The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Some “WTF?” Answers

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I know that you’re all wondering what the TicketCity Bowl is all about. After all, it’s only been in existence for two years. I’ll attempt to provide some answers to some obvious questions here.

TicketCity Bowl
TicketCity Bowl

What does the logo mean?

Funny you should ask. I was wondering the same thing. Visions of the Land Grant Trophy atrocity coursed through my corpora callosa as I dissected what appeared to be an emblem that resulted from a sixth grade public school art contest across the Metroplex. Let us start with the obvious. TicketCity, the name of the primary sponsor, and the word “Bowl” are emblazoned on what looks like a raffle ticket. Beyond that, it gets more complicated to analyze. There is an eagle sitting on the toilet with wings outspread and a football being punctured by its huge talon. The other talon is grabbing something else, which is hidden behind the football. The eagle’s beak is open, as if it is squawking, “What the hell do you want from me? They’re paying me peanuts for this gig! I asked for a squirrel, but all I’m getting is peanuts! WTF?” He is so incensed that gamma rays are shooting out of his head toward a rearranged skyline of Dallas. And, wait! That’s not a toilet! It’s a scale model of the Cotton Bowl Stadium that the eagle is taking a crap on.

Perhaps that is a Phoenix bird to signify that after the Cotton Bowl Classic left the Cotton Bowl stadium in 2010, a new post-season game is rising from the ashes. Or it is just a pissed off eagle telling us what he thinks of life in Dallas.

What is TicketCity?

TicketCity is an event ticket service that’s been around for 20 years. They not only sell tickets, but also buy them. They partner with various schools and events to provide tickets to eager customers who can’t get them through the primary channels.

How do I get tickets?

Game tickets are available for purchase online using the official online ordering site. Tickets are also available by calling the office at (972) 444-2550. Tickets will be available by phone or online until one day prior to the game. Tickets will be available at Cotton Bowl Stadium box office on game day only.

TicketCity MVP Trophy
TicketCity MVP Trophy

Is there anything else you want to poke fun at?

As it turns out, yes. The MVP trophy is no Land Grant Trophy, to be sure! On an ebony base rests a scale model of the Cotton Bowl, inside of which is a sarcophagus the size of the playing field, topped with a polished marble slab and bearing the great seal of the TicketCity Bowl (see above) on its end. Atop the marble slab is the obligatory Waterford Crystal oblate spheroid, somewhat resembling a football. I bet you could make something similar from parts you could find in your workshop plus a Cotton Bowl model from one of the concession stands, but how is it all held together? With glue? With a steel rod? Or is it designed so that all those parts that look like they’ll fall apart can actually be used separately? For example, you might want to use the crystal egg as a table decoration at Easter time, or you might want to bury your poor pet parakeet in the sarcophagus. It’s actually three trophies in one!

Is this really a bowl game?

Folks, I know I’ve often kidded around about Penn State’s potential bowl bids, particularly during the Dark Years. You know how I’d go on and on about the Nittany Lions doing no better than the Toilet Bowl in Kohler, Wisconsin. But I’m serious now. This is a real bowl. Northwestern beat Texas Tech in it last year, so you could ask them if it is real if you don’t believe me. In fact, it was the most watched program ever on ESPN’s obscure ESPNU channel.

No shit? I mean really, you’re making this shit up.

I’m not that creative. I couldn’t even draw as well as the sixth grader who won the logo contest. I’ve spent a lot of time in Dallas, and it’s not the place I would pick for a booby prize bowl, but it sure is a long way from Pasadena (and Kohler, Wisconsin as well).

100% Pure Cotton — n’wait!

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TicketCity Bowl
TicketCity Bowl

It seems that the beleaguered Nittany Lions (9-3, 5-2 B1G) are headed to the TicketCity Bowl in Dallas to face the Houston Cougars (12-1 8-0 C-USA), who until this past weekend held aspirations of an undefeated season and a BCS invitation, which would have been the first ever for a Conference USA program.

Houston was soundly defeated by Southern Mississippi, home of Penn State’s purported next head coach, maybe, possibly, perhaps, by the score of 49-28. Still, Houston is the nation’s leader in passing yards and total points scored.

Last time in Dallas, Penn State was the victor in the 1972 Cotton Bowl. The stakes are lower now. Penn State also made history in Dallas in 1948 when no hotels would accept the two black players on the Nittany Lions squad. The entire team wound up staying at a Navy facility 14 miles out of town in solidarity with their teammates.

Fortunately, segregation is gone from the South, but unfortunately, many venues were queasy about inviting Penn State to their bowl game. Kudos to the TicketCity Bowl Committee and TicketCity for damning the torpedoes from the ignorant folks who would blame innocent people for molesting children. Jerry Sandusky did the molesting, but I digress passionately.

While the actual Cotton Bowl Classic will be played on January 6 in Jerry Jones’ new $1.3 billion Cowboys Stadium, this this this … game … is situated at the ollllld Cotton Bowl stadium on the Texas State Fairgrounds, which opened in 1930. Fortunately, the facility was extensively renovated in 2008, when the seating capacity was increased to 92,100 — I don’t think we’ll be seeing those seats filled. The record attendance of 96,009 was recorded for the 2009 Red River Rivalry (Texas vs. Oklahoma).

The TicketCity Bowl was first played in 2011 on New Year’s Day. It pitted Northwestern and Texas Tech, and was won by the Wildcats 45-38. Originally the game was to be between the Big Ten and year-to-year alternating opponents from the Big 12 and Conference USA. Alas, when Nebraska and Colorado bolted from the Big 12, the Big 12 became the Big 12-2, and the conference dropped its commitment to the TicketCity Bowl. Thus, it is now just the Big 10+2 and Conference USA.

The payout for this minor bowl is $1.2 million. Penn State had previously committed $1.5 million of Big Ten bowl proceeds to two charities to benefit abused children. Big Ten programs share their bowl revenues.

The TicketCity Bowl will be played on January 2, 2012. Kickoff is at noon (sound familiar, Nittany Lions fans?). TV coverage will be on the backwater of ESPN, ESPNU, maybe even in HD.

Hey, it isn’t the Cotton Bowl, but it is a New Year’s Day game, if you can find it. Its time conflicts with three other Big Ten bowls: the Gator, Capital One, and Outback bowls.

When I went to check the TicketCity Bowl Official Site, it was down due to some capacity issues. I guess we PSU fans were overloading the web servers with “WTF?” questions in mind.

Of course, the Nittany Lions are sucking hind tit this year because of you-know-what. I think people are being ridiculous, especially in view of Penn State’s huge alumni association and large collection of yinzers and such from the Keystone State who don’t mind spending megabucks when they travel. Barely bowl eligible Ohio State (6-6) goes to the Gator Bowl to play the barely bowl eligible Gators (6-6), although I don’t know which stigma is worse, playing in a TicketCity bowl or a TaxSlayer bowl. Michigan (10-2) winds up with a BCS bid to the Sugar Bowl. Nebraska (9-3) gets the lucrative Capital One. OK, so now I’m bitching. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Turkey! At least there was one bowl willing to risk what the others wouldn’t. Damn timid people — lemmings — wouldn’t want to ruffle any deep-pocketed feathers, would they?

 

Lions finish regular season like pussycats

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It wasn’t the worst lopsided loss by a major program on Saturday — UCLA having lost to NCAA purgatory dwelling USC 50-0 — but it was a thorough and convincing beat down. Number 16 Wisconsin (10-2, 6-2 Big Ten) defeated #19 Penn State (9-3, 6-2) 45-7 at Camp Randall. Wisconsin will play in the inaugural Big 10 championship game in Indianapolis on December 3, while the Nittany Lions grab a piece of the Leaders Division championship (the part that doesn’t mean anything).

A road start at 3:30 should have given our guys a good basis for for pulling out a maximum effort. At Jackstand’s Garage, Zbeard opined before the game, having read my column here, that he disagreed with my prediction. He said, “Penn State can win this game.” I thought, hmmm, what haven’t I thought of? What did I miss? It looked to me like the Badgers were vastly superior and would run all over the Lions. So, I asked, “Why do you say that?”

“Because they haven’t played it yet,” responded zbeard.

Oh.

“We’ve been facing quarterbacks like that all year.But he’s obviously phenomenal at what he does. When we didn’t have good coverage, he’d complete a pass.” —Drew Astorino, Penn State safety

The early glimmer of hope evident in Jackstand’s Man Pit, a decidedly 1970s sectional seating arrangement, arose out of an early touchdown on a 44 yard, pass from Matt McGloin to Curtis Drake, which probably saved a shutout. The Nittany Lions set up this touchdown with a little help from the Badgers when James White ran into punter Anthony Fera on third and four. Jubilation overcame Jackstand’s Man Pit, but alas, it was the last time any cheering was to be heard as the four of us (Jackstand, zbeard, Artificially Sweetened, and the Nittany Turkey) would have nothing at all to cheer for the remainder of the game, at least until about the time the halftime food was unveiled.

Subsequent to Penn State’s lone touchdown, their only scoring of the day, Wisconsin dominated the Lions in every way they could.

By halftime, the Badgers led 28-7. What halftime adjustments could Bradley make with his team having made four first downs as opposed to Wisconsin’s 12? The only adjustment that made sense would be to adjust their protective cups for increased comfort while they sleepwalked through the rest of the game. This was akin to picking a scrawny looking guy in a barroom brawl, landing a lucky first punch, and then getting pummeled by what turns out to be an ex-Marine with a 7th degree black belt in Who Flung Poo, then getting up in a daze and coming back for more. Masochism, to be sure, but better than curling up in the fetal position and absorbing the blows.

Wisconsin picked up where they had left off. Brett Bielema is not the type of gentleman coach who would relent in the name of good sportsmanship like some former Penn State coaches might, and he most assuredly didn’t, piling on another 17 points after the intermission.

This turkey had seen quite enough by halftime — enough to know that no comeback was possible, so I proceeded to get sodden on boxed wine.

Time of possession? Wisconsin 38:17, Penn State 21:43. That stat tells you how long the PSU defense was on the field fighting the two-headed dragon, sucking wind most of the game. Badger quarterback Russell Wilson was 19-29 for 186 yards aerially with two touchdowns and no interceptions, plus he gained 36 yards on seven carries on the ground. He eluded tackles in the backfield. He has now thrown a touchdown pass in 36 straight games. Stud running back Montee Ball ran roughshod all over the PSU defense, as the Badgers’ offensive line double teamed Devon Still all day to neutralize him. Ball finished with 156 yards on 25 carries and four touchdowns. James White added 73 rushing yards. The Badgers were able to amass 450 total yards against Penn State’s vaunted defense. Faced with Wilson’s talented, pinpoint passing and Ball’s ball-shattering runs, the lads did not know which way to turn.

Penn State’s offense was ineffectual, due to its own suckage plus a dominating defensive performance by Wisconsin. The Nittany Lions could scrape together a mere 233 total yards, and had 12 first downs to Wisconsin’s 27. Individually, this was not one of Matt McGloin’s better days, as he threw 17 times for 97 yards and a touchdown. He was intercepted once. Rob Bolden entered the game in the fourth quarter; he was no better. Bolden was 2-7 for 22 yards. Our running dudes were just a-ight. Silas Redd led the pack with 66 yards on 12 carries and Curtis Dukes added 25 yards on six carries. Sloppy ball handling made the suckage all the worse — the aforementioned inopportune interception started the ball rolling (so to speak), exacerbated by three fumbles lost the rest of the way.

No excuses. Wisconsin was tough. We knew that at the beginning of the season when we predicted three losses in November for the Lions. However, we can be proud of playing Nebraska close, and coming up with a rare victory in Columbus. The guys had to be pretty wrung out given the big scandal at Penn State plus the two big games preceding this one. Still, they admittedly came out flat emotionally and probably did not give their all. Moving the ballforward seemed a veritable impossibility for Penn State, which converted only four of thirteen third downs. Turning the ball over to Wisconsin’s “non-suspect” offense was the coup de grace, and the Nittany Lions’ seven penalties for 58 yards added fuel to the Badger bonfire. I’m not saying that the outcome of the game would have been different absent some of the particularly egregious penalties and turnovers, but I can say with certainty that the score would have been much less embarrassing.

To add injury to insult, Penn State running back Brandon Beachum broke a fibula in the fourth quarter. This will undoubtedly mean that he won’t be playing in the bowl game.

Wisconsin next plays Michigan State for the Big Ten’s inaugural championship game on December 3 at Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis. The winner will surely get a Rose Bowl bid.

Interim coach Tom Bradley is giving the boys a week off to lick their wounds before resuming practice for their ever controversial bowl game. Bowl selections will be decided after all the conference championships have taken place on December 10. Some bowl officials have remarked negatively about Penn State. Some think that even with lesser records, mid-level New Year’s Day bowls might prefer to evade the notoriety of hosting the scandalous Penn State in favor of the lesser scandalous Ohio State or the squeaky clean (for now) Iowa Hawkeyes, in spite of both of those intitutions’ inferior records. If their prognostication is correct, say goodbye to the Capital One, Outback, and Gator bowls. Our local rag here, the Orlando Sentinel, predicts that Penn State will land in the Insight Bowl in Tempe, Arizona on December 30 — just about as far away from Florida as possible. That’s probably wishful thinking in view of the hit piece written by Mike Bianchi. Other pundits have suggested that it will be the Meineke Car Care Bowl in Charlotte. This should be interesting. We’ll discover which bowl committees have balls, and which have none.

In the meanwhile, we need a break, too.