The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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They Know Who They Are

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A couple of things stick out on the Hoosiers’ schedule this year: 1) they and the Buckeyes bludgeoned each other to a 52-49 win for Brutus, and 2) Indiana scores a helluva lot of points for the slackers everyone in the Big Ten thinks they are. What gives with that? With our usual panache, we’ll try to figure these guys out.

Indiana UniversityThe Indiana Hoosiers (4-6, 2-4 Big Ten) invade Beaver Stadium to take on the Nittany Lions (6-4, 4-2). The Who-siers are reeling from a 62-14 loss to Wisconsin in which the Badgers piled up a record-setting 524 yards rushing. Meanwhile, the Lions are coming off a controversial 32-23 loss to Nebraska, which has a lot of people pissing and moaning about bad calls in the Big Ten. (We’ll have none of the PSU Paranoia here, but if it makes you feel better…)

The post title refers to a comment I read from one sportswriter after the Penn State vs. Ohio State game, in an article comparing Penn State’s inept performance against the near upset of the Big Ten’s best by the Hoosiers. “They know who they are,” he said, “and they just played their game without caring about who the other guys are.” That’s a pretty simplistic analysis, but there’s something to be said for just going out there and playing damn football.

Obviously, just bearing in mind the demolition job done by the Badgers, the Indiana rushing defense just plain sucks the big one. If you want rankings, they’re an embarrassing #118 in the FBS, with only Miami (Ohio) and Eastern Michigan on their tail. The 524 yards against them didn’t help — hahahhahahhahaha — as they have given up over five yards per carry on the average through ten games and their yards against average is a suckful 244 yards. Hell, the Badgers just said, “screw it!”, and ran Montee Ball and his supporting cast at them all day long, 56 carries for an average of 8.8 yards per carry.

Now, the Penn State running game is no great shakes, and Zach Zwinach is no Montee Ball. (Senator, I knew Montee Ball. Montee Ball was a friend of mine, and Senator, you’re no Montee Ball. This is an oblique reference to former Vice President of the United States and United States Senator Dan Quayle of Indiana, who did not attend IU. He graduated from DePauw. I digress.) However, this will be like pouring water through a rusted out sieve. Zwinach should have an easy 100 yard game, maybe 200. Wonder whether O’Brien’s Doghouse resident Bill Belton will get some time. Like a hot knife through butta! If Belton stinks against Indiana, there’s no hope for him. I’m thinking he’ll play because he’s been a good boy in practice and O’Brien will want to give him a confidence builder. If so, there’s no reason both he and Zwinach can’t get 100 yards. Throw in a 69 for Mike Zordich, which he’ll appreciate, and you can expect perhaps a 300-plus yard day.

The Hoosiers’ pass defense is mediocre, but it shows up being a helluva lot better than it really is because no one sees much of a need to pass on them. They’ve allowed only 201.8 passing yards per game, but what the hell does that mean if everyone is just handing the ball off against them on four out of five plays. With that in mind, angry boy Matt McGloin will find receivers, unless O’Brien pisses him off by telling him to hand the ball to Zwinach on four plays out of five. Look for another tantrum early in the second half because, to quote O’Brien, “we have free speech in this country.” But I digress. Whattya think? Maybe 300 yards passing, if McGloin doesn’t get too pissed off and starts throwing pick-sixes?

(I sound down on McGloin, but I like his progress this year. Thing is, he has to control that temper and direct “the force” toward being less pissed off and more focused. Yeah, that’s easier said than done, I know, but I’m just sayin’. If you don’t agree, then you probably wouldn’t agree with me if I said that there is no Santa Claus.)

So, like a 600-yard game for Penn State, if all goes well? Whattya think?

What can Indiana’s rushing offense do against our vaunted front seven. I’ve been using that sarcasm all year now, so I better tell you that I think they’re pretty damn good, with a couple of NFL-capable guys in there; however, the absence of depth is a serious issue that might have led to several second-half letdowns this year. Individual talent, we’ve got; enough of it to last a whole game — that’s in doubt. The ideal game plan for an opponent would involve lots of punishing up-the-gut runs, and wait for the defense to start sucking wind. I think we’ve seen that a few times this year, most recently in the Nebraska game, which was another second-half failure. But does Indiana have the talent to do that? Ranking 83rd in the FBS with an average of 138.2 yards per game, I think not.  Its leading rusher, junior running back Stephen Houston, is averaging 58 yards.

On the other hand, the passing hand, aerial supremacy is the Hoosiers’ only hope. Ranked 26th nationally against Penn State’s secondary, which also lacks depth, a hot-handed Cameron Coffman could give the Lions trouble. Trouble, as it were, is his middle name. OK, I made that up. He threw for 282, 275, and 315 yards, respectively, against the decent defenses of Moo U., Ohio State, and Iowa. Through ten games he has had a paltry six intercepted passes — none against those three schools — and a total of twelve touchdown passes. If the defensive front seven tire in the second half and the sometimes erratic secondary makes a few fatal misjudgements… Oy!

I should write the same thing each week about special teams. Penn State’s suck, however last week Sam Ficken had a perfect day, kicking three of three field goals! Cool! Maybe he is salvageable, as of the 11th game of the year.

That’s enough! Enough pseudo-analysis (or “breaking-down”). Oh, yeah — I just thought of another sports wonk atrocity: “reset”. A “game reset” means we’ll show you statistics thus far during the game. Do they all go back to zero once they’re reset?

Who’s a Hoo?

Mark Cuban
Mark Cuban

Today’s featured alumnus is Internet wunderkind and sports owner Mark Cuban. Cuban, 54, owns the Dallas Mavericks, among lots of other billionaire toys. How did a nice Jewish boychik (original family name “Chabenisky”) from Pittsburgh wind up with a degree from Indiana University (not the one in Pennsylvania)? Actually, he transferred from the University of Pittsburgh after a year, and who can blame him for wanting to leave Pitt? Of course, he chose Indiana’s Kelley School of Business because it was the cheapest of all the business schools he investigated. His business career started at the age of 12 when he sold garbage bags to raise funds for a new pair of sneakers. He funded his college expenses by collecting and selling stamps. Anyone who pulls the wealth envy crap on Cuban ought to understand that he’s seen both sides of that fence. Maybe that’s why his NBA players think he’s such a great guy — he can rub elbows with mere millionaires like them and not act like he’s slumming.

Miscellaneous Notions and Prediction

Such nice weather for football. You never know what to expect in November in State College. But this will be a perfect day, mostly sunny with game-time temperature around 47° Fahrenheit or 24.8438° Richter. (Yes, there is a Richter scale for temperature — so don’t expect the ground to shake!) Winds will be calm, so weather is absolutely not a factor.

The intangibles associated with this game are many. The emotional loss to Nebraska deflated Penn State’s communal ego. The job of focusing these young guys rests on Bill O’Brien’s shoulders. Hillary said that it takes a community to raise a child, but The Nittany Turkey says it takes a damn good football coach to make men out of a bunch of boys. Indiana knows who they are — if not, they were told who they really are by Wisconsin — and Penn State needs to figure out who they are and where they’re going. With end of season doldrums come let-downs on the field, but they’re playing for pride out there, if only O’Brien can instill some of that magical commodity in them. Our boys need to show Indiana who they are.

If all goes well, the outcome of this game should be equivalent to all the others played between the two. In spite of what the NCAA has done with its vacating of PSU wins, Penn State has won them all. However, Indiana has been pesky at times, including that 29-28 game in 1994 that could have been the straw that broke the national championship’s back that year. So, yeah, it’s a major thing to not look past this scrappy band of vandals, as perhaps Moo U. and Ohio State might have done earlier this year. We need to give them the full Montee treatment, so to speak.

I’m out of puns, so it’s time for the Official Turkey Poop Prediction for this 11th game of Penn State’s first sanction clouded season. Lions favored by 17, up from an initial two-touchdown opening spread, with an over/under of 56. Fifty-six? Do whut? Hell, Wisconsin scored more than that alone, without any help from the Hoosiers. Or maybe with lots of help. Anyhow, I don’t see any chance for an upset here at all (which means they better damn well be careful out there). Penn State 45, Indiana 16. Take the OVER! 

Mistakes’ll Kill Ya

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In a mistake-laden performance reminiscent of bad high school football, Penn State (4-1, 1-0 Big Ten) prevailed over Indiana (1-4, 0-1 Big Ten) 16-10.

The Nittany Lions’ performance flat out sucked, following a disgusting pattern that has long afflicted them in road games, particularly noon starts.

The team came out flat but managed to threaten early. Classic red zone ineptitude ensued. Rob Bolden threw what looked to be a touchdown pass from the eight yard line, but it was nullified by a holding penalty. So, this Turkey was thinking, they’ll probably wind up settling for three in the worst case. ??? ???? ????? ?? ???????? ?????? What happens? Bolden throws a damn interception in the end zone and State is denied the opportunity to draw first blood. That’s road game red zone ineptitude. Epic fail!

Indiana would draw first blood with a 49 yard field goal on the ensuing series. Midway through the second period, Penn State would come back to tie. Ho hum.

I was beginning to feel that my crystal ball was a bit off. Recall that I predicted a 35-20 game. This one was likely to finish 6-3, setting football back 100+ years to that first game between Princeton and Rutgers, which ended with a 6-4 score, which was the identical score to the Penn State-Iowa game that previously served as the prime example of Penn State retrofootball. But I digress. Although the Nittany Lions won, taking the “over” would have been a mistake, as the Las Vegas books were taking over/under action at 48. The final total was a mighty 26. However, as expected, PSU did not cover the spread. (What else is new?) No one ever went broke in the 21st Century betting against Penn State covering the spread.

The half wound up deadlocked at 3-3, as Anthony Fera missed a 52-yard field goal at the gun. Joe Paterno limped off the field and would spend the second half in the press booth. ??? ??????? If he gave the boys a chewing out in the locker room, it had no effect as they came out flat again in the second half. ????? ???????

They managed to squander an opportunity to get a quick six points on a Hoosier fumble at their own 13 yard line. Against a rushing defense ranked #97, you would think that Silas Redd could quickly hit paydirt. Well, for that, he would have to be given the ball. He wasn’t. Two crappily incomplete Bolden passes and a Bolden 3 yard run was all this low powered offense could muster. The Lions finally took a 6-3 lead on a 27-yarder by Anthony Fera.

After an IU three-and-out, Bolden rode the legs of Silas Redd and Curtis Dukes sown to the Indiana three yard line in the only sustained drive of the game thus far. Could this finally be an elusive touchdown? Nope. Redd fumbled the ball away at the Indiana 2. No points.

On the next Penn State series, Matt McGloin threw a 74 yard touchdown pass to Derek Moye, the only brilliant play of the game, which would give the Lions all the points they would need to win this slopfest. They added three for good measure at the onset of the fourth period on a 33 yard Fera field goal. The Hoosiers staged a comeback attempt and seemed like they might be able to actually accomplish it, scoring a touchdown with about four minutes remaining. They made one more try at the end of the game, managing to drive down to the PSU 40 and throwing a hail mary at the final gun, which failed. Final score, Penn State 16, Indiana 10.

Penn State was good enough to put twice as many points on the board against the worst defense in the Big Ten. They had 464 yards overall, which could have been many, many more had their two-headed quarterback been able to connect with receivers. This time, it was not the receivers’ fault. Both Bolden and McGloin seemed to be throwing at receivers’ feet. Together, they were 16-36 for 271 yards, one touchdown and one interception. In addition to the INT, Penn State lost two fumbles and were penalized five times for 60 yards. Mistakes’ll kill ya.

There is no winner in the quarterback competition. They both suck. The offensive line is truly offensive, in the deodorant commercial sense of the word. There is no fire, no animation in these guys on either side of the ball. Mauti’s loss was  a big one, as now, Drew Astorino is the only PSU defender who shows any emotion. It will truly suck to watch these clowns the rest of the year.

Silas Redd should be pissed off at his inept offensive line for making him have to do all the work. He could be seen frequently moving his own blockers’ bodies out of the way in order to gain some running room. As predicted by this Turkey, Redd had a breakout day, with 29 carries for 129 yards. Curtis Dukes ably handled the backup chores with 54 yards of his own.

Derek Moye led all Penn State receivers with six catches for 158 yards and a touchdown.

OK, now look, boys and girls. This Turkey is going to tell you something. This team sucks with a capital “S”. Given this performance and its portent for things to come, the road gets very rocky from now on. Without stretching things too much, I can see them going 1-6 from here out. If they can’t even handle fundamentals, I’m not even going to enjoy watching them. It’s been a long time since I’ve missed a Penn State game on television, other than to attend the game live, but I’ll miss at least one of the forthcoming games, because frankly, I have better ways of wasting my time.

I’ll be back later in the week to preview the loss to Iowa.

 

 

PSU vs. Indiana

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Catchy title, eh? I didn’t want to strain my brain at this late hour. This is probably the latest game preview I’ve filed. There are no deadlines around here.

Indiana UniversityHere we have probably the least desirable major college football matchup that is still actually televised today. On a day on which Nebraska and Wisconsin square off in the same time slot as Florida vs. Alabama, 8 pm, we wouldn’t expect that any but the hardiest of die-hard Penn State and Indiana fans will be watching this thing. ESPN didn’t think so either, as the game is relegated to ESPNU, which is where you go when your game is too crappy to be broadcast on ESPN2. That’s how far down the totem pole we are today.

I cringe to think of the announcing crew we’ll get. Last week we had a babe who was not Pam Ward. She seemed better than Pam, who seems to be on beta-blockers, but she just didn’t do it for me.

On a TV watching desirability scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is another boring Obama speech and 10 is the latest “Game of the Century” this year, this one merits a 2. If your wife would like to take you shoe shopping at the mall during this time slot, you might have to think about that one for a while.

This has all the components of a frustrating game for Penn State (3-1, 0-0 Big Ten), as perennial Big Ten patsy Indiana (1-3, 0-0 Big Ten) hosts the Nittany Lions in Bloomington. It’s a noon start, which we’ve beaten to death here, but, furthermore, it’s a noon start on the road, which has long been a perilous scenario for the Lions. The coaching, which is notably anal in the friendly confines of Beaver Stadium, tightens up even more away from home, even against an awful team like the Hoosiers. The players might tend to look past this week’s patsy to next week’s perennial nemesis, Iowa. The spark plug for the defense, Michael Mauti, is out for the season with a torn ACL, and the offense is hampered by Joe Paterno’s quarterback tag team, not to mention an inept offensive line. The kicking game comes into play in close games, which this one shouldn’t be, but for all the aforementioned reasons, certainly could be. Typically, Penn State will let an opponent like Indiana hang around most of the game, then need a humungous  effort in the second half to surmount them. That’s called dumb, and that’s cause by the conservative coaching coupled with other problems like receivers dropping passes. It would be a trap game were it not for last week’s victory over another cream puff for the Lions.

The Hoosiers will come out loaded for bear, given that their furious fourth quarter comeback against mighty North Texas of the Sun Belt Conference last week fell short by a field goal. The only problem is that they’ll be facing Lions this week, so the bear loads will be ineffectual. In the 24-21 loss to North Texas, IU gave up 427 yards to a balanced attack. Neither team showed much defense, with the Hoosiers’ predominately aerial game netting 404 yards. Indiana’s two quarterbacks attempted 52 passes in that game, completing 30, with two touchdowns and an interception, accounting for 354 of those 404 total yards. That leaves just 50 for the ground game. You’ve really gotta have a ground game to win in the Big Ten.

So, remember last week when this Turkey said that the Emus would eschew the pass based on their pattern thus far, but they came out throwing? Well, no dumb cluck this Turkey is. I learn by my mistakes, so I’m going to say that the Hoosiers will come out throwing. Try and fool me will they? I’ll show ’em. However, Indiana has some dangerous receivers, and Penn State’s secondary is not all that good, certainly not as good as the defense’s current #7 ranking against the pass implies. With D’Anton Lynn out this week, they’ll be struggling even more. Everyone knows how to beat the Sandusky Zone, and even EMU was effective to some extent against it. So, I do expect Indiana to complete some passes against them, some for sizable gains.

With the Lions on offense, look for a breakout day for Silas Redd. Even with an offensive line that sucks, Redd should do well against a defense that is ranked #95 against the run. The two-headed quarterback wearing the white jersey can feel confident in throwing the ball, too, as Indiana ranks #85 in pass efficiency defense and #117 in sacks. A balanced attack should work well in this game, especially if the receivers do their jobs and catch the damn ball!

The special teams are about evenly sucky. Penn State has a slight edge here because of its superior punter; however, if this game goes the way this Turkey thinks it will, there will be little cause for the Lions to punt.

The weather won’t be a factor, as the forecast is for perfect football weather: mostly sunny with a high of 60°.

I want to see Penn State jump out to an early lead and stay out of striking range the rest of the way. Will they do it that way? Nah, I doubt it. This is one of those “Yeah, we suck, but the opponent sucks worse” kind of games. Players never seem to be seriously upbeat about that kind, and especially with Mauti gone, spirit is going out the window. I cringe to think of what lackluster play will do to the Nittany Lions in November, if not sooner.

So, before I go back to bed, I’m going to favor you with the Official Turkey Poop Prediction come hell or high water. The crooks at gambling parlors favor the Lions by 14.5 points, with an over/under of 48. This game could get pretty pretty pretty wild with all that passing happening. After both teams stink up the first quarter, Indiana will jump out ahead by a touchdown, the Lions will wake up, and then hell’s fury will be unleashed. (Or not.) In a somewhat entertaining second half, the Lions catch up and then play see-saw for a while before beating the Hoosiers 35-21. This time, as usual, they fail to cover the spread, but you can take the “over.”

See y’all soon for a recap of the game, if I can stay awake through it.