Or I’ll Dress You in Mourning

The title is the same as that of the 1968 biography of El Cordobés, the great Spanish bullfighter. This post has nothing to do with the book, the bullfighter, or Spain. It’s just another Turkey Wafflepost, expressing reservations about my earlier Wisconsin prediction, which was pretty much wishful thinking. I’ve had a gigantic mood swing. Must be hormones or something.

It would be nice if the Lion offense has a breakout game, if only to give us some hope for next year. It would be nice if the special teams would score some more points. And it would be nice if our defense stayed in the game for four quarters. It would be nice if we could pull off a big win on the road to get that monkey off our back.

It would be nice. Would be, but probably ain’t gonna be.

Our defensive front seven is good, but not deep. That Badger offensive line, 1700 pounds of beef, is bound to wear our guys down. They’ll be pounding on us all day. Our offense hasn’t shown that it can keep the defense off the field, except with defenseless teams like Purdue. We might be able to keep it close for three quarters; however, by the fourth quarter, our guys will be dragging.

A road win would be out of character for this team. Camp Randall is a hostile environment, with expected attendance of 83,000. Penn State’s only two road wins this year came against teams that are a combined 2–13 in the Big Ten, and one of those wins, Minnesota (3–6, 0–5 Big Ten), required help by a bad call in overtime.

The Nittany Lion offense sucks. I suppose that the game plan will be to establish Tony Hunt and try some passes (the short, safe, sideline kind). Wisconsin’s defense is good, unlike any we’ve faced since Michigan. If Hunt coudn’t run against Illinois, he’s not going anywhere against Wisconsin. What was I thinking when I said he’d get 90 yards? Our offensive line will have their thumbs up their asses as the Badger front seven swarms all over them. They won’t be able to protect pocket-bound Anthony Morelli, either.

I think I can feel the way this game will go. It’s going to be one of those low-key, ball control, field position games that bore us all to tears. That Jeremy Kapinos was selected as a player of the game once this year is all telling. Too many three-and-outs and he’ll be our only hope. I won’t revise my prediction; I’ll just say that I hope the boys turn in a credible performance.

(I still think that A.J. Wallace will finally run back a kickoff for a TD.)