Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Hello, my six devoted readers! It’s time to kick off yet another Penn State football season, the fourteenth since the inception of this blog. With this turkey’s sparkling prediction track record in mind, I’m certain that you are all awaiting this season’s prognostications with bated breath (or baited, as the case may be, for those of you with fishy breath). [Read more…]
Fortified by pain-killing drugs, the Nittany Turkey returns to preview and predict the Penn State Nittany Lions’ 2014 football season.
While you don’t want to hear about my oral surgery, that’s the price that my four readers have to pay for their subscriptions. If you want my brilliant witticisms, if you want my controversial albeit highly inaccurate prognostications, and if you want a convenient forum on which to display your comprehensive knowledge of the subject at hand to the three other readers, then this spoonful of medicine won’t help the sugar go down.
Read it anyway, damnit!
Before I took my vacation in scenic Green Bay, I chomped down on a piece of hard candy and promptly broke a bicuspid — #13, to be precise, which this cosmetic dentistry office suggests I had fixed rather quick after doing more research. There was an old filling in there, so the tooth was compromised to begin with. The candy was its ultimate denouement. So, I let it bother me throughout my vacay, and then upon my return I found a dentist online, http://powersdentalgroup.com who excavated the old filling and restored with an implant. After which I was able to enjoy and ensure that I had a health smile.
Yesterday’s visit to the oral surgeon in Overland Park all-on-4 dental implants was to effect the extraction and implant the socket for the dental prosthesis as well to do finally a wisdom teeth removal. The doc used bone graft material from cows to fill the empty root sockets around the implant. Now it has to wait for four months with a healing abutment capping it off, so that the graft and my non-bovine bone grow into and around the socket. Aren’t you glad you read this?
I feel a sudden urge to issue an expletive. Mooooooooooooooooooooo! There, I feel better now.
(If I turn into a cow, I might have to become a Moo U. fan, but I digress…)
No, wait! Before I go any further, let me show you a picture of my dentist. She’s a hottie. Played varsity volleyball in college and has an identical twin sister who practices family law in California. And, second best of all, her daddy, Ralph Ortega, a former Florida Gator, was an NFL linebacker with the Dolphins and the Falcons. Trips to the dentist are a lot more interesting now than they were with Jennifer’s predecessor. But Ol’ Bob never got pregnant, and now that Dr. Ortega is looking like she swallowed a bowling ball, I have to wonder whether Bob will come out of retirement to cover for her when she pops out the little bundle of joy.
I know, right? But I digress…
Yeah, yeah. I tell you, it’s the pain killers!
Big Al cracked me up when he posted a comment to an earlier article. At that time, he expressed his tempus fugit incredulity with the statement, “It’s hard to believe the Central Florida loss is less than 5 weeks away.” Now, that’s a helluva way to begin a season, forecasting a loss right off the bat! Meanwhile, the perpetually sanguine K. John stated, “I for one really like Penn State’s chances against the field this year, but it may not necessarily be because they are better than last year, I am just not that high on several teams they play.” Well, Sanguinarians, it’s time to start the annual debate and I’m hoping that this will once again form a convenient nexus for expressing your flowers and vitriol.
And so, without further a-doo-doo, let us have a look at the season ahead.
First, let’s understand that with an inexperienced offensive line, a freshman punter, and a deadly dearth of depth at linebacker (say that ten times, real fast), this team does not have the makings of a contender for the Big Ten title, so let’s get that out of the way quickly. Adam Breneman is likely out for the year, but given the extant depth at tight end and the fact that he was a one-trick pony, his abscess (oops… dental humor) I mean his absence won’t have as much impact as the talent issues elsewhere. Sam Ficken is back and he’s special teams captain this year. Draw your own conclusions. Back to the offensive line, utilizing converted defensive linemen (who played defense because they loved to hit but couldn’t learn a playbook) and having a backup center named Wendy show you just how thin this group is.
Butbutbut, there are bright spots. Christian Hackenberg looks like he’s grown into his role as leader, captain, and field general. Maybe admiral and field marshall, too. (In the NFL, I’d exaggerate his role as CEO, but in college, it’s not about the bottom line. >>COUGH!<<) The sophomore acts like a senior and he’s comfortable in his leadership role. He can also play football, in case you hadn’t noticed. Some say he has the best arm in the Junior NFL college football. But with the loss of Allen Robinson, his favorite receiver, to the NFL, Geno Lewis better step the hell up, and there needs to be productivity from Jesse James, particularly now with Breneman likely out.
The somewhat disappointing Bill Belton has a now or never year ahead of him, and this turkey believe that he’ll shine brighter than his tandem partner Zach Zwinak this year. I have no reason to say that other than just a gut feel, and the bigger the gut, the bigger the feel.
The defense is solid, yet fragile. I don’t expect to see any great improvements in the secondary to the extent that I would predict draftable NFL starters, but they’re a wee bit better and more experienced than in recent sucky years. Let us hope that the last vestiges of the crappy Sandusky and Bradley (as well as Roof and Butler) schemes are well behind us, and that we stop playing so damn far off the ball that receivers look like they’re out there for a Sunday walk in the park. And how about an interception or two, damnit! You can’t intercept a pass if you’re playing center field 40 yards from the target zone unless the pass is way ugly errant or tipped or something. Harrumph! Bob Shoop takes over the defense this year, and thus far, he has displayed some encouraging aggressiveness in his schemata.
Back to linebacker, Mike Hull is the be-all and end-all of this unit. Literally. Yeah, others will have to step up, now that Hull moves inside, but who? The two outside starters are mere sophomores, and there are only two backups, one a freshman. An injury to Hull and… well, it won’t be pretty.
An experienced defensive line will help, but alas and alack, serious depth issues exist there. I can see this group wearing out late in games and past mid-season. Deion Barnes and C. J. Olaniyan are solid. Expect a hefty contribution from Anthony Zettel.
Oh, yeah. Special teams. I’ve been to the mountaintop and I’ve seen the other side. This ain’t it. Seems like I’m looking back over my shoulder.
The big question mark is coaching. James Franklin — can he coach? Yeah, he was lauded as a miracle worker at Vandy, but can he coach? We don’t need miracles. Well, maybe we do if there are a few injuries. But it remains to be seen whether Franklin has the right stuff to be a Big Ten coach. Come to think of it, how about bringing some of that SEC shit to the Big Ten so we can get a real show? Big Ten football kinda bores me overall. Kinda like watching soccer.
Speaking of soccer, we start this illustrious 2014 season with high hopes for the UCF game in Croke Park, Dublin, Ireland. Big Al predicts a Penn State loss. Many experts regard this as a toss-up, due to inexperience at the quarterback position for UCF. George O’Leary has just named Pete DiNovo as starting quarterback to replace Blake Bortles, who is now an NFL Jacksonville Jaguar. I don’t frankly see how that guy from NCIS can possibly handle the job. Wait, what? That’s Tony DiNozzo. Oops. But seriously, the redshirt freshman has not thrown a pass in a college game heretofore. That’s an issue, but what is absolutely not an issue is that O’Leary can coach and we don’t yet know whether Franklin can. And UCF does too cheat — just ask K. John! (How the hell else could they have beaten the Nittany Lions last year?) Winners never cheat and cheaters never win. So, why do I have UCF winning this one? Big gut feel.
The Lions return to Beaver Stadium for their home opener against the Akron Zips on September 6, which is also the date of the Greater Orlando Heart Walk. Click the thermometer link on this page to make a donation in support of my efforts on behalf of the American Heart Association. I’m not kidding you. Every little bit helps and big bits help better. But I digress… On paper, the Lions win this in a walkover, but wait, what?! Not so fast. The loss in Dublin and the long, wearying road trip can take their toll on the young Lions, while the Ziplesses, just 5-7 last year, might be primed for an upset. Could this be the proverbial trap game? No matter what K. John thinks of Michigan, the Zips gave the Bluesters a tough time last year. They’re coached by a Bowden. They have a legendary history. Bold prediction: Akron wins.
As if that shouldn’t piss you off enough, being 0-2 at this point should get your juices flowing just in time for Rutgers‘ Big Ten welcome. ESPN thinks this one will be the trap game. I beg to differ. It was the previous week’s game, already. Played in New Brunswick, this will be the season’s first night game, and although the fans will have difficulty figuring out which team to root for, it should be a win as usual for the Lions over the Scarlet Knights, who were 6-7 last year.
On second thought, maybe they’ll beat the Zips and fall to the Scarlet Knights. All I know is that the Nittany Lions will be losing one of these two games. If they don’t, I’ll make an additional $100 donation to the AHA.
A week later, with all your Heart Walk donations long having been safely deposited at the American Heart Association, Penn State gets back to the business at hand when the MAC UMass Minutemen invade Beaver Stadium. Whether “Minutemen” is accented on the first or second syllable and whether the term correspondingly refers to either the Revolutionary War militia or the microscopic size of the UMass playaz’s genitalia is anyone’s conjecture. If the Nittany Lions can’t win this one, they deserve the same record as Massachusetts had last year (1-11) and it is they whose genitalia are minute. They can win, and they will, if only to avoid the lasting stigma of the Turkey disparaging their organz.
What to think of the Northwestern Wildcats? They lost Kain Colter, which is a big blow, but even with Colter, they were a disappointing 5-7 last year, missing bowl eligibility completely. Pat Fitzgerald can coach, though; he and his boys always give Penn State a tough ride. This one is in the Beave and with a big, blowout win over UMass and a third of the season under their ample belts, the Lions might start to gain some confidence just in time to lick NWU (and I don’t mean that in the Sandusky sense). OK, so I’m saying that they will.
And now, following a bye week, we head west to the Big House. Who knows what to think of Michigan, and who knows which version of the team will show up for the Penn State game? The Wolverines’ head coach, Brady Hoke, may be in trouble if he can’t win this and a few other key games this year. Not unlike Obamaesque externalization, Hoke can’t keep blaming his lack of success on his predecessor, Rich Rodriguez. The ‘rines were 7-6 last year. Big Blue fans don’t like that shit. Besides, Brady Hoke is fat and monotonous. Understand this: They ain’t going to make the same mistake this year in their opener against App State that they made there before. Last year’s four overtime exasperation bowl wound up going PSU’s way, but all indications point to vindication for the Wolve-Rines this year. At least all of MY indications, anyway. Even with the strategically positioned bye week before this game, the Nittanistic Lions will be 3-3 upon their return from the Big House.
Following yet another strategically positioned bye week (Oy, vey, did someone pay off Delany’s computer here, already?), the Nittany Lions host the Ohio State Buckeyes at Paterno Stadium. (I made up the name of the stadium, so don’t get your hopes up, Paternoists.) The novelty of Ol’ Whatsisface being in Columbus might be wearing off, but the Bucks are loaded with talent and OWHF can coach. He can even fake a heart attack to get his Urban ass out of Gainesville, but I digress. Braxton Miller is the best all-around offensive weapon in the big ten and the Schmuckeyes have a great big ugly defensive line coached by the best defensive line coach in all the world, Larry Johnson, that promises to shut down offenses. Couple that with the obvious issues at OL for the Lions, and you have Hackenberg seeing stars most of the night while B-Mill wears down the PSU defense. It ain’t gonna be pretty. The Lions go down big in this one.
O Maryland, my Maryland, wherefore art thou? I dunno, but I can tell you that they’ll be at Beaver Stadium (note the renaming) on November 1. One of my doctors, an orthopedist, is a staunch Maryland fan. He was pissed off when the University president agreed to join the Big Ten. Said the doc, “Why? So they can get beat by Penn State every year like they used to?” Yeah, Dr. Schroeder, just like that. But not so fast! Randy Edsall’s boys went 7-6 last year in the ACC even though they lost several key players to injury for long stretches of the season. Now, they have a wide receiver who could give the PSU secondary fits and they have quite a few experienced guys coming back. If they can stay healthy, this game should be entertaining. Given the consecutive losses to Michigan and Ohio State that precede this game, the Nittany Lions could be loaded for bear. Or for terrapin. I’m predicting a Penn State win to welcome the Terps to the Big Ten and provide Fred Schroeder with the frustration he so richly deserves for not fixing my Achilles tendon!
Entering the last third of the season, the Lions will have a 4-4 record overall (3-2 in the Big Ten). Right in the damn middle of the conference, just as you would expect from them, right?
Last year, the Lions lost to Indiana in Bloomington, pissing off a lot of Penn State fans. The Hoosiers return 10 starters this year and the game will be played once again on their home turf. That PSU has to play on Indiana’s home turf two years in a row is due to division realignment. Delany’s computer giveth (bye weeks) and Delany’s computer taketh away (home field advantage). But I digress once again, as it were. The weird, two-headed quarterback scheme befounded and confuddled the Penn State defense last year, turning a winnable game into a damn rout. If the Lions win this game, they have a great chance at a winning season but if they blow it like they did last year, then they can forget the trip to the Toilet Bowl I’m predicting. They’ll be out for blood and to avenge last year’s loss back home in Indiana. Lions win this one in a squeaker.
Back to the Beave for the usual win over Temple, a team that lost to Fordham and Idaho last year and were 2-10 overall. Ho hum.
Going out to Champaign for some bottom fishing is next on the agenda. On my legendary trip to Green Bay, I stopped for a night in Champaign. I can understand why the football team has been so bad. There’s nothing much to eat there. Illinois was 4-8 last year (1-7 in the Big Ten). Even with the NCAA scholarship sanctions, Penn State has enough to beat the Illini and their deposed Chief Illiniwek all the way down the Trail of Tears. A most delightful win over that asshole Tim Beckman. No, we haven’t forgotten.
Rounding out the season, our erstwhile manufactured Land Grant rivals, the Michigan State Spartans come to town with a Rose Bowl championship under their belts. Although they lost some key players on defense, they’ll still have the best defense in the Big Ten, while their offense led by Connor Cook ain’t too shabby, either. They’ve got enough juice to win the Big Ten again, but they have a rough-ass schedule. Instead of their usual early season nemesis, Notre Dame, they have a huge game with national championship aspirant Oregon on Heart Walk Saturday. They’re in the wrong division of the Big Ten, with Michigan and OSU, and even if they get past the big guns, they could wind up in the Big Ten championship game against the likes of Wisconsin. They play Nebraska during the regular season, too. Yeah, they’ll have a tough time making it to the Final Four in this inaugural college football playoff year. However, they’re plenty good enough to beat Penn State. They’ll coast to victory, in fact. The redeeming thing about this loss is that Moo U. gets to keep that great big piece of crap known as the Land Grant Trophy right there in East Lansing for yet another year.
And so, my friends, we come to the end of the regular season with a 7-5 (5-3 Big Ten) record, which is good enough to get the Nittany Lions a bowl bid, assuming that the bowl ban is lifted in the wake of George Mitchell’s compliance report as I and many others expect. As for the Big Ten championship picture? Fuhgeddaboudit!!! So, the Lions will play in the Toilet Bowl in Kohler, Wisconsin, not far from my favored vacation spot, Green Bay. And they’ll lose it because their hearts won’t be in it and who wants to play in the Toilet Bowl, anyway? That will be a 7-6 season for the Nittany Lions in this reporter’s not-so-humble, drug addled opinion. What do YOU think?
As I mentioned at the top of this post, I got an early indication from K. John about what he thinks. I’ll publish it here so you don’t have to go searching for it. It’s good to have a Sanguinarian counterpoint against which to balance my sadly unpatriotic stance.
I for one really like Penn State’s chances against the field this year, but it may not necessarily be because they are better than last year, I am just not that high on several teams they play.
12 games. 8 Big Ten, 4 out of conference. Starting with the 4 out of league games. While I am not buying the nonstop nonsense the Penn State press has been droning on about the O-line (they are in far better shape than most think), that game is early and UCF returns its defense largely in tact. I am calling this one a toss up which the Turkey is happy to hear. Penn State should steam roll the other three.
Now to the Big Ten. They get Rutgers in week three. Yeah, I don’t think Rutgers is going to win a Big Ten game this year. Then on to Northwestern. While most expect Northwestern to turn it around, I do not. I like Penn State here. Then little blue. Personally, I think Michigan is a train wreck waiting to happen. Think Rich Rodriquez sized train wreck. Chalk this one up to Penn State. I think UM is on its way to a 3 or 4 win season.
Next up following a curious arrangement of off again on again bye weeks is Ohio State and I think Ohio State is the most over-rated team in the country and perhaps the most over-rated team since the 1999 Arizona Wildcats came to the Beav on opening day. Yeah, I think they could lose a few. With Navy, Virginia Tech and Cincinnati on the schedule early, I could see them dropping two. Call this one a toss up in the fight for second place in the East.
I fully expect Penn State to win the remaining Big Ten games until they run into the living embodiment of 300. I am not looking forward to playing Michigan State. Shalique Calhoun might be the best player in America. If they survive Oregon, look out, nobody is going to beat them, but I will say this, Penn State has the next best chance.
I like them to go 10 and 2 finishing second in the East, but not necessarily because they are that good, I just don’t think the schedule is as strong as some. I have Ohio State finishing third followed by Maryland and Indiana with Michigan and Rutgers home for the holidays. Out west, I am really starting to like Nebraska’s chances but currently have Iowa winning the division with Wisconsin finishing fourth behind Minnesota.
I almost forgot. I owe you all an Turkey’s Infallible Season Forecast. I’m giving it to you late on the evening before the season starts just in case anyone wants to call me stupid — this way, you might miss it because you’re distracted by an actual game being played starting at the pre-dawn hour of noon. On the other hand, those of you who think I am pretty sharp — and that means something other than the point at the top of my head — yes, those of you who have been clamoring for some sort of prognostication from the Turkey Sage (or is that roast turkey with sage stuffing?), wait no more. It’s that time again!
Just to give you the idea that I might have some credibility, I have to tell you that last year I gave the Lions a little bit too much credit, calling them 7-5. That means this year I’m liable to underestimate their efficaciousness. There are some similar question marks next to a whole bunch of positions this year, but for different reasons. Last year, we had a quarterback controversy; this year, the same. Last year, we had questions about the offensive line; this year, Paterno questions its depth. Last year, we thought the defensive line would be better than it was. This year, it looks like they might be better than we think. So, too are the linebackers in better shape this year than last due to some interesting roster moves that might put Penn State back on the map as Linebacker U again. The receivers were and are solid, but with no game breakers speedwise. Silas Redd is better than Evan Royster at running back. There are still muchas preguntas in the kicking game due to the immaturity and selfishness of one Anthony Fera, who is benched due to an underage drinking issue. That’s your one paragraph analysis. Anyone who gives you three paragraphs on each position is pulling this out of their ass just as surely as I am. However, mine comes out quicker and you don’t have to taste it as long.
This, of course, suggests that I’m pulling my forecast out of the same place. Well, I am!
One little novelty we’ll have to contend with this year is a plethora of 12:00 noon starts. This is what happens when a Big Ten team sucks the previous year. ABC/ESPN tells them to take a hike over to ESPNU at noon, which no one gets and if they do, they don’t watch. Our players have found this to be a problematical issue. They don’t really wake up by noon, it seems, and for home games, the student section doesn’t fill up with hung-over students until halftime. (This year the student seats are moving, so maybe the “Noon Effect” will be somewhat less visible to the cameras; but it sure as hell is visible to the players.)
Depth is an issue all over the field, except perhaps at running back. The biggest game of the year being Alabama in Week 2 is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, there won’t have been enough time for injuries to add up; on the other, the team won’t have had enough real playing time to face a premier opponent who many pundits predict will win the SSMNC this year. Although there is about as much chance for this team to beat Alabama this year as there is for an earthquake to shake Beaver Stadium (oops — done deal), we fans can really get a good idea about how well this edition of the Nittany Lions is put together based on their performance in this game.
While Alabama can provide inspiration if the Lions play well, even if they lose, a poor effort there will mean that the team once again lacks leadership, motivation, and fire in the belly, which collectively were a huge problem last year. Should they fall into that trap, kiss the season goodbye. I mean a real 5-7 goodbye. That would suck. Shades of the fabled Dark Years. But I think this team is more mature (with the exception of Anthony Fera) and better prepared for adversity than last year’s. Again, it’s just a feel, and it won’t mean that we’re going to see a 10-2 season or anything. Forget about BCS bowls. This team is not quite there yet.
Here’s how this Turkey sees it:
Indiana State: Penn State could win this one if they played Anthony Fera at quarterback after a night at the Phyrst. Even a noon start won’t get in anyone’s way. We’ll see two quarterbacks, maybe three. Silas Redd will finally be unleashed for the Lion’s share of a game, and will impress even you doubters.
Alabama: No doubt it will be a white-out and the joint will be rocking as it hasn’t done since the earthquake. You wanna talk decibels, I’m thinking in terms of 140 dbA. (That’s about the sound pressure level of a jet aircraft 50 meters away.) It will be a fun game to watch. We had better give the rock to one quarterback by then; whichever it is must get into a rhythm, which Alabama’s defense is going to try to render impossible. I’d like to think there might be a flukey chance of winning this game, but there is no way I can do that. Between the Tide’s D and the Lions’ shaky punting situation, we’re liable to see some turnover opportunities turned golden by the bullies in Crimson. They’re playing King of the Hill this year and they’ll still be king after week two. However, the Nittany Lions better leave nothing in the locker room, for the sake of the season and future recruiting.
at Temple: The quintessential trap game, a week after the team exits the Alabama game beaten and battered, mentally and physically. Another noon start. This is where the team character thing comes in. I’m betting that they do not succumb to the trap. Al Golden is gone to Miami and Penn State should take it to Temple while Al is busy sorting out his players’ sentences. (Not the kind of sentences you learned about in grammar school — student-athletes at “The U” don’t know about that kind yet.)
Eastern Michigan: This was scheduled just in case the Lions needed another tune-up game to piss off the season ticket holders. That whooshing sound you hear is a bunch of them making paper airplanes out of their seat contracts because of the new pricing and Nittany Lion Club points schedule coupled with a veritable plethora of games as dull and uninteresting as NBA pre-season games. We don’t know what time this kickoff will be, but a good guess would be noon. In addition to what I’ve already said about noon starts, the season ticket holders will be pissed off because they will variously have to wind up staying in State College with the jacked up hotel prices for two nights, get up too damn early on Saturday only to fight traffic and cut their tailgate short, or fight traffic on the afternoon of the game. There’s just no winning, any way you slice it. They’re screwed. But at least they get to see their team win, we hope. They will. The Eagles are flying on one engine, having gone 2-10 last year. Don’t expect much more from them this year.
at Indiana: The Big Ten conference play begins. Last year, the promise of a couple of million bucks induced the Hoosiers to schedule this game at FedEx field, which made it all but a home game for Penn State. So, after two Penn State home games in a row, this tilt moves back home to Indiana. The Hoosiers have never beaten the Nittany Lions, and they still won’t, home or no home. (But none of us who were around in 1995 will forget how letting them hang around and score a few times cost us the #1 national ranking.) Screw the Hoos!
Iowa: Kirk Ferentz seems to have Penn State figured out, although some will say that if Rob Bolden hadn’t played with a concussion last year, the results would have been different. Dream on. This one is at home, in hospitable Beaver Stadium, where only one small wedge will be wearing gold and black. I really like the Hawkeyes because they wear Steelers uniforms; however, they have lost a lot of lettermen to graduation. This is an intriguing game. If, as I said before, the Lions play their asses off against Alabama and keep a positive attitude even if they lose, they might be able to steal this one. I’m going to say they do. What do you say?
Purdue: Homecoming. Too bad the Lions don’t play Notre Dame this year. Then, upon beating all four FBS Indiana schools they could claim the Indiana Sweep. Purdue is another team in transition. Curtis Painter now backs up Peyton Manning with the Colts, so the Boilermakers, too, will be playing two quarterbacks. That’s really one too many. Sadly, the one who was to have been Number One, Rob Henry, tore an ACL in practice. Talk about bad luck! But the tragedy is good for the Lions, as they complete a sweep of the three Indiana institutions they play this year.
at Northwestern: This one will be trouble. The fact that it is a prime-time game on the Big Ten network tells you that. How can you subsist on Ro-Tel and Velveeta at 7:00 PM? As luck would have it, we don’t have to see these tricksters every year, as they are in the “Legends Division” of the Big Ten. That is good, because they’re mighty dangerous, especially on their home turf. They’re loaded this year, enough so that they can beat Penn State. Sorry fans, but dat’s da way I sees it.
Illinois: Fageddaboudit! The Illini wound up with an identical record to the Lions in 2010 (7-6, 4-4 Big Ten). It was excruciatingly painful last year to have to think of Penn State’s football mediocrity landing them in the middle of the Big Ten pack with the likes of the Formerly Fighting Illini. It will be a little better this year, but not enough to elevate Penn State very far past the middle of the pack — in their own Big Ten Division. It might be easy for the boys to look past this game to the very difficult November ahead of them, but that’s what the damn bye week is for, so they better play this one and win. They will do just that because, damnit, I demand it!
Nebraska: Senior Day. This Legends Division powerhouse comes to Beaver Stadium after a tough stretch of their own. Their Big Ten schedule is by no means an easy one, with Wisconsin, Ohio State, Michigan State, and Northwestern playing them on four of the five preceding week. Minnesota is their only rest stop. One could hope that they’re softened up by then. Meanwhile, the Nittany Lions are coming off a bye week. A well rested Penn State might be able to steal one from the battle weary Cornhuskers, but this Turkey is going to remain conservative. The Lions will come mighty close, but in the end, they’ll fall short.
at Ohio State: The Tresselless Buckeyes are still a formidable, deep team. Yeah, they lose a lot of talent in Pryor, but many times his presence was a liability. What about Tressell? Well, like Kirk Ferentz, he seemed to have Penn State all figured out. (Tressell is now with the Baltimore Colts, so it is ironic that he is now wearing blue and white! Check out his new sweater here.) Going to the Horseshoe in mid-November is a crap shoot weatherwise, but it is their home turf and I’m going with the autograph sellers.
at Wisconsin: Oy! This we need after the Buckeyes? I’m picking Wisconsin to win the Big Ten this year. ‘Nuff said. Camp Randall. Badgers RUTS. Penn State :(. So sad.
Now, then. Let’s tally them up. What we have here is (7-5, 4-4) for the regular season. While Wisconsin and Northwestern compete in Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis for the Big Ten title, the Nittany Lions will be licking their wounds and awaiting a minor bowl bid. I won’t pick the bowl game, because I have no idea who the opponent will be, but even if I did, I wouldn’t know.
Not a great season. I think the defense will be pretty solid. Aside from a presently healthy front four with a slimmed down Devon Still, the linebackers look good, and the secondary is experienced and healthy, for a change. Jack Crawford was absent last year in spirit, if not in body. The pass rush will depend on him and Eric Latimore bring it this year. My offense concerns are, as usual, the O-line, but the uncertainty at quarterback isn’t going to go away quickly, either. There are some talented receivers with some size, but the ball has to get to them, and the quarterback has to be protected long enough to do so. If Silas Redd has to make his own holes without the aid of the big beef, as was the case for Royster last year, the running game will not be adequate. I like Redd and I hope that he has a great year, which will mean that the Nittany Lions have a competent offensive line. Last but not least, the kicking game will suffer for Fera’s stupidity, and that’s liable to lose some close games.
I am hoping to see some life in this team inside the 30s. We’ve been missing that for a while. However, a new twist might make things even more interesting this year, and I don’t mean that in a good way. Herr Kommandant Paterno has made noise about taking some of the reins back from his assistants. That is both good and bad. It is good if Joe makes up his stubborn mind in a hurry and gets the play in (as opposed to having Galen and Jay discuss it, agree on it, call it in to McQueary, and then have Joe butt in with his idea, which winds most of the time off the play clock); it is bad if — well, if it doesn’t work. (I’m being kind here, uncharacteristically.)
Let me leave you with a laugh: Phil Grosz. (He picked the Lions to go 11-2 this year. That includes a bowl victory, one loss to Alabama, and a loss to either Ohio State or Wisconsin. Now, wouldn’t you think that they would also be playing in the Big Ten Championship game if they had only one Big Ten loss? Is someone capable of going undefeated in the Big Ten this year? Aside from that, are you clazy round eye? Maybe you ought to take off that white Beatle toupee to let some air into your brain. What’s da deal, Phil?)
That’s it for this edition of the Turkey’s Infallible Prognostication for 2011. If you missed my prediction for the Indiana State game, which you very well might have done with all the drivel I’ve put out today, it can be found wedged into one of my posts about the quarterback morass.
Have a great season, everybody. Go State!
