Archives for 2022

Penn State 45, Indiana 14

What’s this, a 1980s TV show revival? St. Elsewhere?

No, it ain’t. It’s just that our game paled in comparison to what was going on elsewhere in Division I-A, which is what the FCS was traditionally called until money and playoff bullshit changed all that, but I digress.

OK, I’ll Get It Out of the Way

Sanguinarians® believe that this is how all the Penn State games should wind up. We’re just that much better than everyone else, they think. Well, that’s bullshit. Penn State just proved that it is better than Indiana, who suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. So, I won’t bore you with endless stats. They’re meaningless. This will probably end up being the most lopsided game of the year. Even Ohio U. managed to get 16 first downs. Indiana had only 11.

We saw three Hoosier quarterbacks. After knocking veteran Jack Tuttle senseless, freshman Brendan Sorsby came in and sucked, so he yielded his position to Dexter Williams II, a sophomore from Macon, Georgia, who showed some impressive mobility but threw two interceptions. One of them was on a tipped ball, but the other was sheer stupidity, throwing a long ball in the midst of the hungry, vaunted, fanboy-loved Penn State secondary.

Fanboys Get More of Allar

Meanwhile, Sean Clifford played his usual game, 15-23 for 229 yards and an interception. He badly overthrew a couple of open receivers. The wind had died down by that time, so no excuses. Then, in the third stanza as I requested, Drew Allar came in with the Nittany Lions up 24-7 and with the game looking like it was totally won, already. Allar went 9-12 for 75 yards and two touchdowns, even scampering (if that’s what you call it when a giant QB lumbers forward) for a 10-yard gain.

It was a safe situation for Allar, as Indiana’s defense was completely ineffectual, recording only one sack and no hurries. Of course, they were lacking their stud linebacker, but they flat-out sucked, so Allar was never in danger of being mowed down.

Penn State’s ground game was present, ringing up 179 yards most of which were from the combined efforts of Kaytron Allen and Nick Singleton.

The PSU defense set a single-game record with sixteen tackles for loss. It was Guardiana (well, damnit, they renamed the Cleveland Indians so Indiana should be renamed, too) they were playing against, though. Remember that when you’re tempted to get cocky all of a sudden. I guess you can cling to the hope that they’re good enough to beat a potential postseason opponent like Tennessee or Oregon.

Lest the Sanguinarians get their hopes up, this was Nativeamericaniana, whose only conference win was the opener against Illinois (who showed their true colors today losing to Moo U.).

The Rest of the Story…

#1 Tennessee proved to be pretenders, as they were summarily dispatched by the Bulldogs of Athens 27-13. #4 Clemson was snockered by the unranked Fighting Irish, 35-14. (Let that be a lesson to Dabo & Company — start to get too vain and God will send you a message). The Questionably #2 Schmuckeyes had lots of trouble with a plucky, defense minded bunch of soggy Wildcats, who keep the game within a touchdown for most of the game. #5 Michigan had a strange game with Rutgers, who led at the half 17-14, but wound up losing 52-17.

The biggest and best game of the day was the slugfest between #6 Alabama and #10 LSU, won by LSU in overtime on a ballsy call by head coach Brian Kelly. With the game tied at 24 in overtime, the Crimson Tide scored first, running it in after a pass interference call in the end zone put the ball on the 1 yard-line. The successful extra point try put ‘Bama up 31-24. The Bengal Tigers of LSU came back and scored a touchdown. Kelly left the offense out there to go for 2. Quarterback Jayden Daniels threw a perfect strike to streaking tight end Mason Taylor for a successful two-point conversion. LSU upset Alabama 32-31. Both teams are now 7-2 contenders for the SEC West, along with Ole Miss, who won today and are 8-1.

What It Is?

In the words of the late Dick Enberg, “Oh, Myyyyy!” What will the Top Ten look like when the CFP meets on Tuesday? We’ll get the AP poll tomorrow. Georgia is likely to be #1. But who will be #2? Ohio State did not look all that good today. Neither did Michigan, until the fourth quarter. Is this going to be a “Who wants it?” kind of week? LSU will move up, and Clemson and Bama will move down. Round and round she goes and where she stops, nobody knows.

Taking a Week Off

I’ll be out of town most of the forthcoming week, so I might not provide you with my game notes for the Maryland game. Or I might. Depends on what I’m doing and when. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be), I won’t be able to watch the big showdown with the land turtles.

Changing the Clocks

Remember to fall forward — it’s much easier if you can see what you’re going to hit while you’re on your way down. Artificially Sweetened and I had a conversation that revealed that by Wednesday, we won’t know whether we’re coming or going. We have the disorienting time change tonight followed by Tuesday’s trip to a different time zone. Oy vey!

Whither the Whoosiers?

After this debacle, head coach Tom Allen must search for answers. That’s a meaningless, bullshit sports cliché. Hell, after today, he won’t even know the questions, let alone the answers. Flailing around trying to find some redemption, Allen already fired his offensive line coach and tried different quarterbacks. He might just need to conclude that the team suuuuuuuuuucks. Or he can take heart in misery loving company, albeit displaced by about 45 years, via this quote from my favorite quotable former NFL coach, John McKay, who when asked if he could find anything redeeming in that week’s loss by the hapless Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Green Bay Packers, responded, “Yes, I can. The parking lot will be a whole lot easier to get into and out of for next week’s Detroit game.”

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#15 Penn State vs Indiana

We’re going back home to the sycamore trees of Nativeamericaniana for a game this Saturday at 3:30. Love those sycamore trees. Hell, just so long as we don’t see any buckeyes for a while, any other kind of tree is just fine.

I procrastinated on writing this week’s article. Couldn’t think of much to say after the Ohio State loss. I’m neither a Sanguinarian nor one of those unrealistic, rabid fanboys who think that the season is over. I’m just weary. But I’ll give it a go, just for the hell of it.

Two Quarterback Controversies

On the Indiana side, Nativeamericaniana head coach Tom Allen knows he needs a change, but he won’t say which of the three potential starters he’ll slot in for Saturday. Could be Connor Bazelak, who has sucked thus far. Could be Jack Tuttle, who will be transferring after this season. Or there’s a freshman named Brendon Sorsby who Allen might even tap. He just knows that he needs a change somehow somewhere, as the Hoosiers (3-5, 1-4 Big Ten) have lost five straight. And OMG OMG WTF — the most recent loss was to RUTGERS!!!!

Meanwhile, back at the Lasch, Penn State Culture of Football Grand Poobah James Franklin is a stubborn sumbitch. The more fanboys call for Drew Allar, the more stubborn Franklin gets about keeping Sean Clifford at the helm. “Whoever gives us a chance to be 1-0 this week and a chance to win a bunch of games this year for all the guys in the locker room, that’s who we’re going to go with.” Perhaps a little reverse psychology would work. If the media and the fans would conduct a concerted effort to exhort Franklin to keep Clifford in there, maybe he’d play Allar.

I don’t agree that Allar is the Second Coming, the Great White Hope, or whatever. Only time will tell whether he’s got the talent, the brains, the stamina, and the toughness to be all that. So, I agree that Clifford should be the starter. However, I want to see more of Allar from here on, as he is our best hope for the future. Maybe our only hope. He needs game experience. Now, we have a perfect opportunity. If he doesn’t play the entire second half of this game, when Penn State is up 28-7, I’ll be disappointed.

Last Outings

I ain’t talking about the tOSU loss here, so the heading should be “Last Outing“. Indiana, who handed the now #16 Fighting Illiniweks their one loss in the season opener, has sucked ever since, most recently losing five straight games to Cincinnati (who even UCF can beat), Nebraska (who ANYONE can beat), Michigan, (who no one has yet beaten), Maryland, and Lowlyrutgers (all one compound word). When you lose to Rutgers, you know that something must change.

How the hell can you lose to Rutgers? Rhetorical question, asked because up to the time of last week’s game, the Scarlet Knights had lost twenty-one straight conference games at home! Think about that! Pretty hard to do! Who is scarlet?

In that 24-17 loss to the Scarlet Pussies (4-3, 1-3 Big Ten), the Whoosiers were two for twelve in third down conversions — which out-PennStates Penn State! They managed to gain only 272 yards overall, 210 of them through the air and only 62 rushing. Bazelak threw one interception, and there were seven penalties for sixty-five yards. They weren’t bad at punting, though. Punter James Evans had eight punts for 333 yards, which is just a-ight, but he nailed four inside the 20. Good show in a losing effort.

Look for Evans in a transfer portal coming your way soon!

The mighty Hoosieristic defense had only three TFLs, with no hurries and no sacks. Even the suspect Penn State offensive line should have a field day with these clowns.

Da Wedda

Nice, Indian Summer day in Bloomington, they tell us. Well, maybe not. (I was looking at today). Tomorrow is a different story as a cold front works its way through. The forecast is, “Strong winds subsiding; mostly cloudy and not as warm with a couple of showers and a thunderstorm, mainly early in the day.” Well, our game kicks off at 3:42 or some such dumbass TV regulated time, so “mainly early in the day” might save our asses. However, for shits and grins, the forecast wind is 21 mph from the southwest, with gusts to 45, 92% cloud cover, 95% probability of precipitation, and 38% probability of thunderstorms. Hoohah!

Da Bottom Line

You know, what we must guard against is the big letdown after Ohio State. Wait? How the hell do we guard against THAT? Isn’t that Franklin’s job?

Ponder that whilst I tell you that it is now time for the fearless, brainless, feckless Official Turkey Poop Prognostication, the awful offal extruded weekly from this foul old fowl’s cloaca, which is as good as the electronic paper upon which it is written. Amen.

So the geniuses (that ain’t me!) give Indiana a 15.9% chance of winning. That seems high, but that’s why they’re geniuses and I ain’t. Meanwhile, the gamblers like Penn State by 13.5, with an over/under of 50.5. That works out to about 33-18 Penn State. Thirty-three points is right on the Nittany Lions average scored per game this year. Indiana has allowed 30.6 points per game. If there is no post-apocalyptic letdown, I’m looking for the Lions to score 35 or more. Meanwhile, the Hoosiers have no running game and not much of a passing game. Their offensive line can’t block and the defense makes up for it by not tackling (paraphrased John McKay quote of the week). Penn State 45, Indiana 10. Take-um heap big over.

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I will return after the game with some more made up stuff. I think they’ll win this one. Don’t you agree? In fact, who can they lose to this year? The most likely would be Maryland. That would suck.