You’ve all heard about Nittany Lion freshman running back Silas Redd being hauled in for public urination, right?

No joke, just look at the State College Police blotter.

Would someone mind telling me why this is such a heinous crime? Hell, when this Turkey was but a mere hatchling indulging in underage drinking in State College, I probably hit the same spot that Redd did. I had a favorite tree just outside the Rathskeller.

These damn laws must be written by women with penis envy. C’mon, girls, tell me you haven’t longed to write your name in the snow!

I hope that this trend toward politically correct public peeing doesn’t mean that I’ll be enjoined from pissing in the breeze when I hike in the woods. That will take a lot of fun out of getting the wind direction right, it will deny the forest plants their nitrogen based nutrients, and it will ultimately force me to hike 30 miles out of my way to find a non-public toilet. Well, a public toilet where public urination is allowed, or something. By that time, the warm, golden liquid would be uncontrollably running down my leg, anyway.

I think Redd will just get the proverbial slap on the wrist by the cops (hopefully it is the wrist and not somewhere closer to the bodily site of the initiation of the crime) for his egregious offense which, by the way, occurred at four-something a.m. There are few offendable people out at 4 a.m.—usually just drunks, cops, and newspaper deliverers.

As for Redd’s status on the team, no word yet, but old Joe isn’t going to be very happy about a freshman running back who is currently number two on the depth chart cavorting around town at 4:00 a.m., leak or no leak.

Redd’s latest tweets yielded no insight into the matter. He said that it’s been hard to get over this past game and that he could use a one pound bag of Twizzlers right now.

Let this non-incident blow over quickly.