Put a Blanket on This Season
The Abominable Land Grant Trophy is at stake on Saturday, as the mighty Penn State Nittany Lions travel to East Lansing to take on the pissed off, decimated Moo U. Spartans. Lake effect snow is forecast, so there will be that.
Unranked Penn State (7-4, 4-4 B10) is somehow favored to defeat #12 Moo U. (9-2, 6-2). Go figure! Perhaps this has something to do with Moo U’s complete lack of a defense. They score a lot of points because they need to, but this glaring weakness was at the fore in their 56-7 dismantling at the behest of the Schmuckeyes.
This could be the game where we see some essence of a Penn State running game, as Moo U. allows 185 rushing yards per game. Or we could see lots of explosive plays. Should be fun to watch, but based on my yo-yo predictions this season, I’m more often full of shit than not. This could just as easily be a 6-0 game played under a blanket of snow by two demotivated teams.
What’s at Stake Here, Already?
So, just watch it for entertainment, because nothing is at stake besides the Land Grant Trophy, which no one wants, and the Quick Lane Bowl in nearby Detroit, which no one wants. I am in Chicago at the moment, having survived Thanksgiving, so I will cut to the chase.
But First, the Elephant Has Left the Room
James Franklin scored a new, 10-year $7.5 million per year contract extension, ending speculation that he would bolt for greener pastures. Penn State has provided all the green James needs, and then some. Congratulations to Franklin and his agent for snagging this Rolls-Royce contract even as Frankin’s weaknesses are increasingly apparent.
Shitty, with a high of 36, typical gray cloud cover, and a high probability of snow with accumulations of up to an inch. Fun shit to play in. You can make snow angels in the end zone when you score.
Da Bottom Line
So, this is it for the regular season. Toilet Bowl eligibility is assured; only the early December winter wonderland venue remains to be decided. That’s Penn State’s motivation. As for Moo U., they’re all thinking about “what might have been” while they were pretenders all along. Meanwhile, the Land Grant Trophy hangs in the balance, so these two valiant armies will battle for who gets to house the ugly piece of shit for another year. Exciting, eh?
Corrent odds have Penn State favored by 1.5 with an over/under of 52, which suggests a final score of 27-25 in favor of the Nittany Lions. Given the wet snow and the potential for droppage, bumblage, and fumblage, plus apathy and ennui, coupled with who-da-hell-wants-that-trophy-itis, I’ll just venture an out of the ass turdshot of a prediction. Penn State 25 Moo U. 13. Take the under.