The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Laser Focus: Peetz will call it quits as BoT chairman

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The good news is that Karen Peetz, she of the famous “laser focus” quote, will not be seeking to renew her chairmanship of the Penn State Board of Trustees; the bad news is that she will become President of BNY Mellon, where this turkey stores some of his scratch.

For public consumption, Peetz is broadcasting the notion that her new, “significantly broader” responsibilities with Mellon will preclude her from spending the appropriate amount of time to chair the BoT. I guess her former responsibilities at Andrew’s bank involved discharging the less than onerous responsibilities of a 9-5 teller, right? Yeah, sure.

Peetz has said that she will happily remain on the BoT and she has offered to remain chair of both the Trustee Presidential Search Council and the Blue & White Vision Council. Plenty of opportunities for laser foci on the future in those roles, ain’t? ????? ???? ???????

So, who’s the next fool to take over this motley group? Peetzie is happy to note that Vice Chairman Keith Masser has indicated his intention to throw his hat into the ring. Masser is chairman and CEO of Sterman Masser Inc., a family owned potato farming company in the Pennsylvania Dutch region of the Hegin and Lykens valleys. They package and ship more than 130 million kilograms of potatoes each year — and that ain’t just mashed potatoes.

I guess the folks up on Ag Hill are rooting for Masser.

A lot of you are rooting for someone outside the “inner circle.” Ain’t going to happen. ???? ????????

See the Penn State press release.

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Mega-congratulations to the magnificent Penn State Women’s volleyball team, who made it to the final four in the NCAA tournament, but were sliced and diced by a hot (in every sense of the word), fifth-seeded Oregon team.

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“We can’t stand to the side and watch the values of intercollegiate athletics be blown up in that fashion. We want everyone to pay attention. This is indeed a cautionary tale, that the athletic tail can’t wag the academic dog.”  —Mark Emmert, NCAA Chief Tyrant and Self-Aggrandizer

So, listen, Mark. Apparently, you can’t throw your weight around enough to convince the B1G to bury Penn State as you and your friend Vicky Triponey want to do. Penn State has announced that 100 fall student athletes have received Academic All-Big Ten honors this semester, which eclipses the previous record of 81 (2007) and stands at the top of the Big Ten.

Since we concentrate on football here, we’ll note that the football team was tied for third in the conference with a program record 28 honorees, of whom one — John Urschel — had a perfect 4. ??? ???? 0 GPA.

Perhaps Emmert can use Peetz’ laser to do some surgery on his tightly constricted anal sphincter to let out some of that shit he’s full of.

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Since it lost its pet Pulitzer Prize winning reporter Sara Ganim to CNN last month, the Patriot-News has suffered from a lack of investigative creativity. Just when you thought college football bowl proliferation had peaked, their web arm, Penn-Live.com, ever behind the curve, is proposing the far-fetched idea of a new bowl game: in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Yea, verily, the wonderful new thirty-sixth bowl game would be sponsored by the chocolate confectioners we all know and love, if Penn-Live.com blogger Rege Ryan’s pipe dream ever materialized.

Of the existing 35 bowl games,  how many are consequential? Three or four, maybe. Do we really need another made-for-TV debacle where the TV cameras assiduously avoid panning across the sparsely populated bleachers? Fuck no!

Ryan can take a ride on the Hershey Highway, but he is barking up the wrong tree. (There are innumerable possibilities for salacious mixing of metaphors, which I’ll avoid.)

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Thanks again to reader Joe for bringing these important stories to the fore, offsetting the eternal laziness of your turkey.

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Finally, as I might not be writing again before Christmas rolls by, I want to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas. I don’t really give a shit if you’re a Muslim, an atheist, or a Jew — Merry Christmas: take it or leave it!

 

 

Laser Focus: The Chilllllllllldren

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I set out to write this earlier, but then I got cranked up about my encounter with DirecTV, which was to have been a lead-in paragraph for this post but became a post of its own due to festering anger momentum.

So, reel me in, already. I’m here to write about Penn State.

Oops, I feel another rant coming and I can’t control it. Damn!

“[The trustees] don’t want to put these victims, who have been through so much already, through anything more in terms of what we need to do to get it resolved.” —Karen Peetz, Chair, PSU BOT

Have you noticed that some of the inflammatory web sites out there whose names I shall not mention that go off on the Freeh report and the Surmas and all of that stuff have issues with loosely couched representations replete with words like “obviously”, “clearly”, mixed with “seems to point to”, and — that favorite of my family — “I’m pretty sure that…”? Don’t you get the same feeling that I do — when you’re at those sites, you’re essentially walking into a barroom bullshit conversation about the Penn State scandal where hyperbole reigns supreme and nobody is holding anybody else to journalistic standards that differentiate fact from opinion? These sites don’t even exhibit tabloid levels of journalistic integrity.

It seems to this Turkey that the purpose of those sites, as I mention, is to inflame, not to inform. While I don’t doubt that the Surmas wield considerable power, and Tom Corbett is a power monger, it doesn’t do these people’s causes any good — and we haven’t yet figured out precisely where they think they’re heading with all this flaptrap yapping — to lead readers to believe that they stand on authoritative ground when they’re so easily caught being journalistically lazy.

I think the people who are doing most of the squawking, calling upon the rest of us to join them in their casus belli, fit into a few distinct categories, which I shall propose below.

  1. Those who merely want to see Joe Paterno’s name cleared
  2. Those who suspect a grand, statewide conspiracy to divert negative attention from Governor Tom Corbett and his henchmen
  3. Those who have an agenda of their own, such as publishing a book
  4. Those who think that if they present enough “facts”, the NCAA will mitigate their sanctions against Penn State. I shall label this category “Imbeciles”.

About Category Four, do any of you really think that the NCAA will change its mind about punishing PSU? (I can hear you saying, “Well, bla bla bla, if Curley and Schultz are found not guilty and we bring more information to light about the misrepresentations and inaccuracies in the Freeh report and we get a few trustees to resign and and and…” Warm, steaming bullshit! Ain’t gonna happen. Yes, I know, you’re asking what the hell I know that makes me an authority on what the NCAA will do. Nothing. I know nothing—except that Penn State signed a consent decree that agreed to the punishments without qualification, and without the right to appeal. There are no “rights”! Erickson signed them away when he inscribed his Rod-E on the decree. So, if you’re hoping for some redemption in this area, fuggedaboudit!

I’ve stated my opinion that if the NCAA were to mitigate any of Penn State’s sentence at all, it would be the vacated wins, which were arbitrary, capricious, and vindictive. Of course, all those adjectives wouldn’t come up if the win vacation was ever rescinded. Most likely, it won’t happen at all, but if it does, they’ll wait until Bobby Bowden goes to that great dadgum press box in the sky and the other PSU sanctions have run their course.

Just my opinion, and you know what they say about opinions.

You don’t? Okay, I’ll tell you: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone’s got to have one and they all stink.

However, it is when opinion is represented as fact that it gets dangerous. Perhaps this tendency stems from Washington, which enjoys deluding voters with “truth” that is 180 degrees out of phase with reality. At the very least, when caught by the reader, factual inaccuracies destroy the writer’s credibility in the mind of the reader, thus defeating the central purpose of the inflammatory sites — to be believed.

And why can’t they pay some attention to grammar? These are supposedly Penn State grads who should be able to write complete sentences in which words are spelled correctly. What’s that you say? It’s not the paint job on the car but the engine under the hood? Bullshit! If you want to be believed, write grammatically and factually sound essays. Learn the difference between “its” and “it’s”. And learn how to spell Pittsburgh!

A really easy, albeit somewhat inconsequential and innocuous misrepresentation of fact that I’ll blame on journalistic laziness appeared in that same post in the site whose name I wasn’t going to mention. In a LISTSERV email to Penn State lettermen subscribers, Pittsburg [sic] dentist and PSU alumnus Vic Surma is whining about Paterno’s treatment of pet players, presumably ones who were mission critical:

“As of last year, Dan connroy [sic] another stud linebacker was convicted of heinous phone calls to a mentally challenged coach , can you think of anything more vile? What did Paterno do? suspend him for three games against 3 virtual high school teams? Get a grip. We’re dealing wioth [sic] a corrupt society hidden in the hills of PA. for 40 years.”

Our champion of clearing Joe’s name, the lazy journalist, chose to impugn Vic Surma’s statement about Connor by relying on some vague memories, I suppose, because his “clarification” was factually inaccurate:

“Certainly not Dan Conroy (sic) Connor. Connor was upset with linebacker coach Joe Sarra  who is not mentally challenged and Vic Surma claims Dan was not punished enough.”

I see where you’re going with this, Mr. Journalistically Lazy, and before we get there, I have to correct some of your implicit assumptions. Sarra had already retired from his job as a position coach two months before Connor started his immature little prank calling campaign against him. In a response to a direct question back in November 2011, Connor Tweeted:

“I pranked [sic] called Sarra because he was a crazy guy who would hang around stadium. Dumb/Jerk move by me.”

Remember that Connor’s calls and suspension took place in 2005. By the time he tweeted the above, in 2011, he had presumably matured a bit, and was playing in the NFL.

Sarra was a good friend of Joe Paterno. Joe was completely outraged about Connor’s voyage to the moronosphere. Was a three game suspension enough? Remember, Connor’s offense was not insubordination against a superior, an active position coach, but immaturity in abrogating proper off-campus decorum. He was not the only player involved in sardonically clowning around with Sarra. Not only was Connor suspended, but also the other two players, Jim Kanuch and Nolan McCready.

Of course, here’s where our old friend Vicky Triponey rears her lovely head. (How I love to digress into all things Vicky!) The Judicial Affairs office ordered Connor to perform 20 hours of community service and exacted upon him a 10-day deferred expulsion. (Whatever the hell that might be!) In time, both sentences were reduced. There was, of course, speculation that Paterno had intervened. He never admitted it, but in response to questions about it, he did say that frequently misbehaving players deserved a second chance.

Back to the three-game suspension, the three games Connor missed — high school teams, as Surma called them — were South Florida, Cincinnati, and Central Michigan. Connor returned for the B1G schedule that year as a sophomore, playing behind Poz. He was not yet a “stud linebacker”, but he would become one in his junior and senior years, long after he had learned his lesson about maturity.

See? That was fun. I remember most of that, but I dug up information to fill the gaps from readily available sources. Screwing up a minor point like this can impugn one’s credibility with some readers to the extent that the major point is lost. So, spend some time and get it right.

And please learn how to spell Pittsburgh.

 

Well, we’re sure as hell in Rant Mode, aren’t we today? This Turkey has been having some pretty interesting brainal reactions to weighing the emotional anchor of Effexor this week. I’m suddenly bursting with energy. Beware! I just might bore the hell out of you!

Dadgum it, I digress Bowdenoulsly.

Back to the Laser Focus, already!

Penn State President Rod Erickson has been hard at work lately, at least within the past one day, trying to create a methodology for dealing with victim compensation in the Sandusky scandal. He has retained the law firm of Ken Feinberg, famous for having run the 9/11 compensation fund, to arbitrate claims and resolve pending litigation.

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Erickson also conducted an open session for students on Wednesday, allowing them to ask question about anything that popped into their heads. Naturally, the NCAA sanctions were still way the hell up there on the list.

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The NCAA has appointed a so-called task force to provide oversight (in other words, put the clamps on) over Penn State’s distribution of the $60 million fine assessed to it.

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Could the Penn State Board of Trustees soon be under investigation for improper handling of the NCAA sanctions against Penn State? Hmmmm, perhaps, maybe.

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Lawyers for Tim Curley and Gary Schultz have asked the courts to try their clients separately.

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A pro-Joe billboard has popped up in State College near the intersection of Pugh and Beaver.

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Hey, I think that’s it for today. I’ll be back, of course, for my preview and prediction for the forthcoming Temple game. I’ll try not to be too last-minutey with it.

 

 

 

 

 

Laser Focus: Catching Up!

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Holiday weekends, man! You feel like you’ve gotten a new week off and running, and you suddenly note that it’s Wednesday, 5:00 pm and you haven’t accomplished much of anything, and and and— Well, you all know the routine, and I’m certain that some of you are as deeply mired in it as is this Turkey.

I actually finished the t-shirt design for the Greater Orlando Heart Walk (click here or click on my widget on the right to make a donation to the AHA in support of cardiac and stroke research) for my insane cadre of local walkers. Moreover, I placed the order, so I can take that one off the deep procrastination list. Deep procrastination cost me an extra $35 rush fee, but you know what “they” say: haste makes waste.

One additional dubious accomplishment this week: I watched Sunday Night Football on NBC, which used to be Monday Night Football on ABC, on Wednesday night.

So, here I am cranking out the first halfway worthwhile post of the week sometime after midnight early Thursday morning, a Thursday that will feel like a Tuesday, and the Iraq and the South Africa, and yeah, some U.S. Americans don’t have maps…

This is LASER FOCUS, which means not much of anything, but it is a Peetzian term for which I have developed at least a short-lived affinity. Furthermore, after a turbid two weeks of perfidiously porcine platitudes from speakers at both Republican and Democratic conventions, celebrations during which the political piggies feigned laser foci upon the future, going forward, moving in the right direction, and so on, ad nauseam, instead of telling it like it is: “elect me, re-elect me, whatever — so I can cash in”, I felt that we should bring things into truly Turkeyesque focus, that is to say, into the quintessentially obscure circle of confusion.

“On Aug. 12, 2012, the Penn State Board of Trustees allowed nearly 9,000 of us to bear witness to their apathy…” —Jessi Lillo

Leading off this issue of Phaser Locus, or whatever the hell I said it was called (I’ve been forgetting a lot lately), is a plea from another local alumna, Jessi Lillo, a 1991 PSU grad who is one of the long-time mainstays of our Central Florida Chapter of the Penn State Alumni Association, as well as a dedicated disciple of PS4RS. She wrote a brilliant piece for StateCollege.com excoriating the media’s treatment of Penn State during our continuing credibility crisis, reflecting what many of us still feel and others of us who have displaced these issues with the bittersweet, nascent football season will be feeling around January. Buried deep in the bowels of StateCollege.com, it is entitled “An Open Letter to the Media” and it does not hold back anything. Dis babe says what’s on her mind and she can write, too. You’ll want to read it.

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From the sublime to the ridiculous, ESPN.com, one of the media megawonks to whom I impute that Jessi obliquely referred in her meta-rant, reports that Sandusky wishes that he had taken the stand. No, man. You’re not only sick, but you’re delusional if you think your story wouldn’t have been ripped to shreds by a skilled prosecutor. After all, look at what Costas did to you, man. Fuggedaboudit! Write your book and shaddup!

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While we’re on the subject of the despised, erstwhile Tickle Monster, ESPN was also the first bearer of the news that the scandalous schmuck known as Jer cost Penn State nearly $17 million thus far. Think of what that could have done for the university, for the victims, and for extortion money to keep me from writing bad stuff about Vickey Triponey. (This is the first time I’ve seen Triponey’s first name spelled with an ‘e’, on the official website of The College of New Jersey, where she is V.P. for Student Affairs. Ah pity da poor damn fool student who spelled it wrong on that page, if it is indeed spelled wrong.)

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 Just to keep you alert, let me just throw in that at this moment, Virginia is a 10 point favorite over PSU, with an over/under of 44½. Oh, and on the injury front, Bill Belton hasn’t practiced at all yet this week but Hodges and Morris have. O’Brien says Belton is day-to-day.

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The Patriot-News reports that lawyers for Tim Curley and Gary Schultz are pursuing the trial judge for dismissal of the “failure to report charge”, because the statute of limitations has expired for that 2001 offense.

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Did you know that Penn State actually could win the Leaders Division of the B1G this year, next year, …, 2017, … etc.? Well it is true. They can win the division and they can get a division champ trophy. So can Ohio State. Our friends at BSD have the story.

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In our “Duh, No Shit, Sherlock?” Department, the ever vocal Bob Flounders takes a big risk of being way wrong when he writes “Unhappy Returns: Penn State linebacker Gerald Hodges may get pulled from return duty.” I think that any one of the McCabe Sisters could have been a better kick returner than Hodges. I thought O’Brien had given up on him after the fumble. Why would he want to push that project any further? It subjects a starting linebacker to injury, and frankly, he stinks at it. Aside from the fumble, nothing he fielded went anywhere. So, IMHO, Flounders is floundering around stating the obvious or the oblivious, depending on what you think of Flounders.

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Bring on the gallows! Bill O’Brien showed remarkable restraint and patience in the post-game press conference, calmly discussing issues involving play execution while blaming problems on himself, which brought to mind a press conference retort by the legendary John McKay, who was coaching the winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers at the time. After a game, a reporter asked him, “Coach, how did you feel about your team’s execution?”

“Execution?” responded the quick-witted McKay. “I have to say that I’m completely in favor of it!”

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Speaking of Vickey with an ‘e’, which I still think should be Vicky, and that’s how I intend to continue to spell it, a recent study of Penn State athletics concluded that Dr. Triponey was blowing wind in asserting that the “football culture” at Penn State is all-pervasive. Anne Danahy of the Centre Daily Times reports on this one.

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I usually try to find a humorous piece for my last focal point but instead today, I give you a head-scratcher. Hell, if that’s all this makes you do, you’re coming out way ahead, even if you scratch bloody furrows all the way down to your dura mater. The title of the article I present to you from the Raleigh News & Observer is entitled “The NCAA’s clean bill for UNC brings howls” — that should give you an idea of what you’re in for. Recall that for over five years, hundreds of UNC so-called student-athletes in two major money sports, football and basketball, received phony grades for phony classes in African and African-American Studies, which was revealed in UNC’s internal audit. Just before the holiday weekend, our capricious and arbitrary friends of the NCAA told UNC that they didn’t do anything wrong. Exonerated! Forgiven by the same yo-yos who landed so heavily on Penn State. Oh, hey, tell me another whopper like that! Surely, the NCAA couldn’t let UNC go Scot free! No way! Academic fraud committed to favor sports programs by enabling gorillas with half a brain to be eligible to play, and some of this while on probation for recruiting sins? Nothing wrong with that? What a strangely dichotomous system of rules invented for any occasion does the good old NCAA live by!

OK. I’m going to go break into a drug store and steal some oxycodone. If anyone asks, I’ll refer them to Emmert. WTF!?

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Sorry that I couldn’t find anything better than that with which to wrap this up, but it’s worth reading and pondering.

I have to get started “breaking down” Virginia. I’ll be back soon with the preview of the big Rodney Dangerfield Memorial “We Ain’t Got No Respect” Bowl in Charlottesville, replete with a level of sarcasm that fully depends on the mood I’m in at the time I write it. Catch you then!