The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Joe Spouts a Few Non-Sequiturs (Updated)

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At the weekly Joe Paterno press conference, the questions came fast and hard about the Alabama loss, and Joe even seemed uncharacteristically willing to deal with them. The only thing was that without even quoting Shakespeare this time, the venerable Head Lion was semi-inscrutable.

About Chima Okoli’s injury:

As I said, we’ve only practiced the one day. And yesterday was just to try to get an understanding of what happened to us against Alabama, to try to correct some mistakes. We really have not talked about who is going to play and exactly what we’re going to do. We spent this morning doing that.

And we’ll go out this afternoon to see what some people are ready to do. So that’s a tough question for me to answer right now and know what I’m talking about, because I couldn’t give you an honest answer on that.

About the quarterback controversy:

 I think we’ve made a decision up to a point that we want to play both of them (Rob Bolden and Matt McGloin) for a while until we find out exactly which one we think might be better for the football team and help them win.

But, right now, I think it’s a toss up. I think both of them are doing well. There again, I think I said after the ballgame I’m reluctant to have people start blaming it on the quarterback. I mean, I think we’re just not making plays.

We started that ballgame (Alabama) where we had a chance to make some big plays, a couple in the end zone, one of which would have been a tough catch, but the other one should have been an easy catch going down the sideline for touchdown.

We just didn’t it’s easy to pick out somebody and blame him, particularly the quarterback, because it’s such a predominant person. The ball comes to them and they do something with it.

But I think both quarterbacks have played well enough for us to win with. And I’m reluctant right now to tell anybody, “hey, we’re going to start this guy,” because it would look like as if I’m, like the other guy didn’t play well. I thought they both did a pretty good job, really.

I think we have to help them. I think some guys on the team have got to make some plays. We’re the same way; we go in the ballgame, second year in a row we played that football team without [forcing] a turnover. And a year ago we had four or five and we had three turnovers in this one.

When you get in a tough football game against a good team, you’re in a uphill battle all the time. So anyway that’s one of my typical long answers to a simple question. We’ve got two quarterbacks. And as we talk now, whether we have two quarterbacks a week from now, we’re going to we’ll see.

About coaching from the booth instead of the field, and the timeout debacle (and everything else but the kitchen sink):

 The timeouts, that goes back to the confusion on the sideline goes back to the fact that, again, you think your kids understand certain things.

Two kids got hurt and they didn’t know whether to go down, come in, come out. They come out of the game late. And in order for us to save ourselves five yards we had to call a timeout on the sideline. I think that we’ve got to do a better job, obviously, of making the kids more game aware so that when that happens – you’re hurt, sit down, stay there until we make a substitution for you. We’re allowed to do that. We don’t want you to be phony about the substitution, but we had kids who were half off the field, back on the field, back out. And the guys on the sidelines weren’t sure what exactly was going on. And finally we ran out of time.

So I think we’re all right there. There again, that’s an obvious thing. Here you go in the first quarter, you take three timeouts. I’m angry. I’m angry upstairs. I didn’t know exactly what had happened either. I’m yelling down at them [coaches on the field], “you guys going to make up your mind what you want to do?” And then, of course, after I had a chance to talk to some of the guys, I found out that the kids were the guys who created the problem.

So I think we’re all right that way. I don’t think that’s a problem. We’ve got to catch the ball and we’ve got to make some things happen on defense in a tough ballgame. We just haven’t done that. It’s as simple as that.

Now, why we haven’t done it, obviously you’ve got to take a look at yourself and say, “hey, maybe there’s something I as a head coach have to do a little differently.” I don’t know. But we can’t expect to win consistently when you don’t get a turnover on defense.

I guess we were almost last in the country last year in the turnover ratio, and we were allowing too many on the other side of the equation. So that’s where we are.

About how the front seven performed and what they’ll have to do to stop Temple’s running back:

 I thought we played well on defense most of the time, except for the fact that we didn’t come up with a couple of interceptions.

The only time I was disappointed in the way we played defense was when they scored the last touchdown. It looked like a couple of guys got a little bit discouraged and nobody rose to the occasion to make a play.

But I think overall the down guys played fairly well. I mean, better than fairly well. I don’t think we got blown off the board, what have you.

They have a couple of fine running backs. I think the one kid ran for, had the ball about 25 times, ran it for about 115, 120 yards. I thought and most of that came towards the end in there. So I would disagree with you, Joe, on your evaluation, if I understand what you’re saying.

And I thought that part was fine. Did we come up with an interception? We had a chance for one, on the third down and 12. We had a chance to get the interception. We didn’t come up with the ball. They took it in there.

So things like that that we have got to do better. We’ve got to change the game around on defense once in a while. That part I think is a legitimate criticism.

I don’t see anything specific in there about how the linebackers played and I see no reference at all to Temple’s running back.

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Alabama Lowlights

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What did you think of that game, eh? That first Penn State drive was a hopeful thing, give or take a time out or three. Lawdie, lawdie, Mike’s Garage was replete with unbridled optimism along with a modicum of bemusement over the clock management or lack of same. The much maligned Nittany Lions, from whom nothing much was expected in this matchup, were marching down the field against the vaunted Crimson Tide defense.

“Do you want to revise your forecast now?” asked Jackstand and zbeard, almost in unison. When I told them I was sticking to my guns, they both looked at me like I was crazy. Jackstand is too new a Nittany Lions fan to know how recent history paints an unkind picture of non-performance in big games. Meanwhile, zbeard is a crusty old fan like me, but with a vastly differing outlook at the start of each season. Zbeard is a perennial optimist who expects big things from the Nits until they prove they’re unworthy; on the other hand, I maintain an annual fecal impaction of the optic nerve — you don’t have to be Dr. Todd Sponsler, ophthalmic proprietor of The Lion’s Den, to deduce that the aforementioned condition translates to a shitty outlook — in that I want to see something from the team before declaring that they have even a chance at a distinguished winning record. (And if you’re a fan of the Nittany Lions as well as long sentences, you’re in the right place. After all, why use a sentence when a paragraph will do? But I digress.) So, no. I wouldn’t change my forecast, which you should know was Alabama 35, Penn State 10.

As I am always running late with my post-game recaps, by this time you are well aware that the #3 Crimson Tide (2-0) defeated the #23 Lions (1-1) 27-11. I should have given the Penn State defense more credit. They even looked competent at times out there. I obviously thought Alabama would put more points on the board, so with the over/under at 42, I told you to take the over. Mah bad! But if you took Alabama and gave 10 points, you would have nailed it.

The Penn State defense really did keep the meanies from giving us a good, old fashioned, behind the woodshed lickin’. I have to give some credit to the D-boys before I light into the offense and the coaches. Holding Alabama to under 30 points might sound like a consolation prize to be stuffed into a dusty closet, but it seems to me as if this defense might actually be competent.

‘Bama QB AJ McCarron probably won their version of the two-headed quarterback competition with a 19-31, 163 yard performance with one touchdown and no interceptions. Alabama head football coach Nick Saban had the sense to play just McCarron in this game, which turned out to be a wise move, unlike whatever the hell is happening at Penn State with the offensive brain trust. Phillip Sims appears to be the odd man out in this quarterback battle, and pretty clearly so.

For some ungodly reason, PSU head coach Joe Paterno has stubbornly clung to his stance that the quarterback competition (aka controversy) is not over at Penn State despite this Turkey’s exhortations to shit or get off the pot. Oh yeah, a few others besides me have been on his case about picking a quarterback and moving forward. In spite of all the flack he has been getting (or maybe to show that he’s still the same stubborn old Joe), he split the quarterbacking chores for the Alabama game — to the detriment of the offense — and maintained afterward that the competition between quarterbacks Rob Bolden and Matt McGloin is not over. Good old stubborn Joe.

As it turns out, Bolden has won the competition in everyone’s mind but Joe’s. We fans know best, as you well know. But look at the stats for Saturday: Bolden, 11-29 for 144 yards with no touchdowns and one interception; McGloin, 1-10 for no net yards and nothing else. McGloin never got into a rhythm, while Bolden had his rhythm interrupted like a Catholic couple trying to get pregnant. The gods were not kind to Bolden, either, as at least four catchable balls were dropped by Penn State receivers. Furthermore, each time the brain trust made a quarterback change, the linemen had to get used to new snap vocals, the receivers had to get used to different ball feel and timing, and running backs have to be aware of the myriad little differences brought by a change in quarterbacks. A different personality changes the atmosphere in the huddle, too. With one quarterback for the game, Alabama was out on a smooth cruise down a wide boulevard, whereas Penn State’s quarterback switching shenanigans put it  in stop-and-go traffic on a choked freeway.

Penn State averaged 3.6 yards rushing for a game total of 107 yards — not what we expect of a Penn State offense. I did tell you that Silas Redd was not going to have anything like the productive game he played against Indiana State and — Duh! — I was right. Although he looked great on that first drive, he wound up with only 65 yards on 22 carries, for a measly 3.0 yard average, with a long run of only eight yards. He did score a touchdown, though, but that occurred with 1:53 left in the game and meant only some infinitesimally reduced embarrassment for the Nittany Lions.

Showing his versatility, Bolden capped off that Redd touchdown with a two-point conversion he ran in himself.

The only other Penn State score of the game was an Evan Lewis 43 yard field goal with 7:26 left in the first quarter, after the Nittany Lions stalled at the 26 yard-line during that masterful opening drive to which I heretofore alluded. What happened there? Why did they start looking so good and then broke down in the almost red zone yet, which is a famous Nittany trick? Well, as usual, the play calling became very conservative. Very conservative. Foolishly so. They had squandered three time outs due to poor communications during the drive. (More on that bullshit later.) Perhaps they thought that calling anything more complex than a fullback dive would result in a delay of game penalty as players scratched their heads while Bolden reviewed their responsibilities in the huddle. Who knows? After a brilliant fourth down conversion to the Alabama 29, Brandon Beachum ran for two yards and Silas Redd for one yard to bring up third and seven at the Alabama 26. Bolden tried to convert on third down but Justin Brown dropped the ball, another thing that has plagued the Lions at this early juncture. In any case — heaven be praised — the field goal was good from 43.

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Time and Tide

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Penn State welcomes Alabama, its premier extra-conference opponent, tomorrow for what we hope is a spirited clash in Beaver Stadium. We also hope that the fans — all of them — behave themselves and put their most gracious foot forward for our esteemed opponents, just as they do for us. This is not always the case of late. This Turkey gets extremely pissed off when fans act like assholes and show no respect for our worthy opponents, win or lose. That is not the Penn State way.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, what we have to look forward to, I fear, is another lopsided game. Does it surprise you that I should say that? Nah, you know that this Turkey is perennially the harbinger of gloom and doom. So many Nittany Lions fans have been waiting for this game, presumably for some kind of validation, that I feel bad for them. Maybe I should paint a picture of sunshine and lollipops like some other pseudo-journalists? Nah, that’s not the Turkey’s style. The Turkey wants everybody to suck down a dose of reality, for a change.

Alabama is ranked #3 in the meaningless Week One AP poll, whereas Penn State is ranked #23. Have 23’s beat 3’s before? Damn straight they have. However, this is an occasion on which my gut feel is that Alabama, while perhaps not really #3, is that much better than Penn State.

I don’t think that the problems we saw last week against the Sycamores can possibly have been resolved by tomorrow. The most glaring and egregious is pass protection. Our boys could not handle the blitz. Perhaps having a big body in Stephfon “Outta Da Doghouse” Green in the backfield will help in blitz situations. Perhaps Stephfon wants to redeem himself in front of a national TV audience and let the NFL take notice. But is he PSU’s secret pass protection counter-measure? Me not think so. Having watched McGloin make a split-second decision that almost became a pick-six last week,  I cringe to think of how many turnovers the Tide defense will force on a couple of quarterbacks who will be pressured constantly.

The other big issue is special teams. Yeah, I know. Chaz Powell did a helluva job running one back 95 yards. Will Alabama give that up? Nope. Powell is no Darren Sproles. (Just thought I would throw that in to show you that I watched the NFL opener last night). But some decent returns notwithstanding, Penn State’s kicking and coverage ranked somewhere between moderately fecal and extremely shitty. Just offal!  Will Anthony “I Outta Da Doghouse Too” Fera be the solution on punts and kickoffs? Me not think so. They might go deeper, but the coverage will still be deficient and Alabama is that much better.

Field goals? Hah! Not only was Evan Lewis 0-2 in field goals last week, but also he missed an extra point with no great pressure from the defense. I mean, hell, high school girls make extra points. Sam Ficken, the rangy freshman from Valparaiso, Indiana, entered the ISU game in relief of Lewis and made the one extra point with which he was tasked. Could Ficken be our man this week? Fick! I hope so!

Now, what about the quarterback competition (aka quarterback controversy)? It appears that we will have approximately the same situation as last week. Rob Bolden will start, but that doesn’t mean that he is being given the nod as titular starting quarterback because *da da da TADAAAAAA* (a fanfare in Turkeyese) Matt McGloin will split duties under center with Bolden. Is this the way to generate offense against Alabama? Me not think so. Just as a guy establishes a rhythm, the other guy comes in at the behest of Joe or Jay Paterno, and he starts from scratch. Different timing with receivers, different snap count vocals for the linemen to acclimate to, and a different presence in the huddle. Oy, such a disruption for all concerned. How does anyone expect this to work?

The creampuff games are the ones in which to try this kind of crap out, but we have had only one such outing thus far, in which McGloin showed himself to be the better passer. (Bolden was not as bad as his stats look, given that there were a couple of abysmal drops by his receivers). Bolden was ready to leave PSU after last year’s embarrassment of being beat out for the starting job. Other than playing hardball in not letting Bolden out of his scholarship commitment, what did Paterno do to make him stay around for another year of uncertainty? Did Joe promise him that he’d skew this season’s competition in his favor, but McGloin unwittingly foiled the plan by looking good out there? That confident guy leading the team against Indiana State wasn’t the McGloin of Outback Bowl ignominy. Perhaps he’s gotten over big game jitters. Perhaps not. It’s not for us to decide, but the damn decision must be made. Joseph V. Paterno: Please shit or get off the pot!

Same goes for Nick Saban and the wayward Tide. Quarterback duties thus far have been split between A.J. McCarron and Phillip Sims. PSU will probably see much more of McCarron.

Alabama, by the way, has a kicker, junior Jeremy Shelley, who is dangerous. Why? Because he can actually kick! Not only field goals, but extra points, too! He was perfect last week. In a close game, which this one won’t be, we turn to the kicker for salvation. If they need it, they’ve got it in the experienced Shelley.

Methinks Penn State’s best plan on defense is to shut down the run and force the pass. Duh! Typically vacuous, out of context words of wisdom. Lots of us speak of doing that like we know what the hell we’re talking about. We generally don’t. One thing is for sure: this is not the Penn State defense we all know and love. That it is, is wishful thinking.  Ah, the memories! These guys are mere pretenders next to the likes of the defenses in the 80s and 90s. Good old Linebacker U! Let us hope that the Lions have a couple of standouts who rise above the mediocre, because they’re going to need them to avoid embarrassment. Mauti, Crawford, Astorino: can you hear me now? Go ahead and try to shut down the run. Perhaps you can find a chink in their armor. Then, we’ve got them where we want them, right? Me not think so. These guys will burn you with the pass.

(Remember, the crossing pattern splitting the seam of the PSU zone defense has been something that Nittany Lions defenses have had difficulty with for years and years. Sandusky, why the hell did you endow us with that damn zone and why hasn’t anyone on the defensive staff worked hard to bolster the coverage of such a reliable play?)

Speaking of embarrassment, Penn State receivers, please remember to catch the ball before you do anything fancy! This was another source of embarrassment last week against a lesser opponent, one from the FCS division, already. Moye was predicted to be All-Conference this season. Thus far, he has shown exactly bupkis. Penn State, by the way, is presently a solid 104th in the FBS in passing yards. The ranking numbers don’t get much higher than that. They’re truly rank! Will the incompetence persist this week? Turkey hope not. Disaster looms if the Lions cannot stretch the field.

I can say nothing but good things about Silas Redd. Watching his tweets, I get a feel that this kid is replete with work ethic and takes direction well. (Lovers of sports cliches would say, “He’s the real deal!” Apologies to Evander Holyfield.) Redd had one helluva game last week, assisted by the offensive line and the lead blocking of fullback Michael Zordich. Will he have a good week against Alabama? Me not think so. Not his fault, though. An inexperienced offensive line is poison against quality opposition.

This has been declared a “white house” game — everybody is exhorted to wear white in order to show our Penn State solidarity. Beaver Stadium is, of course, sold out, so it will be a spectacle to behold: a huge bowl of white with a small sliver of crimson in the north end zone corner.

The weather for the game will be clearing with a couple of thunderstorms and a high of 72. The big problem, though, is all the flooding that has happened in Pennsylvania. Traveling to this game will be a nightmare, as will be parking. The unpaved lots will probably be closed. However, with the crack grounds crew at Beaver Stadium being a cut above, you can expect the field to be in pretty, pretty, pretty good shape.

The game will not be pretty, though. I suspect that the turnover count will be lopsided in the Tide’s favor. And, in Frank Gifford’s words, as recounted ad nauseam by Howard Cosell, “Turnovers’ll kill ya.” So will penalties as the frustration mounts.

Well, I’m standing by for incoming rounds, but that’s the way I see it.

And now, as usual, it is time for the Official Turkey Poop Prediction for the PSU-Alabama game. The old gang — and  I do mean old — will be gathering at Mike’s Garage on Saturday to watch this one go down. As I write this, the ficken line on the game has the Crimson Tide favored by 10 and the over/under at 42. I’ve given you enough drivel already, so I won’t be long-winded about this. Penn State does not do it, even with the points. Alabama 35, Penn State 10. Take the over.