The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Search This Site

Enter keyword(s) below to search for relevant articles.

Home 2014 Archives for November 2014

Archives for November 2014

2014 Penn State Offense Worse Than 2004?

Posted on Written by

This 2014 Penn State football team will wind up winning more games than Penn State’s miserable 2004 team at the tail end of [cue dark cello] The Dark Years; however, prompted by a couple of comments I received after the Indiana fiasco, I began to think seriously about which offense was really worse. In this connection I dug up some moldy old recollections, peppered them with some stats I researched, and came up with I don’t know what. (Je ne sais quoi? That sounds too fruity.)

I originally wrote this post as a comment in response to another comment about my crappy Indiana game recap, but I decided it was worthy of full post status. “Who’s Worse, 2014 or 2004?”, in my opinion, is a legitimate and interesting topic for debate in a year where nothing much very interesting is going on with Penn State football. And so, game on!

I had written to Big Al:

I’ll stipulate to there being no salvation for an entire offense as crappy as Penn State’s. You’re right. I’ve been following Penn State for over 50 years, too, and have never had such a frustrating experience as I have had this year.

K. John responded:

I would disagree. The 03 and 04 offenses were worse than the current unit. Every defense they play is terrified of Hackenberg hence the blitz every down every game strategy they are employing despite the massive risks. No team would deliberately take a safety giving away good field position with Hack out there.

The above sparked the following response, which I’ve removed from the comments and elevated to a post. [Read more…]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted on Written by

Evoking malodorous memories of the miserable miasma called [cue minor key cello] The Dark Years, a 13-7 snoozarama won in a manner of speaking by Penn State over Indiana served the positive purpose of giving this turkey the official crown this week as the most accurate pick of the Nittany Turkey Expert Panel of Nose Pickers. I said the score would wind up 16-10, I said that PSU wouldn’t cover the spread, and I told you to take the under. Honorable mention goes to K. John, who would have been right on the money were it not for a certain pick-six. As such, he was good enough to have won this week.

After getting bored watching a few minutes of this somnolent, soporific snorefest, Artificially Sweetened announced that she had a prediction. It turned out to be 6-4, recalling that wonderful Iowa anesthetizer of a decade ago. Later on in the game I told her that I thought she was on track to be the closest, but in a spirit of unselfish fairness she said she felt that since she had issued her prediction after the game had already started, she was ineligible. Yeah, I would have had to say something about being past-posted on that bet if she happened to win. But it was damn close. Too damn close!

Yea, verily, this season is evoking regrettable reminiscences of [cue dark cello riff] THE DARK YEARS. We fans continue to get the shit kicked out of us week after week. Yeah, we all know why. But still…

Ahhh, you know what “they” say: The darkest hour is just before dawn. I think “they” was Mama Cass.

The announced crowd was 42,683 at Memorial Stadium, but they must have been counting all the illegal immigrants Obama wants to make legal or something. Looked more like 23,000 and they didn’t really give a shit. Can I blame them?

Highlights:

(I was tempted to leave this blank, but…)

  • Bill Belton‘s 92-yard touchdown run from scrimmage gave us something to talk about, even though we know in our heart of hearts that it was a fluke (pronounced as Sandra Fluke pronounces her surname — like fluck!). It set a Penn State record for the longest touchdown run since the nineteenth century and made the rushing game look competent if you looked no deeper than the aggregate stats.
  • The defense did its usual fine job and would have blanked the Hoosiers were it not for their own defensive score. They held Tevin Coleman to under 100 yards, which is something no one else has done.
  • In a soporific puntfest such as this, ordinarily I would have chosen the Hoosiers to sop us up like marinara sauce on a piece of Italian bread, but theirs was slightly worse. Danny the Wallaby Pasquariello averaged 37.3 yards for his nine punts whereas Erich von Tothheimer averaged only 36.7 for his eleven. Degrees of crappiness? Yeah, right! We suck better? Some “highlight”, already! I’m clearly grasping at straws.
  • Super Yinzer Miles Dieffenbach returned but he didn’t make much of a difference. There is no salvation for an offensive line as crappy as Penn State’s.

Lowlights:

  • Incompetence abounded in both offenses. Zander Diamont‘s QBR of 10.5 was eclipsed only by Christian Hackenberg‘s 9.4. Hack was off his mark and on his ass much of the day, finishing 12-29 with no touchdowns and two interceptions. He continued to exhibit a pouty face, negative body language, and a look of exasperation throughout. Five sacks didn’t help much.
  • Jesse Della Valle actually had a decent punt return of 24 yards for a change, but that in my mind was nullified by his stupid-ass 15-yard personal foul penalty and an interception he missed but should have had.
  • Sam Ficken made two out of three field goals, but the one that was blocked was a chip shot that never should have been touched. He just didn’t get any air under it. I don’t know if it was a problem with the hold or just a muffed kick.
  • The Five Traffic Cones, along with Hack’s lack of pocket presence, his inability to get rid of the ball timely, and a halfway decent defensive secondary’s coverage of Hack’s receivers conspired to produce yet another five-sack day for -23 yards. On the running end of things, the cones weren’t really pushing anyone around.  If it weren’t for Belton’s big play, Penn State would have rushed for only 61 net yards.

Synopsis:

Two crappy teams played a too crappy game. Here’s an appropriate quote from BWI’s synopsis of the game:

Coming on the heels of four consecutive losses, the Lions wanted this victory in the worst possible way… and that’s pretty much how they got it. Christian Hackenberg had a scattershot afternoon, the red-zone difficulties continued, and there’s no reason to think Penn State would have prevailed had it been playing a better opponent.

Amen. Yeah, the red-zone shit was all too predictable, and it wound up being fully evident in this game. State’s shitty 4-17 third down efficiency was only slightly better than Indiana’s 3-17. This offense sucks.

I hate to say it but this is the kind of game you get when two awful but evenly matched teams compete for sole ownership of the crappiest record in the East Division of the conference. If you can manage to stay awake through it, various bursts of incompetence can prove to be amusing, but it was mostly too painful to watch. So what else is new, already?

The noon start might have been a factor, or perhaps we lay too much blame on noon starts. I’d say they never should have gotten out of bed, but that would be cruel.

To further enhance what turned out to be a primo masochistic day for me, I then watched the Michigan vs. Northwestern game. There was no scoring whatsoever in the first half. You wanna talk about third-down efficiency? Michigan was 1-12, while NWU was a respectable 10-21. Still, in a turnover filled slopfest, Michigan prevailed 10-9.

The evening game was much more interesting, but in the end tOSU pulled away to prevail 49-38 over Moo U. I bet most of you were rooting for the Moosters, as was I. tOSU still needs a lot of help to wind up in the final four, where I don’t want to see them lest they embarrass the B1G some more.

Double Benefit: After reading this week’s post-game column, you can take it outside and spread it on your garden. It will make your flowers bloom better come spring.

 

I’ll be back later in the week for a preview of the next nooner snoozefest, this one with Owls in da house. Maybe the hooters will keep us awake.

Last Year We Bitched

Posted on Written by

Indiana UniversityThe title refers to the last meeting between Indiana and Penn State, which did not go the Lions’ way. In fact, it was probably Bill O’Brien‘s worst game in his brief, albeit sanctified, career with the Nits. (Dude, in view of the present beatification of O’Brien, you would find it shocking to read what we were writing about BoB back then.) The game? It wasn’t even close, with the Hoosiers prevailing 44-24 in their first ever victory over mighty Penn State.

In what might well be the battle for the cellar of the Big Ten Eastern Division, the Indiana Hoosiers (3-5, 0-4 Big Ten) will host the mighty Penn State Nittany Kitties (4-4, 1-4) at high noon on Saturday, a couple of struggling teams seeking some shred of respect. Times change, people change, coaches change, and players get injured, but one thing has remained the same between last year and this year: the venue. The game was played at Memorial Stadium last year and it will be played there again this year. These two teams have fallen upon misfortune. Indiana has shown a flash of brilliance in beating ranked Missouri, but has mainly sucked, as usual.  Indiana’s three game losing streak is eclipsed only by Penn State’s, which is four. Clearly, someone’s losing streak has to end in this High Noon classic. Do not forsake me, oh my darling! Where’s Gary Cooper when we need him?

After losing starting quarterback Nate Sudfeld with a separated shoulder in the Iowa game, as well as losing his backup Chris Covington to an ACL. Those two are likely out for the year.  The Hoosiers were forced to start freshman Zander Diamont for the Moo U. game. They’ve also lost Diamont’s backup for a while, Nate Boudreau, with a sprained shoulder — throwing arm, of course. (Head coach Kevin Wilson must have blasphemed or something.) They got a scare when their top offensive lineman, Jason Spriggs, was carted off with a backboard and neck brace against MSU. They lost that game 56-17.

Then they went to the Big House and lost to Michigan 34-10. How can any self-respecting defense give up 34 points to MICHIGAN!!?!?!

Sudfeld finished his season with 101 completions out of 167 attempts for 1151 yards and six touchdowns. Without him — or without even so much as his second-string backup — Indiana’s offense is left with just a single dangerous weapon, who happens to be one of the top rushers in the country, junior Tevin Coleman, who has amassed 1300 yards on 162 carries thus far, with 11 touchdowns. He’s also had 17 receptions for 140 yards. His signature game was the losing effort against Iowa, in which he gained 219 yards on 14 attempts for an average of 14.6 ypc, and scored three touchdowns. He ranks third in rushing yards among FBS players, ahead of Wisconsin Super Stud Melvin Gordon and Nebraska Super Stud Ameer Abdullah.

I’ve often stated that when the best of the best meet, it’s the defensive side that usually wins out. Penn State’s excellent run defense is ranked #1, ahead of Alabama, Louisville, and Moo U., allowing an average of 76.9 yards per game. Something’s gotta give! Methinks it will be poor Tevin who will be brought back to earth. No 200 yard game here, son! This will be a fun matchup to behold. Aside from the usual suspects, like Super Stud MLB Mike Hull, Ima looooove watching Marcus Allen participate in the fun. He’s got that Troy Polamalu kind of crazy-ass spirit you like to see in a safety, man. I hope it’s not just freshman enthusiasm that will wear off after a few games.

This would be a good game for Christian Hackenberg to get back into the groove, if he can wake up in time. (Hey, with the time zone morass in Indiana coupled with the changeover from daylight saving time, I’m not sure whether the kickoff is really noon or just when the hell it is in real time. But it’s close enough to remind ourselves how poorly Penn State has typically played noon starts on the road. I don’t expect much of a change here, although Memorial Stadium will be half empty and the other half won’t really give a shit.) One problem I can foresee for Hack is one Mr. Timothy Bennett, a senior cornerback who I believe we might be watching on Sundays this time next year. Bennett was a guy who chased Allen “Gimme Da Damn Ball” Robinson from across the field and caught up with him last year. He’s had a ho-hum year this year with no interceptions thus far. But don’t count him out when Hack fires one of those mortar rounds in desperation. Assuming Hack loses the attitude and has been drilled well enough on getting rid of the ball when the five traffic cones (formerly known as the offensive line) and the matador (formerly known as the rotating law firm of Belton & Lynch) fail to hold the pass rush at bay for more than two seconds. Indiana’s overall passing defense ranks 99th nationally. I’m assuming that Bennett will be all over DaeSean Hamilton, which might cause the young Hackster some consternation as he runs through his progressions long enough to get sacked. So, I’m hoping against hope that he will have developed some presence of mind in what would ordinarily be called the pocket (in this case, more like a collapsing pup tent).

The Penn State running game? Yeah, they’ll try to establish it. Indiana’s rushing defense is middle of the pack, allowing about 170 yards per game. Thing is, they haven’t had to deal with such a totally incompetent running game before, which now has lost its best straight-ahead runner, Zach Zwinak. Bill Belton dances too much before hitting the hole, a la Austin Scott, so the holes wind up closing up quickly as the orange cones fall over. Akeel Lynch needs some good seal blocking from nonexistent blocking tight ends, along with the other five cones, which he won’t get, so his potential won’t be realized. In short, the running game will once again sputter. It is so bad that they don’t even have enough attempts to make some of the stat lists. If they did, they’d rank around 120th.

No rant about the Penn State offense would be complete without the addition of the following three words: Fire John Donovan. LOL. Yeah, the root of all evil. The scapegoat. The incompetent fool.

Oh, do I have to write about special teams? Sheeeeit! Sam Ficken turns out to be everybody’s bright spot, but that’s where it ends. No punting game, no return game, no coverage. It just sucks. Penn State is averaging 34.4 net punting yards for the year thus far, an abomination. Neither freshman punter has shown much of anything. In returns, PSU ranks 97th nationally. I could go on. I won’t.

But this could be a low-scoring game, because the Nittany Lions don’t know how to score, so the battle of field position is most important. Coleman and a massive offensive line can wear down a defense. You don’t want to be starting off Indiana at the 40, especially in the second half.

I didn’t mention turnovers, and I don’t mean those triangular pastry thingies. Both teams suck, ranking 90th and 96th for Penn State and Indiana, respectively. However, if you boil out the five interceptions handed to PSU on a silver platter, which I always do because they were anomalous, you find the Nittany Lions in the deep dark dank dusty dungeon of despair, with a -8, and that’s badddddddddddddd. Indiana has a -4. Sloppo!

Weather — Or Not!

The weather promises to be a minor player in this contest, with a high of 50° plus a shower or two forecast. Hang onto the ball, boys!

I’m too bummed to write about a distinguished alumnus this week. There are many to select from, but I’m not in the mood.

So, we’ll cut to the chase…

Here we are, in the home stretch, the ninth game of a season that seems like it started last week. Time sure does fly, and that must be why the offensive line remains offensive eleven weeks into the season. And so, boys and girls, it’s time for the ninth Official Turkey Poop prediction of this fast moving season. We start as usual with the gamblers’ take on the game, which at the moment favors Penn State by 6 with an over/under of 44. (It opened at PSU -5, went to -7, and is now back at -6). This suggests a final score along the lines of 25-19 in favor of the Nittany Lions. If I’m gamblin’, I’m thinking about the slow noon start, the sloppy turnovers, and the one-dimensional Indiana offense. Kevin Wilson is going to have to coach his boys to near perfection not to suffer their fourth straight loss. I’m also thinking that Penn State has managed to score no more than 24 points in any Big Ten game this season, and that point total required an overtime. Otherwise, we saw them score 13 against the so-called worst defense in the Big Ten, followed by 6, 13, and 19. I don’t think the offense gets in gear for this one, either, and the slow start will make us all worry. I’m pretty sure PSU won’t cover the spread, but they will win. Final score, Penn State 16, Indiana 10. Take the under.

 

I’ll be back with more B.S. sometime after the game is actually played.