The Nittany Turkey

Primarily about Penn State football, this is a tale told by idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

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Home Archives for 2021

Archives for 2021

Another Weird Bowl Season

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How da hell did Rutgers get in?

Yes, these past two Covid-19 years have produced very strange bowl seasons, all right. A primo example is Rutgers with a 5-6 record getting into a second-tier bowl game (the 2021 TaxSlayer Gator Bowl in Jacksonville — an offensive name for a city that the woke minions will soon want to rename to Sequoyahville or some such thing). They replaced Texas A & M, who bowed out with Covid concerns. Now, they’re 16-point underdogs against Wake Forest.

However, yet another legendary digression obfuscates the fact that I am here to write about Saturday’s Outback Bowl in Tampa between the Penn State Nittany Lions Junior Varsity and the Arkansas Razorbacks. Or maybe not. I’ll certainly cover some ancillary issues, as per usual.

Penn State (7-5, 4-5 B10) is coming off a heartbreaking loss to Moo U., 30-27 (but the Spartacles got to keep the abominable Land Grant Trophy). That was a week after the Nittany Lions tried, but failed, to deny Rutgers their statutory bowl eligibility via a 28-0 Penn State shutout victory. (What man hath created, let the NCAA gods put asunder, or something like that).

Meanwhile, competing in the tough SEC West, resurgent Arkansas (8-4, 4-4 SEC) beat three ranked teams this year including #7 Texas A&M and lost by only a touchdown to #2 Alabama.

Junior Varsity

Yeah, that’s what I said. There are so many opt-outs on the Blue and White side of the field that the product you will see on Saturday will barely resemble any recollection you have of the 2021 Nittany Lions. How do I love thee? Let me count the opt-outs: thus far, Derrick Tangelo, Arnold Ebiketie, Jaquan Brisker, Ellis Brooks, and Brandon Smith on defense; Jahan Dotson on offense. James Franklin says he has never seen anything like this in his years as a head coach. Is it a locker room thing? Did James check his deodorant lately? ???? ????? ??????

Oh, we’ll get to see lots of freshmen, but is this really what we want in a bowl game? Doesn’t much matter what we want; this is what we’re going to get. I was really looking forward to playing the revitalized Hogs, but not so much anymore.

Lest anyone misunderstand the importance of this trend, it is not a Covid-19 thing, which we all could easily comprehend. Alas, no, their motivation is pecuniary. The Derrick doesn’t want to risk injury with the NFL draft looming. Neither do The Arnold, The Jaquan, The Ellis, etc. They’ve already put their college days behind them and are marching to the tune of their behind-the-scenes pro sports agents. Penn State was good enough to give them an opportunity to display their talents for the NFL. That’s what CAH-ledge is for, right?

Meanwhile, the Razorbacks bench will be missing wide receiver Treylon Burks and defensive end Tre Williams. Burks is a likely first round pick in the NFL Draft, just so’s you know. Williams, on the other hand, had been arrested after falling asleep at the wheel of a vehicle in the drive-through lane of a Fayetteville Arkansas McDonalds. Kind of embarrassing!

Gratitude

For all but Williams, a gesture of gratitude might be in order as a parting gift. Like playing in a meaningless bowl game for the CAH-ledge that provided the stepping-stone and for the fans who loved and supported them. Whattya think? They wouldn’t have to play hard — many of their peers slack off in these second and third tier bowl games, especially on DEE-fence — but how about JUST SHOWING UP AT LEAST! Blowing off the school and its fans is bad form. I hope it goes on their permanent record. ????? ??????? ??????

One guy you will still see on the field for Penn State on Saturday is Sean Clifford. Having signed up for a NCAA Covid-19 Exceptional sixth year, he ain’t backing his ass out of anything. He’ll still be able to throw to Parker Washington and hand the ball off to Keyvon Lee, as far as I know. He’ll still have that crappy offensive line. (I wish those Nuevos Coños de Tráficos* would all opt out, but not much of a chance of them doing so because they have NFL draft hopes). On the other hand, they’ll be playing. ????? ????? ?????

Win or lose, this won’t be a real Penn State game. No Jahan “Explosive Play” Dotson? No Brooks or Brisker? Damn! I suppose we should be happy to kiss this 2021 season goodbye, but I would have liked to have had a final glimpse at the talent we had supported through their CAH-ledge careers. Ain’t no gratitude out there.

Blowing More Wind

If you want some more fan disgruntlement, please read pre-eminent ophthalmic surgeon Dr. Todd Sponsler’s The Backout Bowl post. He beats this dead horse to a pulp and spits out horsemeat.

Game Comments

(This space intentionally left blank).

Ponder This…

How long do you think Sandy Barbour will be around?

Last, But Not Least

Happy New Year to all six of my readers! I was remiss in not wishing you all a Merry Christmas, due to self-absorption during the cataract season, but I hope you have all been enjoying the holidays with family and friends. The best of health and happiness in 2022!

(I’ll be back sometime after the game for a recap of the game and some bullshit about my recent cataract surgery, in which I had a pair of Alcon Acrysoft Panoptix IOLs implanted, which have enabled me to see what I’m writing. Clear bullshit is superior to muddy bullshit. And no, Sponsler did not do the surgery. Thanks for asking.).

*Spanish play on words relating to the Five Traffic Cones characterization of the offensive line. Hint: “coño” does not mean “cone”.

At Least They Have the Land Grant Trophy

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Thank God for Small Victories

Alas and alack, the kicking game fucked us, as the Penn State Nittany Lions closed out their season against the Michigan State Spartans with a big, 30-27 loss in snowy East Lansing. The snow bowl loss assures Penn State fans that with a 7-5 record, the only thing that will bolster their bowl position would be the money Penn State fans spend in bowl venues.

Meanwhile, the Big Ten is completely nonploonesed, with Michigan beating tOSU and Minnesota knocking off Wisconsin. That means Michigan will face Iowa in Indy next week for the Big Ten Championship, and God knows whether a Big Ten team will go to the CFP, especially if Iowa wins. I have no idea who will be going to the Rose Bowl, either.

What I do know is that Penn State, with their 7-5 record, will be going to the Toilet Bowl. Whether it be Detroit or Nashville, it will be a lightly attended, mid-December matchup of mediocre teams, like PSU and MIssouri. Such fun, already.

Moo U. leaves the Snow Bowl with a 10-2 record and the abominable Land Grant Trophy (thank God). At 8-1 in the conference, they are in sole possession third place in the Big Ten East behind Michigan and Ohio State. Penn State winds up 7-5 and 4-5, which is good for fourth place in the Big Ten East and not much else.

Wonderful Game, Already

The game wasn’t fun to watch, so I won’t comment much, except to say that the kicking was atrocious. The losing margin was three points; four points were lost on a missed field goal and a missed extra point. That should be enough to tell you that Franklin’s experiment playing Jordan Stout for ALL kicking chores was a bust. Finally, he put Jake Pinegar in there for the final extra point.

Helluva statement, in view of the recent contract extension for Franklin. Is THIS what we can expect from our multi-million dollar head coach? If so, stay tuned for lots of middle-of-the-pack finishes in future years.

WTF are we going to do about that offensive line, anyway?

(I’m not quite done for the year yet. After all, we’ll have some kind of bowl matchup with another middle-of-the-pack team. So, I’ll be back.)

Reckoning in East Lansing

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Put a Blanket on This Season

Land Grant Trophy
Land Grant Trophy, which is awarded to the winner of the formerly annual Michigan State vs. Penn State football game.

The Abominable Land Grant Trophy is at stake on Saturday, as the mighty Penn State Nittany Lions travel to East Lansing to take on the pissed off, decimated Moo U. Spartans. Lake effect snow is forecast, so there will be that.

Unranked Penn State (7-4, 4-4 B10) is somehow favored to defeat #12 Moo U. (9-2, 6-2). Go figure! Perhaps this has something to do with Moo U’s complete lack of a defense. They score a lot of points because they need to, but this glaring weakness was at the fore in their 56-7 dismantling at the behest of the Schmuckeyes.

This could be the game where we see some essence of a Penn State running game, as Moo U. allows 185 rushing yards per game. Or we could see lots of explosive plays. Should be fun to watch, but based on my yo-yo predictions this season, I’m more often full of shit than not. This could just as easily be a 6-0 game played under a blanket of snow by two demotivated teams.

What’s at Stake Here, Already?

So, just watch it for entertainment, because nothing is at stake besides the Land Grant Trophy, which no one wants, and the Quick Lane Bowl in nearby Detroit, which no one wants. I am in Chicago at the moment, having survived Thanksgiving, so I will cut to the chase.

But First, the Elephant Has Left the Room

James Franklin scored a new, 10-year $7.5 million per year contract extension, ending speculation that he would bolt for greener pastures. Penn State has provided all the green James needs, and then some. Congratulations to Franklin and his agent for snagging this Rolls-Royce contract even as Frankin’s weaknesses are increasingly apparent.

Da Wedda

Shitty, with a high of 36, typical gray cloud cover, and a high probability of snow with accumulations of up to an inch. Fun shit to play in. You can make snow angels in the end zone when you score.

Da Bottom Line

So, this is it for the regular season. Toilet Bowl eligibility is assured; only the early December winter wonderland venue remains to be decided. That’s Penn State’s motivation. As for Moo U., they’re all thinking about “what might have been” while they were pretenders all along. Meanwhile, the Land Grant Trophy hangs in the balance, so these two valiant armies will battle for who gets to house the ugly piece of shit for another year. Exciting, eh?

Corrent odds have Penn State favored by 1.5 with an over/under of 52, which suggests a final score of 27-25 in favor of the Nittany Lions. Given the wet snow and the potential for droppage, bumblage, and fumblage, plus apathy and ennui, coupled with who-da-hell-wants-that-trophy-itis, I’ll just venture an out of the ass turdshot of a prediction. Penn State 25 Moo U. 13. Take the under.