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Home 2023 September Archives for 24th

Archives for September 24, 2023

Ophelia, Get Thee to a Nunnery!

Posted on September 24, 2023 Written by The Nittany Turkey

Penn State 31, Iowa 0

The unbeatable, absolutely perfect Nittany Lions triumphed on a rainy, record-setting, white-out night in Beaver Stadium, shutting their Hawkeye asses out decisively in what can honestly be described as a rout. The first two turnovers by Iowa set the tone for the evening. Penn State took over and put the clamps on the hapless Hawkeyes from then on. The victory was as lopsided as it gets in conference play, unless Rutgers is the opponent.

Tropical Storm Ophelia was the reason for the wind-blown soaking suffered by 110,830 rain-soaked, poncho-wearing white-outers. Most of them didn’t give half a shit about the weather, given the insulating euphoria provided by their team’s daunting performance on both sides of the ball.

Although Drew Allar still has problems accurately hitting receivers and some receivers don’t understand which route they should be running, no one noticed because the score kept on increasing in Penn State’s favor. From a 10-0 halftime lead, the Nittany Lions scored fourteen in the third and seven more in the fourth quarter, winding up with 31, which extends their NCAA FBS leading streak of games with more than 30 points scored.

Allar wound up 25-37 for 166 yards and 4 TDs. His leading receiver is, of course KeAndre Lambert-Smith, who had eight receptions for 66 yards and a touchdown. It was a rainy, gusty night, on which one would expect the passing game to be off.

It is cool that even after a crappy weather game, Penn State remains turnover-free for the season.

Lopsidedness

Iowa started off the game looking like they could move the ball, getting two first downs in the first quarter before they coughed the ball up. Who knew that those would be the last first downs their anemic offense would produce until it was playing against the Penn State scrubs late in the final stanza. They wound up with four, versus Penn State’s 28.

Increasingly irrelevant Time of Possession (thanks for being my whipping boy, Matt Herb) was in PSU’s favor by a 3:1 margin. Iowa was held to 20 yards rushing and 76 total yards, while Penn State totals were 215 and 397, respectively.

Opposing QB Cade McNamara declared this the worst day of his life, to wit: “This is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t remember the last time I’ve ever felt this bad about a game let alone a day in my life.”

I Was Bullshitting You

In my first paragraph, I called the Lions absolutely perfect and unbeatable. We all know that is bullshit. Remember that Iowa was missing three big producers on offense, although I expected much more from their defense. Only Sanguinarians will walk away from this game and start making playoff reservations. There’s a long row to hoe, after the three bye weeks involving wildcats, minutemen, and a real week off. But in winning this game, it does seem that a 10-2 season is again possible. Just don’t count your tOSU and UM chickens before they hatch, already.

There is some chance that PSU could move up in the meaningless polls. As you know, the first half of the season doesn’t provide enough meaningful information to intelligently rank these teams. Watching some of those PAC-12 (and falling) teams today, is there room in the Top Ten for all the teams that look like they belong there? In any event, I see no reason why the Nittany Lions should not remain at Meaningless #7, save for the unlikely event that ASU beats USC, who lead by 7 at halftime.

I’ll be back mid-week for a look at poor Northwestern. It’s on the north side, where there are fewer shootings.

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The Nittany Turkey is a retired techno-geek who thinks he knows something about Penn State football and everything else in the world. If there's a topic, we have an opinion on it, and you know what "they" say about opinions! Most of what is posted here involves a heavy dose of hip-shooting conjecture, but unlike some other blogs, we don't represent it as fact. Read More…

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