Anna Nicole Smith is finally buried and I’m not being mentioned as a possible father of her daughter, so I can lay the whole thing to rest in order to devote my vacuous musings to something equally unimportant: American Idol.
OK, I’ll admit it. I watch this weekly stupidity, like the millions and millions of brain-dead “voters” who control the contestants’ destinies. In my defense, I know some intelligent people who watch ths show, too.
There really is some entertainment value in American Idol, so it is not a complete waste of time. I Tivo it so I can skip the 74 minutes of commercials in every hour. Occasionally, I’ll see a good performance, and in the absence of same, I’ll get to hear Simon Cowell’s sarcastic bon mots, most of which are well deserved. My frustration, however, is in knowing that the torrent of votes from airheads will inevitably reject talent while voting for godknowswhat!
What do “The American People” think they’re doing? This week, over 30 million votes blasted in on both Tuesday and Wednesday nights. In both cases, marginally talented contestants were given thumbs-up while good singers were drummed out of town. While this screwy mob behavior is not inconsistent with prior seasons’ voting, I have to wonder on what basis people are casting these dumbass votes.
This is the same group of geniuses, more or less, who gave us last year’s dubious American Idol, Taylor Hicks. Aside from singing in a Ford commercial, what has Hicks done? (Please note that Ford has a sponsor tie-in with American Idol. The deal for the commercial was probably cut before anyone knew who the “idol” would be. Can you imagine how the Ford ad guys must have been cringing on that cold night in Dearborn when Hicks was selected?) What pop appeal does this salt-and-pepper haired, derivative crooner really have? He’s a lounge singer, not a pop icon. His voice is non-distinctive at best, grating at worst. His on-stage antics don’t come across in audio-only recordings. How the hell is Nigel Lithgoe going to make any hay with this guy?
Accordingly, I guess I am not surprised that the same bunch of idiots who selected Taylor Hicks last year kept Sanjaya Malakar around for at least another week of torture this year. The wispy, smily, 17 year-old with the Michael Jackson/Minnie Mouse speaking voice mangled his mostly off-pitch performance on Tuesday night. What can “The American People” see in this nice, cute, fruity kid other than being nice, cute, and fruity with a great big smile?
As Simon Scowl might say, “My grandmother is old and I want to wish her a happy birthday six months in advance. I like puppies, too.” Alas, no one is voting for Simon. Someone should. He speaks the painful truth.
The American Morons also retained the services of the infamous Antonella Barba, whose controversial Internet blowjob pictures (now discredited) had made quite a splash during the week. It must have been on the basis of these “head shots” that our voters returned the skinny babe from New Joisey for another week of torture, because her Wednesday performance was completely devoid of singing talent. Apparently, Antonella’s talents exist in other areas. The best thing about that is that with her mouth full she won’t be assailing our ears with her off-key singing.
At whose expense did the American Public make its perfidious choice? I think that the contestant with the greatest potential among the four who were shunned was Leslie Hunt. The combination of her girl next door looks, replete with bangs, and her sexy singing voice intrigued me. We should have seen more of her.
I’m not going to miss the other female who was voted off the island: Alaina Alexander. She was marginally talented and I couldn’t recall her face if you held a gun to my head—definitely not the characteristics of a pop superstar. Perhaps the American People were apathetic because of Alexander’s choice of song: the Dixie Chicks’ Not Ready to Make Nice. The recording industry may have indeed rewarded the Dixie Chicks for their irreverent crap, but maybe the American People have spoken their mind through their American Idol votes. In any case, Alaina is going home this week.
The two guys who got the axe probably deserved to go, but certainly not before Sanjaya.
It was ironic that one of last year’s wash-outs, albeit one who hung around far too long at the behest of the voters of America, Kellie Pickler, was invited to sing on this week’s results show. Is it my imagination, or have her tits and ass gotten bigger? (I’m trying to orient myself toward what The American People really like.)
It is about time for an edgy contestant to step forward and become the clear favorite for this year, which will almost guarantee that the American People in their ineptitude will quickly vote him or her off the program.
H. L. Mencken once wrote that nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. In re-gearing the British hit Pop Idol to suit the American mentality, Simon Fuller and Nigel Lithgoe have certainly validated Mencken’s curmudgeonly musings—all the way to the bank.