After watching tonight’s Idol, I have to revise my prediction. If Jason stays around past tomorrow night, I won’t be able to watch this shit sober anymore!
This clown put on such an amateurish act that he stunk up the place—twice! His first number, “I Shot the Sheriff,” was a tribute to his all-time hero, Bob Marley. If that song sucked, Castro’s second song, “Mr. Tambourine Man,” was even worse. He couldn’t even remember the words, humming where “jingle-jangle morning” was supposed to be.
Now, I must characterize his act as WORSE than a college dorm sing-along for losers who can’t get laid on a Friday night. It’s becoming like a college dorm sing-along for losers who can’t get laid on a Friday night so they get shitfaced drunk first and then try to sing.
Given that Jason’s ass has been carried for the past few weeks by the sub-teens who approach this like a middle school popularity contest, I cannot predict his demise with great conviction. However, if he doesn’t go, it will be a travesty beyond proportion—one that will surely rival Taylor Hicks becoming the American Idol a couple of years ago.
I don’t know what Archuleta is doing for the judges under their table, but whatever the hell it is, they can kiss my ass. He’s not that great. I couldn’t even listen to his rendition of “Love Me Tender.” He sang it with the same damn voice he sings everything else and added non-Elvisesque bombast, which would have led me to compare him to Whitney Houston if he was a broad. However, he’s a little kid, and his voting public is composed of little kids who never heard Elvis’ version of the song and don’t know how badly Archuleta destroyed it. It wouldn’t matter if they did. they’ll vote for him blindly in any case. What remains a mystery to me is why the judges are so taken with this little schmuck. He bores my ass.
Syesha was good. I thought she was a bit shrieky in her first number, “Proud Mary,” in which she used the Tina Turner arrangement and accordingly, evoked comparisons with Tina. However, her highly emotional Sam Cooke finale was heartfelt and well done. Unfortunately for Syesha, I’m from Sam Cooke’s era, so remembering how it sounded when Sam did it—it was released right after he died—caused me to feel that Syesha fell a bit short. Randy Jackson agreed with me, but Paula (of course) and Simon felt that she did exceptionally well. Well enough to save her ass this week? We’ll see.
I continue to like David Cook who had the potential benefit of being able to choose two rock songs this week. Alas, he squandered his first choice on Duran Duran. The second, a Who song, was more like it for Cook. If he had indeed picked two appropriate songs, he would have had the best night of all of them. However, I reluctantly have to rank him tied for second tonight.
Here’s how I see it:
1. David Archuleta (two solid numbers, but sung with his usual voice)
2. David Cook and Syesha Mercado (I believe they both did one song well and the other one acceptably)
7. Jason Castro (he gets a big IT SUCKS (IS) rating for screwing up two whole songs tonight!)
Seventh in a field of four? Yeah, it was that bad. Will justice prevail or will the junior high voters play their trump card? I can feel those tiny fingers texting “VOTE” right now. Syesha must stay; Jason must go—THIS WEEK!!!