The trail to the Adam Lambert coronation as our next American Idol wends a winding path through musical mediocrity, as the six remaining overmatched challengers repeatedly miss the mark. The show’s new producers (since the product was sold by Nigel Lithgoe after last season) have found it necessary to resort to multiple gimmicks and vacuous cheerleading by the so-called judges in order to maintain some level of interest by the viewing public.
The vaunted “judges’ save” was finally employed last week to save Matt Giraud, who by Simon Cowell’s own admission has no chance to win the competition. As the judges’ save required unanimous agreement, why the hell did Cowell not just assert his negativity by letting Giraud go home? Either the judges wanted to play with their new toy or the producers declared that they would use it last week, lest it not be used.
The upshot is that we get to see Matt for one more week as he and the other chaff desperately chase the front running wheat.
This week, two contestants will be eliminated. That’ll fix them! Now that the judges’ save has been used, there can be no more such manipulation. It is all up to the public vote at this point.
The theme for the week is disco. Why reprise this crappy, dead genre? Who the hell wants to hear all those Korg synthesizers emulating violins again? I sure as hell don’t. As a matter of fact, I won’t. There’s a more important and much more entertaining Stanley Cup hockey game to watch, and I’m damn well going to watch it. I’ll catch up with Idol during the intermissions. Not that anything I’ll see matters. Adam is basically uncontested and it’s a major bore watching all the pretenders screw up their attempts at competition.
May 20 cannot come too soon. No matter who Lambert’s last remaining opponent might be, I feel sorry for him or her. No one in this crew can match Adam’s seasoning, showmanship, flamboyance, and fruitiness (which for some unexplained reason is presently in vogue). Accordingly, I have to ask: How many viewers are tuning in each week to watch Adam Lambert and only Adam Lambert?
The Redhead says
I concur with Sir Mouse’s opinions at this point. While he watches the game, I will be here to offer my perspective of the increasingly boring AI proceedings. I am, however, looking forward to Adam’s performance. My guess is he will pick a Bee Gees tune as he’s got the falsetto down. We shall see!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Thank you for holding the fort, Redhead. I shall look in on the proceedings from time to time.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
0-0 at the first intermission, and I agree with Randy and Kara. She sucked. It was a “who cares” performance.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
LOL @ Simon. “I’m glad you were having fun because I think this is your last week.”
The Redhead says
The Redhead is in the house and just watched Lil give the opening performance, I’m Every Woman. Let’s put it this way, it sucked.
Kara said doing this song, “wasn’t worth the wait.”
Paula defends Lil since she has had a sore throat. Still she isn’t enthused.
(Randy didn’t like it either.)
Lil says, hey guys, I had fun tonight.
Randy said: “Sweetheart, I’m glad you had fun because I think this will be your final shot tonight.”
I agree with all the judges. She’s going home tomorrow.
Now she’s being defensive which isn’t helping her case. She was off-key and flat. Put the high heels in the suitcase, hon.
That’s Hollywood.
The Redhead says
Just submitted my “play by play,” Sir Mouse. How’s the game?
The Redhead says
Math Guy and I had a great track workout tonight. At some point in these proceedings I’m going to have to grab something out of the fridge.
We’re back. Chris is getting ready to do this thang.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I think the Penguins just scored, but the play is under review.
The Redhead says
Okay, so Chris is doing Donna Summer’s She Works Hard for the Money (Lil should have done that). He’s got his guitar. Maybe this will be interesting in a good way.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I heard Lil’s sucky performance during the intermission.
The Redhead says
Chris has slowed down the song, he’s even got a guy playing the bongos behind them while he croons. Actually, this is working.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
It’s Kris, as in Kristofferson, but I’m just idly pedantic during this goal review.
The Redhead says
He’s giving the song a jazzy sort of groove. I think he’s made a smart move here.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Kris is a good-looking guy. He’ll be around for a while. And it’s a GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Pittsburgh 1, Philly 0.
The Redhead says
I sit corrected, SIr Mouse!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yeah, just because they’re disco SONGS doesn’t mean they have to do disco arrangements, with all the synthesized phony strings and shit.
The Redhead says
Kira: “So Chris, you took a real risk…let me tell you, it paid off big time.”
She gave him props.
Paula: “…you found a perfect fit.”
(Paula just made a weird analogy about women’s clothing…Kris shops in women’s…huh?)
Simon: “It was original…well thought out…whether you buy or like ladies underwear, I couldn’t care less, it was a great performance.”
Randy: “You are ready for the big time.”
Everybody’s happy but what’s the deal with the women’s underwear???
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Must have made sense in Paula’s deficient brain.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Tyler Kennedy makes it 2-0 with his second goal of the series!
The Redhead says
Okay, Danny is on board doing Earth, Wind and Fire’s, September. He started it with a real shout-out. He’s trying to get his soul groove on.
EWF were a great group, btw.
The Redhead says
Not bad. Not up to the bar Chris raised but not bad. Lots of energy. He’s giving it his all.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Someone do The Stylistics.
The Redhead says
Randy: “Yo, check it, check it…you turned this into something that really worked for you tonight.”
Kira: “I was worried about you on disco night [but] your pitch is so right on. Solid.”
Paula: “I think you have one of the sexiest voices ever.”
Simon: “As a performance, I didn’t get any star power (boos here). Awkward and clumsy.”
And there you go. Simon disagrees with the pace.
The Redhead says
Allison is on stage now. She’s doing Donna Summer’s, Hot Stuff. She has slowed this one down also…but now she’s let go and gonna rock it.
The Redhead says
It’s too slow. Needs a little more tempo. This isn’t her best work.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Danny is too geeky looking.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I don’t see a 16 year-old doing sultry Donna Summer.
The Redhead says
And the judges?
Randy: “Yo. Didn’t love the arrangement. But you’re one of the best singers in this competition. You can really sing.”
Kira: “I agree with Randy on the performance. [Too slow.] I agree you are one of the best singers.”
Paula: “The word compromise does not even belong in your musical vocab. You hit it off the charts.”
Simon: “I have to tell you, that was a brilliant performance.”
Okay, but Simon also said he thinks she’s the underdog tonight.
Now let’s go sell some crap.
The Redhead says
And we are back.
Adam is getting ready to shake his booty.
He’s doing If I Can’t Have You from the Sat. Night Fever soundtrack.
The Redhead says
Okay, he’s another one who has slowed down the song but this tune was pretty slow anyway. He’s turning this into a torch ballad.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Singing it like Pavarotti singing Nessun Dorma?
The Redhead says
Now, he’s wailing and moaning. Geez.
Paula is tearing up.
The Redhead says
Short and sweet. Paula is giving him his usual standing O, as is the entire audience.
Randy: “So dawg. Dude, you are ready right now. You have major league going on.”
Kira: “Adam, you’re brilliant. I don’t know what else to say.”
Paula: “I felt your pain…it’s as if you tore your heart out and left it on the stage.”
Simon: “I thought you were going to do Donna Summer. It was original. I’ve never heard the song sung like that before. The vocals were immaculate.”
Adam is thanking the man who helped him “come up with that arrangement.” Yeah, Adam always gives the props out.
The Redhead says
When Adam gives the shout-outs to the band, it makes it obvious he knows he is the best performer on the show, and furthermore, a terrific performer overall. But it comes across as being conceited and I’m turned off by it.
So there.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Be kind to those you meet on the way up, because you’ll run into them again when you’re on the way back down.
Second intermission in 35 seconds and I’ll then join you.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Of course, with Matt and Anoop the only ones left, do I really want to?
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Mouse in da house.
The Redhead says
Boy, Paula is really coming up with the dramatic descriptions tonight: “It’s as if you tore your heart out and left it on the stage.”
Paula is an emo!!!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Matt is tryin to prove we didn’t fuck up last week keeping him around.
The Redhead says
Matt is doing the Bee Geez.
He’s not stayin’ alive. He may be going home tomorrow.
Well, I mean it doesn’t suck. But it’s not good either. He’s working hard though.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
He’s doing it like a high school musical performance. Lotta energy, but would I go to see him? Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
The Redhead says
Matt is doing the Bee Geez.
He’s not stayin’ alive. He may be going home tomorrow.
Well, I mean it doesn’t stink. But it’s not good either. He’s working hard though.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Paula is standing, as usual.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
But I like his hat.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
The Chi-Chi Rodriguez hat. The judges are promoting interest in the remaining competition, but they’re disingenuous.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Simon is right on the damn money! I’ve never agreed with him more.
The Redhead says
Randy: “You can really sing even though I didn’t love the song.”
Kira: “You brought disco back. The vocals were pretty good.”
Paula: “Matt, Matt, Matt. You pick songs like I bowl. This was a strike.”
Man, what’s with Paula tonight?
Simon: “Matt, I’m sorry to put a damper on this but I actually didn’t like that performance. Get out of Idol land and put yourself in the real world.”
Yikes!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Yep, Simon hit the mark.
The Redhead says
I think either Matt or Anoop will go home tomorrow (unless Anoop works a miracle).
The Redhead says
Lil sayin’ goodbye tomorrow, no doubt about it!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Anoop is capable of wowing the judges.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I’ll have time to watch the Noopster.
The Redhead says
You know, Sir Mouse. Dell didn’t call like they said they would today. Math Guy and I are a little nervous about a possible scam. I’m going to call them later.
The Redhead says
And we’re back with our night of disco.
Dim the lights for Anoop.
He’s also slowing things down. Hey man, I wanted the Hustle!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I don’t think it’s a scam. I just think they’re incompetent.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
What’s with the unshaved Indian face?
The Redhead says
I don’t know this song. He’s picked it up a little, a very little.
This has zero charisma. I have no interest.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
His voice grates on me. I mean, would I go anywhere to see this guy? No. Would I buy his record? No.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
I thought it sucked.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
Agree with Cowell.
The Redhead says
Randy isn’t high on it. “Didn’t love this even though you were really tryin.” Still, Randy thinks the kid can sing.
Really?
Kira loves the song choice. Why?
Paula: “The look, the growth, real men know how to wear pink.”
Okay!
Simon disagrees. “That was mediocre at best. It was a horrible version of that song. That was your worst performance by a mile.”
I am so with Simon on this one.
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
WHo r the bottom 3
The Redhead says
Going home tomorrow:
Lil and Anoop/Matt.
It was fun, Sir Mouse!
The Redhead says
Going home tomorrow:
Lil and Anoop/Matt.
Oh yeah.
It was fun, Sir Mouse!
The Mouse Who Ate Xanax says
OK, back to the game. Seeya tomorrow.
The Redhead says
Not sure why this is telling me I’ve posted a duplicate before I’ve even posted…then yeah, I wind up posting a duplicate!
The Redhead says
See you then!
The Redhead says
Will Sir Mouse be on hand for the elimination round tonight?
I predict that we will say goodbye to Lil and Matt. I won’t miss either one of them.
See you this evening (?)
The Redhead says
Paula, the Dancing Queen!
Redhead in the house.
The Redhead says
Hmmm, I seem to be alone here thus far.
Here’s the deal: Paula is choreographing the kids tonight for their big group disco number.
Here we go.
The Nittany Turkey says
Mouse here, only I’ve morphed into a Turkey.
The Redhead says
They’re staring up at the ceiling as they sing a Michael Jackson tune–shake your body to the ground…
Now there do these weird steps from their chairs… now they’re moving again…it’s all very underwhelming.
The Redhead says
I promise I’ll try to type a little better than the above. I’m trying to watch the screen and type at the same time.
The Nittany Turkey says
I am not impressed with with either this number or with Paula’s choreography. No matter how much Lil shakes it, she’s gonna be gone tonight. She’s one of the few I actually saw do their act last night.
The Nittany Turkey says
You may assume that I’m watching with you. No play-by-play is necessary.
The Redhead says
Awww, they are giving Paula flowers to thank her.
Thank her for what? An exceedingly low-energy performance?
She says she’s “never seen anyone look harder,” blahblahblah.
The Redhead says
Awww, they are giving Paula flowers to thank her.
Thank her for what? An exceedingly low-energy performance?
She says she’s “never seen anyone work harder,” blahblahblah.
The Nittany Turkey says
They’re giving her flowers because she won’t be around next year.
The Nittany Turkey says
So you say Lil and Matt. Sounds good to me.
The Redhead says
Ah, Sir Mouse! Welcome back from hockey land! Were you pleased with the results of last night’s game?
The Nittany Turkey says
Yes. The Penguins won 3-1 to take a 3-1 lead in the series. Tomorrow night, if they win, they go to the next round.
The Redhead says
Paula’s leaving?
I read in the local TV guy’s blog that Lil’s family is not acting in the most classy fashion. Apparently, they refused to applaud any other performer the other night when Lil received such poor reviews. That’s not too cool.
The Nittany Turkey says
Thanks for askin’.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, well, I think snottiness of polarized fans is a long-standing AI feature.
The Redhead says
Good for your team!
Well, this is another lame ad. Well, actually, I’ve seen much worse.
The Redhead says
Lil is a good one to start with since she’s going home.
The Nittany Turkey says
Lil…go over and have a seat in the loser’s corner.
The Nittany Turkey says
I saw her abysmal piece of disco crap last night.
The Nittany Turkey says
Now I guess we have to see it again.
The Redhead says
Well, they cut her loose early!
The Redhead says
She’s actually doing a better job than last night.
The Nittany Turkey says
So, no suspense there. We’ll just have to sit on the edge of our chairs to wonder whether it’s Matt, Anoop, or Danny who will join her.
The Redhead says
She’s probably more relaxed.
The Nittany Turkey says
No pressure on her tonight.
The Nittany Turkey says
Now her friends and family can go home.
The Redhead says
Yeah, too bad she couldn’t have given this performance last night. It was much better tonight.
The Nittany Turkey says
Just the beginning, baby.
Just the beginning, baby.
Just the beginning, baby.
Just the beginning, baby.
Just the beginning, baby.
Just the beginning, baby.
Just the beginning, baby.
Just the beginning, baby.
The Redhead says
Kyra is looking good this evening. She’s got a nice style about her.
The Nittany Turkey says
This is your 17th different spelling of Kara’s name.
The Nittany Turkey says
I think she’s hot.
The Nittany Turkey says
The Hall of Disco Geriatrics.
The Redhead says
Let’s get up for a Band of Gold! Wow. This song used to annoy the hell out of me.
She’s obviously well-preserved. Botox does it again. Too bad it couldn’t have helped her breathing.
The Redhead says
Wow, this is so sad. They should be ashamed.
The Nittany Turkey says
Thelma missed her damn cue.
The Redhead says
Wow. I wonder what the kids were thinking.
Okay, here’s Thelma Houston.
Don’t leave me this way, baby!
I dig this tune.
The Nittany Turkey says
Give her a head rag and a box of pancake mix and I’ve got a job for her.
The Redhead says
She’s at least got the shouting to lean on…poor Frieda could barely get the words out she was so winded.
The Nittany Turkey says
Thelma’s dress and hair is just too much for me.
The Redhead says
I laughed but that is terrible, Sir Mouse!
The Nittany Turkey says
I could have gone another 40 years without listening to this shit.
The Redhead says
I wondered when they would bring KC out! Wow, he’s a geezer now!
He’s got to be embarrassed, getting up there and doing this. He looks like he’s in deep pain.
The Nittany Turkey says
The sunshine band’s replacement babes are the best part of KC’s act.
The Nittany Turkey says
He looks like he should be driving a Greyhound bus.
The Redhead says
This is absolutely surreal. I’m glad I’m not missing this!
Haha.
I grew to like disco. But I liked to dance. I take it dancin’ at the disco was not your cup of brew?
The Nittany Turkey says
Too bad most of the Bee Gees are dead. They’ve had Donna Summer in the past. There’s still time for one more featured disco act. Who will it be?
The Redhead says
“Greyhound bus.” Good one, Mouse!
I thought he got pretty creepy at the end when he stuck out his tongue. Yuck.
On what planet would those “babes” be interested in him? Not this one.
The Nittany Turkey says
I did very little of that stuff. You see, I sweat. Every time I went to my favorite disco in New York (Shepherd’s), I had waiters on standby with extra napkins to wipe off the sweat.
The Redhead says
They had a Bee Gee last season. The one who did the falsetto singing for the group…what was his name? Barry Gibb. He was the one Streisand (ick) worked with on a couple of albums.
Streisand as a mentor. Now that would be interesting.
The Redhead says
Yes, that disco dancing worked up a sweat. What the hell, everyone was all coked up anyway. No one would have noticed!
The Nittany Turkey says
Kris is safe.
The Nittany Turkey says
Positionally, he’s safe.
The Redhead says
Okay, back to the elimination round. Fun is all over for now.
Kris (with a “k”) has got to be safe.
He is!
The Redhead says
Adam is safe.
Gee, I wouldn’t have guessed that…………………
(Heavy sarcasm here.)
The Nittany Turkey says
Paula has been correct in her predictions of the eventual winner six times out of eight seasons. Well, this is the eighth.
The Redhead says
Danny looks resigned to the inevitable. He knows he’s in the bottom 3.
Okay, Danny. Get it together.
Simon doesn’t want to expound on Danny being clumsy.
Safe?????????????????????????
Okay.
The Nittany Turkey says
Noopster and Matt hafta be in the bottom 3.
The Redhead says
Anoop is getting ready to switch seats.
And the word is?
Bottom
(3).
The Redhead says
Allison up.
It could go either way for her. The audience is mixed on her performances.
Matt though–he sucked and the audience knows it, I predict.
Sorry, Matt–
WTF??????
The Nittany Turkey says
Allison, baby… could be your time is up.
The Nittany Turkey says
OMG…David Archuleta? Now I gotta go take a shit or something.
The Redhead says
You are kidding me.
Matt is safe.
What a world.
The Nittany Turkey says
Listening to Archuleta is my second favorite thing to do. My all-time favorite would be attending a lecture by the flaming Perez Hilton and hearing his opinion of Miss California.
The Redhead says
I’ve gotten a negative vibe from the audience when it comes to Allison. I think she puts people off. So young but a mature and sexy voice. All those little girls don’t like that.
The Redhead says
You know, I saw a clip of her sashaying in a bikini during the Miss USA contest and then the next day, she’s on a morning show talking about “my God.” Talk about a disconnect!
The Redhead says
He’s the opposite of the sultry-beyond-her-years-Allison. This guy is a little goofball who looks like he is still reading Hardy Boys Mysteries. And his taste in music sucks.
The Nittany Turkey says
Yeah, as if Perez Hilton should be judging hot babes.
The Redhead says
Oooooh, the new teen sensation. The girlies love David.
The Nittany Turkey says
David is so frickin articulate.
The Nittany Turkey says
Sounds like Paula is his oratory coach.
The Redhead says
When I was a kid, Bobby Sherman was the teen dream. Remember him? He was on that TV show that was a take-off of the movie “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.”
The Nittany Turkey says
I hated his smarmy ass.
The Redhead says
Bobby Sherman’s or David’s?
The Nittany Turkey says
Bobby’s.
The Nittany Turkey says
Can’t hate David. He’s just a kid.
The Redhead says
Who was better? Bobby or David Cassidy?
The Redhead says
True, David is not the “bad seed” kid.
The Nittany Turkey says
Which one cries.
The Redhead says
Well, I can’t really predict.
Anoop.
Okay, I got that right.
The Nittany Turkey says
Namaste, Anoop.
The Redhead says
Anoop seems like a nice kid. I feel sorta sorry for him.
The Nittany Turkey says
So, next week is Weird Al Yankovic night? Or Alan Sherman night? Or maybe Ray Stevens night?
The Redhead says
He also sounds better tonight than last night.
All of the tension is fading away. The struggle is over. He’s getting out of Hollywood.
The Nittany Turkey says
He ain’t out. He still has to sing in the Summer Tour.
The Redhead says
So long, Anoop. Keep it cool, dude.
The Redhead says
Hey, don’t interrupt my drama!
The Redhead says
Ray Stevens? That would be something:
Well, they call it The Streak….
The Redhead says
Lil is married?
Who knew? Man, he’s got to live with a big mouth!
The Nittany Turkey says
No theme.
The Redhead says
I don’t think they announced next week’s theme 🙁
The Nittany Turkey says
Seeya next Tuesday. Maybe. Depending on hockey.
The Redhead says
It was a lot of fun tonight, Sir Mouse!
See you next week!
The Redhead says
If you’ve got hockey, I’ll anchor the ship.
Be well.