The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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I Want to See Something

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The Nittany Lions (4-1, 1-0 B1G) host the Iowa Hawkeyes (3-1, 0-0) at Beaver Stadium today, and this Turkey wants to see what this Penn State team is made of. Yeah, there have been “tests” and I’d say our boys have flunked them. This is yet another test against a nemesis which has beaten PSU eight of the past ten times they’ve met. It doesn’t seem to make a difference whether the games are at home or away. Iowa has Penn State’s number.

The Hawkeyes are coming off a 45-17 win over Louisiana-Monroe — that was two weeks ago, as last week was a bye. The only marquis opponent they’ve faced thus far has been Pittsburgh, who they beat in a 31-27 shootout.

This year, the Hawkeyes have struggled a bit trying to find an offense, having lost their guiding light and starting quarterback Ricky Stanzi to graduation. His replacement,  junior James Vandenberg, has steadily improved. Against Pitt, he was 31-48 for 399 yards, 3 TDs and an INT. ??? ????? ?? ??? ??????? Sophomore running back Marcus Coker has been erratic. Against Pitt, he ran the ball 23 times for 86 yards with a long run of 14 yards. Expect to see the ‘eyes come out throwing. Receivers Keenan Davis and Marvin McNutt are competent.

Their defense has been suspect, too, as they yielded 44 points to perennial Big 12 patsy Iowa State in an overtime loss and 27 points to Pitt. They rank #73 in overall defense. With just two sacks and five tackles for loss all season, Penn State could find some offense against this group. In pass efficiency defense, they rank #87. ??? ???? ?? ?????? I’m thinking that if McGloin, the more accurate passer, can pick apart the secondary to set up the run, PSU will put some damn points on the board, for a change.

Where Iowa has shone most consistently through the years Penn State has been in the Big Ten is in its coaching. Kirk Ferentz has been brilliant in winning consistently against the Lions. ??????? Paterno is his bitch.

Offense has been Penn State’s big problem thus far. Ineptitude is rampant at the skill positions. Penalties, turnovers, and the quarterback tag team have conspired to daunt many scoring chances. The Nittany Lions’ usual problems inside the opponent’s 30 yard line are still there, only worse. I’d say that the offense could get a slug of confidence against the Iowa defense, but I thought that would happen in the Indiana game, too. It didn’t. If they keep on screwing up, any Big Ten defense will be sufficient to shut cheapest generic soma them down. Penn State’s scoring offense ranks #93 nationally, prompting this Turkey to give them the IS (it sucks) rating.

Meanwhile, Penn State’s defense numbers look great. Two caveats there: 1) Alabama played its vanilla offense against PSU, not wanting to show its full range of tricks to the SEC, and 2) Mike Mauti’s absence means a helluva lot. Nevertheless, they rank #7 in scoring defense and #5 in total defense. Against the run, they are #24. Perhaps Coker will get the ball more often for Iowa.

What I would like to see is McGloin getting most of the snaps. It would be great if he could start and there could be some continuity during the damn game, for the other players’ sake and to establish some rhythm. Passing success will open up the field for the running game, which should be up to the task, with Silas Redd being joined by the entrepreneurial Stephfon Green, who, according to Joe Paterno, is back. Receivers will have to catch balls that are thrown reasonably well, and the offensive line will have to improve its performance, but this game is winnable if the mistakes abate. I want to see some enthusiasm, some motivation on the part of the players. It doesn’t make me happy to see guys not even charged up in the first set of downs. The fire is lacking in all but a few players. Winning attitudes win games.

This game will lack some of the demotivating features we have come to know and love. It is a home game, and a 3:30 start. (Thank you ABC/ESPN, for thinking at the beginning of the season that this would be a consequential game.) The weather is perfect, mostly sunny with a high of 75°. Winds will be calm. No excuses!

I’m about to fall asleep, so it better damn well be time for the Official Turkey Poop Forecast for today’s game. First, let me thank you for your patience — I know how late I have been in getting this published. Well, the gambling line favors Penn State by 4.5 and the over/under is 45.5. My inclination, due to the poor offense on both sides coupled with Penn State’s credible defense, would be to take the under. As for the rest of the prediction, I’m bein’ a homey this week (I said homey not homo), but thinking that the game will be decided by a field goal, and Penn State will once again fail to cover the spread. Let’s call it Penn State 18, Iowa 15.

Mistakes’ll Kill Ya

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In a mistake-laden performance reminiscent of bad high school football, Penn State (4-1, 1-0 Big Ten) prevailed over Indiana (1-4, 0-1 Big Ten) 16-10.

The Nittany Lions’ performance flat out sucked, following a disgusting pattern that has long afflicted them in road games, particularly noon starts.

The team came out flat but managed to threaten early. Classic red zone ineptitude ensued. Rob Bolden threw what looked to be a touchdown pass from the eight yard line, but it was nullified by a holding penalty. So, this Turkey was thinking, they’ll probably wind up settling for three in the worst case. ??? ???? ????? ?? ???????? ?????? What happens? Bolden throws a damn interception in the end zone and State is denied the opportunity to draw first blood. That’s road game red zone ineptitude. Epic fail!

Indiana would draw first blood with a 49 yard field goal on the ensuing series. Midway through the second period, Penn State would come back to tie. Ho hum.

I was beginning to feel that my crystal ball was a bit off. Recall that I predicted a 35-20 game. This one was likely to finish 6-3, setting football back 100+ years to that first game between Princeton and Rutgers, which ended with a 6-4 score, which was the identical score to the Penn State-Iowa game that previously served as the prime example of Penn State retrofootball. But I digress. Although the Nittany Lions won, taking the “over” would have been a mistake, as the Las Vegas books were taking over/under action at 48. The final total was a mighty 26. However, as expected, PSU did not cover the spread. (What else is new?) No one ever went broke in the 21st Century betting against Penn State covering the spread.

The half wound up deadlocked at 3-3, as Anthony Fera missed a 52-yard field goal at the gun. Joe Paterno limped off the field and would spend the second half in the press booth. ??? ??????? If he gave the boys a chewing out in the locker room, it had no effect as they came out flat again in the second half. ????? ???????

They managed to squander an opportunity to get a quick six points on a Hoosier fumble at their own 13 yard line. Against a rushing defense ranked #97, you would think that Silas Redd could quickly hit paydirt. Well, for that, he would have to be given the ball. He wasn’t. Two crappily incomplete Bolden passes and a Bolden 3 yard run was all this low powered offense could muster. The Lions finally took a 6-3 lead on a 27-yarder by Anthony Fera.

After an IU three-and-out, Bolden rode the legs of Silas Redd and Curtis Dukes sown to the Indiana three yard line in the only sustained drive of the game thus far. Could this finally be an elusive touchdown? Nope. Redd fumbled the ball away at the Indiana 2. No points.

On the next Penn State series, Matt McGloin threw a 74 yard touchdown pass to Derek Moye, the only brilliant play of the game, which would give the Lions all the points they would need to win this slopfest. They added three for good measure at the onset of the fourth period on a 33 yard Fera field goal. The Hoosiers staged a comeback attempt and seemed like they might be able to actually accomplish it, scoring a touchdown with about four minutes remaining. They made one more try at the end of the game, managing to drive down to the PSU 40 and throwing a hail mary at the final gun, which failed. Final score, Penn State 16, Indiana 10.

Penn State was good enough to put twice as many points on the board against the worst defense in the Big Ten. They had 464 yards overall, which could have been many, many more had their two-headed quarterback been able to connect with receivers. This time, it was not the receivers’ fault. Both Bolden and McGloin seemed to be throwing at receivers’ feet. Together, they were 16-36 for 271 yards, one touchdown and one interception. In addition to the INT, Penn State lost two fumbles and were penalized five times for 60 yards. Mistakes’ll kill ya.

There is no winner in the quarterback competition. They both suck. The offensive line is truly offensive, in the deodorant commercial sense of the word. There is no fire, no animation in these guys on either side of the ball. Mauti’s loss was  a big one, as now, Drew Astorino is the only PSU defender who shows any emotion. It will truly suck to watch these clowns the rest of the year.

Silas Redd should be pissed off at his inept offensive line for making him have to do all the work. He could be seen frequently moving his own blockers’ bodies out of the way in order to gain some running room. As predicted by this Turkey, Redd had a breakout day, with 29 carries for 129 yards. Curtis Dukes ably handled the backup chores with 54 yards of his own.

Derek Moye led all Penn State receivers with six catches for 158 yards and a touchdown.

OK, now look, boys and girls. This Turkey is going to tell you something. This team sucks with a capital “S”. Given this performance and its portent for things to come, the road gets very rocky from now on. Without stretching things too much, I can see them going 1-6 from here out. If they can’t even handle fundamentals, I’m not even going to enjoy watching them. It’s been a long time since I’ve missed a Penn State game on television, other than to attend the game live, but I’ll miss at least one of the forthcoming games, because frankly, I have better ways of wasting my time.

I’ll be back later in the week to preview the loss to Iowa.

 

 

PSU vs. Indiana

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Catchy title, eh? I didn’t want to strain my brain at this late hour. This is probably the latest game preview I’ve filed. There are no deadlines around here.

Indiana UniversityHere we have probably the least desirable major college football matchup that is still actually televised today. On a day on which Nebraska and Wisconsin square off in the same time slot as Florida vs. Alabama, 8 pm, we wouldn’t expect that any but the hardiest of die-hard Penn State and Indiana fans will be watching this thing. ESPN didn’t think so either, as the game is relegated to ESPNU, which is where you go when your game is too crappy to be broadcast on ESPN2. That’s how far down the totem pole we are today.

I cringe to think of the announcing crew we’ll get. Last week we had a babe who was not Pam Ward. She seemed better than Pam, who seems to be on beta-blockers, but she just didn’t do it for me.

On a TV watching desirability scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is another boring Obama speech and 10 is the latest “Game of the Century” this year, this one merits a 2. If your wife would like to take you shoe shopping at the mall during this time slot, you might have to think about that one for a while.

This has all the components of a frustrating game for Penn State (3-1, 0-0 Big Ten), as perennial Big Ten patsy Indiana (1-3, 0-0 Big Ten) hosts the Nittany Lions in Bloomington. It’s a noon start, which we’ve beaten to death here, but, furthermore, it’s a noon start on the road, which has long been a perilous scenario for the Lions. The coaching, which is notably anal in the friendly confines of Beaver Stadium, tightens up even more away from home, even against an awful team like the Hoosiers. The players might tend to look past this week’s patsy to next week’s perennial nemesis, Iowa. The spark plug for the defense, Michael Mauti, is out for the season with a torn ACL, and the offense is hampered by Joe Paterno’s quarterback tag team, not to mention an inept offensive line. The kicking game comes into play in close games, which this one shouldn’t be, but for all the aforementioned reasons, certainly could be. Typically, Penn State will let an opponent like Indiana hang around most of the game, then need a humungous  effort in the second half to surmount them. That’s called dumb, and that’s cause by the conservative coaching coupled with other problems like receivers dropping passes. It would be a trap game were it not for last week’s victory over another cream puff for the Lions.

The Hoosiers will come out loaded for bear, given that their furious fourth quarter comeback against mighty North Texas of the Sun Belt Conference last week fell short by a field goal. The only problem is that they’ll be facing Lions this week, so the bear loads will be ineffectual. In the 24-21 loss to North Texas, IU gave up 427 yards to a balanced attack. Neither team showed much defense, with the Hoosiers’ predominately aerial game netting 404 yards. Indiana’s two quarterbacks attempted 52 passes in that game, completing 30, with two touchdowns and an interception, accounting for 354 of those 404 total yards. That leaves just 50 for the ground game. You’ve really gotta have a ground game to win in the Big Ten.

So, remember last week when this Turkey said that the Emus would eschew the pass based on their pattern thus far, but they came out throwing? Well, no dumb cluck this Turkey is. I learn by my mistakes, so I’m going to say that the Hoosiers will come out throwing. Try and fool me will they? I’ll show ’em. However, Indiana has some dangerous receivers, and Penn State’s secondary is not all that good, certainly not as good as the defense’s current #7 ranking against the pass implies. With D’Anton Lynn out this week, they’ll be struggling even more. Everyone knows how to beat the Sandusky Zone, and even EMU was effective to some extent against it. So, I do expect Indiana to complete some passes against them, some for sizable gains.

With the Lions on offense, look for a breakout day for Silas Redd. Even with an offensive line that sucks, Redd should do well against a defense that is ranked #95 against the run. The two-headed quarterback wearing the white jersey can feel confident in throwing the ball, too, as Indiana ranks #85 in pass efficiency defense and #117 in sacks. A balanced attack should work well in this game, especially if the receivers do their jobs and catch the damn ball!

The special teams are about evenly sucky. Penn State has a slight edge here because of its superior punter; however, if this game goes the way this Turkey thinks it will, there will be little cause for the Lions to punt.

The weather won’t be a factor, as the forecast is for perfect football weather: mostly sunny with a high of 60°.

I want to see Penn State jump out to an early lead and stay out of striking range the rest of the way. Will they do it that way? Nah, I doubt it. This is one of those “Yeah, we suck, but the opponent sucks worse” kind of games. Players never seem to be seriously upbeat about that kind, and especially with Mauti gone, spirit is going out the window. I cringe to think of what lackluster play will do to the Nittany Lions in November, if not sooner.

So, before I go back to bed, I’m going to favor you with the Official Turkey Poop Prediction come hell or high water. The crooks at gambling parlors favor the Lions by 14.5 points, with an over/under of 48. This game could get pretty pretty pretty wild with all that passing happening. After both teams stink up the first quarter, Indiana will jump out ahead by a touchdown, the Lions will wake up, and then hell’s fury will be unleashed. (Or not.) In a somewhat entertaining second half, the Lions catch up and then play see-saw for a while before beating the Hoosiers 35-21. This time, as usual, they fail to cover the spread, but you can take the “over.”

See y’all soon for a recap of the game, if I can stay awake through it.