The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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It’s the Alamo Bowl

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Valero Alamo BowlIt is now official. The Nittany Lions have accepted an invitation to play in the Valero Alamo Bowl. The game is on December 29, in San Antonio. Joe Paterno will be 81 by that time. For those of you who haven’t been to San Antone, you gotta do the partyin’ on the River Walk thang at least once in your life, so peradventure why not take this opportunity, man? The likely opponent for this inconsequential bowl game will be either Texas A&M or Texas Tech (or if they don’t show up due to disinterest, the McCabe Sisters will fill in). The Turkey will return sometime between now and game day with an assessment and a prediction, just in case anyone cares.

In a statement released by Penn State, the octogenarian head coach of the Nittany Lions said, “This team has worked hard all season and has been a great group to work with. I’m happy for the squad that their efforts will be rewarded with an opportunity to go to San Antonio.”

For all of you who were thinking that nothing less than a BCS bowl would be acceptable this year given the talent level of the Penn State team, please retire that opium pipe and find a less hallucinogenic form of recreation. This season’s descent from pipe dream heaven to South Texas was not a fluke. We’ll most likely be hanging around mid- to lower-tier bowl games for the foreseeable future.

Braceless Turkey Neck

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As you might or might not know, I underwent surgery in July to relieve cervical spinal cord compression. The surgery involved removing degenerated discs, replacing them with allografts, and fusing four cervical vertebrae (C3-C6). I’ve been wearing a cumbersome neck brace ever since.

Braceless Turkey NeckThat era ended today. The neck brace that had been as much a part of me as a dog’s collar becomes a part of him is now off. Observe the smiling, happy, phonily posing Turkey in the picture at left. I feel somewhat naked without my constant companion of the past 4-2/3 months, but I’m certain that I’ll get used to not feeling constantly strangulated by it!

Now begins some physical therapy to work on the neck and shoulder muscles that have no doubt atrophied. I can tell you that my head is a big load to hold up, which means those muscles will be sore for at least a couple months. Just wanted to share my good news with all of you!

(This does not mean that this Turkey will cease to be a pain in the neck—that tends to be the case with or without a neck brace!)

Bradley Rumor

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A rumor floating around the Internet about a potential football coaching change at Pitt suggests that Dave Wannstedt will be promoted to athletic director and will be replaced as head coach by Tom Bradley. Sounds like a longshot laced with some wishful thinking on the part of the rumor mongering Panthers who unearthed it. Nevertheless, it is something to think about for five minutes or so.

To this Turkey, it seems unlikely that Wannstedt would want to take a pay cut to move off the field into a politically charged, pain in the ass administration job. On the other hand, he has lots of money from his NFL years, giving him the flexibility to do whatever he wants.

As for Bradley, while he is anointed by some self-described pundits as the “heir apparent” at Penn State, an offer from the University of Pittsburgh might seriously interest him. After all, former “heir apparents” Jerry Sandusky and Fran Ganter previously got tired of waiting for the “apparent” to become reality. There’s some bad karma floating around the Nittany Lion football program right now; bailing out might be a good move for a bright, young shining star who does not want his resume tainted by the association with a sinking ship. Bradley is from Johnstown, and he doesn’t want to leave Pennsylvania. If an opportunity were to open up at the only other major football program in the state, Bradley might want to jump on it before the window slams shut leaving him stuck at Penn State.

So, is this rumor all that implausible?