The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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PSU at #23 on AP Poll

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The AP poll for Week One is finally out with Penn State making its debut at #23, while this weekend’s opponent, Alabama, has dropped down to #3.

Oklahoma is #1, followed by LSU at #2, and Alabama, Boise State, and FSU make up the top five. The next five are Stanford, Texas A&M, Wisconsin, Oklahoma State, and Nebraska.

Five Big Ten teams wound up in the Top 25: Wisconsin #8, Nebraska #10, Ohio State #15, Michigan State #17, and Penn State #23.

In the USA Today poll, Penn State is #20.

Early season polls are meaningless. The fact that every season has an “Upset Saturday” is mute testimony to the immateriality of the weekly pissing contest, at least until the BCS rankings start to kick in. But even then, I’m just sayin’.

For example, the Nittany Lions are #23 on the basis of what? Sportswriters pull their votes straight out of their ass. PSU’s performance last Saturday would have looked good if it was played against Iowa or Michigan State, but Indiana State? Too many question marks and too many deferred decisions cloud any ranking at this juncture. For example, the PSU offensive line was horrible protecting the quarterback — against Indiana State, an FCS division school! 

I guess there have to be rankings each week or the fans just wouldn’t be happy.

 

Redd Energizes 41-7 Win over Sycamores

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The Nittany Lions won as expected on Saturday, while Silas Redd (#25 above) established himself as the latest great running back in PSU’s long line, the quarterback controversy continued, and Joe Paterno had the sense to coach the game from the booth.

Penn State (1-0, 0-0 Big Ten) defeated the FCS Indiana State Sycamores (0-1, 0-0 MVC) 41-7 before an anemic announced crowd of 96,461 at Beaver Stadium. Bragging rights accrue to the Turkey, who predicted a 45-10 outcome.

Silas Redd, with the help of lead blocking by fullback Michael Zordich, rang up 104 yards on 12 carries, scoring two touchdowns. Redd has bulked up a bit, having clearly worked on strength in the off-season.

The quarterbacking duo of Rob Bolden and Matt McGloin went 12-20 passing for a total of 114 yards with no touchdowns and no interceptions.

Back in The Cave, I entertained a motley collection of nine Penn State fans with a veritable plethora of shapes, sizes, and degree of fervor for Penn State football. The opening game of a new season is always a thrill because old friends who have survived the long, hot, footballess Central Florida summer resume their socializing in quest of their initial football fix. The menu featured some great cocktail shrimp cooked by Jackstand’s half-brother Steve, preceding the traditional steak (courtesy of Jackstand) and Caesar salad, prepared by Artificially Sweetened under my harsh but loving supervision. Wine accompaniments were provided by zbeard. But I digress.

The game was essentially all but decided when Chaz Powell ran the opening kickoff 95 yards to paydirt with a mere 13 seconds elapsed from the game clock. The Nittany Lions went on to add three more touchdowns by the end of the first half, ending all hope for the hapless Sycamores, who were impotent in the face of Penn State’s offensive juggernaut. The Lions had 21 first downs to the Sycamores’ 8 and doubled up Indiana State on total yards (357). PSU played an error-free game, although HQB (half quarterback) Matt McGloin tried to get rid of the ball once while being sacked, throwing it to a defender and getting lucky when the defender dropped it. The Lions were penalized seven times for forty-five yards.

So, this was a typical tune-up game, from which we were able to glean strengths and weaknesses in the fledgling 2011 edition of the Nittany Lions. As I mentioned earlier, Silas Redd is one of the strengths we noted. Redd will be monster this season, as long as he can stay healthy. Getting plays called and relayed in to the players before the play clock expires constitutes a “feature” that was gladly missing from this opus, which had a lot to do with Joe Paterno coaching from the booth. As for weaknesses, Penn State still is running a two-quarterback offense with no resolution in sight, the offensive line is ineffectual with respect to pass protection, and the kicking game is horrible.  Evan Lewis missed both of his field goal attempts, missed one extra point, and delivered stinking, short kickoffs.

Let this win not cause a week-long  spate of euphoria inspiring rethinking your prior season predictions. Given its margin of victory and big play crowd appeal, listless minds are bound to extrapolate it to a 12-0 season or some such foolishness. We learned a few things about the 2011 Nittany Lions: the offensive line needs work (as usual), the kicking game needs work, and someone needs to make an executive decision about whom will be the number one quarterback. Unfortunately, Week Two brings the Alabama Crimson Tide to Beaver Stadium to exploit all of the Penn State weaknesses.

We’ll be back later in the week with a preview of that big Alabama game.

Joe Makes Big Decision

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The Penn State 2011 quarterback controversy has been resolved Solomonically by wise, old head football coach Joe Paterno.

So, who will be the number one quarterback for the home opener against the Indiana State Sycamores (6-5, 4-4 MVC), you ask?

“Why, no one,” says old Joe.

Did he split them both in half, as Solomon proposed be done with the baby, or what?

Let the suspense be ended here and now. Joe has effectively postponed the big decision for another week by saying that he’ll play them both in Saturday’s tilt.

So, who will walk out of the damn team bus first? Which one will take the first snap of the game?

Treating it as if it were a trivial technicality, Joe said it didn’t matter who actually started the game. So, neither is officially a starter no matter who starts. Did you get that?

I suppose Bolden and McGloin can skip out of the bus together holding hands. Talk about portents of a hopscotch season!

Perhaps it is the Holy Father’s wish that Alabama have to prepare for both quarterbacks. Boy, that will throw the Crimson Tide for a loop. Nick Sabin is very, very worried. He might have to look at another series of videos and miss his regular Thursday night dinner with his wife and mother-in-law. He’ll soon get the picture. Both quarterbacks will use the run to set up the third-and-eight sideline pass to Derek Moye who is tackled two yards short of a first down. If that doesn’t work in the first half, Joe will run the draw on third-and-long. Yep, Nick has a lot to worry about. One quarterback talks smack while the other pouts. Prepare for both quarterbacking styles. It’s a piece of cake.

Meanwhile, Joe and his offensive brain trust have bigger things to worry about. Bigger than the elephant in the room, Alabama, you ask. Well, yeah. There’s a lot of meat on the offensive line and it doesn’t have much backup. Plus, after last year’s debacle, Paterno will have to find a way to motivate the O-line. He has a real weapon in Silas Redd, not to mention two quarterbacks to protect, for which this offensive line is charged with the Lion’s share of the work. They better come out with fire and determination, unlike last year. Motivation. Figure it out, Joe.

Joe might choose to use his personal situation as a motivator. He says he’s 50-50 to coach on the sideline. People closer to Joe than this Turkey have said that would be a mistake, as he isn’t really getting around all that well. I, as well as everyone else, would like to see him take it easy. But Joe Paterno is a stubborn sumbitch with coaching running through his veins like methamphetamine mixed with oxycododone, so when he gets a bug up his ass about motivation, he’ll forget all about his hairline hip fracture and risk that aforementioned ass for the team. I’ll set the odds on Joe coaching on the field at 2-1 and the over/under for number of quarters before he moves to the press box at 2.

I still owe you a game preview. Well, hell, I have a headache, so this is it. No telling whether I would get to write another article before Saturday. I have to get The Cave ready for the boys and girls for the opening game, and I have to buy some food. Yeah, football is back, and we’re rrrrrready!

So, let me give you the Official Turkey Poop Prediction for the home opener. No digression bs, I’ll just give it to you straight. Penn State favored by 37, with no over/under at the books I checked. Some books had no line whatsoever. Penn State is always a good bet not to cover the spread, so take the Sycamores and 37 if you can find someone who’ll take your action. Penn State 45, Indiana State 10.

Oh, and how about a small donation to the American Heart Association while you’re here? Click the link in the column at right.