The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Kellogg Bows to Pressure from Weirdos

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So, the litigation-threatening wankers are at it again. Not long ago, they were threatening McDonald’s with lawsuits for making us fat; now they’re threatening Kellogg for making our kids fat. Like they even care about our kids! These weenies are merely fronts for the plaintiffs’ bar. Let’s go after a big company and make money for all the pissant lawyers, shall we?

They want Kellogg to disassociate their cereals from cartoon characters and other things that kids like. And they want Kellogg to reduce the sugar content of their cereals. Or they’ll sue.

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Bada Blah

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For those of you who, like this Turkey, anticipated a smashing finale to one of the great series ever created for television, The Sopranos, Sunday night’s final episode was a limp disappointment.

All the speculation, including my wacked out scenario, about whether Tony would live or die, go to prison or remain a free man, or whether his psychiatrist would turn state’s evidence, went for naught. Few issues were resolved by this episode; everything was left hanging.

Well, except for old Phil Leotardo. Thanks to a tip from dat friendly FBI agent, who was mysteriously portrayed having problems with his gun-packing, law enforcement wife, Tony’s boys got to Phil. ??? ????? Just to give us one final, unforgettable whacking, Phil had his brains blown out at point blank range in a Long Island gas station, after which his SUV containing his two bawling infant grandchildren rolled over his head—a great, big, freakin’, graphical, metaphorical bada bing! for all that creator David Chase has tried to portray about da mob: cold hearted violence, cruelty, and distorted familial relationships.

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Bada Bing!

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So, the grand series finale of The Sopranos is about to happen and the dedicated viewing public awaits it with bated anticipation. The big question: Will Tony get whacked?

The great war, created over a long-standing dispute between Mafia family leaders Phil Leotardo and Tony Soprano and exacerbated by some recent machinations over asbestos removal racketeering and assorted inter-family violence, pits the Brooklyn family headed by Phil against the New Jersey family headed by our hero, Tony. Phil, having decided that the situation is completely untenable, has ordered a hit on Tony and his top lieutenants.

In last Sunday’s episode, Phil’s guys got to Tony’s brudder-in-lawr and to Tony’s right-hand man, Silvio. The brudder-in-lawr was slain in a hobby shop while buying a toy train. Sil (whose actor, Stephen Van Zandt has been known to play guitar with Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band as “Little Stevie”) got his in a car. He’s currently unconscious and not expected to recover. All dis has sent Tony and his remaining henchmen to da mattresses. They are hiding out until this thing is over.

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