So said Randy Jackson last night on American Idol, following the performance of Sanjaya Malakar, who now must be regarded as one of the potential finalists, albeit ludicrously so. Malakar, the favorite of 13 year-old girls everywhere, delivered a somewhat restrained—ok, let’s call it awful—performance, as he continues to prove each week that he does not belong on the same stage with even the worst of the other remaining contestants. To boot, he sported a new hairdo, a weird, Mohawklike thing that looked like seven feather dusters implanted in his cranium. In his insouciant banter with the so-called judges after his crappy performance he dubbed it a “Pony Hawk,” referring to the seven ponytails arranged in a a medial arc from his prefrontal cortex to his cerebellum.
So, why is this lovable yet marginally talented yo-yo continually left standing in spite of his continuing series of singing debacles? After all, he’s about as bad as William Hung, the UC Berkeley engineering student who quickly got the axe in 2004—at his audition. Sanjaya not only improbably passed the audition (tearfully, because his sister was cut there), but also should have never made it past the first week in Hollywood. The answer as to why he is still around rests in aging shock jock and perennial dickhead Howard Stern, who mentioned on his Sirius Radio show that everyone should vote for Malakar. This exercise no doubt at once paid egotistical dividends to Stern and Sirius as Sanjaya has been buoyed by the resulting votes, without which he would have been gone weeks ago. Last week he wasn’t even in the bottom three! This “vote for the worst” movement is picking up momentum and America is mindlessly voting with Howard Stern—like lemmings following each other over a cliff.
Simon Scowl parroted Randy when he said, “As Randy said, it doesn’t really matter what we say!” Truer words were never spoken.
Could this spell the end of American Idol? Hell, no—Fuller and Lithgoe are making too much money on the concept, flawed or not. They really don’t give a rat’s ass who wins or loses—or even who plays the game, or how it is played—as long as 30 million viewers tune in week after week. The Antonella Barba controversy, the Sanjaya controversy—any controversy—pumps up the numbers for the producers. They’re crying all the way to the bank.
If “the American Public” prefers to be a bunch of idiots, accepting the Gospel According to Howard as preached, then they deserve what they get. Why not bring back William Hung for this year’s final, in a star-studded sing-off with Sanjaya? A lot of American Public voters would get the choice they want and deserve.
(In case you didn’t know about it, Hung’s ridiculous rendition of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” was taped at his auditions and, unbeknownst to him, played back on one of those early shows that make fun of bad auditions. Hung, who is a sincere, industrious kid, but an awful singer, instantly gained a cult following among an appreciative American Public. In other words, they enjoyed making fun of him.)
OK, I’m done ranting about the assholatry of the American Lemmings and the associated moronosphere.
Melinda and Lakisha once again turned in the best performances last night. There’s no stopping those two. Alas, one of them is bound to be voted off early, especially if there’s a write-in campaign for William Hung, which is a crying shame. However, both will get recording contracts and both will do well in their post-Idol days, win or lose.
I am looking forward to Gwen Stefani’s performance tonight. After a couple of weeks of yesterday’s stars, who should instead be doing dinner theater in Boca, we finally get someone from today. I like Gwen. I hope that watching her perform on tonight’s results show will momentarily assuage the sting of seeing Sanjaya remain standing at the end of the show.