The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home Archives for Anthony Morelli

Magniloquent Monday

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Rank Rankings and the Return to Respectability

The USA Today coaches’ poll positions Penn State at #25, so whoop-dee-doo, we’re back in business after whipping #19 Wisconsin. What does it mean? The Turkey hasn’t had his coffee yet, and it’s Monday morning, so prepare for a fustian, stream-of-consciousness harangue. Clearly, the Wisconsin win gives us hope, some of which is well founded and some of which is road apples. Accordingly, before I launch my orotund rant, I wish to congratulate the Nittany Lions on surmounting their off-field woes and conducting a focused, well orchestrated, nose-to-the-grindstone effort against Wisconsin. Well done, boys!

This Turkey never ascribes much significance to any college football ranking south of #10. Alas, the obsessive-compulsive American sports-viewing public insists on attempting to impose order on chaos. Absent the bottom 15 segment of the top 25, I suppose some folks would lament the dearth of barroom expostulation over whether #25 can really beat #24. For example, this week the AP poll places Michigan at #24 while Penn State is the top vote getter in “others receiving votes,” whereas the coaches’ poll puts Penn State at #25 and Michigan is top vote getter among the unranked. But Michigan beat Penn State, and and and— WHO CARES!! This vacuous ranking of the vast unwashed makes for great, drunken, wistful, meaningless soliloquys by the pretenders’ well lubricated partisans in a veritable plethora of taverns from Pittsfield to Petaluma, while the ebullient patrons at bars in Columbus, Tampa, and Boston expound on their legitimate dreams of the Still Somewhat Mythical National Championship (SSMNC)—for this week, anyhow. Visions of sugar plums dance in their heads, but I digress bombastically, as it were.

Climbing out of a self-imposed shithole is the totality of what the rank recognition truly signifies for Penn State—nothing more, nothing less. The Nittany Lions screwed up two big games. Concomitant with those screw-ups, they dashed our hopes of a decent bowl game and a SSMNC (which people including press pundits actually believed was possible immediately subsequent to Notre Dame’s denouement). To some, those with perennial expectations of nothing less than the SSMNC, the season is shot, but to the rest of us normal folks, there is still football to be played. Now, the consolation prize will be a trip to a lesser bowl. With two Big Ten losses, the best of circumstances would be a trip to Orlando for the Capital One Bowl, which is a major stretch, as it would probably mean that the Nittany Lions would have to beat Ohio State, presently #1, as well as all three of the other Big Ten teams on its remaining schedule. More likely is another trip to Tampa, or peradventure, San Antonio. Yet I still hear people proffering postulates by which PSU could wind up in the Rose Bowl. Ain’t gonna happen, folks. Either Michigan or Ohio State will be going to Pasadena, and if that doesn’t happen, I’ll eat my shorts. We should be happy that we’re still in contention for a lesser New Year’s Day bowl after we screwed up big time against Michigan and Illinois. How soon we forget! At the nadir of our despair, immediately after the Illinois game, we Penn State fans, this Turkey included, feared that we would finish with a losing record or, at best, nominal bowl eligibility.

A fickle bunch of hangers-on we football fans are. Abetted by the popular punditry of the legitimate media and the freakish flagellation of the illegitimate blogosphere (whose penchant for grammatical atrocities is exceeded only by its rampant coprolalia), our emotions maintain a firm grasp on the reins of our expectations. Rationality takes a back seat to mental masturbation. We flap like a flag in an ever changing breeze, like a rudderless ship on a tempestuous sea of alternately high and low expectations. This season typifies that tendency toward extreme emotional vasillancy. Three wins over patsies and we euphorically looked ahead to playing in the so-called national championship commercial extravaganza. One loss and we throttled our pipe dreams toward more pragmatic aspirations. Two straight losses and we descended to the aforementioned nadir of our despair, crashing precipitously from our previous emotional zenith, taking dreams of the Rose Bowl with us to a place where even the Toilet Bowl in Kohler, Wisconsin seemed a stretch. Then, a win over a weak Iowa team and some of us were once again dreaming megalomaniacal dreams. Now, the ponderous pendulum of pellucidity having pivoted to a perilous point, the Wisconsin blowout has produced such a prolific abundance of euphoric optimism that I have to believe that the weekend Tostitos were laced with hashish. Ohmigod, dude, we’re #25!

In an earlier rant, I likened Joe Paterno’s press conference perfidiousness to former Federal Reserve Bank chairman Alan Greenspan’s testimonies before Congress. Greenspan was a master of obfuscation who coined the term irrational exuberance to explain the perilously flimsy underpinnings of a parabolic rise in stock prices in the 1990s. This Turkey thinks that Greenspan’s terminology applies equally to football fans’ elatedness at times. Let’s temper our irrational exuberance, folks. One win over Wisconsin does not make the Nittany Lions invincible.

The road forward is not paved with yellow bricks and there is no Oz for the Nittany Lions. It ain’t gonna be all sunshine and lollipops. A thinning defensive line, due to injuries and players being relegated to Paterno’s doghouse, coupled with some tough challenges on the schedule and the continual question mark of which version of Morelli will show up on any given Saturday (more thoughts on this below), all exacerbate the uncertainty. Nevertheless, with the mitigation provided by the big win over Bucky and Company, there is some reasonable cause for tempered optimism toward the remaining schedule. In particular, our offense appears to have made a quantum leap, given the steady improvement of the offensive line and with Morelli appearing confident, albeit stationary, in the pocket. Furthermore, the game plan noticeably loosened up against Wisconsin, giving us hope that we might actually try to win some games instead of trying not to lose them.

As a parenthetical aside relating to which version of Morelli we’ll see in the future, this Turkey believes that there is strong correlation between Morelli’s higher than usual comfort level in Saturday’s successful stomping of Wisconsin and that game’s strategic plan being much better suited to his mindset than were the game plans in his worst efforts. The conservative game plans seen heretofore in the Michigan and Illinois games doubtlessly drove young Anthony to distraction. Give him a situation in which he can throw the ball down-field all day to win the game and he becomes focused on the job at hand; otherwise, his head is not in the game. This Turkey’s psychological assessment implicates both the coaches’ ability to construct decent game plans that take advantage of the talent level, capabilities, and psyche of the players they have to work with as well as Morelli’s immaturity. Regarding the latter, I think Morelli’s lack of focus in some of the games he has played poorly was a subconscious protest against doing things he didn’t want to do—a child’s I don’t wanna. Coaches who at other times play guardian to Morelli’s hypersensitive ego by shielding him from the press and otherwise coddling him should also consider the pernicious effects of their 1985 game plan on his mindset. In summation, Morelli needs to grow up and the coaches need to untighten their asses.

Don’t stop me now. I’ve finished my coffee and I’m on a roll.

Looking ahead, we have five games left and all must be played on the field, not on paper or whatever passes for paper in the blogosphere and in the mainstream media. Indiana has an identical record to PSU’s at 5-2, 2-2, yet they are unranked. (I believe inertia has a lot to do with rankings as they’re done at present, but that’s another subject for some future b.s.) Indiana is a road game. We cannot commit the same, screwed-up errors as we did at Ann Arbor and Urbana-Champaign if we want to win at Bloomington. This starts with the all-important game plan, which had better not be thematically what David Jones of the Patriot-News aptly termed full sphincter mode. A win over the Hoosiers on the road will set the stage for a tough game with the Buckeyes the following week at home. I will not trivialize Purdue or Michigan State. Those are winnable games, only if the Lions can play as they did against Wisconsin. And yes, Jenny, we should have no problem beating Temple.

I shall wrap this up by stating that the restoration of respectability has nothing to do with a number in those screwed-up polls. Aside from the all-important BCS ranking, polls are just for bragging rights and barroom debates. Setting the rankings aside, the Wisconsin win is a stepping stone in pursuit of the true return to respectability, toward which a similar effort each week coupled with an abatement of off-field crapola will bring us marginally closer.

You done well, Lions! Keep up the good work! Go State!

(Has anyone actually finished reading this harangue? If so, I applaud your patience!)

Comfortable at Home

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The title above represents my impression of the Wisconsin game: a comfortable win in comfortable environs, played with a high comfort level among comfortable players. The coaching even seemed more comfortable than usual. I suppose that a blowout win gives the appearance of comfort at all levels, but this Turkey thinks there’s more to it than just its superficial aspect. This team has indeed somehow become more comfortable. And before we leave this ad nauseum abuse of the comfort theme behind, let me just say that the 109,000+ fans no doubt consumed great quantities of liquid comfort on Saturday night in State College.

OK, the facts. State beat #19 Wisconsin 38-7 to bring both schools’ records to 5-2 overall and 2-2 in the Big Ten. Wisconsin’s vaunted running game was effectively curtailed by the Nittany Lions, with P.J. Hill held to a season low 70 yards. Penn State consistently won the battle of the trenches. The PSU Blogosphere’s favorite whipping boy, Anthony Morelli, looked more like a real quarterback, going 16-28 for 216 yards, one touchdown, and no interceptions. And Rodney Kinlaw, the mid-season replacement for the deposed Austin Scott, had another fine day, as did his backup, Evan Royster, with 115 and 68 yards, respectively, a touchdown each, and no fumbles.

Morelli kept hitting Terrell Golden—primarily because Terrell Golden was consistently wide open, a forgotten man in Wisconsin’s game plan. With the defense busy covering Butler, Norwood, and Williams, Golden got a bunch of easy throws early in the game until Wisconsin reacted—slowly. Morelli looked much more poised in his stationary pocket presence (which moves about as much as a concrete bunker). ??? ????? He seemed—what’s the word I abused above? ????? ????????? ???????? —comfortable out there.

Of course, the Nittany Lions’ defense seemed to have forgotten about true freshman Kyle Jefferson because, I suppose, they were too worried about Travis Beckum. Jefferson wound up with six receptions for 124 yards, whereas Beckum caught five for 70 yards.

It was good to see both offensive and defensive lines performing well. This Turkey had previously thought that the offensive line was a bust from Day One this year, and that they would never come together. Well, wonder of wonders, they played like men out there against Wisconsin, not like the McCabe Sisters.

The game plan was significantly more wide-open than what we’re accustomed to. The Offensive Brain Trust (OBT) felt that they could throw on Wisconsin’s much-maligned secondary. So that’s what they did. Even on first down. It was refreshing to watch this brand of football, and I hope that it gives the OBT enough confidence to employ it in the future. (Yeah, I know—next week we are on the road in Indiana and we’ll come out running up the gut…)

Both teams had issues that held them back. Wisconsin’s P.J. Hill had a nagging groin injury, and the Badgers’ best wide receiver, Luke Swan, is out for the season. The Nittany Lions had off-field issues too numerous to mention here, but covered well elsewhere. Interestingly enough, Chris Baker and Knowledge Timmons, both rumored by the usual on-line wonks to be suspended, actually played in this game, while Chris Bell and Phil Taylor did not. However, Baker and Timmons usually are starters, and both sat for the first half. Bell and Taylor practiced on Wednesday, but Baker and Timmons were there in street clothes. ??? ?????? ??? ???????? Paterno would only sat that Bell and Taylor were in his doghouse. These four are all rumored to be complicit in the Sunday morning rumble at the HUB following the Iowa game.

All in all, it was a satisfying and refreshing win in the wake of the continual negative publicity the program has received of late. If this is a harbinger of things to come, the Nittany Lions could win all of their remaing games but one, that one being Ohio State the week after next. Still, combined with the well-played Wisconsin game, a successful road trip to Indiana could prove inspirational enough to give the Lions the confidence needed to fight the Buckeyes to the death. After all, undefeated teams are being knocked off right and left this year, so OSU’s number might well be up in a fortnight. But I digress. The road trip to Indiana comes first and if there’s too much looking past it to the Ohio State game, then it will become a trap game. So, cuidado, hombres! I’ll be back with a look at that game on Wednesday.

More Turmoil in the Top 10

Does anyone want to win the Still Somewhat Mythical National Championship (SSMNC) this year? Yesterday saw yet a couple more high-profile losses by heretofore undefeated teams. LSU, formerly #1, went down to #17 Kentucky in triple-overtime. Unranked Oregon State beat #2 Cal. So who’s left undefeated? Ohio State, Boston College, South Florida, and Hawaii. I would expect that the rankings this week will be OSU #1, BC #2, and USF #3, followed by one or more one-loss teams, and then Hawaii (because they’re a more lightly regarded WAC team). However, if Ohio State should happen to lose to either Penn State, Wisconsin, or Michigan, let’s say, and BC loses to Virginia Tech, FSU, or Miami, we might be looking at a SSMNC game involving USF and Hawaii. That would be retarded.

Wisconsin Ramblings

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Wisconsin BadgersFirst of all, let’s get this out of the way.

There. Don’t I feel better now?

No, not really. This Turkey has a sinking feeling in the pit of his capacious stomach, having been subjected to the torture of the 2007 what’s gonna happen next Nittany Lions. I need some Prevacid, ferchrissakes. I don’t want to get into speculation about who’s going to jail, who’s in Paterno’s doghouse, who punched whom, or who got wasted on Red Stripe. This post is about the forthcoming Wisconsin game.

It’s Homecoming. Homecoming games are supposed to be against beatable opposition. Is Wisconsin beatable? I think so, but a lot of things will have to go right. This is neither a game for the molasses-in-January offensive start-up that has been characteristic of the past six games, nor a game for the typical fumbles, interceptions, and penalties we’ve seen in the first half of the season. ??????? ??? ??? ????? Play error-free ball and beat Wisconsin. ???? ????? Sounds pretty simple, but with the veritable plethora of off-field distractions, suspensions, etc., it might be a tall order. But I digress again.

The Badgers (5-1, 2-1 Big Ten) are coming off a heartbreaking loss to Illinois. Sound familiar? Yeah, well Penn State and Wisconsin are in the same boat in that respect, only the Nittany Lions have an intervening win over Iowa to get them feeling cocky again. Wisconsin has a mediocre defense that is just begging to be beaten deep by Morelli and his talented receivers. They rank #81 in pass efficiency defense. Their front seven is no great shakes against the run, either, ranking #62. Last week, they gave up 289 rushing yards to Illinois. ???? ???? ??? ??? ???? So, it would seem as if our offense, such as it is, will have its opportunities if it can play error free. Meanwhile, Wisconsin’s offense might have been fearsome at one point, but right now their big weapons are Travis Beckum at tight end and a hobbled P.J. Hill. Luke Swan, the talented senior wide receiver is injured and out for the year. Even the personal injury lawyers or the lawyers for disability claims can’t help. Last week against Illinois, Beckum and Hill accounted for much of the offense, even though Hill sat out quite a few snaps. Beckum had 160 yards, while Hill had 105 all-purpose yards and a touchdown.

Beckum worries me, and with Hill semi-healthy, I would expect Beckum to get the ball a lot. Last week, he had 11 receptions and he’s currently tied for 18th in the country in number of receptions. The problem here, in this Turkey’s opinion is that our linebackers are not the greatest at pass defense. I would put my money on them stopping Hill, but I think that they can be consistently beaten by 6’4″, 224 lb Beckum. On the other hand, the Nittany Lions rank #16 in pass efficiency defense and #5 in total defense. So, if they play well, they can keep us in the game, leaving it up to our much maligned offense to somehow manage to score some points.

With respect to special teams, Penn State leads the Big Ten in net punting yards and is #4 in the nation in that category, whereas Wisconsin ranks #88. The Badgers rank #73 and #90 in punt returns and kickoff returns, respectively. Perhaps, for a change, the Nittany Lions won’t be giving up so many yards on kickoff coverage.

And now, for the long awaited Official Turkey Poop Prediction. You’ve waded through all that bull above, so you deserve to be rewarded with a long-winded prediction to throw your rotten tomatoes at. The gamblers have installed Penn State as a 7-point favorite, with an over/under of 44.5. That works out to Penn State winning by the score of 26-19. You know, that looks pretty good to me. I think that if we can’t score 27 on Wisconsin, then we deserve to lose. After all, The Citadel rang up 31 on them. So did Illinois, while Michigan State hit them for 34. The Nittany Lions managed to score 27 on Iowa, but their defense sucks worse than Wisconsin’s. Still, I think that this week might be the week that Morelli manages to put together an error-free game. If he does, the prediction is PSU 27, Wisconsin 20. If he and his teammates do not, then we lose. Simple as that.

We’ve got the opportunity to make a statement here. It’s Homecoming. P.J. Hill has a groin injury and isn’t 100%. Luke Swan is on the injured list. Austin Scott is not playing (thus, fewer fumbles and no dancing behind the LOS). Things are looking good for us here. If we blow this chance, team morale goes completely down the toilet, we probably lose on the road at Indiana, and we most assuredly lose to Ohio State the following week. So, let’s not blow this chance.