The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Archives for 2012

Career Day for McGloin

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“I think we left a lot of points off the board.” —Bill O’Brien

Even though I fell asleep several times during the televised game coverage PSU’s victory over Temple, its results were satisfying in many different areas, not the least of which was evidence of the continued comeuppance of starting quarterback Matt McGloin. Most satisfying, the scoreboard reflected a fairly easy victory over an opponent that many pundits had opined was seriously ready to beat Penn State for the first time since World War II. The Lions, under McGloin’s stewardship, had no trouble dispatching the Hooters, 24-13.

The Nittany Lions (2-2) now prepare themselves for the B1G schedule after a doubt laden non-conference schedule that has fortunately trended in the right direction.

One thing that hasn’t trended in the right direction is attendance, which was announced at 93,680. I don’t know what the break-even point is for a game at Beaver Stadium, but it has to cost a helluva lot of money to run that barn. Fortunately, there are the TV rights, and this game got the full ESPN2/ABC reverse mirror treatment.

McGloin’s day should pump up his confidence going into the meat of the schedule. St. Matthew was 24/36 passing for 318 yards, a TD, and an INT that wasn’t his fault. He spread the ball around, too, finding nine receivers during the course of the easy win. On the ground, McGloin called his own number six times, scoring two touchdowns in the process, in one case carrying a couple of Hooters on his back.

And speaking of career days, our much maligned kicker, S-Fick, was perfect: three for three in extra points, and one 21-yard field goal that split the uprights more perfectly than Euclid’s bisection method.

Obviously, Penn State is nowhere near being out of the woods with respect to special teams, but it was good to see a smile on Ficken’s face for a change. The return game is anemic, the punting is short, and coverage can stand a major improvement. Yeah, they need work, but this was a confidence builder for the beleaguered Ficken.

Without Belton and Day, the ground attack should have been crippled, but senior fullback Michael Zordich has something to say about that. During the past two games, we’ve seen Zordich blossom into an all-purpose back. Although sophomore China shop bull Zach Zwinak took more snaps (18, for 94 yards), Zordich’s 15 for 75 gave him a career day. It was great fun watching the Lumbering Leviathan® chug forward in his style reminiscent of the old days of football. The vision that came to mind was Mike Alstott during his pro days at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Both 6-1, Alstott’s playing weight was about 10 pounds heavier than Zordich, but they both play that pile-driving style. Zordich, like Alstott, can catch a pass from time to time just to mix things up. In today’s effort, the big guy caught four for 39 yards total, with the long one being a thing of behemoth beauty, a 27 yard scamper after the catch. (Wait, scamper doesn’t seem like the right word here, but I digress.)

The Nittany Lions doubled up on the Owls in first downs, and they looked much  better converting eight of fifteen third down tries. To have any chance of a successful B1G schedule, however, the third down performance will have to remain consistently good.

Penn State amassed close to 500 all-purpose yards while holding the Hooters (1-2) to only 237.

With nine penalties, it wasn’t a particularly clean game. There was a single turnover, an interception, that didn’t have to be, if Moseby-Felder could catch a football. Careful, kid, if you keep it up, you’re heading for the defensive secondary!

This Turkey must confess that he thought Matt Brown would be a bigger problem for the Lions than he turned out to be. The tiny titan (5’5″ – 165 lb) from Baltimore was almost a non-factor, with only four carries and twenty-six yards. He never managed to slip free as I thought he would.

And now, we face the B1G schedule, beginning with a couple of nooners, first at Illinois and then back home for NWU. This is where it gets interesting, folks, even if you think the Nittany Lions belong in the ACC.

Yak Layback
The Turkey conquers the mighty Wekiva River.

I got this outta the way early so I could load my mango colored kayak on the gas guzzling SUV and do some lazy human-powered paddling on a lazy human-powered river for a mosquitofull sunrise jaunt replete with alligators and contemplation of my navel. I’ll miss all of you. Don’t be jealous.

We’ll be back (if not eaten by an alligator) to give you a preview of the forthcoming rumble in Urbana against the Mighty Braves of Chief Illiniwek, who were just routed by the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs, 52-24. This should be a fun B1G start for the Nittany Lions.

Say it ain’t so, Joe!

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°The title hanging above isn’t some kind of veiled, sardonic allusion to the late. lamented Penn State head coach in some kind of comparison to Shoeless Joe Jackson, of Chicago Black Sox fame. Instead, it was the first thing that came to mind when I read the news that Amazon.com would be charging sales tax on purchases delivered to California, now and henceforth. Amazon.com currently already collects sales taxes on purchases in Kansas, Kentucky, New York, North Dakota, Texas, and Washington. Future plans call for the same to happen in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Virginia, Indiana, Nevada, Tennessee, and South Carolina.The days of untaxed Internet purchases are sadly drawing to a close. When the market leader pulls the trigger, you start hearing the smaller guys locking and loading, for surely they will follow.

This means we have to be looking much more carefully at the bottom line for our Amazon Prime purchases and subscriptions. It is too late to Californians to order a 55-gallon drum of coffee beans and a lifetime supply of toilet paper, and besides, it is no longer a safe assumption that you’re getting a rock-bottom price at Amazon.com, sales tax or not. The sales tax exacerbates any prices that are drifting upward to start.

What does this have to do with Penn State football? About as much as it has to do with Geocaching. But it was something that was getting on my nerves and I was destined to share it with you.

Oh, and one more semi-topical thing. Before we get to the game, let’s take a quick look at famous Temple University alumni. Yeah, yeah. The Cos’ is the first one to pop into everyone’s mind. But lots of others have worn the cherry and white. The one I chose was one of the most beautiful female creatures to have ever walked the face of this ugly old Earth, an actress, a Philadelphian, and eventually, a Princess of the tiny principality of Monaco for 26 years until her untimely death in 1982, Princess Grace, the former actress Grace Kelly. I wouldn’t mind dwelling on Grace for a while, but I’ll reluctantly restart my engine.

Grace Kelly with Frank Sinatra
Grace Kelly with Frank Sinatra in “High Society.”

So, let’s now move on to the subject at hand, the hands, of course, being clasped in prayer, for after all, it is Temple. So, you kids throw out your gum and shut up when the rabbi comes in. And pronounce all the words. Don’t fake the Hebrew!

What a demented lead-in! I should have just said that the Hooters would be coming. The well rested Temple Owls (1-1) are coming off a bye week, while Penn State (1-2) beat up on Old Navy last week, as you know. The hope on offense has to be that the improvements in the passing game will continue. which always happens when the ball sails toward Allen Robinson, while on the ground, there is at least some semblance of a game, given all the injuries to running backs. Depending on which version of Temple’s defense shows up, and whether Belton and Day are healthy, Penn State might or might not have their mettle tested. And if there weren’t no Tower of Babel, we would all be speaking Aramaic today.

I don’t think it matters at all whether it is Belton or Zordich carrying the ball for Penn State, as yards will be there to be gained. SHAME ON YOU, Temple for allowing 212 rushing yards to OMG Villanova! No, boys, take what’s there for you and rejoice.

Temple’s quarterback Chris Coyer makes a good show of it, being a competent runner along with a fair-ta-middlin passer. Don’t be preparing to be all that impressed, but what should be impressive is how the Penn State defensive front seven approach the task of taking Coyer’s legs away. Penetration, such as we saw last week, is key, but this week there won’t be the trickiness of a triple option to deal with, causing our fast punchbuggies to overcommit in several cases as they did last week. However, tiny-ass Matt Brown, at 5’5″ is a dangerous running back with slipperilly elusive moves and “now you see him, no you don’t” speed. Worse yet, he can single-handedly beat special teams’ defenses with his return speed. This is a guy who will be a novelty in the NFL, but possibly one who makes a trip or two to Hawaii.

Against the pass, Temple pretty much sucks. Maryland, with one of the poorest passing attacks in the in the NCAA Boosters & Pell Grants subdivision was held to a mere 190 yards. This Turkey thinks that Monsieur McGloin should see some pretty wide open territory out there — lot of green, just like the Emerald Isle of days of yore for the McGloin family. Slainte!

Coyer isn’t a bad passer, but he ain’t no Aaron Rogers, either. That’s good, because the Penn State defensive secondary is still not up to snuff. I don’t think snuff is reachable from this low performance anti-pinnacle. Coyer is what one might dub a careful passer. You know, a guy who tries to stay away from trouble. But the good news is that Temple ranks 118th in the FBS division, just one notch higher than Maryland. This here Turkey thinks the PSU pass defense, such as it is, will be adequate to contain the lads from Philly.

But there’s another issue with that secondary and it’s mighty Brown, indeed. Should Mr. PeeWee Brown squeak his tiny ass through the front seven into the secondary, the afterburners kick in, and to invoke Howard Cosell’s famous, supposedly racist faux pas, “LOOK AT THAT LITTLE MONKEY RUN!!” I believe we’ll be seeing Mr. Brown break a couple of long runs, at least one for a touchdown. And there won’t be a damn thing the Penn State secondary can do about it. Furthermore, forget about corner or safety blitzes, Lions! Stick with the linebackers. Someone’s got to watch Brown. But there are depth issues for Brown, who will have to be breathing hard out there without his backup Montel Harris to spell him once in a while. So, between our punishing front seven and a few good break-away runs to exhaust him, Pee Wee might just be done by the middle of the third quarter.

[Turning on reverb and speaking in stentorian tones…]

Whoooo SAID IT?

And now, here’s our Nittany Turkey trivia question of the week, which emanated out of last week’s drunken Navy vs. PSU confab at Mike’s Garage, whence I pontificated the following relevant football quote with erroneous attribution:

“Three things can happen when you pass and two of ’em are bad.”

There ain’t no AFLAC ducks around Mike’s Garage. This foul fowl was the only representation for the feathered puzzlemeister subgenus. However, the Turkey spoketh wrong, attributing the above pearl of wisdom to Buddy Ryan,  the guess of whom, based on the jeers I received from the peanut gallery, was way the hell off the mark. They started giving me crap about it being Vince Lombardi, but I knew that was wrong. We know that Brent Musberger has spoken the quote about a million times, but I don’t remember ever hearing the name of the football philosopher who intoned it. That’s probably because I can listen to Brent’s superlative spewing only so long before becoming catatonic. I’ll give you a hint. This person’s quotable quote spewing was so prolific that he has his own web page full of mostly his quotes. One more hint: Special K.

I’d let you sweat it out, possibly providing the answer with my game recap post, but that’s no fun because I would probably forget about it by the time I’m ready to write that post and you’d just go look it up in frustration. I don’t want to make you work that hard, but I want you to give it some thought. It’s the honor system here. Feel free to brag in the comments if you got it right without cheating.

Back to the game, already.

I saw a halfway decent performance by the Nittany Lions last week, and I expect to see more improvements now. There are lots of good things going for the Lions. It’s not a noon start. They’re getting more comfortable with the new playbook, and it shows. However, on this first day of fall, the weather is potentially sucky, partly cloudy with a high of 71°F (22°C) and a good chance of thunderstorms. (In Danville, that would be partly cloddy, but I digress.)

The one thing I haven’t mentioned as yet is the elephant in the room during close games, and that would be the kicking game. ‘Nuff said. I don’t want to talk about it. BSD had an Onion rip-off sort of parody about Penn State signing a new kicker and it turned out to be a mule. Ha-ha. Let us not make so fucking much fucking fun of fucking ficken — fuckin-A! It’s a damn tragedy.

What I’m hoping for here is a clean game. None of these stupid Paterno/McQueary/Jay/Galen delay penalties, please. No gratuitous dropped passes by guys at so-called skill positions. If they are skilled, they better show it. The big defensive keys in my mind are: 1) Don’t let Brown get into the seondary, 2) keep pressure on Coyer, and 3) force turnovers. Big deal. You don’t have to be a genius to come up with those three. It’s like saying that the keys to staying out of the hospital for that idiot at the Bronx Zoo monorail were to 1) not jump into the tiger enclosure, 2) not piss the tiger off, and 3) not be made of meat. I’ll give you a movie title to run up the flagpole: “Crouching Tiger; Falling Asshole.”

Now that I’m on my hypomania schedule, a direct benefit of getting off Effexor, I’m wrapping this up at 6:15 AM. No, I haven’t been to bed yet. Too much interesting shit going on at night like that whole garage out there, waiting to be organized for the fourth time this week, and like delving into the latest Sandusky issues. That one is serious, although just how credible it is will come out in the wash. I’ll just give you this heads-up and will see what additional information I can get later. I don’t know much about Bucceroni, other than he has generated a lot of Twitterants since the Sandusky matter broke, and lots of conspiracy theorists are hoping that he is credible, as it would satisfy their dreams of implicating some people in high Pennsylvania places, and I don’t mean Mount Nittany.

Now, it is time, my friends. Time for you to prick up your ears and listen to the sound of one turkey toenail typing; yes, it is time for the Official Turkey Poop Prediction for Temple vs. Penn State. The bettors and bettettes in Las Vegas seem to want to favor Penn State at home by a touchdown, and they’ve established an over/under of 43. Through the wonder of modern non-linear differential equations and complex variables, this suggests an outcome of damn near 25-18. Here’s the thing. I believe that the Penn State defense will contain Matt Brown during the first half, but they will convince themselves—as they always seem to do of late—that they can let up in the second half. Big mistake if my reckoning of what Brown can do for the Hooters  is accurate. I think he scores two TDs in the second half, after PSU grows comfortable sitting on a 20-3 halftime lead. Three touchdowns and a missed extra point in the first half, comfort zone, uh oh, what’s that fifth grader doing on the field. Hey, what’s that fire under my ass?!?! In a why can’t they play four quarters special, Penn State once again does not cover the spread, winning it 26-20 on a late, tie-breaking score by virtue of a McGloin bootleg as the clock runs out and the F-word misses another PAT. Take the over.

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 Our quotable quotester of the day is the ever loquatious Darrel K Royal, who made the utterance at halftime of the 1964 Cotton Bowl.  Royal coached the Texas Longhorns for 20 glorious years from 1957 to 1976. Penn State fans who were around during that time won’t soon forget the Cotton Bowls of the 1969-1972 period, or President Richard Nixon presenting Royal with a plaque proclaiming Texas #1. Penn State whipped their longhorned asses 30-6 in the 1972 instance of the game.

 

Laser Focus: The Chilllllllllldren

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I set out to write this earlier, but then I got cranked up about my encounter with DirecTV, which was to have been a lead-in paragraph for this post but became a post of its own due to festering anger momentum.

So, reel me in, already. I’m here to write about Penn State.

Oops, I feel another rant coming and I can’t control it. Damn!

“[The trustees] don’t want to put these victims, who have been through so much already, through anything more in terms of what we need to do to get it resolved.” —Karen Peetz, Chair, PSU BOT

Have you noticed that some of the inflammatory web sites out there whose names I shall not mention that go off on the Freeh report and the Surmas and all of that stuff have issues with loosely couched representations replete with words like “obviously”, “clearly”, mixed with “seems to point to”, and — that favorite of my family — “I’m pretty sure that…”? Don’t you get the same feeling that I do — when you’re at those sites, you’re essentially walking into a barroom bullshit conversation about the Penn State scandal where hyperbole reigns supreme and nobody is holding anybody else to journalistic standards that differentiate fact from opinion? These sites don’t even exhibit tabloid levels of journalistic integrity.

It seems to this Turkey that the purpose of those sites, as I mention, is to inflame, not to inform. While I don’t doubt that the Surmas wield considerable power, and Tom Corbett is a power monger, it doesn’t do these people’s causes any good — and we haven’t yet figured out precisely where they think they’re heading with all this flaptrap yapping — to lead readers to believe that they stand on authoritative ground when they’re so easily caught being journalistically lazy.

I think the people who are doing most of the squawking, calling upon the rest of us to join them in their casus belli, fit into a few distinct categories, which I shall propose below.

  1. Those who merely want to see Joe Paterno’s name cleared
  2. Those who suspect a grand, statewide conspiracy to divert negative attention from Governor Tom Corbett and his henchmen
  3. Those who have an agenda of their own, such as publishing a book
  4. Those who think that if they present enough “facts”, the NCAA will mitigate their sanctions against Penn State. I shall label this category “Imbeciles”.

About Category Four, do any of you really think that the NCAA will change its mind about punishing PSU? (I can hear you saying, “Well, bla bla bla, if Curley and Schultz are found not guilty and we bring more information to light about the misrepresentations and inaccuracies in the Freeh report and we get a few trustees to resign and and and…” Warm, steaming bullshit! Ain’t gonna happen. Yes, I know, you’re asking what the hell I know that makes me an authority on what the NCAA will do. Nothing. I know nothing—except that Penn State signed a consent decree that agreed to the punishments without qualification, and without the right to appeal. There are no “rights”! Erickson signed them away when he inscribed his Rod-E on the decree. So, if you’re hoping for some redemption in this area, fuggedaboudit!

I’ve stated my opinion that if the NCAA were to mitigate any of Penn State’s sentence at all, it would be the vacated wins, which were arbitrary, capricious, and vindictive. Of course, all those adjectives wouldn’t come up if the win vacation was ever rescinded. Most likely, it won’t happen at all, but if it does, they’ll wait until Bobby Bowden goes to that great dadgum press box in the sky and the other PSU sanctions have run their course.

Just my opinion, and you know what they say about opinions.

You don’t? Okay, I’ll tell you: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone’s got to have one and they all stink.

However, it is when opinion is represented as fact that it gets dangerous. Perhaps this tendency stems from Washington, which enjoys deluding voters with “truth” that is 180 degrees out of phase with reality. At the very least, when caught by the reader, factual inaccuracies destroy the writer’s credibility in the mind of the reader, thus defeating the central purpose of the inflammatory sites — to be believed.

And why can’t they pay some attention to grammar? These are supposedly Penn State grads who should be able to write complete sentences in which words are spelled correctly. What’s that you say? It’s not the paint job on the car but the engine under the hood? Bullshit! If you want to be believed, write grammatically and factually sound essays. Learn the difference between “its” and “it’s”. And learn how to spell Pittsburgh!

A really easy, albeit somewhat inconsequential and innocuous misrepresentation of fact that I’ll blame on journalistic laziness appeared in that same post in the site whose name I wasn’t going to mention. In a LISTSERV email to Penn State lettermen subscribers, Pittsburg [sic] dentist and PSU alumnus Vic Surma is whining about Paterno’s treatment of pet players, presumably ones who were mission critical:

“As of last year, Dan connroy [sic] another stud linebacker was convicted of heinous phone calls to a mentally challenged coach , can you think of anything more vile? What did Paterno do? suspend him for three games against 3 virtual high school teams? Get a grip. We’re dealing wioth [sic] a corrupt society hidden in the hills of PA. for 40 years.”

Our champion of clearing Joe’s name, the lazy journalist, chose to impugn Vic Surma’s statement about Connor by relying on some vague memories, I suppose, because his “clarification” was factually inaccurate:

“Certainly not Dan Conroy (sic) Connor. Connor was upset with linebacker coach Joe Sarra  who is not mentally challenged and Vic Surma claims Dan was not punished enough.”

I see where you’re going with this, Mr. Journalistically Lazy, and before we get there, I have to correct some of your implicit assumptions. Sarra had already retired from his job as a position coach two months before Connor started his immature little prank calling campaign against him. In a response to a direct question back in November 2011, Connor Tweeted:

“I pranked [sic] called Sarra because he was a crazy guy who would hang around stadium. Dumb/Jerk move by me.”

Remember that Connor’s calls and suspension took place in 2005. By the time he tweeted the above, in 2011, he had presumably matured a bit, and was playing in the NFL.

Sarra was a good friend of Joe Paterno. Joe was completely outraged about Connor’s voyage to the moronosphere. Was a three game suspension enough? Remember, Connor’s offense was not insubordination against a superior, an active position coach, but immaturity in abrogating proper off-campus decorum. He was not the only player involved in sardonically clowning around with Sarra. Not only was Connor suspended, but also the other two players, Jim Kanuch and Nolan McCready.

Of course, here’s where our old friend Vicky Triponey rears her lovely head. (How I love to digress into all things Vicky!) The Judicial Affairs office ordered Connor to perform 20 hours of community service and exacted upon him a 10-day deferred expulsion. (Whatever the hell that might be!) In time, both sentences were reduced. There was, of course, speculation that Paterno had intervened. He never admitted it, but in response to questions about it, he did say that frequently misbehaving players deserved a second chance.

Back to the three-game suspension, the three games Connor missed — high school teams, as Surma called them — were South Florida, Cincinnati, and Central Michigan. Connor returned for the B1G schedule that year as a sophomore, playing behind Poz. He was not yet a “stud linebacker”, but he would become one in his junior and senior years, long after he had learned his lesson about maturity.

See? That was fun. I remember most of that, but I dug up information to fill the gaps from readily available sources. Screwing up a minor point like this can impugn one’s credibility with some readers to the extent that the major point is lost. So, spend some time and get it right.

And please learn how to spell Pittsburgh.

 

Well, we’re sure as hell in Rant Mode, aren’t we today? This Turkey has been having some pretty interesting brainal reactions to weighing the emotional anchor of Effexor this week. I’m suddenly bursting with energy. Beware! I just might bore the hell out of you!

Dadgum it, I digress Bowdenoulsly.

Back to the Laser Focus, already!

Penn State President Rod Erickson has been hard at work lately, at least within the past one day, trying to create a methodology for dealing with victim compensation in the Sandusky scandal. He has retained the law firm of Ken Feinberg, famous for having run the 9/11 compensation fund, to arbitrate claims and resolve pending litigation.

******

Erickson also conducted an open session for students on Wednesday, allowing them to ask question about anything that popped into their heads. Naturally, the NCAA sanctions were still way the hell up there on the list.

******

The NCAA has appointed a so-called task force to provide oversight (in other words, put the clamps on) over Penn State’s distribution of the $60 million fine assessed to it.

******

Could the Penn State Board of Trustees soon be under investigation for improper handling of the NCAA sanctions against Penn State? Hmmmm, perhaps, maybe.

******

Lawyers for Tim Curley and Gary Schultz have asked the courts to try their clients separately.

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A pro-Joe billboard has popped up in State College near the intersection of Pugh and Beaver.

******

 

Hey, I think that’s it for today. I’ll be back, of course, for my preview and prediction for the forthcoming Temple game. I’ll try not to be too last-minutey with it.