The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Heidi Revisited?

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Forty years have elapsed since the infamous “Heidi Game,” which means that most of you readers will have absolutely no clue as to what I am talking about. The game, played on November 17, 1968, was an important AFL match up between the New York Jets and the Oakland Raiders, with both teams being at the peak of their all-time popularity and both sporting a 7-2 record for the season. It was a smash-mouth battle involving the two great arms of the time as the opposing quarterbacks, Joe Namath and Darryl Lamonica. As the exciting game ground to completion, with 65 seconds left in the game, the Jets led the defending champion Raiders 32-29.

NBC was broadcasting the game nationwide, and thought the game was decided. They had scheduled a broadcast of the children’s story Heidi at that time, so they pulled the plug on the football game, evoking justifiable ire and outrage among the viewing audience. Even if no more scoring was to take place, the fans deserved to see the end of the game, but there was more scoring. Lots more. In one of the greatest comebacks in professional football history, the Raiders scored 14 points in the final 65 seconds, winning the game 43-32. America suddenly had a new enemy, and it wasn’t the North Vietnamese—it was NBC.

The ensuing furious response actually broke the NBC switchboard the next morning.

What the hell does this have to do with anything in 2008? Well, we have a new enemy, and it is not Al Qaeda—it is ESPN/ABC.

The Disney-owned entertainment conglomerate chose to cut away from the Penn State-Oregon State game with practically a whole quarter remaining. Penn State was leading 45-7 at the time. Sure, it seemed like the Nittany Lions had the game well in hand, but being Penn State fans, we wanted to see Pat Devlin and some of the clean jerseys in action. From ABC’s perspective, it was a blowout, it was the primary national game on ABC for most of the country, and no doubt a lot of advertising revenue was at stake if viewers tuned out. In the Turkey’s Cave, we scrambled, looking around the satellite channels and not finding anything. There ensued a mad dash to get computers set up to listen to Steve Smith and Jack Ham doing the radio broadcast, which took a while and was distracting as hell. By that time it was 45-14, which would turn out to be the final score. We completely missed Jerome Hayes’ injury, which we had to read about in the morning news.

I can only imagine that the various viewing parties around the country were scenes of bemused chaos. ABC/ESPN protected their revenue, but what about people who walked out of bars around the country an hour or so earlier than they would have if the game were carried to completion? Doesn’t Disney have some responsibility to those small businesses and to the ordinary viewer? Or is it all about commercial revenue?

Ganja Three: Evidence Seized

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The Centre Daily Times has published the University Police’s list of items confiscated from the apartment of Maurice Evans, Abe Koroma, Andrew “Substance” Quarless, and AJ Wallace, to wit:

  • 5 roaches (marijuana cigarette butts)
  • 3 samples of suspected marijuana
  • an expired Pennsylvania learner’s permit
  • a bag of marijuana with an empty cigar from a trash can
  • mixed pills outside a trash can
  • a can containing a marijuana roach
  • bagging containing marijuana
  • a bag of marijuana in a trash can
  • ripped bagging from a trash can
  • a Penn State ID card

Apparently, these guys are so stupid that they don’t know how to use a toilet to flush the evidence.

By the way, Wallace was exonerated by Joe Paterno, which must mean that the cops told Joe that Wallace was not a party of interest. Now, I’m hearing that Quarless will dress for the game Saturday (that doesn’t mean he’ll play).

Paterno was so pissed off at them that he reportedly broke his watch slamming his fist down on the table at the team meeting Wednesday. Apparently, histrionics such as this are not working. Players continue to breech team rules and exhibit poor judgment, no matter how much ranting and raving Joe does. Paterno has lost it in every sense of the word.

Nothing Joe has done has served to curtail the lack of discipline among a certain element of this team. Dismissing Bell, Harriott, Hayes, Scott, and Taylor didn’t do it. Scirrotto’s inconsequential suspension didn’t do it. The ridiculous punish assignment meted out by Joe last year—the Sunday cleaning of Beaver Stadium after home games—didn’t do it. (In fact, initially that last one was to have gone on for the entire season, but Paterno curtailed it because he thought they learned their lesson. They obviously didn’t.)

So, why does Joe think that suspending these clowns is going to accomplish anything?

You know the answer to that question.

I am beginning to think that the ESPN Outside the Lines piece was more substance than smear, more red meat than red herring.

This particularly sucks because one of the team’s best players, Maurice Evans, is involved. I’m not saying this from a fan’s perspective. I personally don’t give a shit if this team loses the rest of their games this year, as long as they clean up their act. You would think that guys like Maurice Evans, who was on his way to a big, fat NFL paycheck, would think twice, if only in self-interest, before doing crazy shit like this. The “character flag” in NFL scouting reports guarantees a lower draft position, which means a lower salary, and it could cause many NFL organizations to look the other way. Evans is cutting off his nose to spite his face. He’s not even smart enough to look out for his own interest, let alone that of his team. Asshole.

It’s not just a pot party. It’s an “in yo’ face” pot party that violated team rules a night before practice on the second week of the season. If it had happened during the winter, I might have been inclined to look the other way. But, hell no, not during the season.

The team has a few captains. Where are they? Naming Scirrotto as a co-captain is kind of comical—leading by example? Sean Lee is kind of soft spoken. A.Q. Shipley could rattle a few cages.

I ask once again: When will the captains have a players-only meeting to take charge of this team?

It has to happen. Clearly, the coaches have lost it.

Water over the dam…

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Last week’s 66-10 victory over the overmatched FCS (I-AA) Coastal Carolina Chanticleers was like shooting chickens in a barrel for the #19 Penn State Nittany Lions (1-0, 0-0 Big Ten). We learned little about this year’s Lions viability against quality FBS (I-A) opposition. So, last week’s win is water over the dam.

This week, some rodents from Oregon come to Beaver Stadium thinking that it was named after them and not Col. Beaver. They aim to dam up the Nittany Lions’ offense with sticks, leaves, mud, and some underclassmen. The Nittany Lions have other ideas.

This is the first time the two schools have met, a matchup that replaced the Arkansas State game, which was originally scheduled for this date. For one reason or another, the schedule changed last December.

Last year, the Oregon State Beavers were 9-4, including a win over Maryland in the Emerald peanut bowl. They were credited with the best rush defense in the nation, allowing only 70.62 yards per game. They ranked 8th in total defense.  This compares quite favorably with the Penn State defense last year, which was 7th against the rush (93.77 yds) and 11th overall. Both teams have lost starters on defense, but Oregon State is in the unenviable position of having lost its entire front seven. So take their last year’s stats with a grain of salt.

Being the alma mater of two perennial NFL leading wide receivers, T J Housmanzadeh and Chad Ocho Cinco (formerly Chad Johnson), both of the Cincinnati Bengals, you would expect that the Beavers would be strong in this area. They are. In last week’s heartbreaking 36-28 loss to Stanford, senior wide receivers Sammy Stroughter and Wade Morales cranked out over 150 yards each, with three touchdowns. Stroughter, a co-captain, is back after sitting out most of last season with a kidney injury. In all, junior quarterback Lyle Moevao went 34-54 for 404 yards, 3 TDs, and 2 INTs. You might say that this is a passing team. I mean, 54 attempts and all!

But wait! The Castor canadensis boys can run when they need to. They have a couple of Rogers brothers, Jacquizz (freshman) and James (sophomore) who rang up a over 100 yards on 19 carries against Stanford.  James is listed as a slotback, and gained his ground yardage primarily on end-arounds. So, although the play mix was 54-19, pass over run, the run remains a threat. And we haven’t even mentioned the starting tailback, freshman Ryan McCants, who impressed in spring practice but only had four carries for 11 yards in this game.

In that Stanford game, Oregon State had 29 first downs to Stanford’s 18, and 490 total yards to Stanford’s 301—yet they still lost. What really beat them was turnovers, three of them, two interceptions and a fumble. If you don’t take care of the ball, you lose. Although last week’s Coastal Carolina scrimmage can not be much of an indication of anything, inasmuch as the McCabe Sisters hit harder than the Chanticleers’ linebackers, the fact that the Nittany Lions took care of the ball—unlike last year—is an encouraging sign. But it’s early.

Another thing about the Cardinal’s performance against the Beavers that portends well for Penn State is that the Stanford running game worked well against the green front seven of OSU. Toby Gerhart ran 19 times for 147 yards and Anthony Kimble was 18-49. Penn State is primarily a running team (duh!), so the Nittany Lions should be able to pick up a couple hundred on the ground.

What worries this Turkey is whether PSU’s back seven on defense will be up to the pass protection task against a team that throws on three out of every four downs. Last week, the secondary allowed a kindergarten receiver to beat them while they stood around beating the meat. But these Beavers are not Chanticleers. DANGER! WARNING! These wide receivers are good! The Beavers used mostly short sideline passes against the Cardinal, which was largely effective, until the interceptions happened. Tight end Howard Croom is the Beavers’ second-leading receiver. Our linebackers must be fully engaged in pass coverage.

The Penn State defense must learn how to pressure the quarterback while simultaneously covering the short pass routes and dump-offs, against which they didn’t impress last week. The Chanticleers adjusted to the overaggressive defense, but the defense did not adjust to the Chants’ adjustments. Thus, they were beaten by screens and outlet passes. They’ve got to do better this week. It helps that the center and right side of the Oregon State offensive line are all newbies.

At this point, one can only speculate on what might happen to the defense if Small-quantity-of-marijuana-gate results in suspensions. For now, head coach Joe Paterno has adopted a wait and see attitude. The police have sent away the contents of the stash for analysis, which can take a couple of weeks. If it is found to be a THC-containing herb, some citations could be issued. None of the four players were allowed to practice Wednesday, and at this point it is unknown what their status will be for Saturday’s game. One thing that IS certain is that if Evans, Koroma, and Wallace are lost, the defense is in serious jeopardy. Quarless is another story.

Assuming that they’re at full strength, the Nittany Lion defense will be subjected to its first big test of the year. It will be interesting to watch.

I suspect that we’ll see a predominately rushing attack from Penn State. (So much for the Spread HD.) Tropical Storm Hanna is expected to produce some copious precipitation of the liquid sunshine variety in State College and environs, presently forecast at 0.35″. With brand spanking new baby boy quarterbacks in such conditions, the pass is a risky proposition, but you would think that the Beavers, being from Corvallis, are used to playing wet.

Interesting factoid: Oregon State sophomore starting linebacker Keith Pankey and freshman tight end Kevin Pankey are the twin sons (Kevin delayed enrollment by 1 year) of Penn State second team All-American guard Irv Pankey (1977-79). Irv will be in the stands Saturday.

And now, that moment you’ve all been waiting for: The Official Turkey Poop Prediction. This will be a dicey one, because of the potential for a major weather effect and possible suspensions of starters. I feel that the PSU defense will give up significant passing yards. On the other hand, until it matures quite a bit, the Beaver defense is vulnerable. The Nittany Lions are favored by 16 with an over/under of 46, suggesting a final score of 30-14. This Turkey thinks it will be closer. With weather and suspensions still a question mark, Penn State 36, Oregon State 24.

We’ll be back on the weekend with a game synopsis and an analysis by this week’s guest reporter, Sacajawea.