Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
It started out looking like the Nittany Lions would wind up on the short end of the stick, but due to a record-breaking performance by sophomore quarterback Christian Hackenberg and the consistent foot of senior kicker Sam Ficken, Penn State (7-6) was able to come back from a 21-7 late in the third quarter to tie at 24 in regulation and beat Boston College (7-6) 31-30 in OT. [Read more…]
This turkey was going to write an article about the remarkable turnaround of Sam Ficken, but thought better of it. I didn’t want to jinx the lad. What the hell is a jinx? This turkey is a scientist, not a superstitionalist. Ain’t no such thing as a jinx. Yet Artificially Sweetened and some readers cajoled me not to do it. I listened, giving superstition the benefit of the doubt.
“There was one joke, like, ‘Hey, we don’t need to worry about Ficken hanging himself. He can’t kick the chair out from under himself.'” —Sam Ficken
Now, Josh Moyer, ESPN.com’s Penn State/Big Ten reporter has done it. He wrote the feel good story I wanted to write about Sam Ficken, but didn’t, only better. Here’s a teaser:
“The skinny kicker with the hawkish nose can laugh about it all now. And he did, repeatedly, during a warm Wednesday afternoon. He spoke as if that day — maybe the worst in his life — happened 10 years ago, and almost as if it happened to someone else altogether.”
I’m proud of Ficken’s progress, but could the blocked kick in last week’s Nativeamericaniana debacle have been a portent of things to come? Could he have been receiving paranormal vibrations from Moyer’s forthcoming article? Oy vey!
Read it if you dare.
Now we know why Sam Ficken has been off-target this season, and perhaps why he pulled up lame with a quadriceps injury.
Head Coach Bill O’Brien has been kicking him.
Damn! I knew there was something about O’Brien—you know, like the way he always used to yell at Tom Brady. But I figured it was just verbal abuse, not physical. My, my!
Obrien let it slip out in response to a question about Ficken’s quadriceps injury: “We’ve been monitoring that and not kicking him as much in practice.”
Wow! I’m glad they’re letting up on Ficken. If they kick him much more in practice, he won’t have any legs left at all. Unless, of course, they kick him in the ass.
Holy crap! Wonder what the NCAA will do now. Player abuse is certainly worthy of the death penalty. O’Brien can join Bobby Knight and Woody Hayes in the NCAA Hall of Shame while Mark Emmert vacates his five victories and exacts a $27 million fine on Penn States, which Rod Erickson will gladly accept, as well as establishing a fund for victims of kicker abuse everywhere. Former PSU field hockey and lacrosse star Karen Peetz, as always keeping a laser focus on the future of the university, the Commonwealth, and a potential run for governor if she can get a leave of absence from BNY Mellon, has taken a vote of the board of trustees, who have authorized Erickson to grovel at Mark Emmert’s feet to atone for the egregious offense committed by yet another self-serving and power-hungry football coach.
Wait—
Ohhhhhh, he meant that he wasn’t making Ficken practice as much! Aha!
Never mind.
