The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home Archives for 2008

Archives for 2008

Paterno Gets New Contract, Newsome Signed

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Nittany Lions head coach Joe Paterno has agreed to another three year contract with the PSU administration, according to Fight On State. Joe has long said that he doesn’t need a contract, but now he has one, anyway. This one will give him the reins until 2011, when he turns 85.

FightOnState.com has learned from several university sources that Paterno and Penn State have agreed in principle to a multi-year contract extension that will keep him at the helm of the Nittany Lion football program for at least three more seasons. The sources spoke on the condition of anonymity.

The deal is expected to be signed and announced by the end of the week.

Perhaps no coincidence, Kevin Newsome, a top quarterback recruit out of Virginia, was signed today.

Trouble in Brooklyn, A One-Act Play

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Scene I. Saturday. Kerryman’s Tavern.

[Inside a seedy Irish Bar, two rough and tumble Irishmen, Declan and Mark, sit at the bar discussin’ their disdain for the situation in Brooklyn with Mark’s son Paddy.]

Mark: I don’t like what’s goin’ on with the Big Wop. My son was suppose ta get a bigger piece of the action in Brooklyn.

Declan: Problem is, it’s all blood with them Italians. Giuseppe’s son is runnin’ Brooklyn and there’s no way to get through to Sonny about Paddy. He don’t listen to Paddy. He won’t listen to us.

Mark: Then we’ll see Don Giuseppe himself. We’ll tell him that Paddy will leave the Organization if he can’t get a bigger piece. We’ll give him a list of demands.

Bartender: You guys better watch your asses. Giuseppe doesn’t take kindly to outsiders telling him how to run his organization.You might wind up with that list shoved right up your kiesters while you take a proverbial celestial dirt nap.

Declan: The Big Wop isn’t so big anymore. He’s been in the hospital. He’s had surgery. His people are never happy with him. This must be the right time, before the Festival of St. Anthony. He’ll have lots of shit on his mind. He needs Paddy. He’ll recognize the folly of his ways. We’ll arrange a meeting. We’ll give him our list. We’ll threaten him that Paddy will leave the organization.

[The bartender crosses himself.]

Scene II. Monday. Don Giuseppe’s office in Brooklyn.

[Guiseppe sits at the huge, intimidating desk with Lieutenant Guido at his side. Declan, Mark, and Paddy are patted down by a couple of large men in silk suits, as they enter the office.]

Don Giuseppe: Guido, fix my guests a drink. There’s some Old Bushmill’s over there. I had it flown in from Ireland. Then please leave and close the door behind you.

Giuseppe [to the Irishmen]: Please sit down. Why do you come to see the Godfather?

Mark: It is about my son Paddy, Godfather. He works for Sonny. When he joined the organization, he was promised a major piece of Brooklyn. But Sonny chose the black guy. Now, Paddy must sit and wait. I’ve brought with me a list of issues we have with Sonny.

[Mark presents list to Don Giuseppe.]

Giuseppe: This is my son you speak of. You have issues with my son that cannot be addressed between him and Paddy, so the three of you come to my office. We talk about business here. Family is off the table. Your list means nothing. What do you have to say for yourself, Paddy?

Paddy: I was a star in my neighborhood. I came here to make the big time. I’m not gettin’ anywhere, Godfather. I want more of Brooklyn.

Giuseppe: My guests, the ways of this organization are time honored and immutable. You Micks know what immutable means? I didn’t t’ink so. It means things work the way they do, and you don’t question them. You know how many neighborhood stars we get here? They’re a dime a dozen. Nobody becomes a made man on prior reputation. Paddy will get his share of Brooklyn when he earns it.

Paddy: That’s not what I was hopin’ for. If you don’t fix it, I’ll leave.

Giuseppe: My young Irish friend, no one man is bigger than the organization. What I am saying is that they ain’t no “I” in “team.” Capisce? I now will make you an offer you cannot refuse. Listen to me carefully. If you work with Sonny and make him happy, it is possible that you could have a bigger piece of Brooklyn by 2010. In the meanwhile, you must do as you are told.

Paddy: Then I must leave the organization. I can’t wait that long.

Giuseppe: That is your decision to make. Once you leave, there is no return. Tell me, Paddy, do you wish to stay to participate in St. Anthony’s Festival? It is the biggest event of the year.

Paddy: [Looking at Mark] I’ll think about it and let you know.

Giuseppe: Then it is done. What you have learned in this organization must never leave. The principle of omerta applies. Do not divulge what you know or the consequences to you and your family will be severe.

[Enter Guido]

Giuseppe: Let everybody know that Paddy will be leaving the organization and that we wish him well. Show these people the door.

Guido: Si, Godfather!

[Guido and the three Irishmen leave. Don Giuseppe gets on the phone with wife Susanna.]

Giuseppe: The needs of business delay me, mi amore. I shall attend to them and return shortly. Please have Sonny call me.

[Later, phone rings.]

Giuseppi: My son, we have a problem. The little Mick is getting too big for his pants. He wants to leave the organization. But he knows too much. On Wednesday, you will handle this for me.

Sonny [on phone]: Yes, Godfather. I will handle it.

Giuseppi: There is one thing, my son. There is a list. It is a list of issues brought by the Irishmen. I will give it to you. Do what you must do to send a message to discourage this kind of thing.

[Hangs up.]

Scene III. Wednesday. A parking lot in Brooklyn.

Jay (I mean Sonny): Paddy, have you decided whether you wish to participate in the Festival of St. Anthony?

Paddy: I’m thinkin’ about it.

Sonny: The Godfather wishes your decision now.

Paddy: I said, I’m thinkin’ about it.

[Sonny opens the back door of a large, black Town Car limo and two big goons get out. Each grabs one of Paddy’s arms. Sonny proceeds to rip off Paddy’s pants and insert the rolled up list of issues rectally.]

Sonny [pushing Paddy into the back of the limo]: I have a message from my father. He says, “Enjoy your last ride.”

The rest is silence.

[Exeunt]

This Is How Congress Should Handle GM

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Erstwhile Nittany Lions’ backup quarterback Pat Devlin and his parents met with Lions’ head coach Joe Paterno on Monday, presumably to obtain more playing time for Devlin and get him a shot at the #1 slot next year. They brought along with them a list of “issues” with the Penn State program that they perceived to be impediments to their son’s progress and they presumably accompanied their discussion points with an ultimatum to change things—or else!

Oh, yeah, right: they’re going to walk into Paterno’s office and make demands! You can imagine how that went down! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during that meeting. Joe’s been handling players and their annoying parents for well over 50 years. It must have been interesting to watch Joe’s face turn 12 shades of purple, particularly when Devlin, Sr. pulled out the list. This act of ballsy stupidity was predestined to go down like O.J. asking the judge for mercy in Las Vegas, but apparently, the Devlins thought they held a trump card. They didn’t. Paterno was no doubt cordial and polite, while not giving an inch.

Threatening to transfer has absolutely no effect on Paterno, who has seen high-profile kids come and go for a half-century and who is immune to public criticism. There was a lot of that when Jeff Hostetler and John Sacca left, and you saw how unfazed Joe was by it all. “My kid will transfer out” is just an ineffectual ploy against stubborn old Joe.

Paterno runs the Penn State football program, not the parents and not the players. The minute the inmates start running the asylum, bedlam prevails. Might as well bring in Lavon Chisley on Work/Release as Weapons Coach and enlist Andrew Quarless as Booze and Weed Coach. No, Joe handled this properly. Don’t walk into my office with threats. If you want to play, you play by my rules. If you don’t, nice knowing you. Good luck.

What were the senior Devlins thinking? Aw, shit, he’s just a weak old man recovering from surgery. We’ll storm in there and kick his not yet healed ass with our demands. He’ll never know what hit him!

Wrong! It was like a few rogue Irishmen thinking they could topple The Godfather and his organization. Uh huh.

I don’t know what was on the list of issues they presented but the talking points will probably emerge in the next couple of weeks as the media fervor waxes and wanes. One source, Devlin’s high school coach, said that his relationship with quarterbacks coach Jay Paterno had never really jelled, and that he respected and relied upon the advice of wide receivers coach and former PSU quarterback Mike McQueary more. So, what are the parents going to demand on this issue? That Jay be fired? That McQueary take over as QB coach? If those subjects emerged, I bet Joe had to exercise as much restraint as he could muster in order to avoid kicking their three asses out of his office right then and there, newly replaced hip notwithstanding.

Please don’t think that I’m painting Devlin and his family as villains. They’re not; they’re just a bit misguided. It is natural to want a kid who set passing records in high school to be a starting quarterback in college. It is also natural, if a bit unfortunate, for such a kid and his family to have aspirations of eventual NFL greatness, which is rarely achievable in any case, but almost impossible without substantial high-profile college playing time. However, I don’t think much of their manner of presentation, and the implicit threat to transfer if things don’t go their way.

Devlin will find playing time with an FCS Division school, no doubt. It has to be an FCS school, because if he were to transfer to an FBS school, he would have to sit out next year. Plenty of FCS quarterbacks are scouted by the NFL, so this should work for Pat.

Meanwhile, between Monday and Wednesday, Devlin could not make up his mind whether he wanted to remain with the team so he could play in the Rose Bowl. Paterno had apparently left that decision up to the kid. However, when he hadn’t received a yea or nay as of Wednesday, Paterno made the decision for Devlin. By the end of the day, his locker was cleaned out.

The quarterback depth chart as of Wednesday was Clark, Cianciolo, and Derrick Williams. Expect it to prevail through the Rose Bowl.

Now, Joe has to show us that he still hasn’t lost it with respect to recruiting. Kevin Newsome visited the campus last weekend, but still hasn’t made a commitment. Can Joe close the deal?