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We’re Screwed!

Posted on October 7, 2023 Written by The Mouse Who Ate Xanax

It’s a Penn State bye week, so no football this week. Instead, I call upon an old, retired, neurotic mouse to ramble on about our dystopian future and politics in the forthcoming presidential election year. With high visibility crap going on all around us: Immigration crises, Hamas attacking Israel, Ukrainian funding, abortion rights, and two shaky candidates for our highest national office, he focuses on the American elephant in the room, the one-way ticket to hell in a Chinese handbasket: our national debt. Let the Mouse begin. —TNT

Greed and Dependency, and No Way Out

Government spending (i.e., institutionalized vote buying) is the biggest existential threat to the United States of America today. Our national debt has increased $12 trillion during the past two administrations, an exponential acceleration due to spending binges. This untenable indebtedness will not improve until we stop fighting fire with fire (e.g. misnaming spending legislation ludicrously as “The Inflation Reduction Act”), but methinks it is too late for that. We will continue to fiddle with minutiae while we elect irresponsible leaders who care only about remaining in office while Washington consequently burns.

Does It Matter?

Whether we elect Trump or Biden as our next president is inconsequential to resolving the national debt morass. Their track records on spending and those of Congresses during their administrations suck big time. What we’ll get is spending in either case. Half of us will agree with the spending by either ideological figurehead. The other half will say their candidate would have done better. Both halves are wrong. Both sides drink from the same fountain of power, and both buy our votes in hopes of keeping the elixir flowing.

I focus on Trump and Biden, but I don’t see much of a chance that this will not be a rematch of 2020. I am discounting the chances of any of the other so-called candidates. Barring anything spectacular, like Trump being deported to Mars, Biden sailing off on a Viking ship, or Hillary Clinton charging into Washington on elephant back a la Hannibal, we’ll be stuck once again deciding on the lesser of two evils. Both Biden and Trump have more negatives than positives, but that’s what our system and our greed yields as a parody of “choice”. Both are representative of who we think we are, and what we are ain’t pretty, either.

Spend, Spend, Spend, or Lose

Regarding spending, no viable candidate would dare to threaten closing the floodgates, a prospect that would doom their election. We are in a spending frenzy of governmental and civilian overindulgence, so anyone who vies for the big job must show that they can spend more than the others to satisfy the demands of the electorate. We want handouts, direct or indirect, but we don’t want to work for them. Furthermore, we don’t want to pay for them via either taxes or inflation. They know it and they want to buy our votes, whether through direct payments or tax cuts. No one is saying how the debts will be paid; no one wants to hear about it. It’s all just vote buying at a time long past when we needed to get the national debt under control.

Sweeping Our Bills under the Rug

We need to pay our bills — no question about it — but no politician will dare to do anything about it. At best, they’ll pay fleeting lip service “reducing deficits”. Those reductions never amount to much, because they cannot amount to much. Discretionary spending is dwarfed by the twin realities of entitlements and interest, which cannot be slashed. Hell, we’re at the point at which we cannot pay interest on our debts without borrowing more to do so!

No one will be elected on a platform of pain, rationing, austerity, and responsibility. We want to have our cake and eat it, too. Mo’ money, less work, and more entertainment. Tax cuts buy votes. Big spending buys votes. Hell, Trump managed to do both — he ain’t no dummy! One way or the other the government carves out our hearts and souls and wallets while leaving us just enough pocket change to keep us content in our anesthetizing hedonistic pursuits. We’ll wind up on the scrap heap of history, but we’ll be happy campers during our last moments!

Tytler Said It — Or Not

The now well-known and well-worn words, presumably but not provably spoken by Scottish historian Alexander Fraser Tytler over two hundred years ago, apply: “A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations has been two hundred years. These nations have progressed through this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; From spiritual faith to great courage; From selfishness to apathy; From apathy to dependence; From dependence back into bondage.” Tytler might have said some or all of that at different points during his life. The concepts this pseudo-quote expresses are summed up pictorially below (courtesy of Wikipedia).

In any case, the so-called Tytler Cycle depicted above resonates with me. Our national attitude is somewhere between “Complacency” and “Apathy”, and we are diving headlong toward “Dependence”. We prefer to keep our heads up our asses and elect those who make us feel good momentarily. Our false dichotomy loving politicians cow us into believing that public welfare is superior to corporate welfare, or vice-versa, and we vote accordingly, while we collectively bend over and are screwed from both directions. As Ronald Reagan once said, “Government is the problem.”

Too Late, Baby?

Is it too late? This mouse thinks so. The Tytlerian point of no return is nigh if we have not already reached it. All the money floating around has distorted the value of everything, leaving us ripe for the taking. Modern Monetary Theory is a form of denial that legitimizes complacency for many anesthetized liberals, while many simplistic, monomaniacal conservatives merely ignore the debt issue. If Trump did it, it was good! Still others think the problem will resolve itself. Three heaps of different flavored mouse shit, I say. It’s bigger than all of us, so we throw our hands up in the air and conduct pseudo-intellectual ideological barroom debates, deluding ourselves by thinking it will be better when our guy wins. However, when we strip away all the bullshit and boosterism, finding the dust encrusted switch to our brains and daring to flip it to ON, we find no quick fix. Furthermore, our instant enlightenment reveals that our society, long accustomed to living beyond its means, will be unwilling to endure the hardship required to fix itself, so we quickly flip that switch back to OFF and hope it goes away.

Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Apathy and distraction never fixed a complex problem. That we spend trillions on entertainment while neglecting infrastructure, and that we divert more public funds to supplying disincentives to productivity than to promoting productivity are blaring billboards of societal deterioration. So is giving fringe elements of society standing for wacko causes by the hundredfold. We do not intend to give those things up, good or bad, no matter who we elect. And they don’t intend to change those dubious features of our advanced culture, so, they merely promise us more of the same. A chicken for every pot and a car for every garage. False prosperity has a distant echo.

We’re Screwed

Not only do we not know how we will pay the bills for the spending spree; we simply do not care. No one has a solution, so let us just keep fiddling. We have our football, our Taylor Swift, and our food stamps, all thanks to loose money and our beloved Federal Reserve. God forbid we should compromise any of that! Vote Trump! Vote Biden! They’ll give us more of the same, and future generations will pay for our excesses, because with complicity by corrupt Congress, they’ll both sweep the bills under the rug to be paid for by inflation. At the worst, financial chaos, scarcity, and perhaps revolution appear in my mouse-sized crystal ball. We’re screwed anyway I see it. We can only argue how more or less screwed we are within a small delta, but the major trendline of screwage marches immutably upward.

Just Frustration

Am I offering solutions? No, just frustration. We have descended into a pit that I loathe. While I fear similar consequences regardless of which of the two clowns running for President is elected, the big mess is far beyond the capabilities of either one of them in the first place. Am I advocating voting for no one? No, I am not. However, the two-party system is rigged to favor power entrenchment in government, and they all know that a house divided cannot stand. So they promote the ideological dichotomy knowing that they — government — will ultimately win, no matter who we elect. They win, we’re screwed.

My frustration will only end when I shuffle off this mortal coil; however, I fear the Orwellian consequences future generations of Americans will face due to the stupid decisions and greed of my generation and its successors.

If I haven’t driven you away with my frustration blather, I’ll be back with a preview of the UMass bye week.

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Filed Under: Current Events, Politics Tagged With: 2024 Presidential Election, Biden, Trump

Familiar Script

Posted on September 30, 2023 Written by The Nittany Turkey

“We’re a Second-Half Team”

The Penn State Nittany Lions (5-0, 3-0 Big Ten) played a shitty first half against the Northwestern Wildcats (2-3, 1-2) but went on to win decisively, 41-13. Big Al was right about this being a WTF game. Although looking at the scoreboard might lead one to believe that the game was dominated by Penn State, the halftime score was 10-10. And on a perfect fall day in Evanston, Penn State coughed up its first fumble, on the opening kickoff, resulting in a Wildcats score.

Nooners are No Joke

Yep, no weather excuses. Nick Singleton just plain screwed up. Penn State fumbled two other times but recovered. And in the first half, their body language shouted out, “I’m sweepy and I wather be in bed.” Po’ babies! Same old story with the noon start. James Franklin exaggerates the issue by calling it 11 AM, but our lads’ circadian rhythms know that 11 Central is the same damn thing as 12 Eastern. Nevertheless, he did address the issue at halftime.

“That was my message to the team,” Franklin said. “The first half is gone. Let’s play really well in the second half.”

I suppose they might have woken up by the third quarter, but even in winning 41-13, they did not look like a playoff contender. At least I didn’t hear Franklin saying any win is pretty. What I did hear him saying was that “the ball throwing [resulting in a costly unsportsmanlike conduct penalty] would be dealt with.”

Penalties’ll Killya

Franklin was referring to the ridiculous behavior by sophomore cornerback Cam Miller, who was defending a Ben Bryant third-down pass to A. J. Henning on the Northwestern sideline. The pass was incomplete and would have forced a fourth-and-six from the Northwestern 29. Perhaps a NWU player said something to him. I didn’t see that. Whatever it was, Miller reacted by throwing the ball at an opponent. The penalty gave the Wildcats a new series of downs, and they eventually converted this PSU defensive screwup into their only three points of the second half.

That bullshit must stop. I certainly hope that it will be “dealt with.” Penn State was flagged six times for 45 yards in this soporific effort.

We Won the Stat Battle

Another James Franklin postmortem analysis cliche. We lost the turnover battle, we won the explosive play battle, we won the stat battle, already, but not by as wide a margin as the score would suggest. Penn State wound up with 353 total yards to NWU’s 175, of which a puny 45 were rushing yards. We didn’t really lose the turnover battle as Franklin said, but he was pissed off about the first fumble of the season.

Drew Allar played like he should have stayed in bed, being off target much of the afternoon. He wound up 18-33 for 189 yards and a touchdown, for a quarterback rating of 40.3.

Running Game A-ight

Our running back tandem fared better, until Kaytron Allen exited, missing the second half with an undisclosed injury or medical condition. No one knows for sure. However, Trey Potts stepped in with three carries for 21 yards and a touchdown. Nick Singleton was the leading rusher with 21-80 and a touchdown. Singleton also gained some ground as a receiver out of the backfield, with six catches for 39 yards and a touchdown. We hope Nick gets into the groove; he has looked a bit “off” this year.

Big D

The defense once again stepped up to put the clamps on Northwestern in the second half. They recorded seven sacks, twelve tackles-for-loss, and one great big stupid dumbass penalty.

Attendance at Ryan Stadium was 25,064, which shows that Penn State attracts more fans than Minnesota.

And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what a bye-week can do for your team; ask what your team can do for a bye-week. That JFK Inaugural paraphrase made no sense at all, which is why I wrote it. See you on the flip side.

I’ll be back in a week or so with a brief look at the University of Massachusetts Minutemen, a fearsome independent school that knows it will help PSU get to a 6-0 record when the Ohio State game rolls around.

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Filed Under: Penn State Football

Purple Haze

Posted on September 26, 2023 Written by The Nittany Turkey

Penn State (4-0) vs. Northwestern (2-2)

Northwestern University

Purple Haze? I’m proud of that thematic title, you know. During the summer, Northwestern University fired its successful, longtime head coach, Pat Fitzgerald, in the wake of revelations regarding hazing rituals conducted by senior members of its football team. Fitzgerald denied knowledge of any hazing, and his lawyers were not successful in creating a smokescreen haze for Fitz, so he is no longer wearing purple. Purple hazing done him in.

Some of the allegations were that players called each other names, and worse, required sexual acts to be performed by hazees. Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me; on the other hand, forced blowjobs will leave lasting scars. Many of these activities took place at the Wildcats’ summer camp in Kenosha, Wisconsin, home of Jockey International and the notorious Garbage Plate Meal at Frank’s Diner. Obviously, Fitzgerald was so completely absorbed in Jockey plant tours and heartburn from meals at Frank’s that he missed what was happening right under his nose. Several players are now suing the University, claiming damages due to the hazing. The Purple Haze thickens.

So, what about the game, already?

Given all the chaos, which would have provoked a death penalty for Penn State back in quaint days of yore before the NCAA realized that pursuit of money was the primary object of college football, it is surprising that Northwestern is able to play at all, let alone with the ominous purple haze of hazing scandals hanging over them. Getting down to the team at hand, Northwestern’s record is also hazy. Last year’s worse than crappy season by the purple-clad hazers was 1-11. They managed to beat only Nebraska, an ignominious distinction which hastened the departure of Cornhusker head coach and homey Scott Frost.

Now run by Interim Head Coach David Braun, the pesky, purple ‘Cats have done a bit better this year, at 2-2 overall and 1-1 in the Conference. After losing at Rutgers in their opener, the Wildcats put the big hurt on UTEP, then lost to Duke. In their most recent outing, they outlasted Minnesota in overtime, 37-34.

Ratings, Rankings, and Bupkis

Northwestern ranks an even 100th in total offense, and 76th (that’s the spirit!) in total defense. Compare that to Penn State’s 33 in total offense and Big Numero Uno in total defense, and what you have is just bullshit statistics. Coach Prime, of big mouth fame, found out what his formerly highly regarded defense was worth when he dropped into Autzen Stadium last weekend, so until at least half the season is in the can, these stats mean bupkis (who, I’m pretty sure, was an erstwhile linebacker for University of Illinois). On another tangent again, am I? My senile attention span betrayeth! Reel thyself back in, damnit!

This brings me to bullshit overall FBS rankings, like #6 for Penn State. Again, based on what? (Or based off of what? “Based off of” — who thought up that ridiculous thing? It wasn’t common usage ten years ago, so some asshole must have popularized it via social media or TV, in their ongoing conspiracy to sabotage the English language. But I digress.). Rankings mean nothing until the big Waterloo games of the season. For PSU, this means tOSU, seven games into the season, perched perilously posterior to a powderpuff Game Six.

How They Beat the Gophers

Northwestern’s successful showing versus the Golden Gophers, who play their home games in The Late, Revered Former Artist Formerly Known as Prince’s hometown, was accomplished by peppering the field with passes. Minnesota led the game 24-7 at halftime and then ran out of gas. This game was played in the remote purple haze of Evanston, so even Prince could not save them. NWU quarterback Ben Bryant threw 49 times and completed 33 for 396 yards and 4 touchdowns with no interceptions. Leading receiver Bryce Kirtz caught ten of those passes for 215 yards and two touchdowns, averaging 21.5 yards per catch including an 80-yarder. On the other hand, or on the other leg, as it were, the Wildcats attempted only 29 rushes for a total of 92 yards.

Minnesota’s defense managed to get two sacks and six tackles for loss. Manny Diaz is licking his chops as he reads this. (Did you know that Manny is an avid reader of The Nittany Turkey? Well, I didn’t either.). And when you get down to special teams, well, not much there to talk about in purple. And as for attendance, the fans didn’t want to be out after dark in Chicago, as only 20,000 attended the game, 43% of the capacity of Ryan Field. Penn State should bring some bigger numbers, as the Chicago fans brave the broad daylight bullets, hopefully to attend a huge upset. Many of them will take the Purple Gang plus the huge point spread with their favorite bookies.

Da Wedda

Weather promises to be nice, with a high of 66, which shouldn’t favor anyone and shouldn’t alter any strategies. A fine, fall, football day in Evanston awaits our confident leonine warriors, who are only thinking of going 1-0 this week. Or so says James Franklin.

Da Bottom Line

And now, for the Official Turkey Poop Prognostication, the penuriously proffered prediction posed by this fetidly foul fowl. In viewing this game through the vaunted Nittany Turkey crystal ball, what do I see? Looking through the purple haze therein, I see players kneeling. Wait, hide my eyes!

The spread is ridiculous. I’ve seen anywhere from 25.5 to 27 points. For our pseudo-analytical bullshit purposes, I’ll use 25.5. The over/under is 46, which suggests a final score of roughly 35-11. There are lots of factors at play here. Big Al thinks this will be the game Penn State is not supposed to lose but loses anyway. Well, it has all the trappings of a trap game: a noon start, an easy-to-disregard opponent who is coming off a big win with commensurate confidence boost, and a Nittany Lion team coming off an emotionally draining conference win. Plus, they are no doubt looking forward to the 1-4 Minutemen as an extended bye week. And, look, there is intense pressure on PSU to cover the spread for the thirteenth straight game. All those things conspire against PSU. So, I’ll go with Penn State 47, Northwestern 10. Take that, and by the way, please, I beg of you, take the over.

I’ll be back after the game either to wipe the egg off my face or to gloat over my sparkling prediction and the efficacy of my purple hazed crystal ball. You know how that works. You make a wacko prediction so if you’re right, it’s a big deal, but if you were wrong, you just took a shot knowing it was out of left field. I bet you know guys who pull that shit.

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The Nittany Turkey is a retired techno-geek who thinks he knows something about Penn State football and everything else in the world. If there's a topic, we have an opinion on it, and you know what "they" say about opinions! Most of what is posted here involves a heavy dose of hip-shooting conjecture, but unlike some other blogs, we don't represent it as fact. Read More…

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