Last week’s American Idol results show, replete with the expanding Kelly Clarkson and the insipid Kanye West both hawking new CDs, was the end of the road for little, lovely Jasmine and handsome, smiling Jorge. No great loss in either case, but little Jasmine was quite pretty. Fortunately, the voters kept Megan Joy and Alexis Grace around for another week. Mouse needs his eye candy.
The “Judges’ Save” was introduced as a safety net measure for preventing the repeat of such erstwhile early exit travesties as Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson. Judges will get to save one, single contestant who is eliminated by the popular vote during the finals. They must confer during one of the commercials and their decision must be unanimous. This is like George W. Bush losing in the popular vote, but the Supreme Court of the United States declared him a winner, anyway. (I’m getting a great kick out of myself here.) Anyhow, assuming that the public knocks out someone whom the judges feel to be worthy of continuing, they can make the save—just once. Alas, the judges unanimously chose not to save either the weeping Jasmine or the pragmatic Jorge.
This gives the judges a raison d’être for the finals. Otherwise, they have no real purpose, other than to provide inane commentary and inimical diatribe (in Simon’s case) after each performance, the whole of which carries no weight at all.
I think they ought to implement an analogous procedure called “The Judges’ 86.” This would allow the judges to confer and unanimously boot an unworthy contestant such as Season 6’s Sanjaya Malakar, even if an asshole with a huge following, such as Howard Stern, for example, tries to manipulate the popular voting to make a mockery of the show, which does quite well in making a mockery of itself without his help!
The Redhead just pointed out to this Mouse that this year, like other years, we have a subplot about which Christianophobes can assert conspiracy theories. Some contestants have religion and other believers vote for them because of it, perhaps unfairly to the other contestants who are not religious. Like, duh! This is news only to those who wish to make it news. The American Idol voting public is motivated by things other than talent? No kidding! It’s a popularity contest, any way you slice it, and common interests, good looks, a decent personality, and, perhaps, a desire to punish other contestants will get the votes over ability anytime—just like presidential politics. But I digress.
This week is Grand Ole Opry Week. So, we can look forward to Carrie Underwood, the most successful Idol thus far, hawking yet another album on the results show. Good thing she stopped dating Tony Romo or she wouldn’t have time to do all this. She would be busy indulging him about how bad the Cowboys suck and what a dick T.O. really is. Anyway, we’ll also get to hear how these contestants handle country music. We’ll see just how versatile they is!
The Redhead says
Just returned from track–will be here right around 8:10. Looking forward to the festivities!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The Mouse has arrived! See you at 8:10.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula’s got SOME KINDA cleavage going on there.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Anyone who makes it past tonight will be on the Idol Summer Tour. So, there’s a special incentive.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Randy Travis gonna show the kids the ropes.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Michael gonna kick off the night.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I can tell, this is going to the the Redhead’s favorite night.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Michael is good. This is his genre. He’s very comfortable with it and he’s having fun up there.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Randy doesn’t think it was a good showcase song. I dunno, I dunno.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kara missed “the big notes” this week.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Michael told her “Country music is about havin’ some fuuuun.”
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula is right for a change. She said it was his genre and we all had fun.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Simon couldn’t understand a single word. Said Michael could have been singing in Norwegian. It was a bit clumsy.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
On a scale of 1 to 10, Simon gave it a 1.2.
The Redhead says
Redhead on board, just in time to hear a good comeback from Michael.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Allison coming to the plate. Kris on deck.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Michael was entertaining. But it wasn’t a home run.
The Redhead says
How’s it going Sir Mouse?
So, what song did Michael sing this evening?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I don’t know the name of the song. One of those country things. It was fast, frivolous, and fun.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I don’t really know much about the new country music.
The Redhead says
The Redhead took a tumble on the warmup run tonight. Skinned knee, sprained little finger but I’m living to tell and I continued with the workout.
I’m tough.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This one is called, “Blame it on your heart.”
LOL
The Redhead says
Here’s what I know about the “new” country music: It sucks.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Play through the pain. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do it over again. That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
The Redhead says
Right on, Bro.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This doesn’t do much for her. She’s kind of the redheaded, Mexican Brenda Lee.
The Redhead says
She did a good job.
The Redhead says
Ha, Mouse–good one!
The Redhead says
I agree with the judges.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It was DOPE!
The Redhead says
Especially Randy.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
No, the judges agree with you.
The Redhead says
That’s right, DOPE, dude!
The Redhead says
This guy–Chris–is a little cutie pie.
The Redhead says
Thanks, Sir Mouse, I’m glad you recognized that (:
The Redhead says
Hey Mouse–do you know who wrote this song?
I do!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I have to ask myself, “Self, will I remember this performance tomorrow?”
Answer: No.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Damned if I know.
The Redhead says
Bob Dylan.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I don’t hafta know. You’re gonna tell me.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Oh, how wonderful.
The Redhead says
It’s a wide, wonderful world.
I agree with Simon, by the way.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
No, Simon agrees with you.
The Redhead says
Maybe I’m wrong? Aren’t they playing all Randy Travis songs? Dylan wrote a song with the same title though.
Whoops.
The Redhead says
Ah, yes! Thanks for reminding me just who agrees with who!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
No, it’s Grand Ole Opry week. Any country stuff is fair game.
The Redhead says
Nope, I was right the first time–it’s the Dylan song.
Thanks, Bob.
The Redhead says
Yeah, I looked the song up. It was indeed Sir Bob.
The Redhead says
A very pretty song when sung by someone other than Dylan.
The Redhead says
Okay, what game are you watching right now? What are you doing instead of AI?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Who’s coming up next? I was getting some rice.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Oh, Lil Rounds. What she gonna do?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Look at that butt!
The Redhead says
I’m not high on this.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This song is overplayed, and she’s doing it note for note like Martina McBride does it.
The Redhead says
It’s a Christian-themed song: “Roll the stone away…”
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOLOLOLOL
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
“make the guilty pay”
The Redhead says
I agree with this new judge–what’s her name?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Are you a Christianophobe?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kara Della Guardia
The Redhead says
“Make the guilty pay”–that’s Old Testament Christian 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Look at that Paulacleavage!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Old Testament was once referred to by a client’s employee in Montgomery as “Y’all’s part of the Bible.”
The Redhead says
Believe me, if you were raised Baptist and both of your sisters became Catholic in their adulthood, you would feel my pain.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Simon’s just picking on her because she’s a Christian. It’s Hate Judging.
The Redhead says
Hahaha!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Hell, I couldn’t even feel your pain when you told me you wiped out trotting tonight. How the hell could I feel your pain about distant childhood rebellion issues?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Who’s next?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Come on…I want one of the damn blondes!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Pittsburgh 3, Atlanta 1. Second period.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Oh, it’s prettyboy.
The Redhead says
Oh, here’s Mr. Show Biz.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Randy is gonna puke.
The Redhead says
HAHA, Randy!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Good ol’ Randy. Career diplomat.
The Redhead says
Oh, man…………………………………………..
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I like the Elvis jacket, but I hate this fucking arrangement.
The Redhead says
This is sort of like what Madonna did with Like a Virgin on the Blonde Ambition tour.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Well, at least he’s better than Mick Jagger.
The Redhead says
He’s got a Freddie Mercury thing going.
The Redhead says
I don’t think AI has ever seen the likes of what he just did.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
He’s got balls!
The Redhead says
NO ONE is better than Mick.
The Redhead says
The judges are speechless.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I need another beer.
The Redhead says
I agree, that took some moxie.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Whatever, Paula.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Simon agrees with the Redhead.
The Redhead says
It was Queen doing country!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL…NIN
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Scott’s gonna do another Martina McBride number.
The Redhead says
No, Simon does not agree with the Redhead this time.
And I do not agree with him.
I thought it was very camp and he did a good job. He pulled it off.
The Redhead says
What is NIN?
The Redhead says
I have more respect for Adam after the risk he just took.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
NIN = Nine Inch Nails
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yes, Adam can now apply to you for a job at the bookstore.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Scoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!!
Malkin!
Pittsburgh 4, Atlanta 1.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Scott isn’t going to go much farther, but he’s a cool story.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
In the soft passages, he sings a bit flat. I like his piano work. Now he’s flat in a loud passage.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Malkin just scored again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pittsburgh 5, Atlanta 1.
The Redhead says
This guy is a middling crashing bore.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
“I’m not stupid! Stop being disrespectful, Simon!”
The Redhead says
We don’t have any openings.
The Redhead says
Yes, Move it right along, please!
The Redhead says
Thank you, Randy! Simon agrees with me.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, he’s blind, and Paula wants him to dance around the stage. LOL!
The Redhead says
In other words, dude, it’s time to quit boring us to tears.
The Redhead says
LOL!
The Redhead says
I’m sorry about his handicap, but Scott is in the top 11 because he is blind.
Sorry.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Ahhh, yes. Alexis Grace.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
THAT’S NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT!!!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
There’s hope for you after all.
The Redhead says
TV producers are cynical. They want a good story and they know middle America will root for the underdog.
The Redhead says
🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, Scott was a wildcard, so the conspiracy theory could hold credence in his case.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
PIT 5 ATL 2 end of 2.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She looks like a little tramp. I love it!
The Redhead says
This is a good song and the tempo is all wrong…ALL WRONG!
And she doesn’t have the passion for it and this performance stinks.
That is all.
For now.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Ewwwwwwwww…that wail was flat.
The Redhead says
She is going to get raked for this sorry performance.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She could use an augmentation in the epipectoral area.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
She’s gonna get raked, but I just want her to get naked.
The Redhead says
Well, Hon, your own “little flavor” was flat.
The Redhead says
Paula is full of it on this.
The Redhead says
Simon went easy on her.
She may be gone soon.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, Mouse wants dirty.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Nah…voters gonna want dirty, too.
The Redhead says
Did you hear that, Mouse? If she’s back next week, she’s gonna “dirty it up.”
That slut.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Danny coming up. MSNBC’s favorite Christianophobe target.
The Redhead says
She just sold herself on national television.
That’s Hollywood.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
They’re referring to her performances in the auditions, which were smoooooooooookkkinnnnnnnnnnnnn’
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It was Kara who characterized her stuff as “dirty” and “low down”
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
You must do your due diligence and obtain a historical perspective before making your crass allegations.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
And tonight, it was Kara who said, “I miss the dirty.” Alexis was merely responding to that.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
You can’t be impartial and objective on this one. You must abstain from judging, because you’re a Christianophobe who cannot properly judge “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Let me handle this one.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
That would be Hate Judging.
The Redhead says
I sit corrected 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Thankya, Jesus!
Danny did a fine, Christian job!
You rock, Danny!
Amy Grant would be proud.
(In other words, it sucked.)
The Redhead says
I thought it was a bit overwrought but the song is written that way.
(So there.)
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It was like Jay-Sus came out of Heaven and goosed Danny up the ass to get him to wail.
The Redhead says
Amy Grant? Bleh. Blek. Blah.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Polar expedition…LOL
The Redhead says
“Polar expedition.” HAHA. Good one, Simon!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
You know irony when you encounter it. I think.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Oh, boy…Anoop! I hope this is his last week.
The Redhead says
I watched an Amy Grant concert on TV once (I must have been drunk) and it had to be the most boring, blah concert I have ever seen.
The Redhead says
Uh, yes, Sir Mouse, I get the irony.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
uh.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
a-NOOP! a-NOOP! a-NOOP!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Randy is impressed.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Anoop’s parents paid him to say that.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This is sweet!
The Redhead says
He wants to show his “soft side.”
This isn’t terrible but it is not a night to remember.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Damn, I’m impressed!
The Redhead says
Geeze, the judges liked it a whole lot more than I did.
The Redhead says
So, Sir Mouse liked it!
I thought it was a bit too slow.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I liked it. I will remember it tomorrow.
The Redhead says
Now, don’t be too modest, guy 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
MEGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Come on, girl!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Megan better bring it. She was close to the bottom last week. (I’d like to be close to her bottom.)
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Pittsburgh 6, Atlanta 2. Third period.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Patsy Damn Cline.
The Redhead says
She’s doing a Pasty Cline song. She’s got her work cut out for her.
The Redhead says
I’d like to see Adam do this one 🙂
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
um, wow
The Redhead says
Man, that tatoo looks gross.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Look at that outfit.
The Redhead says
She’s doing a sexy job in her own unique way.
I like it.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This is more Peggy Lee than Patsy Cline in terms of sultriness.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, that brown dress is something!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
This is not a number that will get her the teenage female vote.
The Redhead says
It sort of came apart at the end.
The Redhead says
I agree. I think she may be going home.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
THE DRESS???? I MISSED THAT!
The Redhead says
I think she’s charming. I like her.
The Redhead says
Sorry, dude, the dress stayed on.
The Redhead says
Going to the prom with that tat???
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Megan stays around another week.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
These days, they have tramp stamps all over the place before they’re 14.
The Redhead says
I hope she stays. She does interesting things with her songs.
The Redhead says
“Tramp stamps?” Never heard that one!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Tramp_stamp
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula is wiping her nose on Simon’s arm?
The Redhead says
Okay, bathroom break.
Who is this guy again? He’s got the little girls screamin’.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Matt…you’re a little flat, buddy. I’m not connecting with ya, man.
The Redhead says
Matt. Okay.
Man, the kiddies dig him.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Matt Giraud from Kalamazoo.
The Redhead says
He’s not trying to connect with you, he’s going after the girls.
The Redhead says
Oh yes, dahling, Matt is an “artist.”
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula is having trouble with words tonight. Must be something good in that Coke glass.
The Redhead says
Paula has new teeth! I wondered why she was talking differently.
She’s got new choppers!
The Redhead says
Matt will be around for another week.
The Redhead says
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think the talent on AI this season isn’t up to par in general.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, he can sing, but geez. Anyhow, one of them goes. Who will it be?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
You’re not the only one. I hear that from lots of people. In fact, I’ve heard it every year since Season 2.
I think Lil will bite the dust.
The Redhead says
I think Allison and Adam are the strongest contenders this season.
The Redhead says
I think Alexis will get the boot.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
You and that TV schmuck with the Sentinel.
The Redhead says
Oh, puh-leez, I’m a better critic than that guy!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
What the hell is his name? I forget.
The Redhead says
I’ll be here a little after the show gets underway tomorrow–gotta work first.
See you then!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
We’ll know soon enough! Seeya tomorrow. There’s still some hockey time left!
The Redhead says
Hal Bodekar.
I don’t think I spelled that correctly.
The Redhead says
Ta Ta!