This one is for my Facebook friends and my former Facebook friends. The lyrics are sung to the tune of “The Great Pretender” by the Platters. If you’re under 50, you might not remember the song, but sing along anyway.

Oh yes, you're a great defriender
Pretending that you're doing well
Your need is such
You defriend too much
You're angry but now I can't tell

Oh yes, you're a great defriender
Adrift in a world of your own
Facebook's the same but to your real shame
You're drinking your Kool-Aid all alone

Passive-aggressive is your feeling of make-believe
Too furtive an action that Facebook will conceal

Oh yes, you're a great defriender
Just laughing and gay like a clown
You seem to be a crackpot, you see
You defriend me and don't make a sound

Too slimy an action that Facebook will concealllllllll

Oh yes, you're a barking moonbat
Wearing tinfoil hats like a clown
It must be my inflammatory posts, you see
You defriend me and don't make a sound
Pretending that I...
Pretending that I care you're not around.