The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Spliffs, Mon!

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This Turkey dives back into the Penn State football blogosphere with the latest in drug busts or at least a preliminary finding relating to an eventual bust.

According to the Collegian, the apartment of Devon Smith and Jack Crawford was entered by a police officer in connection with the investigation of a reported break-in. Upon entry, the cop found a Mary Jane grinder, a scale, and “multiple blunts in an ash tray.”

That find was good enough for the DA’s office to ask for a search warrant. When police executed the warrant, they seized “multiple blunts, a bottle of liquor, a grinder, a scale, a plastic bag with suspected marijuana, and prescription drugs.”

Neither Smith nor Crawford have yet been charged.

Devon (pronounce it DEE-von) Smith is a wide receiver. Crawford, a defensive end in 2009-2011 seasons, is presently awaiting the NFL Draft next month.

There was no indication of the quantities of pot involved says White Sands, or whether it appeared that selling the somehow still illegal drug was suspected.

What this Turkey thinks is ridiculous is that one of the residents of an on-campus apartment would call the police to report a break-in without cleaning up the dope. Are these guys complete idiots, or what? Or perhaps someone else, who might not be their BFF called the cops, knowing what they would find there.

The Collegiate article was unclear about whether the cops were let in the first time or got in at the behest of the apartment superintendent. Enquiring minds want to know.

More details from yet another minor, but embarrassing off-field incident as they emerge, unless they’re downright stupid.

The Turkey Returns

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He’s back, after a near-death experience.

This blog has been comatose, for which I apologize. ???? ????? I’m here to explain why and what we intend to do about it.

Until recently, I had been involved in negotiations for the sale of the nittanyturkey.com domain, this blog, and all of its past content. Those negotiations have broken down, and this Turkey is happy. The price was reasonable for the buyer, and it was flattering to me that someone thought my work was worth five figures. ?????? ?????? However, eventually, I felt that the Nittany Turkey was worth far more to me than it was to the purchaser.

Not only were they wanting all the rights to the domain name, the blog, and its contents, but also they understandably wanted me to curtail my use of the name Nittany Turkey, in Twitter, Facebook, and wherever. However, from my perspective, I am the Nittany Turkey, and have been since I developed the concept in the 1980s.

Furthermore, I was to refrain from using any of the content that I had produced through the years. You all know how much I love to reach back and pat myself on the back (occasionally) or kick myself in the butt (frequently). Who else could possibly produce the Official Turkey Poop Predictions?

I wanted to write, but I did not feel the need to write if my work was going to appear in another form or disappear completely; hence, the hiatus.

For me, writing is enjoyable and therapeutic. ????? ?????? I need a vehicle where I can express my thoughts and share them with like-minded individuals, as well as those with contrasting views. Facebook is fine for bitching about the travails of daily life, re-posting articles from elsewhere as conversation fodder, and getting into political arguments, but I still need a place of my own I can call home and write whatever the hell I please. (Having been “unfriended” recently with great ceremony on Facebook over some of my finer sarcasm by someone whom I thought was a friend underscores that need, but I digress.)  To establish a new blog, traveling through all the stages between infancy and adulthood would require a significantly outlay of time, energy, frustration, and last and probably least, money.

It is time that is the real issue — not in the sense of pecuniary compensation for its expenditure, but instead its quality as the universal equalizer. It is the one thing of which nothing and no one short of miracle cures and assassins can give us more or less. We all have what we have. At my age, I have far less of it than I had when I was 25, when I would have undoubtedly jumped at the offer to buy the blog. It just did not make sense to me to start over.

This sounds a bit egocentric, and indeed it is. I and the Nittany Turkey are intertwined like gray paint and navy ships. Given all that has happened at Penn State over the past year or so, I’m doing my share to provide some constancy in a rapidly changing Lionosphere. While I’m not narcissistic enough to think that the world would shun the Nittany Turkey if I were not at its helm or would miss it if it did not exist, making believe that those notions are at least somewhat true is what keeps me going on.

In addition to my focus on Penn State football, which is almost upon us once again, we have an important presidential election coming up, and the sitting White House is pulling out all stops to maintain its power. In the resurrected personage of the Mouse Who Ate Xanax, I will undoubtedly be writing about that and other political issues as we march on to the November showdown. Other popular topics of the past, such as Medicare and the AARP will be reprised in these pages from time to time as well, and I’ll devote more time to humor, which we all need to get through this hectic postmodern life of ours. Who knows? Maybe I’ll do another “What I Did on My Summer Vacation” series, starring the Cupcake. (I’d like to take her to visit some colleges this summer, between her junior and senior years in high school.)

I thank you all for your patience during my lengthy hiatus. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise after all of the sordid and tragic events of the fall and winter at Penn State. I do miss Joe, and I still believe that Beaver Stadium should bear his name as well as Colonel Beaver’s. We’ll no doubt be talking about that, too.

Correction to Tribute to Joe Post

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Originally, in the Tribute to Joe post, I improperly deduced that Joe Paterno had been diagnosed with cancer before his first broken pelvis incident, because of some ambiguity in Jay Paterno’s speech. My conjecture has been subjected to the keen eyes and minds of my readers, who have shown it to be false. What I initially published was:

One thing I picked up from his speech was that Joe had been diagnosed with lung cancer before he was treated for the broken pelvis, inasmuch as Jay spoke of taking a walk in Sunset Park with Joe after he was diagnosed, a day before he fractured his pelvis, which confirms my suspicions about his delaying treatment until after the football season.

After having received some comments, I reviewed Jay’s speech, but I still could not determine whether the broken pelvis incident was the first or the second. If it was indeed the second, it occurred on December 11, 2011, which wouldn’t imply that Joe delayed his cancer treatments. Clearly, I missed an obvious and important indicator, as one additional tweeter brought out: Jay had spoken of  it being cold during the walk and he had referred to “the few leaves”; therefore, I have deleted the above sentence from the post. Jay obviously implied that it was, indeed, December.

Furthermore, ESPN had reported the following:

Scott Paterno said on Nov. 18 that his father was being treated for lung cancer. The cancer was diagnosed during a follow-up visit for a bronchial illness. A few weeks after that revelation, Paterno also broke his pelvis after a fall but did not need surgery.

I’ll let that put the lid on this matter. I regret any inconvenience or concern my inappropriate conjecture might have caused.

One more thing. I have it on good word that Jay is the second youngest Joe and Sue’s offspring. Word!