Last week’s American Idol results show, replete with the expanding Kelly Clarkson and the insipid Kanye West both hawking new CDs, was the end of the road for little, lovely Jasmine and handsome, smiling Jorge. No great loss in either case, but little Jasmine was quite pretty. Fortunately, the voters kept Megan Joy and Alexis Grace around for another week. Mouse needs his eye candy.
The “Judges’ Save” was introduced as a safety net measure for preventing the repeat of such erstwhile early exit travesties as Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson. Judges will get to save one, single contestant who is eliminated by the popular vote during the finals. They must confer during one of the commercials and their decision must be unanimous. This is like George W. Bush losing in the popular vote, but the Supreme Court of the United States declared him a winner, anyway. (I’m getting a great kick out of myself here.) Anyhow, assuming that the public knocks out someone whom the judges feel to be worthy of continuing, they can make the save—just once. Alas, the judges unanimously chose not to save either the weeping Jasmine or the pragmatic Jorge.
This gives the judges a raison d’être for the finals. Otherwise, they have no real purpose, other than to provide inane commentary and inimical diatribe (in Simon’s case) after each performance, the whole of which carries no weight at all.
I think they ought to implement an analogous procedure called “The Judges’ 86.” This would allow the judges to confer and unanimously boot an unworthy contestant such as Season 6’s Sanjaya Malakar, even if an asshole with a huge following, such as Howard Stern, for example, tries to manipulate the popular voting to make a mockery of the show, which does quite well in making a mockery of itself without his help!
The Redhead just pointed out to this Mouse that this year, like other years, we have a subplot about which Christianophobes can assert conspiracy theories. Some contestants have religion and other believers vote for them because of it, perhaps unfairly to the other contestants who are not religious. Like, duh! This is news only to those who wish to make it news. The American Idol voting public is motivated by things other than talent? No kidding! It’s a popularity contest, any way you slice it, and common interests, good looks, a decent personality, and, perhaps, a desire to punish other contestants will get the votes over ability anytime—just like presidential politics. But I digress.
This week is Grand Ole Opry Week. So, we can look forward to Carrie Underwood, the most successful Idol thus far, hawking yet another album on the results show. Good thing she stopped dating Tony Romo or she wouldn’t have time to do all this. She would be busy indulging him about how bad the Cowboys suck and what a dick T.O. really is. Anyway, we’ll also get to hear how these contestants handle country music. We’ll see just how versatile they is!
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Just returned from track–will be here right around 8:10. Looking forward to the festivities!
The Mouse has arrived! See you at 8:10.
Paula’s got SOME KINDA cleavage going on there.
Anyone who makes it past tonight will be on the Idol Summer Tour. So, there’s a special incentive.
Randy Travis gonna show the kids the ropes.
Michael gonna kick off the night.
I can tell, this is going to the the Redhead’s favorite night.
Michael is good. This is his genre. He’s very comfortable with it and he’s having fun up there.
Randy doesn’t think it was a good showcase song. I dunno, I dunno.
Kara missed “the big notes” this week.
Michael told her “Country music is about havin’ some fuuuun.”
Paula is right for a change. She said it was his genre and we all had fun.
Simon couldn’t understand a single word. Said Michael could have been singing in Norwegian. It was a bit clumsy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, Simon gave it a 1.2.
Redhead on board, just in time to hear a good comeback from Michael.
Allison coming to the plate. Kris on deck.
Michael was entertaining. But it wasn’t a home run.
How’s it going Sir Mouse?
So, what song did Michael sing this evening?
I don’t know the name of the song. One of those country things. It was fast, frivolous, and fun.
I don’t really know much about the new country music.
The Redhead took a tumble on the warmup run tonight. Skinned knee, sprained little finger but I’m living to tell and I continued with the workout.
I’m tough.
This one is called, “Blame it on your heart.”
LOL
Here’s what I know about the “new” country music: It sucks.
Play through the pain. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do it over again. That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Right on, Bro.
This doesn’t do much for her. She’s kind of the redheaded, Mexican Brenda Lee.
She did a good job.
Ha, Mouse–good one!
I agree with the judges.
It was DOPE!
Especially Randy.
No, the judges agree with you.
That’s right, DOPE, dude!
This guy–Chris–is a little cutie pie.
Thanks, Sir Mouse, I’m glad you recognized that (:
Hey Mouse–do you know who wrote this song?
I do!
I have to ask myself, “Self, will I remember this performance tomorrow?”
Answer: No.
Damned if I know.
Bob Dylan.
I don’t hafta know. You’re gonna tell me.
Oh, how wonderful.
It’s a wide, wonderful world.
I agree with Simon, by the way.
No, Simon agrees with you.
Maybe I’m wrong? Aren’t they playing all Randy Travis songs? Dylan wrote a song with the same title though.
Whoops.
Ah, yes! Thanks for reminding me just who agrees with who!
No, it’s Grand Ole Opry week. Any country stuff is fair game.
Nope, I was right the first time–it’s the Dylan song.
Thanks, Bob.
Yeah, I looked the song up. It was indeed Sir Bob.
A very pretty song when sung by someone other than Dylan.
Okay, what game are you watching right now? What are you doing instead of AI?
Who’s coming up next? I was getting some rice.
Oh, Lil Rounds. What she gonna do?
Look at that butt!
I’m not high on this.
This song is overplayed, and she’s doing it note for note like Martina McBride does it.
It’s a Christian-themed song: “Roll the stone away…”
LOLOLOLOL
“make the guilty pay”
I agree with this new judge–what’s her name?
Are you a Christianophobe?
Kara Della Guardia
“Make the guilty pay”–that’s Old Testament Christian 🙂
Look at that Paulacleavage!
Old Testament was once referred to by a client’s employee in Montgomery as “Y’all’s part of the Bible.”
Believe me, if you were raised Baptist and both of your sisters became Catholic in their adulthood, you would feel my pain.
Simon’s just picking on her because she’s a Christian. It’s Hate Judging.
Hahaha!
Hell, I couldn’t even feel your pain when you told me you wiped out trotting tonight. How the hell could I feel your pain about distant childhood rebellion issues?
Who’s next?
Come on…I want one of the damn blondes!
Pittsburgh 3, Atlanta 1. Second period.
Oh, it’s prettyboy.
Oh, here’s Mr. Show Biz.
Randy is gonna puke.
HAHA, Randy!
Good ol’ Randy. Career diplomat.
Oh, man…………………………………………..
I like the Elvis jacket, but I hate this fucking arrangement.
This is sort of like what Madonna did with Like a Virgin on the Blonde Ambition tour.
Well, at least he’s better than Mick Jagger.
He’s got a Freddie Mercury thing going.
I don’t think AI has ever seen the likes of what he just did.
He’s got balls!
NO ONE is better than Mick.
The judges are speechless.
LOL
I need another beer.
I agree, that took some moxie.
Whatever, Paula.
Simon agrees with the Redhead.
It was Queen doing country!
LOL…NIN
Scott’s gonna do another Martina McBride number.
No, Simon does not agree with the Redhead this time.
And I do not agree with him.
I thought it was very camp and he did a good job. He pulled it off.
What is NIN?
I have more respect for Adam after the risk he just took.
NIN = Nine Inch Nails
Yes, Adam can now apply to you for a job at the bookstore.
Scoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!!
Malkin!
Pittsburgh 4, Atlanta 1.
Scott isn’t going to go much farther, but he’s a cool story.
In the soft passages, he sings a bit flat. I like his piano work. Now he’s flat in a loud passage.
Malkin just scored again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pittsburgh 5, Atlanta 1.
This guy is a middling crashing bore.
“I’m not stupid! Stop being disrespectful, Simon!”
We don’t have any openings.
Yes, Move it right along, please!
Thank you, Randy! Simon agrees with me.
Yeah, he’s blind, and Paula wants him to dance around the stage. LOL!
In other words, dude, it’s time to quit boring us to tears.
LOL!
I’m sorry about his handicap, but Scott is in the top 11 because he is blind.
Sorry.
Ahhh, yes. Alexis Grace.
THAT’S NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT!!!
There’s hope for you after all.
TV producers are cynical. They want a good story and they know middle America will root for the underdog.
🙂
Yeah, Scott was a wildcard, so the conspiracy theory could hold credence in his case.
PIT 5 ATL 2 end of 2.
She looks like a little tramp. I love it!
This is a good song and the tempo is all wrong…ALL WRONG!
And she doesn’t have the passion for it and this performance stinks.
That is all.
For now.
Ewwwwwwwww…that wail was flat.
She is going to get raked for this sorry performance.
She could use an augmentation in the epipectoral area.
She’s gonna get raked, but I just want her to get naked.
Well, Hon, your own “little flavor” was flat.
Paula is full of it on this.
Simon went easy on her.
She may be gone soon.
Yeah, Mouse wants dirty.
Nah…voters gonna want dirty, too.
Did you hear that, Mouse? If she’s back next week, she’s gonna “dirty it up.”
That slut.
Danny coming up. MSNBC’s favorite Christianophobe target.
She just sold herself on national television.
That’s Hollywood.
They’re referring to her performances in the auditions, which were smoooooooooookkkinnnnnnnnnnnnn’
It was Kara who characterized her stuff as “dirty” and “low down”
You must do your due diligence and obtain a historical perspective before making your crass allegations.
And tonight, it was Kara who said, “I miss the dirty.” Alexis was merely responding to that.
You can’t be impartial and objective on this one. You must abstain from judging, because you’re a Christianophobe who cannot properly judge “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Let me handle this one.
That would be Hate Judging.
I sit corrected 🙂
Thankya, Jesus!
Danny did a fine, Christian job!
You rock, Danny!
Amy Grant would be proud.
(In other words, it sucked.)
I thought it was a bit overwrought but the song is written that way.
(So there.)
It was like Jay-Sus came out of Heaven and goosed Danny up the ass to get him to wail.
Amy Grant? Bleh. Blek. Blah.
Polar expedition…LOL
“Polar expedition.” HAHA. Good one, Simon!
You know irony when you encounter it. I think.
Oh, boy…Anoop! I hope this is his last week.
I watched an Amy Grant concert on TV once (I must have been drunk) and it had to be the most boring, blah concert I have ever seen.
Uh, yes, Sir Mouse, I get the irony.
uh.
a-NOOP! a-NOOP! a-NOOP!
Randy is impressed.
Anoop’s parents paid him to say that.
This is sweet!
He wants to show his “soft side.”
This isn’t terrible but it is not a night to remember.
Damn, I’m impressed!
Geeze, the judges liked it a whole lot more than I did.
So, Sir Mouse liked it!
I thought it was a bit too slow.
I liked it. I will remember it tomorrow.
Now, don’t be too modest, guy 🙂
MEGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Come on, girl!
Megan better bring it. She was close to the bottom last week. (I’d like to be close to her bottom.)
Pittsburgh 6, Atlanta 2. Third period.
Patsy Damn Cline.
She’s doing a Pasty Cline song. She’s got her work cut out for her.
I’d like to see Adam do this one 🙂
um, wow
Man, that tatoo looks gross.
Look at that outfit.
She’s doing a sexy job in her own unique way.
I like it.
This is more Peggy Lee than Patsy Cline in terms of sultriness.
Yeah, that brown dress is something!
This is not a number that will get her the teenage female vote.
It sort of came apart at the end.
I agree. I think she may be going home.
THE DRESS???? I MISSED THAT!
I think she’s charming. I like her.
Sorry, dude, the dress stayed on.
Going to the prom with that tat???
Megan stays around another week.
These days, they have tramp stamps all over the place before they’re 14.
I hope she stays. She does interesting things with her songs.
“Tramp stamps?” Never heard that one!
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Tramp_stamp
Paula is wiping her nose on Simon’s arm?
Okay, bathroom break.
Who is this guy again? He’s got the little girls screamin’.
Matt…you’re a little flat, buddy. I’m not connecting with ya, man.
Matt. Okay.
Man, the kiddies dig him.
Matt Giraud from Kalamazoo.
He’s not trying to connect with you, he’s going after the girls.
Oh yes, dahling, Matt is an “artist.”
Paula is having trouble with words tonight. Must be something good in that Coke glass.
Paula has new teeth! I wondered why she was talking differently.
She’s got new choppers!
Matt will be around for another week.
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think the talent on AI this season isn’t up to par in general.
Yeah, he can sing, but geez. Anyhow, one of them goes. Who will it be?
You’re not the only one. I hear that from lots of people. In fact, I’ve heard it every year since Season 2.
I think Lil will bite the dust.
I think Allison and Adam are the strongest contenders this season.
I think Alexis will get the boot.
You and that TV schmuck with the Sentinel.
Oh, puh-leez, I’m a better critic than that guy!
What the hell is his name? I forget.
I’ll be here a little after the show gets underway tomorrow–gotta work first.
See you then!
We’ll know soon enough! Seeya tomorrow. There’s still some hockey time left!
Hal Bodekar.
I don’t think I spelled that correctly.
Ta Ta!