The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Quick Hits for Another Leaderless Monday

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What the hell is a “quick hit”? Does that mean something like, “Ima hit yo’ ass wit dis, ya shit!”? I don’t know. It’s one of those vogue sportswriter things. I just thought I would use it here so I could bitch about it. What I mean is that I have a few quick stories for you.

First, our deposed legend, Joseph V. Paterno, is out of the hospital, released to Sue’s care. As you probably know, hip/pelvis fractures are quite dangerous for people of Joe’s age; however, he’s a tough old bird about to be 85 and he’ll surmount this just like he has surmounted much adversity in his life. Joe comes from an era in which we admired people who could handle tough breaks, unlike now, when everyone has a sense of entitlement and people for whom life isn’t going well are to be avoided, if not scorned. (Notice how I get the editorial in, even though the subject is Paterno’s hip?) He will be continuing rehabilitation at home, and will continue with his cancer treatments, which reportedly “take a lot out of him.” He has not lost his fighting spirit, though. Give ’em hell, Joe!

The next “quick hit” involves a hit that was too quick for Matt McGloin, as it knocked him ass over tin cups onto the concrete locker room floor, where he smashed his head and put his lights out. McGloin is now questionable for the Lions’ post-season consolation bowl. Like a true leader, McGloin took full responsibility for the fight, which involved several punches between him and Curtis Drake, and which he said lasted about 10 seconds before he hit the deck. He admits to having started it, but says he should have walked away, because as a quarterback, he’s held to a higher standard. Both McGloin and Drake are looking at some kind of discipline by acting interim temporary sort of head coach Tom Bradley. PSU Judicial Affairs is looking into the altercation and will involve Homeland Security if any terrorism is suspected. Come on, folks! It’s a simple fight between two testosteronically challenged dudes who went at it in the locker room — big deal! Back in the good old days, they’d go have a beer afterward and celebrate Drake’s winning haymaker — just a simple fight between a dude from West Philly and a dude from West Scranton. Oops, wait. We don’t want Drake having any beers yet, as he won’t be 21 until February 1. Stand down, Stephfon.

Now, this third “quick hit” is a real doozie. Our old friend and current ESPN analyst Craig James is seeking the Republican nomination for U.S. Senator from Texas. (It used to be that Senators were appointed by the governor of their respective state before the progressives got their way. It was better the old way, but hell, Rick Perry would have probably appointed James, anyhow. There I go editorializing in the context of a freaking “quick hit” again. Quick! Hit me! … thanks, i needed that…. But I digress.) Yeah, the good thing is that we won’t have to see or listen to James on ESPN anymore. He won’t be working there while he’s running for office, and he’s already missed the hefty assignment of the Beef O’Brady Bowl. This all, of course, is outweighed by the peril of Mr. James having an influence on public policy. OMG WTF. Read enough to make you sick on ESPN.com.

And our final “quick hit” is a bit of a hit about the snit Rob Bolden got into with so-called “minor legal issues.” The twit! Dimwit! He needs a quick hit upside da haid! Get this shit: he stole a damn bottle of Gatorade from a campus convenience store! Bradley had a fit, and Bolden to his doghouse he did admit, although Bradley said that it was a prank and Bolden had returned the bottle to the store lickety-split. As for playing time, Bolden will not sit, Bradley said. As McGloin might not be medically cleared or disciplinarically available to play the Second Annual TicketCity.com bowl, it now looks like Bolden is it. (OK, I quit!)

Leaderlessness

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I’m just catching up with Penn State football news after having been out of commission for a while, so please bear with me if my ruminations reflect the obvious, which is that the Nittany Lions are clearly in need of leadership both on and off the field, and as more time passes before a new head of the football program is selected, the worse things will get. Last week Dave Joyner promised results from his search committee within thirty days, pushing it out until the conclusion of the bowl season. ????? ???? ??????

The present lack of leadership has fostered undisciplined behavior among the team. ????? ??????? ?????? For example, recently, a locker room scuffle  between Curtis Drake and Matt McGloin following a dust-up (“dey had words”) at practice probably would not have happened were it not for the vacancy at the top. Players now seem to feel as if they can do what they please. If our deposed legend had been in charge, those two might have thought before they acted. Lesser transgressions caused bowl suspensions in the Joseph V. Paterno Era. No one is handing out suspensions at the moment.

So, Drake beat the shit out of McGloin, causing the Irish kid a concussion and a seizure. No doubt there were enough flies on the wall at practice and in the locker room that we’ll know eventually what the words between them were. McGloin is well known for his cocky attitude and perhaps Drake had just a little too much of it. However, no matter what the genesis of this unseemly event, this kind of crap stems from the waywardness of the program.

 “Penn State doesn’t appear to know if it wants to try to remain a national power or de-emphasize football. Good luck trying to do both.” —Ron Cook, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

The Nittany Lions need a new head coach — and fast!

We’ve already lost three top recruits. The most recent of these is Tommy Schutt, a twenty-seven star (you know how I feel about those star ratings) defensive lineman from Illinois who de-committed from Penn State in favor of the Urban Renewal team in a neighboring state. “With everything that happened at Penn State, I really felt like I needed to look at my situation,” Schutt told the Daily Herald of Chicago, “I’ve always liked Ohio State and just felt comfortable there on my visit.”

Bob Flounders of the Patriot-News thinks that this is just the beginning. Why would anyone want to play for a leaderless program carrying the heavy baggage the Nittany Lions do? They have no idea what the coaching style will be, no clue whether anarchy will continue to rend the players asunder, and not the foggiest notion of whether Penn State football will go the way of Indiana University — except that Penn State doesn’t even have a basketball team that can redeem it. To be a football power once again? To be an academic power with football de-emphasized? Or for that ultimate pie in the sky, the “Grand Experiment” continuation with a candidate with strong credentials in both areas. Does such a person even exist?

Dave Joyner and his search committee seem to be dragging their feet. What are they waiting for? As Neil Rudel of the Altoona Mirror suggests, perhaps the leading candidates are in the NFL, such as Mike Munchak (who just took over the helm at the Tennessee Titans this year) or Jim Caldwell (who desperately needs to be rescued from Manninglessness but probably wouldn’t be considered by anybody for anything owing to his abysmal 0-13 record with the Colts this year — this just in: they beat Munchak’s Titans today). Many high profile college coaches have already moved to their new destinations.  Who is left? Would Pat Fitzgerald or Al Golden seriously consider heading up the PSU program? I suppose we’ll find out sooner or later, but the later it gets, the more speculation it will cause among the fans and, of course, the media; the more uncertainty it will cause among recruits; and the more frustration it will cause for existing team members.

Hey, ya gotta feel for those guys. It wasn’t their fault that Jerry Sandusky did what he did — whatever that was, in view of McQueary’s 19 versions of his story — and it wasn’t their fault that the Paterno/Spanier cover-up took place. Their 9-3 season was rewarded by a trip to the TicketCity.com booby prize bowl instead of a Florida game, which pissed them off. They look toward the future not knowing which end of the team is up or who will be playing on it. So, why not take their frustrations out on each other, smashing someone’s head into a locker or breaking some “minor” laws?

To add insult to injury, I hear that Rob Bolden has some “minor legal problems”. Who is going to quarterback the Lions in the TicketCity.com bowl, Shane McGregor? Hey, TicketCity.com, how about that for TV ratings? Being on ESPNU is bad enough without having the few people who found that cable channel being driven away by a third-stringer.

Does Joyner’s committee comprehend what kind of a person it is searching for? A competent football guy? A scholar with pristine academic standards and scruples? A disciplinarian? All three wrapped up in one neat package? Penn State is ideally seeking to replace a legend with another legend, and that just isn’t possible. Fuhgeddaboudit! Ron Cook of the Post-Gazette says, “Penn State doesn’t appear to know if it wants to try to remain a national power or de-emphasize football. Good luck trying to do both.”

In The Republic, Plato employed the leaderless ship metaphor to describe the political state of Athens at the time. Those who were qualified and capable, the philosophers, eschewed leadership roles, while those driven by power hungry incompetence took over the helm.  After a half century of Paterno, how will this ship of State handle a new captain? Joyner and Company must hire a very strong, competent leader very, very soon in order to avert an inmate takeover of the asylum, with negative implications for the future. ???? ??????

Are you feeling confident in Joyner’s search committee? Are you optimistic about Penn State’s football future? Or, on the contrary, do you fear that much like the early 2000’s, the program is facing another set of “Dark Years”, this one more protracted? Please share your thoughts.

100% Pure Cotton — n’wait!

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TicketCity Bowl
TicketCity Bowl

It seems that the beleaguered Nittany Lions (9-3, 5-2 B1G) are headed to the TicketCity Bowl in Dallas to face the Houston Cougars (12-1 8-0 C-USA), who until this past weekend held aspirations of an undefeated season and a BCS invitation, which would have been the first ever for a Conference USA program.

Houston was soundly defeated by Southern Mississippi, home of Penn State’s purported next head coach, maybe, possibly, perhaps, by the score of 49-28. Still, Houston is the nation’s leader in passing yards and total points scored.

Last time in Dallas, Penn State was the victor in the 1972 Cotton Bowl. The stakes are lower now. Penn State also made history in Dallas in 1948 when no hotels would accept the two black players on the Nittany Lions squad. The entire team wound up staying at a Navy facility 14 miles out of town in solidarity with their teammates.

Fortunately, segregation is gone from the South, but unfortunately, many venues were queasy about inviting Penn State to their bowl game. Kudos to the TicketCity Bowl Committee and TicketCity for damning the torpedoes from the ignorant folks who would blame innocent people for molesting children. Jerry Sandusky did the molesting, but I digress passionately.

While the actual Cotton Bowl Classic will be played on January 6 in Jerry Jones’ new $1.3 billion Cowboys Stadium, this this this … game … is situated at the ollllld Cotton Bowl stadium on the Texas State Fairgrounds, which opened in 1930. Fortunately, the facility was extensively renovated in 2008, when the seating capacity was increased to 92,100 — I don’t think we’ll be seeing those seats filled. The record attendance of 96,009 was recorded for the 2009 Red River Rivalry (Texas vs. Oklahoma).

The TicketCity Bowl was first played in 2011 on New Year’s Day. It pitted Northwestern and Texas Tech, and was won by the Wildcats 45-38. Originally the game was to be between the Big Ten and year-to-year alternating opponents from the Big 12 and Conference USA. Alas, when Nebraska and Colorado bolted from the Big 12, the Big 12 became the Big 12-2, and the conference dropped its commitment to the TicketCity Bowl. Thus, it is now just the Big 10+2 and Conference USA.

The payout for this minor bowl is $1.2 million. Penn State had previously committed $1.5 million of Big Ten bowl proceeds to two charities to benefit abused children. Big Ten programs share their bowl revenues.

The TicketCity Bowl will be played on January 2, 2012. Kickoff is at noon (sound familiar, Nittany Lions fans?). TV coverage will be on the backwater of ESPN, ESPNU, maybe even in HD.

Hey, it isn’t the Cotton Bowl, but it is a New Year’s Day game, if you can find it. Its time conflicts with three other Big Ten bowls: the Gator, Capital One, and Outback bowls.

When I went to check the TicketCity Bowl Official Site, it was down due to some capacity issues. I guess we PSU fans were overloading the web servers with “WTF?” questions in mind.

Of course, the Nittany Lions are sucking hind tit this year because of you-know-what. I think people are being ridiculous, especially in view of Penn State’s huge alumni association and large collection of yinzers and such from the Keystone State who don’t mind spending megabucks when they travel. Barely bowl eligible Ohio State (6-6) goes to the Gator Bowl to play the barely bowl eligible Gators (6-6), although I don’t know which stigma is worse, playing in a TicketCity bowl or a TaxSlayer bowl. Michigan (10-2) winds up with a BCS bid to the Sugar Bowl. Nebraska (9-3) gets the lucrative Capital One. OK, so now I’m bitching. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Turkey! At least there was one bowl willing to risk what the others wouldn’t. Damn timid people — lemmings — wouldn’t want to ruffle any deep-pocketed feathers, would they?