The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Why He Resigned the Paterno Chair

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Michael Bérubé held an endowed chair in literature at Penn State, one that was funded by and named for the Paterno family and which Professor Bérubé recently resigned. He leads into his essay in the Chronicle of Higher Education with the following:

I don’t need to explain why I resigned the Paterno Family Professorship in Literature at Pennsylvania State University, do I? I mean, really. It was the Paterno Family Professorship in Literature. That’s all you need to know.

Except that’s not all you need to know. And much of what you think you know is wrong.

“The Sandusky scandal is a criminal matter. It is not an opportunity for those of you who hate college football to opine about the evils of college football.”  —Prof. Michael Bérubé

Read it. I guarantee you that it will get your blood pumping like an oil rig. You won’t regret it.

I won’t write a bunch of my drivel here, for Bérubé needs no help from me. Read it!

I can promise you that he hits on just about everything you would hope that he hits on, including that vindictive witch, Vicky Triponey:

And I have watched in amazement as Vicky Triponey, a former vice president for student affairs who became infamous in some circles at Penn State for eliminating the right of students to have a say in what groups are recognized on campus, remade herself as “the Woman Who Stood Up to Paterno” (to cite a CNN.com headline from July 2012). If you never heard of Triponey until she began to take her sweet revenge on Paterno, you don’t know how surreal it is for many of us to see the woman who tried to cut funds from the student radio station—for its criticisms of the university administration, some students charged—being touted as the brave whistle-blower who lost her job for crossing the football coach.

Ya gotta love it!

Thanks to reader zbeard for pointing us toward Bérubé’s article.

 

Steppin’ in It

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We used to call it “Sphincter Ball”. Penn State’s venerable erstwhile head coach Joe Paterno was a percentage player, not a gambler. Numerous instances of his exasperatingly conservative calls pollute our football memories with sad tales of lost opportunities. It was annoying, and it typically led to unsatisfyingly mixed feelings of Pyrrhic victories when the conservatism paid off, and anger when it didn’t.

“Never up, never in.”

“You can’t hit a home run if you don’t step up to the plate.”

Sports metaphors abound.

“The defensive form of war is not a simple shield, but a shield made up of well-directed blows.” —Carl von Clausewitz

Why couldn’t we have tried a play-action pass instead of running it up the gut four times, only to turn the ball over on downs at the one yard-line? I don’t have to tell you which specific game that was, because there were many similar examples through the years and you all know them well. I had Michigan in mind, but it might well have been Alabama. The M.O. was the same.

Well, that boring-ass crap is out the window now that the Bill O’Brien regime has firmly taken hold. Suddenly, one looks back over the past quarter-century or so and wonders what kind of glory was sidetracked by conservative play calling. (The 1995 Rose Bowl team was an exception — no amount of crappy play calling could have held back that offensive juggernaut.) The old philosophy of handing the job of winning games to the defense while employing the offense to give the defense a blow, exemplified by little foibles like always deferring when the initial coin-toss was won, sucks big time. Balance wins ball games.

At Mike’s Garage, the usual suspects assembled for their usual dose of Penn State football. A boring first half led to a discussion of modern European history, replete with mentions the megalomaniacal meanderings of the mad mini-Corsican, Napoleon Bonaparte, and incorporating the significance of the Hohenzollerns, the Franco-Prussian War, and the Polish Corridor as Europe progressed through the 19th and 20th centuries. However, along the way, we forgot to ask a very important Machiavellian question with relevance to this football game, to reel in our group digression.

“The best defense is a good offense.” Who the hell originally said that?

I’ve always thought it was Vince Lombardi, late coach of the Giants, Packers, and Redskins. I was wrong about that. Apparently the old adage finds its roots in paraphrased military writings, in particular, the philosophical musings of Prussian military genius Carl von Clausewitz (1780-1831), to wit:

Although the concept of defense is parrying a blow and its characteristic feature is awaiting the blow,  “if we are really waging war, we must return the enemy’s blows. . . .  Thus a defensive campaign can be fought with offensive battles. . .   “The defensive form of war is not a simple shield, but a shield made up of well-directed blows.”

The object of defense is preservation; and since it is easier to hold ground than to take it, defense is easier than attack.  “But defense has a passive purpose: preservation; and attack a positive one: conquest. . . .  If defense is the stronger form of war, yet has a negative object, if follows that it should be used only so long as weakness compels, and be abandoned as soon as we are strong enough to pursue a positive object.”

Defense is the stronger form of waging war.

Former heavyweight boxing champion Jack Dempsey might have been the individual who popularized the assertion in the sports context; he certainly exemplified the philosophy in his pugilistic endeavors.

So, somehow, we must have known that the answer involved Prussia, but by then we were waking up for the second half.

So, folks, did you see what the hell happened out there in the second half on Saturday? We all are happy that the Nittany Lions (4-2, 2-0 Big Ten) whipped the previously undefeated #24 Northwestern Wildcats (5-1, 1-1 Big Ten) 39-28. That’s obvious. However, this Turkey’s joy relates to how the victory was attained, coming  from behind with a mighty, risk-taking 22-point fourth quarter surge after allowing a special teams’ let-down to jeopardize a game that was well in hand, a masterpiece of O’Brienesque ball control football.

Get a grip! Yeah, I know. As Brian Griese, color commentator for ESPN, said, “Put this in perspective, people. It was Northwestern that they beat!” I don’t hold any disdain for Griese for making that strong statement, because he’s correct. It is not like they were out there playing Alabama and outwitting Nick Saban. We’re dealing with Northwestern and Pat Fitzgerald. So, let’s keep our egos in check, shall we?

On the other hand, there is much to be proud of, and my unabated joy over the offensive play-calling has to be something you share. “Going for it” on fourth down is no longer just a compromise because of an ineffectual field goal kicker. It is now a weapon.

Down 14-10 at the intermission after a mundane first half, I was prepared to sleep through the second half.

The head coach had different ideas. “Our staff and myself, we tried to talk to the players and get them going,” said the Nittany Lions’ head coach, who many now feel is a strong candidate for coach of the year. “We felt like we could move the ball.”

Bill O’Brien and staff were obviously successful in motivating the players with the direct cajoling approach, if not beating it into their heads, but beyond that I’ll throw another cliché at ya: Nothing succeeds like success. When this bunch of guys realize that they can win, they will  win.

By now, you know all the highlights, but I’ll sum it up.

  • I think the old, Paterno-run teams of the past quarter-century (with obvious exception noted above) would have played sphincterball and lost after being demoralized by Venric Mark’s 75-yard punt return to increase NWU’s lead to 28-17 with a minute left in the third quarter.
  • With the old style of play firmly inbrained in my grain, I thought, “Uh oh. Here comes the second half defensive let-down. Now, the floodgates will open.”
  • I didn’t even have a chance to think about the famous Wildcat fourth quarter meltdowns against Penn State of recent revered memory, the most famous of which involved a fourth quarter gamble from Mike Robinson to Isaac Smolko in 2005. So, don’t let me be too rough on Paterno teams of the past. He just tightened up the old bungvalve when he felt that he had inferior talent, but when he had confidence in someone like M-Rob, he took off the leash.
  • I did yell, “Mistake!” on a couple of those fourth-down conversion tries. Yeah, I know that Sam Ficken couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a bag of rice, although he made an 85-yarder on a kickoff (LOL), but still, those calls took BIG BRASS BALLS.
  • You could say that Penn State had nothing to lose, but I would be willing to bet that O’Brien would make the same calls if the conference championship were at stake. This guy has cojones!
  • The announced attendance of 95,769 sucks. This is Homecoming, people! I mean 13,000 empty seats and it wasn’t even snowing. WTF??? This was an amazing game to watch. What do you people want?
  • Sam Ficken batted 1.000 for the day. You can’t beat that with a stick!
  • PSU covered the spread and hit the “over” hard. WTG, boys!
  • If containing Colter was an object, then big kudos to the Big D! Five carries for 24 yards. Good work, guys!

Five of six fourth down conversions. Yeah, some of them against a very tired defense, but all part of a well-oiled, well-adjusted game plan. I’m proud of the boys and their coach.

The stats, of course, made the game appear much more lopsided in favor of Penn State than it actually was, given that the 75-yard punt return by #5 could have very easily won the game for NWU. Statistics are almost always misleading in the face of fortune.  Nevertheless, the plan to keep Northwestern’s defense gasping for breath succeeded. Time of possession advantage to Penn State: about 40 minutes to 20. If any statistics support a win, that is the one.

OK, folks, those are my post-game thoughts. Not much detail and statistical analysis here, just post-game emotion (PGE). Please share your thoughts similarly. BigAl, what did they screw up this time?

Inscrutable!

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I think I have it figured out now. I’ll use “Laser Focus” to deal with “moving forward”. Yeah, dat’s it!

“She a go getta flow spitter dream on..she ah gold digger she’ll do ya till cream gone!!” —Gerald Hodges, via Twitter

I got the letter below from a local Nittany Lions alumnus who happened to co-reside on my sophomore year dorm floor way the hell back when McKean Hall was East Hall E. This guy, whom I’ll call NITTANY1, is an intense character, one who had no use for Joe Paterno, and who spent far too much time in the Army not to have come out unscathed mentally. And thus, with that in mind, please understand that I found this letter just as inscrutable as Gerald Hodges’ Tweeted rap lyric [pull quote], and as much of a head-scratcher as you will, save for its general theme that perhaps suggests that Penn State should ditch the Big Ten and join the ACC.

PENN STATE RESIGNS BIG TEN

No vision. Why couldn’t Penn State have done last spring what Notre Dame just did? We have NO future in the Big Ten and have NEVER been welcome. Now we’re hated by them worse than, well, Notre Dame. Why are we granting them our essence? You’re dropping trou in front of a Nebraskan. Do you know how D E A D the Big Ten schools are?

Karin and BSCGator are going to Kentucky – Florida Saturday. Two have-nots, but very different, vibrant venues.

“Just as an urn made of clay lowered into a well eventually breaks, so too must all generals die in battle.” —NITTANY1

Vacate the Big Ten “because it’s the just and righteous thing to do for us at this difficult time. Let us take this respite to find our way. Thank you.” use tissue. Now then, you take it in the ass the next 5-10 years the whole time re-building yourself and eliciting this GROUNDSWELL of sympathy that has conferences begging for you to join. And you know who’ll be first in line. To quote the esteemed Beano Cook ten years ago: “What do the Big Ten and Spain have in common? They have both seen better days.”

The next 5-10 you’re playing a schedule like Charleston Southern while our corps of blonde virgin fans and alums is preaching sportsmanship, rebuilding, and NMF child-molesting. That shouldn’t be hard; it’s the same line of bullshit nurtured while Joe was there.

You get Notre Dame home-and-home, Pitt home-and-home. Three Big Ten’s, couple ACCs, say, an SEC home-and-home. WTF else do you need? You’re getting laid in purgatory FFS!

Then in 2020,21,or 22, Viola! You’re the ACC, or SEC, or Big 12, or Mrs. Notre Dame.

__________

Viola, indeed! Any comments? [suppressing a belly laugh]

I do want to know about the blonde virgin fans, though.