land Grant Trophy
Land Grant Trophy, which is awarded to the winner of the formerly annual Michigan State vs. Penn State football game.

The Abominable Land Grant Trophy is at stake on Saturday, as the mighty Penn State Nittany Lions travel to East Lansing to take on the pissed off, decimated Moo U. Spartans. Lake effect snow is forecast, so there will be that.

Unranked Penn State (7-4, 4-4 B10) is somehow favored to defeat #12 Moo U. (9-2, 6-2). Go figure! Perhaps this has something to do with Moo U’s complete lack of a defense. They score a lot of points because they need to, but this glaring weakness was at the fore in their 56-7 dismantling at the behest of the Schmuckeyes.

This could be the game where we see some essence of a Penn State running game, as Moo U. allows 185 rushing yards per game. Or we could see lots of explosive plays. Should be fun to watch, but based on my yo-yo predictions this season, I’m more often full of shit than not. This could just as easily be a 6-0 game played under a blanket of snow by two demotivated teams.

What’s at Stake Here, Already?

So, just watch it for entertainment, because nothing is at stake besides the Land Grant Trophy, which no one wants, and the Quick Lane Bowl in nearby Detroit, which no one wants. I am in Chicago at the moment, having survived Thanksgiving, so I will cut to the chase.

But First, the Elephant Has Left the Room

James Franklin scored a new, 10-year $7.5 million per year contract extension, ending speculation that he would bolt for greener pastures. Penn State has provided all the green James needs, and then some. Congratulations to Franklin and his agent for snagging this Rolls-Royce contract even as Frankin’s weaknesses are increasingly apparent.

Da Wedda

Shitty, with a high of 36, typical gray cloud cover, and a high probability of snow with accumulations of up to an inch. Fun shit to play in. You can make snow angels in the end zone when you score.

Da Bottom Line

So, this is it for the regular season. Toilet Bowl eligibility is assured; only the early December winter wonderland venue remains to be decided. That’s Penn State’s motivation. As for Moo U., they’re all thinking about “what might have been” while they were pretenders all along. Meanwhile, the Land Grant Trophy hangs in the balance, so these two valiant armies will battle for who gets to house the ugly piece of shit for another year. Exciting, eh?

Corrent odds have Penn State favored by 1.5 with an over/under of 52, which suggests a final score of 27-25 in favor of the Nittany Lions. Given the wet snow and the potential for droppage, bumblage, and fumblage, plus apathy and ennui, coupled with who-da-hell-wants-that-trophy-itis, I’ll just venture an out of the ass turdshot of a prediction. Penn State 25 Moo U. 13. Take the under.

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