The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Water over the dam…

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Last week’s 66-10 victory over the overmatched FCS (I-AA) Coastal Carolina Chanticleers was like shooting chickens in a barrel for the #19 Penn State Nittany Lions (1-0, 0-0 Big Ten). We learned little about this year’s Lions viability against quality FBS (I-A) opposition. So, last week’s win is water over the dam.

This week, some rodents from Oregon come to Beaver Stadium thinking that it was named after them and not Col. Beaver. They aim to dam up the Nittany Lions’ offense with sticks, leaves, mud, and some underclassmen. The Nittany Lions have other ideas.

This is the first time the two schools have met, a matchup that replaced the Arkansas State game, which was originally scheduled for this date. For one reason or another, the schedule changed last December.

Last year, the Oregon State Beavers were 9-4, including a win over Maryland in the Emerald peanut bowl. They were credited with the best rush defense in the nation, allowing only 70.62 yards per game. They ranked 8th in total defense.  This compares quite favorably with the Penn State defense last year, which was 7th against the rush (93.77 yds) and 11th overall. Both teams have lost starters on defense, but Oregon State is in the unenviable position of having lost its entire front seven. So take their last year’s stats with a grain of salt.

Being the alma mater of two perennial NFL leading wide receivers, T J Housmanzadeh and Chad Ocho Cinco (formerly Chad Johnson), both of the Cincinnati Bengals, you would expect that the Beavers would be strong in this area. They are. In last week’s heartbreaking 36-28 loss to Stanford, senior wide receivers Sammy Stroughter and Wade Morales cranked out over 150 yards each, with three touchdowns. Stroughter, a co-captain, is back after sitting out most of last season with a kidney injury. In all, junior quarterback Lyle Moevao went 34-54 for 404 yards, 3 TDs, and 2 INTs. You might say that this is a passing team. I mean, 54 attempts and all!

But wait! The Castor canadensis boys can run when they need to. They have a couple of Rogers brothers, Jacquizz (freshman) and James (sophomore) who rang up a over 100 yards on 19 carries against Stanford.  James is listed as a slotback, and gained his ground yardage primarily on end-arounds. So, although the play mix was 54-19, pass over run, the run remains a threat. And we haven’t even mentioned the starting tailback, freshman Ryan McCants, who impressed in spring practice but only had four carries for 11 yards in this game.

In that Stanford game, Oregon State had 29 first downs to Stanford’s 18, and 490 total yards to Stanford’s 301—yet they still lost. What really beat them was turnovers, three of them, two interceptions and a fumble. If you don’t take care of the ball, you lose. Although last week’s Coastal Carolina scrimmage can not be much of an indication of anything, inasmuch as the McCabe Sisters hit harder than the Chanticleers’ linebackers, the fact that the Nittany Lions took care of the ball—unlike last year—is an encouraging sign. But it’s early.

Another thing about the Cardinal’s performance against the Beavers that portends well for Penn State is that the Stanford running game worked well against the green front seven of OSU. Toby Gerhart ran 19 times for 147 yards and Anthony Kimble was 18-49. Penn State is primarily a running team (duh!), so the Nittany Lions should be able to pick up a couple hundred on the ground.

What worries this Turkey is whether PSU’s back seven on defense will be up to the pass protection task against a team that throws on three out of every four downs. Last week, the secondary allowed a kindergarten receiver to beat them while they stood around beating the meat. But these Beavers are not Chanticleers. DANGER! WARNING! These wide receivers are good! The Beavers used mostly short sideline passes against the Cardinal, which was largely effective, until the interceptions happened. Tight end Howard Croom is the Beavers’ second-leading receiver. Our linebackers must be fully engaged in pass coverage.

The Penn State defense must learn how to pressure the quarterback while simultaneously covering the short pass routes and dump-offs, against which they didn’t impress last week. The Chanticleers adjusted to the overaggressive defense, but the defense did not adjust to the Chants’ adjustments. Thus, they were beaten by screens and outlet passes. They’ve got to do better this week. It helps that the center and right side of the Oregon State offensive line are all newbies.

At this point, one can only speculate on what might happen to the defense if Small-quantity-of-marijuana-gate results in suspensions. For now, head coach Joe Paterno has adopted a wait and see attitude. The police have sent away the contents of the stash for analysis, which can take a couple of weeks. If it is found to be a THC-containing herb, some citations could be issued. None of the four players were allowed to practice Wednesday, and at this point it is unknown what their status will be for Saturday’s game. One thing that IS certain is that if Evans, Koroma, and Wallace are lost, the defense is in serious jeopardy. Quarless is another story.

Assuming that they’re at full strength, the Nittany Lion defense will be subjected to its first big test of the year. It will be interesting to watch.

I suspect that we’ll see a predominately rushing attack from Penn State. (So much for the Spread HD.) Tropical Storm Hanna is expected to produce some copious precipitation of the liquid sunshine variety in State College and environs, presently forecast at 0.35″. With brand spanking new baby boy quarterbacks in such conditions, the pass is a risky proposition, but you would think that the Beavers, being from Corvallis, are used to playing wet.

Interesting factoid: Oregon State sophomore starting linebacker Keith Pankey and freshman tight end Kevin Pankey are the twin sons (Kevin delayed enrollment by 1 year) of Penn State second team All-American guard Irv Pankey (1977-79). Irv will be in the stands Saturday.

And now, that moment you’ve all been waiting for: The Official Turkey Poop Prediction. This will be a dicey one, because of the potential for a major weather effect and possible suspensions of starters. I feel that the PSU defense will give up significant passing yards. On the other hand, until it matures quite a bit, the Beaver defense is vulnerable. The Nittany Lions are favored by 16 with an over/under of 46, suggesting a final score of 30-14. This Turkey thinks it will be closer. With weather and suspensions still a question mark, Penn State 36, Oregon State 24.

We’ll be back on the weekend with a game synopsis and an analysis by this week’s guest reporter, Sacajawea.

Another Off-Field Incident?

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The Daily Collegian reports that police visited Nittany Apartments #5204 to investigate “an incident.” This apartment is the home three Penn State players: defensive end Maurice Evans, defensive tackle Abe Koroma, and cornerback A. J. Wallace. The language of the report was vague, as apparently police have not yet released any information about what in particular was being investigated.

This has an ominous ring to it. ??????? First of all, at least four police vehicles were involved, including a “special response vehicle.” Does that seem like a bit of overreaction, unless they’re dealing with something major? casino arab Furthermore, if it was merely underage drinking or some similar minor offense, the police wouldn’t be playing things so close to the vest. ??? ???? ??????? ??? ?????

This Turkey does not want to go all National Enquirer on you, but another incident was coincidentally reported yesterday: an 18 year-old Park Forest girl claims that she was raped on August 23 by two known people. Let us hope that there is no connection.

Needless to say, with three defensive starters involved, Nittany Lions fans hope this will blow over.

Goin’ Postal on Coastal

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Well, the Nittany Lions broke the cherry on another fine season by meeting another fine cream puff, beating the Division I-AA (FCS) Coastal Carolina Chanticleers, 66-10. It truly wasn’t that close.

Speaking of cream puffs and cherries, we promised you a topical guest reporter for each game, and for this game the guest reporter is Ms. Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007. Caitlin just remembered to file her report, so this Turkey apologizes for the lateness. Take it away, Caitlin!

Caitlin Upton
Caitlin Upton

Like I’m writing this in purple because it’s totally my favorite color. Hi, I’m Caitlin, and I was way late in filing this report because of the hurricane in the Iraq. (For those U.S. Americans who don’t have maps, the Iraq is like right next to the South Africa, and everywhere like, such as.)

Whatever, Caitlin.

Anyhow, I was totally impressed with the size of Beaver Stadium. There were like over a hundred thousand U.S. Americans there and probably a few from the Iraq and the Asian countries. Like, I was also impressed with the boys from Coastal Carolina, such as! They were way over their heads, such as, but they like played the whole game. And they’re all so cute, I mean especially the big ones. I personally believe that they got some education, you know, the education over here in the U.S., which is what kind of help they need. I cried when they lost but we in the South Carolina are like really proud!

OK, that’s enough, Caitlin! Thank you.

(What the hell did that girl say?)

This Turkey was drunk by halftime, so I have no detailed, albeit sophomoric, analysis to present here. In fact, Caitlin’s report might be the best reporting you find here, such as. Thus, a cursory, opinion laced collection of observation follows.

The offense was impressive, primarily due to the offensive line, which is now the best component of the attack unit, if not the entire team. Through my own wine-colored glasses, I can say that both Clark and Devlin looked good against no defense at all. (I hate the word crisp as applied to passers, so I won’t use it here. Just one of those stupid fucking sportswriter vogue words you see everywhere. Well, you won’t see it here, except in this excoriation. I’ll give you a crisp pass, right up your ass! It’s too late for Crispy Critters, already! I better not see anything crisp out there, unless it comes out of a box of crackers. But I digress.) Our diabolical running game, abetted by our proudly coalescent and suddenly competent offensive line (praise Jesus!), looked good as well. Every time I regained consciousness, Royster seemed to be finding his way into the end zone. The receivers were pretty good as well, but Derrick Williams still goes down too easily. It’s like Caitlin could blow him over from the third row in the South stands, but I bet she blows well.

I wasn’t quite as impressed by the defense. Coastal’s cagey coach’s calculated counter to the aggressive Penn State pass rush consisted of running screens and quick crossing patterns, which were poorly defended by the PSU back seven. In fact, one of those plays went for a touchdown that made the score 14-7 at an early juncture. I didn’t mind the late field goal, but that touchdown gave me some ominous feelings about whether the linebackers and secondary would be up to the task this year.

How often do I criticize the PSU defense? Except for some specific crappy performances (viz., Justin King, last year), I’m usually pretty kind to the defense. I hope I can be kind to them this year, too, but they’ve got to show me more than they showed me in this game. (I know, I know, they only allowed 10 points. Yeah, but to whom?) For the moment, the defensive line is exonerated. Those lads were quick, brutal, and competent. (Crisp? Shaddup!!) Evans and Maybin…awesome. However, we need to pray that everyone stays healthy. Moreover, the linebackers and secondary better come together quickly.

I hope Bowman caught hell for that stupid playground crap he pulled on the opening kickoff. If he had fallen on the ball, it would have been a sure touchdown (albeit scored by the offense, not by him), but by trying to pick it up, he gave it back to the Chanticleers, who dodged a major bullet. Thank you Navorro. You get the first Bonehead Play of the Week award, which I just invented.

It is this Turkey’s opinion that we did not get much, if any, exposure to the vaunted Spread HD. I personally believe that we’ll get some clues this week against the Beavers.

Finally, just a word about special teams. Other than Derrick Williams’ run-backs, I didn’t see anything very special. Even Derrick, as mentioned before, seems to hit the dirt at the slightest provocation. However, the coverage on kickoffs yet again appears grossly deficient. This was Coastal Carolina, ferchrissakes, folks, not Ohio State. They better learn how to cover kickoffs.

The good news is that the boys on offense took care of the ball. I hope fumble-itis is now an extinct disease. I guess Morelli’s departure was a step in the right direction, turnoverwise. The even better news is that there were no significant injuries.

All in all, this Turkey did not see anything that would make me change my opinion about the season. I still think we’re looking at 8-4.

Sorry about the flimsy, anecdotal report. It was the first cream puff of the year and I didn’t feel like staying sober. I’ll be bad later in the week with the poop on Oregon State. In honor of the Beavers, the drink of the week will be the Shaved Beaver. Try it, you’ll like it!