American Idol has boiled down to leave two men standing, and one stretches the masculinity point, as he has not yet started to shave, but with //www.groenerekenkamer.com you don’t need to worry about your body hair anymore. It will be pop versus rock, “The Voice” versus “The Edge,” David Archuleta versus David Cook. Chief Justice Simon Cowell predicts that the final competition this week will be “a humdinger.”
The majority voting demographic, aged 9-13, upon hearing the word “humdinger,” told their parents and teachers that Simon said a bad word. But I digress.
Last week, the expected finally happened. Syesha Mercado could have sung perfectly and passionately but she still would have been out. As it were, she screwed up in song choice and faltered in her performance, all duly noted by the vapid judges who seemed to want to push her out in favor of a David vs. David finish. The voters complied with the judges’ wishes.
This will be the first all-male final since Season Two’s Ruben Studdard vs. Clay Aiken showdown, if you consider Clay Aiken male. Studdard won that one, but Aiken wound up with arguably the better career to date.
Mark Perigard of The Boston Herald thinks that being runner-up would suit the little shaver Archuleta better, in that the little pipsqueak isn’t yet ready for the grueling demands of Idoldom, especially if his meddling stage father keeps his finger in the pie. Perigard astutely posits that the more mature Cook, a 25 year-old former bartender, is fully cognizant of the onerous path ahead and has already resigned himself to the Faustian bargain he will have to make as an American Idol.
Cook’s performing style better suits this Turkey’s preferences—much better. That in itself might doom him to runnerupitude. Chris Daughtry (now calling himself just Daughtry), with a similar, albeit more expansive and harder-edged rock style, was the Turkey’s favorite a few years ago for the same reason, which undoubtedly gave him the Turkey Kiss of Death, at least with respect to the Idol competition. I hope I don’t doom Cook similarly.
Archuleta, with the smarmy voice, the closed eyes, the look of a small town, junior high talent night performer trying to please his dad. That characterization is more fact than folly. Although he has been the judges’ favorite from the start, his potential is limited to being the next Perry Como.
“Whodat?” saith the teeny weenies.
Well, maybe every generation needs a Perry Como. Or a Josh Groban, maybe.
Cook and Archuleta will each sing three songs during the show: one to be selected by industry legend Clive Davis, one by viewers of the show via an online poll, and, finally, one will be chosen by the contestants, either a new song or one previously sung in the competition.
The voters, of course, get to decide who wins this thing, but Idol’s producers seem to be subtly steering things Archuleta’s way. It has been leaked out in a veiled manner by Nigel Lythgoe to Ryan Seacrest, on the latter’s morning radio show, that the guest stars on Tuesday night will be “some young brothers” and “the biggest star in the world.” On-line pundits seem to be speculating that these references are to the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, respectively. If this is to be the case, it will satisfy a younger, more Archuleta sympathetic crowd.
Will this year’s idol be a true star, as former Idols Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood turned out to be? Or will he be a dud, like Taylor Hicks or last year’s winner, Jordin Sparks? No one can say. The only thing predictable is the music industry’s unpredictability.
And with that, let the overhyped battle begin.
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The Redhead says
Turkey, I’m going out on a limb and predicting that David Cook will be this year’s AI. David A. may own the bulk of the pre-teen vote but I think that Cook appeals to a wider audience. Would I put money on this? How about five dollars.
See you this evening!
The Redhead.
The Nittany Turkey says
If I weren’t on the same side of that bet, I’d take the action, even though the fickle and unpredictable voting public makes it a complete crap shoot.
—TNT
The Redhead says
Hello, Turkey!
Is this the voice of the NBA guy?
The Redhead says
It’s Finale Time!
The Redhead says
Bring it on!
The Nittany Turkey says
That’s Michael Buffer, the fight guy…
Lets get ready to rrrrumbllllllllllllllllllllllle
The Redhead says
Go Cook!
The Nittany Turkey says
Let the megahype begin.
The Nittany Turkey says
Simon had his teeth Simonized for tonight’s show.
The Redhead says
This boxing thing is a bit dopey.
The Redhead says
Yes, Simon is looking quite pleased with himself this evening.
The Nittany Turkey says
It’s more like the amateur flyweight title.
The Redhead says
It’s the Clive Man.
The Nittany Turkey says
Andrew needs to have his shirt ironed.
The Redhead says
David A. has a Michael Jacksonish sounding speaking voice.
The Nittany Turkey says
One guy’s confident. The other is scared.
The Nittany Turkey says
Fuck you, Randy.
The Nittany Turkey says
Fuck you, Paula.
The Redhead says
Paula is looking good this evening. Like the pink gown.
The Nittany Turkey says
Tell it like it was, Simon.
The Redhead says
Cook is more natural in his answers.
The Nittany Turkey says
No kidding. Very observant.
The Redhead says
I’m glad it’s the finale. Unlike last year, I’ve got Idol Fatigue 🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
Tell me something good.
The Redhead says
Do I detect a tad of sarcasm in your response?
The Nittany Turkey says
You had it last year, too. We were both ready to see Jordin, the pre-anointed one, beat Blake and get it all over with.
The Redhead says
So Clive Davis is picking the first song, right? I’m not a big fan of Clive. After all, we have him to thank for Whitney Houston.
The Redhead says
Whatever happened to Blake?
The Nittany Turkey says
Two years ago, I was interested until the end because I really liked Katharine. Three years ago, I was interested because I liked both Bo and Carrie. But the last two years, there’s been a certain ennui about the whole thing.
The Nittany Turkey says
Blake appeared once on the show this season. I’m not certain how successful he has been with that beatbox crap.
The Redhead says
Jordin’s career hasn’t taken off either.
The Nittany Turkey says
I see enough of Jim Lampley on HBO Saturday Night Boxing. Don’t need to see his matzo punim here.
The Nittany Turkey says
No, Jordin’s been a dud, as was her immediate predecessor Idol, Taylor Hicks.
The Redhead says
This is a good song choice for him but I still don’t like it.
The Redhead says
Maybe it’s just because I am so sick of hearing this song. It’s became the 80s version of Stairway to Freebird.
The Nittany Turkey says
It’s a bit pitchy…and it’s something that he didn’t pick and it’s something he’s obviously not completely comfortable with to or for.
The Redhead says
Make that, “it’s become.”
The Nittany Turkey says
I say the song doesn’t matter if he didn’t choose it for himself.
The Redhead says
Wow, Paula is in love!
The Nittany Turkey says
No great strong gut reaction. Round one to Archdude.
The Nittany Turkey says
He has the better material, as it were, so to speak, if I may.
Paula is increasingly completely irrelevant.
The Redhead says
You can’t give Round One to David A. if you haven’t heard him yet!
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s going to do “Don’t Let Your Eyes Shut Down on Me”
The Redhead says
Yes, this is the better song–that’s probably why I’m liking this better.
The Nittany Turkey says
Can I change my mind?
The Nittany Turkey says
He’s like a scared rabbit.
The Redhead says
Ha!
The Redhead says
Yes, this is not one of his better performances.
The Nittany Turkey says
CLOSE YOUR EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
AND LET ME FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT
The Redhead says
🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
Elton John stuff is hard to perform because because because…
The Redhead says
I have to say though, I kinda liked it.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yo … yo…
The Nittany Turkey says
How many times has Randy said “you picked the right time to peak?”
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula is having an orgasm.
The Redhead says
Wow. Way to hype it, Simon.
The Redhead says
You were right…sort of 🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
About Paula’s orgasm?
The Nittany Turkey says
I think she brought her Pocket Rocket along with her tonight.
The Nittany Turkey says
And a can of Crisco for lubrication.
The Nittany Turkey says
Ohboyohboy…can’t wait to see Miley Cyrus tomorrow night….NOT!!!!!!!!!
The Nittany Turkey says
I’d rather see Joe Montana than Hannah Montanah.
The Redhead says
Say what you will about Andrew L. Weber, but he’s had some of the best comments and insights about performance that I’ve heard all season.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, if you’re gonna go for it, go for the gold.
The Redhead says
No, you were right that David A. would win Round One.
The Nittany Turkey says
This is more like what I’m looking for from Cooking For.
The Nittany Turkey says
I’m in the zone today.
The Redhead says
I’ve never heard of this song, and frankly hope I don’t have to hear it again.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yo…yo….
The Redhead says
Yeah, The Twilight Zone 🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
The pink dress … um yeah.
The Redhead says
Simon isn’t thrilled. I think the song sucked–not David.
The Redhead says
Huh? What did Paula mean it “wasn’t the winning song?” Did she give something away…again????
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula … Paula … Paula …
The Nittany Turkey says
OMG A CONSPIRACY!!!! WHAT …. DID …. IT ……..MEAN????
The Redhead says
Correct me if I’m wrong, but did Paula just give something away?
The Nittany Turkey says
Oh, cool. 3-D motion picture event. Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3-D!
The Redhead says
Well Turkey, if you’re in the “zone” you should know what it meant!
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula is not connected to reality in any way. How can she give something away? She doesn’t know how people will vote.
The Redhead says
I thought the original version was a big disappointment. Now it will suck in 3-D.
The Nittany Turkey says
Quiet. I like this Old Navy commercial.
The Nittany Turkey says
Who is going to win Round Four?
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula!!!
The Nittany Turkey says
I think OP must have worked OT to design that anchor jacket.
The Nittany Turkey says
I’m bored with this sappy ballad.
The Nittany Turkey says
Great acrylic job there, babe.
The Nittany Turkey says
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The Nittany Turkey says
Ewwwwwww
The Nittany Turkey says
What the hell was so great about that?
The Nittany Turkey says
Randy needs some new material.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula needs another drink or four.
The Nittany Turkey says
And the five year-old applauds manically.
The Nittany Turkey says
I’m looking forward to my colonoscopy prep tomorrow more than I’m looking forward to Archuleta’s next song.
The Redhead says
Snoring is heard throughout the land.
The Redhead says
Now Turkey, that is just sick, dude!
The Nittany Turkey says
“Sick” defines my mentality.
The Nittany Turkey says
Imagine all the snoringggggggggggggg
The Nittany Turkey says
I think he should have picked a heavy metal tune instead of this acoustic crap.
The Redhead says
I like this song…who does it originally?
The Nittany Turkey says
Yo… yo….
The Redhead says
I agree with Randy on this one.
The Nittany Turkey says
I dunno who did it.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula is in the pink zone.
The Redhead says
Yeah, Randy said it: Collective Soul. I’ve always liked the song.
I suppose you and Simon are on the same page.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, Simon said it. Save that one for his first ablum. This night is about genecrating excitement.
The Redhead says
I like this about Cook. He did this particular song because it was true for him.
The Nittany Turkey says
Can I take the $5 bet now?
The Redhead says
I can already hear David A’s version of Imagine and I ain’t diggin’ it.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, but it is not up to you to decide who wins and it’s looking more and more like the weenie is going to clean up.
The Nittany Turkey says
The 5 year-old voters are eating this shit up!
The Nittany Turkey says
They never head John Lenin [sic] sing Imagine.
The Redhead says
You can’t take the $5 bet when you’re on the same side!!!
The Redhead says
Yeah, I think David A. might take it after all.
The Redhead says
Ick.
The Nittany Turkey says
Same voice. Same inflections. Same embellishments. Same squinty eyes. Same crap.
The Redhead says
I’m sure David A. has Yoko’s blessing.
The Redhead says
He really has a Michael Jackson factor.
The Nittany Turkey says
She will pose naked with him on their first ablum cover.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yo… yo…
The Nittany Turkey says
Calm your ass down, Randy.
The Redhead says
I think we both know who the judges are rooting for…except Paula since she’s got a thang for David C.
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula? Speechless? That means only 308 words.
The Redhead says
RE: She will pose naked with him on their first ablum cover.
HAHAHHAHAAAAAA 🙂
The Nittany Turkey says
I’d like to score a knockout on Simon.
The Redhead says
Huh? I didn’t think you were into men.
The Redhead says
Why even watch tomorrow night? It’s pretty clear David A’s got it locked up.
The Nittany Turkey says
We’re going to have to put up with two hours of crap tomorrow night to get the results, no doubt.
The Nittany Turkey says
Of course by that time I will have put up with about nine hours of crapping…
The Redhead says
Poor David C. knows it’s a lost cause.
The Nittany Turkey says
Ahhh good old Ruben…
The Redhead says
Yo, yo, Turkey–TMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Nittany Turkey says
Best known as the Clay Aiken killer from Season Two.
The Redhead says
I like the dude.
The Nittany Turkey says
I always liked Ruben, because he’s fat.
The Redhead says
This is some weird footage.
The Nittany Turkey says
That was back when Idols were Idols.
The Nittany Turkey says
The hype is only beginning……tomorrow night is the hypefest of hypefests.
The Redhead says
I’ll see you tomorrow night for the big annointing of David A.
🙁
The Nittany Turkey says
Good night and I’ll send you a message from my blackberry from the bathroom tomorrow during my prep.
The Redhead says
Until then, make it an herbal cleansing!
The Nittany Turkey says
I was told to stop all herbal remedies five days prior.