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Pull My Finger

Posted on October 6, 2012 Written by The Nittany Turkey

Charlton Heston

Quaecumque sunt veraThis year’s Homecoming game features an undefeated, untied conference opponent, and Penn State’s first ranked opponent of the year, somewhat surprisingly in the purple uniformed Northwestern Wildcats (5-0, 1-0 Big Ten). The ‘Cats are primed for a letdown after last week’s sound, 44-29 thrashing of poor ol’ Indiana, in which they generated 704 yards.  (However, the good news is that the Hoosiers were able to ring up 425 on the wimpy NWU defense.)

Can one classify a game in which there are 1129 yards of offense as a “pitchers’ duel”?

Meanwhile, Penn State (3-2, 1-0) seeks its second conference victory, in a topsy-turvy year in which it is possible for either Ohio State or Penn State to win the Leaders’ Division and then not participate in postseason play, thanks to draconian NCAA sanctions. So, there’s a lot more at stake here than initially meets the eye.

Speaking of Larry Johnson, Jr., the chronic ne’er do well is at it again, this time in Vegasssssss. Maybe he’ll wind up sharing a cell with O.J., and they can together spend the rest of their days looking for the real killer, and perhaps blaming “old coaches” for Nicole’s death. Paterno is safe, but look out, Dick Vermeil!

I guess the big question is whether this guy Kain Colter is for real, or just a statistic. The junior running back carried 14 times for 161 yards and four TDs—but wait! That’s not all! He also had nine receptions for 131 yards and managed to complete one out of three passes with an INT, exemplifying Darrell Royal’s maxim that if you throw the ball, three things can happen and two of them are bad. David Jones of PennLive.com writes that Colter’s major goal is to have a game in which he amasses 100 yards passing, 100 yards rushing, and 100 yards receiving. This guy appears to be a handful, but we’ll know a lot more after seeing him perform in this game, facing what is arguably the best defense thus far.

That defense, particularly the linebackers, has to show up for this game. Mike Mauti doesn’t have artificial issues like coaches raiding the team at the NCAA’s behest to motivate him. I’m not a doubter — I think he’ll come through. However, I’ve got a real problem with this defensive unit shutting down in the second half. That crap has to stop. Particularly in the third quarter, with Colter and company, you snooze, you lose.

Meanwhile, back in the backfield, sophomore quarterback Trevor Siemian awaits and he is no monkey. The lad from Windermere, Florida, which is right around the Turkey’s trotting grounds, is having a remarkable year, sporting a 137.8 QB rating. The Wildcats’ opponents haven’t been replete with sparkling defensive secondaries, no, man, no the likes of Syracuse, Vandy, BC, South Dakota, and of course, Indiana, against whom Siemian completed 22 of 32 for 308 yards and one INT. Clearly, ol’ Trev hasn’t been facing much resistance. That all changes this week.

As if that’s not all, junior running back Venric Mark, a 5-8, 175 lb bowling ball, can find holes and slam through them. Venric hit the Mark last week, with 29 carries for 139 yards. He’s a steady guy in the backfield who has also been known to catch a pass or two during a game.

While the Nittany Lions showed a little something during the Illinois game, our feelings about this team are far from solidified.  That’s probably due in part to the liquid situation at running back. Hack sportswriters are known to label this “running back by committee”. OK, so we don’t have anyone like Larry Johnson, Jr. to count on for 40 carries and 200 yards per game, but Penn State can still have — and must have — a sound running game. Crippled from the start by the departure of feature back Silas Redd for greener pastures, along with injuries to Bill Belton and Derek Day, the ground attack can wait no longer for the results of the experiment to arrive. Zach Zwinak has emerged as the 100-yard guy. Who would have thought that at the beginning of the season. The running game needs to get ungetrakt against NWU.

Although it is still honeymoon time for Bill O’Brien, fans are starting to realize that their new head coach, who many PSU pussies didn’t want when they saw him dressing down Tom Brady on the sidelines of a Patriots game (“We’re Penn State… we don’t want a coach who is mean and yells at players… O’Brien is crude OMGOMG” — yeah, like Paterno never yelled at players, right? Oh, yeah, Joe’s behavior gets the Homey Hypocrisy Exemption, but I digress)— is a superb offensive coordinator. After watching variants of the Brown single-wing for 50 years, this guy is a joy to watch — and he provides a decided advantage over other teams, even the elite ones. BoB know offense.

And what a wonderful thing it is for this aged, foul fowl to see the tight ends completely immersed in the offense! We’ve been asking for it for years, having squandered a veritable plethora of pro-caliber tight ends, indeed, not having to include one in any significant portion of a game plan since the departure of Kyle Brady. In fact, last week, another Kyle — freshman tight end Kyle Carter — was the leading receiver, and Carter is the second leading receiver for the season to date.

This is not to say that the offense should rely completely on tight end productivity, and it doesn’t. Allan Robinson is the leading receiver, and he can stretch the field both ways.

It remains to be seen how O’Brien and Ted Roof will do on the other side of the ball. The defensive secondary remains a worry.

Special teams haven’t yet solidified for Penn State this year and that aspect might represent the difference in this game, which the sports books have deemed to be a close one.

The noon start is problematical, too. Although it’s at home, it’s Homecoming, damnit! That means partying with alums and hangovers and all. With the crowds at Beaver Stadium looking anemic this year — worse than in other years in which an inferior product has been put on the field — student involvement must increase and become more passionate. Bill O’Brien knows that, and accordingly, he made a personal appeal to the students to show up on time and support their team. Also, an informal groundswell has precipitated an unofficial white-out status for this game. We don’t have Guido around to declare them officially anymore!

The weather. What is it they say? Give it five minutes and it will change? Well, you can bet Cardale Jones‘ stupid Buckeye ass that early October is the time to make that old bromide come true. Our friends at AccuWeather.com® are predicting a sprinkle or two in the morning, with a high of 62F/17C/290K, as a weak cold front moves through the area.

Have I covered all the intangibles? The game will be broadcast on ESPN, and the same crew as last week (Dave Pasch, Brian Griese, and Jenn Brown) will handle the announcing chores.

I almost forgot a little bit of a plug for our opponent’s institution. It must befuddle some of today’s undereducated youth to think that someone would call a university that is right smack-dab in Heartland, U.S.A. Northwestern. Whassup wit dat? (I’m picturing Kenan Thompson in a red velvet suit with some sexy backup singers intoning, “Oooooooooooooooo whee…..whassuppppppp….. wit daaaaaaaaat…”) Situated in Evanston, Illinois, just outside Chicago. Northwest? Yeah, well, way back when, what we now know as Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, and Wisconsin (plus an itty-bitty little slice of Minnesota) were the Northwest Territories. Yeah, I know. That moniker lacked foresight, because there was a lot of territory more norther and more wester to be involved in our manifest destiny expansion. So, when John Evans founded the university in 1851, it was with recognition of the former name of the area that he named it. Cool beans.

If ever there were an Ivy League of the Midwest, it would have to include Northwestern. Well reputed graduate schools in Management, Medicine, and Law put it right up there among the top universities in the US. The School of Communication and the Medill School of Journalism have produced many famous media wonks, actors, and commentators. USNWR ranked NWU #12 in the US.

Charlton Heston
“Soylent Green is peopllllllllllle!”

So, who, you ask? Who’s our representative Willie the Wildcat NWU alum? Oh, man, the list is long, including prominent figures like Rahm Emanuel, Rod Blagojevich, Adlai Stevenson, Saul Bellow, and Justice John Paul Stevens, as well as Julia-Louis Dreyfuss, Zoey Deschanel, Stephen Colbert, and Tony Randall. However, just because I liked the iconic film Soylent Green, I have chosen Charlton Heston as our Northwestern University poster boy, a posthumous award in his case. We also liked the former NRA president’s support of Second Amendment rights and love for guns. And oh, by the way, Charlton Heston was not his original name. He was born John Charles Carter.

Whither then, the Official Turkey Poop Prognostication?

Forthwith, my friends. Stay thirsty.

The gamble-ators have expressed doubts that Willie is worthy of the 5-0 record. After all, they barely beat Syracuse by the slim margin of a point out of close to 100 scored in the opening game of the season. Penn State is favored by 2.5 points with an over/under of 47, suggesting a predicted final outcome of 25-22 in favor of the larger felines. We’re still having a great deal of difficulty with our predictions this year, perhaps relating to an occult fecal impaction of the optic nerve, producing a shitty outlook—I dunno. Hell, last week, I thought Illinois could give the Nitty Kitties a battle. I was wrong. Now, this week, if I make it a runaway, I’ll be wrong again. I don’t think much of NWU’s defense, but I worry about Colter. With the PSU offensive line healthy, I’m feeling very confident in the capabilities of the Nittany Lion offense. Megacats 27, Mildcats 23. Take the over. PSU beats the spread again.

I’ll be back later with a game recap and a towel to wipe the egg off my face.

To my readers: I love you. What would I ever do without you. I sincerely thank you for reading my meager literary contributions here and I hope I don’t piss too many of you off.

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Filed Under: Penn State Football Tagged With: Northwestern

Catfight 2011

Posted on October 20, 2011 Written by The Nittany Turkey

It’s time once again for a visit to the enigmatic Northwestern University Wildcats (2-4, 0-3 Big Ten). The Nittany Lions (6-1, 3-0 Big Ten, 4-0 Patsies) appear to have another patsy on the schedule, but not so gull durned fast! The ‘cats tend to play the Lions well at home, including almost spoiling the best season Penn State has compiled in recent history.

This will be a somewhat abbreviated version of the weekly preview and prediction because I’m leaving for a camping trip immediately after I finish. I’ll miss the game broadcast on Saturday evening, but this great weather is too good to pass up.

At first blush, it would appear that the hapless Wildcats have no defense. Blush no farther — they stink. Ranking #76 in rushing defense and #108 in pass efficiency defense for a combined ranking of #101, they’re the ones who need to be blushing around here. This is a defense that is ready made for making Penn State’s anemic offense (passing efficiency ranking at #102) look good.

NWU has been more oriented toward the pass than the run. Pat Fitzgerald has a great, NFL caliber receiver in senior Jeremy Ebert. The very experienced Dan Persa is healthy again, which is going to be trouble for the Lions. The Wildcats make use of an excellent short passing game that should be able to move the ball against the Penn State soft Sandusky (still) zone — all the more reason why State needs to get some offense going.

For PSU, Derek Moye is will be out this game and possibly next, so once more Justin Brown and company will be asked to step up to fill the gap. We can count on Silas Redd, Curtis Dukes, and their compatriots to do their share — if the offensive line is up to the task. They need to be focused and motivated. I don’t want to see any lackadaisical standing around going on there. I want to see some good run blocking so Redd doesn’t have to dance around looking for holes and then have to push his own linemen out of his way. Northwestern has allowed an average of 172 yards rushing per game. I’d like to see Redd run for at least 120. State needs to play ball control offense to keep the ball away from Persa.

And, yes, since you mentioned it, Paterno is still playing a two-headed quarterback this week. Bolden and McGloin are listed as “OR” on the depth chart as starters. No brainer prediction: Bolden gets off the bus first and takes the first snap. I believe they’ll be able to move the ball through the air. Well, at least one of them, the one with the Irish flag colors on his mouthpiece. I’m tired of watching Bolden throw infield ground ball practice. Paterno has said that both guys bring their own set of skills to the table. Bolden seems to bring an exceptional arm but with subpar accuracy and not even a modicum of pocket presence. He looks uncomfortable in there. The road gets tougher for the last half of the season, and if Bolden is still spooked against the likes of Purdue, what is he going to do with Nebraska, Ohio State, and Wisconsin? Give the game away?

With this being a road game, I won’t get to comment about the attendance being off from prior years. I also won’t get to comment about noon starts on the road, because this one is a 7 PM kickoff. The boys should be ready to play. Again, I want to see some enthusiasm among the offense, a sign of life somewhere. Absent noon start excuses (which are unacceptable at best), how about them getting pumped up for a change?

I’ll repeat that if this bunch of Nittany Lions takes their opponents too lightly, they’re going to be beaten. Northwestern has put double-digit points on the board against all its opponents this year, the most recent three being Illinois (35), Michigan (24), and Iowa (31). Hell, the Lions could only manage 13 points against Iowa. So, Penn State has to actually show up and play this game. Throw the 2-4 record and the four game losing streak out the window. The Wildcats play a lot better than that.

Saturday looks like a perfect football day in Evanston, mostly sunny with a high of 60. No excuses for screw-ups there!

And now, it is time for the pre-camping edition of the Official Turkey Poop Prediction for this week. Northwestern’s defense really sucks, but so does Penn State’s offense. Hell, during the Iowa game, I was thinking, “Please, no! Not another 6-4 game! Fortunately, it wasn’t, but 13-3 was ridiculous enough. This week, PSU is once again without its premier play maker on the passing attack, which makes me a little shaky. Our gambling friends have set the spread at four points, with Penn State favored. The over/under is 47.5. It is going to be hard to do, but I think the Nittany Lions fail to cover the spread yet again, and I’m going to take the “under” once again. Penn State 20, Northwestern 17.

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Filed Under: Penn State Football Tagged With: college football, Dan Persa, Joe Paterno, Nittany Lions, Northwestern, Penn State, Wildcats

The Answer?

Posted on November 8, 2010 Written by The Nittany Turkey

There have always been memorable twists and turns to the Penn State – Northwestern series. Heretofore, the most unforgettable moment was in 2005 when Michael Robinson completed a 4th-and-15 pass to Isaac Smolko, which provided the spark that would eventually take the Nittany Lions to the Orange Bowl.

“We actually felt like we were winning the game going in at halftime. We were pumped up, we were ready to go.” —Matt McGloin

Few thought that that magical moment would be eclipsed an another Northwestern game, particularly this season with this team, a hobbled and underachieving bunch that had already lost three games. Doubtless, many switched off this game when Northwestern jumped off to a big lead. But persistence paid off on this November 6th in Beaver Stadium. Penn State fans will remember this game for the rest of their lives.

It was a win, of course. Penn State (6-3, 3-2 Big Ten) beat Northwestern (6-3, 2-3) 35-21 to become bowl eligible. It was Joe Paterno’s 400th career victory and one of the greatest comebacks in Penn State history. This is the story of how it unfolded at The Cave.

On Saturday morning, Artificially Sweetened read my preview of the game. Suddenly, I heard her shriek, “Bolden’s going to start? Why?”

I could only offer that he had won the starting job at the beginning of the season and he had apparently recovered from the concussion suffered two weeks ago. Plus, the coaches seem to regard him as the guy to lead the Nittany Lions for the next four years.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” said AS. “McGloin won the Michigan game. He should be starting.”

I couldn’t argue with that. In fact, I had wished that the PSU brain trust would have seen it that way, too.

“They don’t want to destroy Bolden’s self-confidence,” I responded feebly. “He needs to get back up on that horse and get some game reps.”

AS seemed disgusted. She likes McGloin’s style. So do I.

“By the way,” she said, “I disagree with you. We’re going to win.”

With that, this Turkey offered a “Harrumph!”, asserting that I knew best and that the Lions would be returning to pre-Michigan form for oh, so many reasons. I was convinced that NWU would get an early lead and that the uninspired play of Bolden, the O-Line, Royster, and the no-nothing defense would all conspire against the possibility of a Penn State win. No way could AS ever be wise enough to outanalyze the Supreme Turkey.

We prepared The Cave for the arrival of our guests without another word about the game. Qué sería sería. (What would be would be.)

It was a low-energy day in The Cave. Two of the guests would be arriving late and I forgot to put out all my Penn State tchotchkes. (I have a ball autographed by Joe Paterno, a lucky cardboard cut-out of a much younger Paterno, some pennants and stuffed Nittany Lions, etc.) I have been fighting a cold and a cough, so I’m dragging anyhow. As such, the 3:30 kickoff felt like a nooner. El Pavo Grande de Nittany settled into his LaZboy Mark McGwire model recliner and hoped it wouldn’t be too embarrassing.

You all know what happened. The Lions came out flat and the defense came out porous. Northwestern quickly drove down the field for its first TD before we had even switched from the ridiculous Illinois-Michigan game. It appeared that it would be a banner day for Wildcat quarterback Dan Persa, who would be a one-man wrecking crew running all over the PSU no-nothing defense.

The Lions lost momentum when on the next series they tried for a fourth down conversion at the Wildcats’ 33, where Evan Royster ran into a brick wall. After a three-and-out by Northwestern, the Lions tried again. Thanks to a couple of long runs by Stephfon Green and Silas Redd, they managed to drive to the NWU 30. On third-and-eleven, Rob Bolden dropped back to pass and was pursued by Hunter Bates. He tried to scramble, but Bates had radar lock on him. Instead of eating the ball and taking the sack, which would have lost 18 yards, Bolden thought about getting rid of the ball, and in doing so, coughed it up and lost it to Bates at the NWU 48.

Post concussion syndrome or just sloppy play? Let’s split the difference and call it a rookie mistake.

The ‘Cats drove down to the PSU 10 and then missed the field goal attempt. Still 7-0 as the first quarter wound down.

Zbeard opined that Bolden should be replaced by McGloin. I said something about that destroying his confidence, but I wanted McGloin in there, too. AS sure as hell did, too, I know that.

We all got our wish at :28 of the first quarter. McGloin’s first drive was unsuccessful. A putrid Anthony Fera punt gave the Wildcats great field position, on which Persa capitalized with another touchdown. 14-0.

The teams traded punts and then Collin Wagner tried a long field goal, which failed, giving the ball to Northwestern at their own 34. Persa completed a 41 yard pass to Jeremy Ebert, the Big Ten’s leading pass receiver, and marched it into the end zone yet again. 21-0.

Could anyone see what was coming? All ye of no faith believe ye in miracles when ye see them! Could Penn State—this Penn State team—come back from 21 points down with a shaky offense and no defense? Hell, no! You were thinking the same thing, too, weren’t you?

Yet, with 50 seconds left in the first half, McGloin suddenly started looking like John Elway back there, taking charge and leading the Lions on a 91 yard drive for the first Penn State touchdown. I had to pause the DVR just before the TD when Jackstand and his brother finally arrived. They had family business to attend to but they managed to reach the Cave at just the right time. The Nittany Lions went into the locker room with momentum on their side and this Turkey and AS went into the kitchen to cook for the Cave denizens. Still, no one believed there was any hope for the Lions. Good food would provide some comfort.

You need to know that the menu was grilled coho salmon with lemon/butter/caper sauce; spinach salad with orange mustard vinaigrette dressing, mandarin oranges, and warm goat cheese; and finally, my Jewish Italian baked zucchini. Jackstand brought an apple pie and some ice cream for dessert. Zbeard, of course, was in charge of alcohol. No turkey was on the menu. Praise the Lord.

Back to the game, the momentum was on Penn State’s side coming out of the locker room. McGloin directed yet another masterful drive, this one 84 yards, using all his weapons, both aerial and terrestrial. When I say all his weapons, I mean all, including a capstone touchdown pass to converted lineman Nate Cadogan, brother of former Nittany Lion tackle Gerald Cadogan, playing tight end. The game was now within reach at 21-14. This one propelled the Beaver Stadium crowd of over 104,000 back into the fray.

Now it was Northwestern playing sphincterball in the face of the sudden advantage for the home team. Pat Fitzgerald’s countenance was contorted as he completed his Kegels, and the Wildcats went three-and-out. A Brandon Williams punt gave PSU decent field position at their own 37. Two passes from McGloin to Derek Moye were all that were required to score from there. Game tied at 21!

Another Wildcat three-and-out. Was this the no-nothing PSU defense out there? Suddenly, Persa couldn’t move the ball. It seemed likely to this Turkey that the energy of the offense created by the enthusiasm of Matt McGloin’s field generalship and the noise of the Beaver Stadium crowd had rubbed off on the defense. That was the only explanation for it. We hadn’t seen anything like this all year. Michael Mauti was all over the field and would wind up with 11 tackles.

This was followed by another Penn State score. Silas Redd did the honors from four yards out. The Nittany Lions had a lead they would never relinquish. 28-21.

After yet another three-and-out by the hapless ‘Cats, Penn State scored again for the final time, this one on a 13 yard swing pass to Evan Royster. Thirty-five unanswered points coming back from 21 points in the hole. Good show, guys!

Northwestern threatened once after that, but couldn’t score from the PSU 9. Final score, PSU 35, Northwestern 21.

McGloin threw four touchdown passes in the course of completing 18 out of 29 passes for 225 yards. He was not intercepted.

Well, the Turkey was wrong and Artificially Sweetened was right. I have a new nickname for Matt McGloin: The Answer. (Sorry, Allen Iverson. You might have been The Answer at one time in the NBA, but you ain’t nobody’s answer now!) McGloin adds energy and enthusiasm to the Penn State huddle. His self-confidence shows in his play and it rubs off on teammates. Hell, it even rubbed off on the defense. You know how all year long I’ve been saying that this team lacks leadership? Well, mateys, we’ve found it. McGloin is The Answer. He is a natural leader.

This isn’t just my opinion. Senior running back Evan Royster, Penn State’s all-time leading rusher, feels the same.

“He really brings a calmness to the huddle,” said Royster. “He can kind of come in there and tell a joke or something like that and kind of relax people. That helps. There’s people being tense, and it really helps loosen up and kind of gets ’em in a flow.”

He is The Answer.

Not since Kerry Collins in 1994 in the fabled Illinois game that included “The Drive” has Penn State come back from a 21 point deficit. And not since the Franco Harris/Lydell Mitchell days 40-some years ago have two Penn State players run for over 130 yards each in a game. Royster had 134 and freshman sensation Silas Redd had 131. The amazing effort juiced all in Beaver Stadium with energy, but the coup de grace was that head coach Joe Paterno notched his 400th career win when it seemed in the first half that it wouldn’t happen at least for another couple of weeks—or perhaps at all this season.

Paterno was carried off the field and was uncharacteristically moved in more than just that sense. With regard to why he’s stayed around so long, he gave a sweeping wave to Beaver Stadium, whose crowd had stayed put after the game to celebrate his milestone, one which will never be equaled. “Look around!” he said. “Just look around!” A fitting end to a celebration of an achievement earned in a fitting manner. “Now that the celebration is over,” Joe added, “let’s go beat Ohio State!”

Even my fellow hippie friend (that’s hip replacement, not communes, peace signs, and bongs) from Ottawa watched this game, eh? Lizard, a professor of nursing, offered the following.

So why didn’t they throw cold H2O over Paterno’s head after the 400th win. Would it have stopped his heart?

I must say watching these college games takes me back to my youth which as we know is wasted on the young!

Well, Lizard, the tradition started by Harry Carson and Lawrence Taylor of the New York Giants calls for Gatorade, not water, but I think that the players might have thought twice about dousing an 84 year-old guy with iced electrolyte juice on a 35 degree day. But great minds think alike. Toward the end of the game I wondered aloud whether the dousing would be attempted. In my semi-inebriated state I was thinking that if someone was stupid enough to do it, I’d personally go up there and shoot the bastard(s).

So this morning I asked AS if she thought the Nittany Lions would beat the Buckeyes next week.

“No! Not without a defense,” she replied, “even if they have the sense to play McGloin.”

I’ll be back later in the week with a preview of the big Ohio State game, and I might even take AS’s sentiments into account this time.

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Filed Under: Penn State Football Tagged With: 400th win, college football, historic comeback win, Joe Paterno, Northwestern, Penn State, Sports

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The Nittany Turkey is a retired techno-geek who thinks he knows something about Penn State football and everything else in the world. If there's a topic, we have an opinion on it, and you know what "they" say about opinions! Most of what is posted here involves a heavy dose of hip-shooting conjecture, but unlike some other blogs, we don't represent it as fact. Read More…

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