“I know, right?” (There is no pause for the comma and only a half-assed rise in tone in the popular vocalization of this non-functional rhetorical abomination.) This is the latest in a long series of idiotic spews by the brainless illiterati.

From whence the hell cometh these vacuous vogue interjections?  Popping up frequently, they come and go. Verily, they tend to remain popular about 3.141592653589 years before they yield their vacuous utterance space to the next non-functional nonsense interjection.

I know, right?

I usually pick on hack sports writers, fancying myself as one of the breed, but this stupid expression transcends even the illiterate sports hack community. It’s all pervasive, so it must have come from the movies or TV.

I know, right?

If you know, then why the hell do you have to ask me if you’re right? I know that you’re just trying to nullify my assertion, whatever the hell it was in the first place, and preempt further commentary without debate. You couldn’t do a better job of painting yourself as a dumb blonde.

You do know! Right!

Alright, already!

This ranks right up there with the insipid “I’ll let you go,” which misrepresents one’s desire to terminate a phone call as being the other guy’s responsibility. Unlike IKR?, ILYG has legs, as “they” say, if only because in this politically correct society it is considered somehow insulting to say bye-bye.

In the texting milieu, TTYL, which translates to “talk to you later” is the preferred technique for softening the blow of signing off. It is a lie, as the perpetrator has no plans to talk to you at any time in the future, or in fact now, because she’s texting you instead of talking. Thus, “later” might never come, as she’ll be texting whoever she’d rather be texting when she mitigated her rejection of you with “TTYL”. Disingenuousness abounds in the wonderful world of texting.

I know, right?

I get stuck on these things every once in a while. Okay, maybe more often than that.

Hell, it beats watching DogTV on DirecTV Channel 354, which is intended for dogs and stoners. Dogs watching TV? WTF?

I know, right?

Hey, I can have a dialog with myself, mindlessly agreeing with everything I say! Or not. I just have to drop in the mindless interjection “I know, right?”

In serious local news, a woman was attacked by a bear yesterday while walking her dog. The news said it was probably a Florida black bear. Isn’t that a racist conjecture? Polar bears commit crimes, too.

I’m not taking anything for this back spasm. I swear I’m not.