Kudos to Big Al, a repeat winner of the Nittany Turkey Predictor of the Week Award, from whose prose the headline of this article is lifted. Al, who vividly recalls the 1961 game, predicted the 2014 meeting: “…for the sake of nostalgia, my prediction is Maryland 21, Penn State 17. The offense plays its usual shitty 1st half and another 4th quarter comeback falls short…”

The fourth quarter comeback attempt did indeed fall short, not at the behest of the officials, as Al went on to suggest, but rather because of crappy play by the replacement center, Wendy Laurent, who had too much to think about on a 4th and short to remember that he had to put the ball squarely in Hack’s grip.

Of course, the coaching brain trust doesn’t get away without a negative mention from this turkey. The dysfunctional wildcat came out at a time when it could only get in the way of a drive in progress, taking what seemed like an eternity to line up and snap the ball, giving the defense plenty of time to be anything but fooled by the dickheaded play. As I can recall, only a single one of those misguided wildcat plays worked halfway decently during the entire season thus far. All the others, including two against Maryland, have been complete flops.

And so it came to pass that in this year’s revived rivalry, Maryland made its statement, winning 20-19. What lost it for Penn State was a crappy offensive line and crappy special teams play, neither any surprise, coupled with a net turnover margin of -2. That’s not much of a surprise, either. Past performance is the best predictor of future screwups. Al got it right.

Yea, verily, the two teams played pretty even-steven otherwise. Neither had a rushing game and neither had an outstanding passing game. They both wound up with around 200 yards in total offense. But Penn State continually lost the battle for field position, shooting themselves in the foot whenever they actually gained an advantage. This week’s punter, Dan Pasquariello, averaged 36.8 yards for eight punts, while Maryland’s Nathan Renfro took care of business, averaging 44.3 yards on eleven punts.

The Terps came out with a nasty attitude which seemed to drive them to overcome the adversity of a hostile, yet somehow somewhat apathetic Beaver Stadium. By game time, the gambling spread had dropped to three points, so the gamblers sensed the lack of energy in the house and, as it turned out, in the Nittany Lions themselves. Maryland players must have viewed the films of the 1986 Fiesta Bowl pre-game dinner, because they seemed to channel Michael Irvin and the Hurricanes when they refused to shake hands before the pre-kickoff coin toss. While their head coach, Randy Edsall, eventually apologized for the behavior, the spirit pervaded Terrapin play for the remainder of the game. They wanted this one. They wanted it more.

You could see it in Christian Hackenberg’s body language, which he took no great pains to shield from the all-seeing eye of the camera. He looked dejected, disgruntled, and discombobulated. He grows more so with every week. Once again, Hack was harassed by yet another mediocre defense running through a porous offensive line and over backs who seemed not to want to get in the way of blitzing defenders. Once again, he was banged up. I don’t blame him personally for being all of those D-words I mentioned — in fact, he should be suffering from full-scale PTSD at this point  — but I continue to worry that he’s reaching the end of his rope with Penn State.

Hack came to PSU to play for Bill O’Brien, but now he doesn’t even have that. What he actually does have with respect to coaching seems more and more to be clueless as to how to use him and protect him effectively, given the talent that exists or lack of same. In my mind, the only thing keeping Hackenberg from transferring to another program in which he would be given a better chance to succeed is the requisite one-year sitting out period; I don’t think he wants to do a Pat Devlin by transferring out of FBS. He’s young and carrying a team on his shoulders. He’s nominally captain, but he hasn’t yet developed the kind of strong leadership abilities needed to lead a bunch of guys of varying ages and abilities through adversity. He’s expected to do the impossible week in and week out without adequate tools to accomplish the job.

A Ferrari with a flat tire won’t go very far. Even a crack mechanic cannot fix it without two mundane tools: a jack and a wrench. Hackenberg potentially has a Ferrari with a sleek body and a finely tuned engine. We know that he has talented receivers. We know the defense can hold opponents’ points down. We know that Hack is a gifted quarterback with a great arm. Nonetheless, the absence of a competent offensive line has robbed him of his potential greatness. He has a flat tire and he lacks a jack and a lug wrench. He comprehends that those implements won’t be available this year and that he’s going to have to limp along for the remainder of this year. He now looks sullen, which rubs off on those kids he is supposed to be leading, which is not good for the team. Moreover, there is little anyone can do at this juncture.

So, what do you see on the road ahead? Yeah, I know, it’s hard to reduce expectations. However, to be realistic I think we’re going to have to do so. It will be a struggle for PSU  to win two more games and become bowl eligible to get those extra 15 practices that Joe keeps telling us are the reason we want them to become bowl eligible. It could be the ultimate let-down to have that big emotional boost at the beginning of the season celebrating bowl eligibility and then wind up not being bowl eligible, but I repeat what I’ve said before — there are no guaranteed wins for the Lions in the remaining schedule, especially if they can’t get their asses motivated to play or similarly, if they feel like playing only halves of games.

 

I’ll be back with a preview and prediction for the Indiana game, another wonderful noon start.

Greetings, Nittany Turkey readers. I’m thrilled today because I get to write about the renewed Penn State vs. Maryland rivalry, a subject about which I have not so much as scratched the surface in preceding diatribes. I’ll take a look at the Terrapins’ only win in the series, well over a half-century ago, as well as the series’ most recent game, itself over two decades ago, in which the Nittany Lions made a statement that would leave a bad taste in the hard-shelled reptiles’ herbivorous mouths for duration of that hiatus. Then, of course, your turkey will preview and predict the 2014 revival game.

Penn State, as you and Maryland alumnus Orlando orthopedic surgeon Dr. Fred Schroeder well know, owns this rivalry-interruptus with a record of 35-1-1. The last time Penn State lost to Maryland was in 1961, and the Terps’ last game against the Nittany Lions was a 70-7 drubbing on their home turf in 1993. Then, following that banishment there was a two-decade hiatus, bringing us to now.

Dr. Schroeder decried the University president’s decision to join the Big Ten. It pissed him off. Why?

“Now we’ll get beaten by Penn State every year, just like we used to,” he said.

I just smiled.

Moving right along…

The Maryland Terrapins (5-3, 2-2 B10/14) invade Beaver Stadium to face the mighty Penn State Nittany Lions (4-3, 1-3). The Terps are coming off a disastrous 52-7 loss to the Wisconsin Badgers, whereas y’all know that Penn State was the better team but lost to the Buckeyes 31-24 in double overtime last week at the Big Whited-Out Beave.

O Maryland, My Maryland, PSU Owns Thee!

The Lion’s heel is on thy shore,
Maryland!
His claws are at thy temple door,
Maryland!
Avenge the 70-7 gore
That flecked the streets of Baltimore,
And be the battle queen of yore,
Maryland! My Maryland!

Fat chance, me mateys!

Quoth the raven, “Nevermore!”

Maryland has had an up-and-down year, making predictions all the more difficult. They lost to Ohio State 53-24 in Week 6, then came back to beat Iowa 38-31, after a bye week. The following week, they lost big to Wisconsin. The health of quarterback C. J. Brown has been in question from time to time as well, and in the Wisconsin game he wound up with a raw quarterback rating of 8.9. LOL.

Maryland’s Last Win: 1961

I know you’re dying to know what the deal was with the Terps’ sole win in this series, back in 1961, so your turkey is here with some factoids about the letdown much regretted by Penn State fans all the way forward to this day, or at least those who were alive and football conscious in 1961, which would mean they’re probably at least as geezerly as this turkey, if not more so. Penn State was indeed the better team, which I’m pretty sure* was robbed by the officiating gaffes of the time. After all, there were only five officials and no video replays (not that that seems to matter much fifty years later), so how the hell could they see everything? Forthwith, I present the aforementioned factoids, heavily weighted toward Penn State because I don’t have easy access to the Maryland information from that time:

• Penn State wound up that year 8-3, the losses being to Miami (25-8), Army (10-6), and Maryland (21-17)
• Maryland finished 7-3 but did not compete in the post-season
• Penn State amazingly shut out Eastern powerhouse Syracuse (14-0) that year
• Penn State wound up the season ranked 17th in the AP Poll
• Penn State was invited to the Gator Bowl where they beat Georgia Tech 30-15
• Penn State was coached by Rip Engle
• St. Joe was assistant coach for Penn State
• Penn State’s quarterback was future University of Florida head coach and Penn State offensive brain trust co-genius Galen Hall, then a senior
• Future Penn State quarterback Pete Liske played primarily as a defensive safety and alternated with Don Caum as backup QB
• Future Penn State quarterback Gary Wydman was on the roster as one platoon right halfback
• Fifth-year senior and future UCF head coach Don Jonas was on the Penn State roster as a kicker and right halfback, but was injured mid-season and limited to kicking duty
• Future Penn State offensive brain-trust coach and Rutgers head coach Dick Anderson was the second-string right end for Penn State
• Maryland was coached by Tom Nugent, who was the last Maryland coach to win his inaugural game back in 1959 until Ralph “Fridge” Friedgen did it in 2001
• Maryland under Nugent was the first college team to put names on their jerseys in 1961
• Nugent’s best year at Maryland was — you guessed it! — 1961
• Lee Corso of ridiculous ESPN headgear fame was an assistant coach under Nugent at Maryland

Penn State’s Last Win: 1993

The 1993 Penn State team was poised for greatness. Finishing the year 10-2 with a quasi-shocking 31-13 win over Tennessee in the Citrus Bowl and being ranked #8 would have been good enough, but the following year would turn out to be a legendary year in Penn State football lore.

Going into the Maryland game, the boys had summarily dispatched five opponents in their first Big 10/11 season. They destroyed the Terps 70-7, ending the rivalry on a high note (but not for Doc Schroeder) as the two schools would compete in separate conferences thenceforth.

You all know the big names of the time: Kerry Collins, Ki-Jana Carter, Kyle Brady, Jeff Hartings & Marco Rivera, Jon Witman, Bobby Engram, Mike Archie — in no particular order. They all wound up playing in the NFL. I believe you know the coach of the time (he’s real fine, my 409) St. Joseph Vincent Paterno. Finally, as you are well aware, the next year was an undefeated, Rose Bowl winning, robbed-by-the-polls, shoulda been Mythical National Championship year for Penn State.

Maryland would go on to finish that season 2-9, its worst finish in two decades. Predictably and understandably, it was Terp head coach Joe Krivak’s final season. Oy vay!

That Was Then and This Is Now

No one is quite sure just how to categorize Maryland in their inaugural Big 10/14 season, although they’re ahead of Penn State in the Big Ten division standings. (Maybe not in the K. John “should have won” standings, though.)

Normally, I’d look at their defense and laugh, saying that Penn State should have a banner day like 1993, but a score more like 1961’s is probably in the offing. Maryland’s up-and-down year suggests that they might actually play a decent game coming into Beaver Stadium, and Penn State’s penchant for petulantly forgetting to come out of the blocks until a half has been played, especially given the noon start, suggests that it won’t be a high scoring game, I’m pretty sure.*

The Smurfs’ defense proved themselves last week against Ohio State, which to this turkey means Maryland ain’t going to be doing much scoring. I’m even hoping to see new freshman starting safety Marcus Allen pick off a C. J. Brown pass. My big Penn State question mark remains the offensive line and the highly dependent running game.

I’m somewhat optimistic about the PSU running game in this one. Akeel Lynch will have a greater role, as he has since Zach Zwinak’s season-ending injury incurred on the first play of the tOSU game. Lynch knows how to get into the open and run his balls off. Athough he’s no Ameer Abdullah or Melvin Gordon, Maryland’s rushing defense ranks second-worst only to Illinois in the conference. So, the deficient Penn State offensive line might feel as empowered as they did against UMass. A last in the conference rushing offense facing a second worst rushing defense. No wonder the game is on ESPN2.

Penn State’s passing offense still ranks second in the conference. It will face a pass defense ranked eleventh. Therein lies the seeds of some dramatic football, if Penn State doesn’t shoot itself in the foot, or have its feet shot at by the officiating crew.† In spite of the crappy ranking for the Terps passing defense, cornerback William Likely is likely to give Christian Hackenberg some trouble. He’s a shut-down corner who leads the conference in interceptions with four through eight games, including one pick-six he ran back for 88 yards. The sophomore has broken up five passes thus far. So, Hack better be damn careful on his side of the field. One hopes that the offensive line will give him enough time to find some free receivers and make accurate, non-tentative throws.

Maryland’s leading rusher is quarterback C. J. Brown, and they have been pretty crappy on the run, ranking 11th in the conference. Advantage, mighty Penn State front seven!

However, the Maryland passing offense has been prolific, averaging 236 yards per game. Against a somewhat mediocre Penn State secondary, they might have some decent opportunities if Brown has one of his good days. Brown’s completion rate is over fifty-five percent, and he has two great receivers in Stefon Diggs and Deon Long.

The two schools rank similarly in the middle of the pack in turnover margin, but if you boil out the Gary “Turn” Nova gifts, as I am wont to do, Penn State is still trailing the pack. The forecast calls for showers, so PSU needs to take special care of the ball, youknowwhatImean?

Penn State is number one in the conference in red zone defense; Maryland is number two only to Nebraska, in red zone offense. Something’s gotta give. In such match-ups, though, defense usually wins out.

Moving on to special teams, Penn State sucks throughout, except for field goal kicking, but even there, the Terps field goal kicker, junior Brad Craddock, leads the conference with no misses, a perfect 12-12. His longest was 57 yards, a long-standing record in the NFL until the New Orleans Saint’s right foot toeless Tom Dempsey came along in 1970, but I digress. The aforementioned wide receiver Stefon Diggs leads the conference in average kick return yards facing a Penn State kickoff coverage unit that ranks eleventh, while the aforementioned ace cornerback William Likely likely leads the B10/14 in punt returns averaging 16.3 yards with a long of 69 and one touchdown against a Penn State punting unit that suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks (read this as ranked 12 out of 14). A likely story, verily‡.

Let us hope that special teams’ suckage doesn’t get in the way.

Poised for a Breakout Game?

I’ve seen it written that this game could be a great breakout game for the Penn State offense. I’m kind of on the fence about that because of the natural elation following an excellent effort last week against Ohio State, at least after the crappy first half. I think a lot (all) depends on how well Christian Hackenberg can be protected, allowing his self-confidence to be restored to early season levels. Furthermore, the Nittany Lions must come out ready to play from the opening kickoff. No sleeping through the first half here! You know the history with regard to noon games.

So, yeah, this could be a good game for Hack, Lynch, and the rest of the offense if they mind their Ps and Qs. Hack likely will have to be careful to avoid throwing to the crafty Likely, and the offensive line will have to do a decent job, with Maryland tied for third in the conference in sacks.

They can do it, methinks. Call me a Sanguinarian.

Da Wedda

Yeah, verily, we’re into the crappy Central Pennsylvania weather period. No Native-American Summer here, already. Showers are forecast with a cold, clammy high of 46º. A wet field and a wet ball, along with cold hands, creates turnover opportunities, so hang the hell onto the ball, Lions!

We Get da Broad!

The ESPN2 broadcast crew this week is supposed to be captained by Beth Mowins, with analyst Joey Galloway and sideline blonde Paul Carcaterra. I don’t think he’s actually blonde, but I don’t think he’s a Crested Caracara, either, verily, but I digress.  I have dubbed this week Babe Announcer Week.

Distinguished Alumna

Given that this week is Babe Announcer Week, I’ve decided to choose an alumna instead of an alumnus. I had quite a few alumnae from whom to choose, including Carly Fiorina, who is well-known to us in the tech industry and who also ran for office in California, but today, I decided to memorialize a member of the ill-fated Challenger crew, Judith Resnik.

Judith Resnik was an overachiever for her entire life, tragically cut short in 1986 at the age of 36 by the explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger. She had a perfect score on her SAT while at Firestone High School in Akron, easily obtaining admission to Carnegie Mellon University, where she graduated summa cum laude with a BSEE in 1970. In 1977, Resnik earned a PhD, also in electrical engineering, at the University of Maryland.

She worked at RCA and Xerox prior to being recruited into the astronaut program in 1978. Resnik first flew on the shuttle as a mission specialist in 1984. She was the first American Jewish woman to go into space and only the second Jew to go into space after Boris Volynov of what was then the Soviet Union.

Among other things, such as her brilliance, Resnik was noted for her prolific hair in a world dominated by buzz-cut men.

Ms. Resnik spent a total of six days in space.

The IEEE posthumously established an award to recognize outstanding contributions in space engineering; it is dubbed the Judith A. Resnik Award. The main engineering lecture hall at the University of Maryland is named for her, as well as a dorm at Carnegie Mellon University. Finally, she is one of the few people to have a crater on the moon named after her.

A wonderfully productive life tragically cut short. That is Judith Resnik’s story.

Brass Tacks: The Official Turkey Poop Prediction

It is time for that big feature, the Official Turkey Poop Prediction for the 2014 edition of Maryland vs. Penn State. With the exception of Big Al, our Nittany Turkey Panel of Experts‘ pre-season picks all went the way of the Lion. The gambling line on this game favors the Nittany Lions by four points, with an over/under of 47.5. The spread has widened from the opening at PSU – 2.5. This suggests a Penn State victory with a final score around 26-22. I don’t think Maryland will score 22 against this PSU defense, and I think it will be a sloppy game, especially if the weather forecast holds true and PSU doesn’t bother to play until the second half. So, I’m pretty sure* this game will wind up being a Penn State win, with a score I’m pretty sure* will be 20-13, with Maryland’s TD being on either an interception, kick, or punt return, and otherwise restricted to field goals. Take the under. Of course, I’m pretty sure* I’ll be wrong, too, as I usually am. But you don’t make or lose a lot of money mind-betting.

So, with 7/12ths of a regular season under our belts, what do you readers think about this team and its chances against the Terps? Any changes from your original predictions?

I’ll be back with a recap and a smirk after the game.

______

*See last week’s definition of “I’m pretty sure.”
†No, K. John didn’t pay me off to write that!
‡Elizabethan for the current vogue vacuosity “seriously”.